Edward: I'm Not Faking This

"That was absolutely amazing!" squealed Bella as I walked her to her front door. "The way they were all dressed and the way Hayley just sang…it was so awesome! That was the most amazing night of my life!"

I chuckled at my love's excitement. "I'm glad that you found enjoyment out of it."

She frowned. "Didn't you?"

"I did," I said very lightly. "I just find the atmosphere in concerts a little stifling sometimes. Everything is so loud and the roar of unspoken thoughts can be a little overwhelming as well."

Her mouth dropped open in horror, an action that she performed whenever she realized she had forgotten to take my…"condition" into consideration. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I never should have made you come."

I rolled my eyes. "You don't honestly expect me to let you go to a rock concert by yourself, do you?"

"I wasn't by myself. Alice and Emmett were with me."

"Oh yes. That definitely would have put me at ease. Especially when Emmett was absolutely set on having you crowd surf before the night was over."

Bella giggled as she opened the door to her room and let me in. "You have to admit, it was kind of funny when he lifted me above his head and just started running through the pit."

A reluctant smile tugged on the corners of my lips when the mental image of my brother holding my giggling girlfriend and screaming like a maniac as he effortlessly parted the alarmed crowds at the concert came to mind. "Regardless, it wasn't very safe."

It was her turn to roll her eyes. "It's not like Emmett was going to drop me." She stuck her tongue out at me and I chuckled. "And besides, no one was going to go anywhere near him. He practically growled when someone got within twelve feet of us."

Upon entrance of her bedroom, she rushed out to the bathroom to get ready for bed and say goodnight to her already sleeping parents. When she had finished all the necessary nighttime preparations, she came running back to her room and leapt into my waiting arms as I sat on her bed.

"I missed you," I murmured in her ear as she snuggled into my chest. Every moment spent apart from her lasted an hour.

She chuckled. "I was only gone for a few minutes," she reminded me.

"It didn't feel like it," I replied as I nuzzled the skin in the cradle of her neck and shoulder. We stayed like that for a little while, content to revel in each other's presence. Then she climbed out of my arms to retrieve the list she had pinned to her wall. She took a pencil from the cup on her desk and crossed off one of the items on it. "What's left?" I inquired as I stood from her bed and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind.

"Watching every Audrey Hepburn movie ever made, eating three extra large cheese pizzas in three hours, and overcoming my stage fright and singing in a concert hall," she replied.

"Hmm, I'm sure you can accomplish the first two at the same time," I pondered aloud. Then I wrinkled my nose in distaste. "Although why you would want to consume three extra large cheese pizzas in three hours is beyond me."

Bella stuck her tongue out at me in a ridiculously cute expression. "You stick to your mountain lions and I'll eat my cheese pizzas."

She lay back down on the bed and I snuggled next to her, my arm wrapped around her head with my fingers entwined in her soft hair. "What would you sing?" I asked.

Her shoulders lifted in a shrug. "I don't know. Maybe 'Moon River'. Or some show tunes…something from Phantom, I think." She lifted her head to look at me. "Would you accompany me if I asked?"

"Of course." What kind if question was that?

Bella nodded satisfactorily and settled further into my arms. "But that's if I actually go through with it. I doubt it at this point."

I frowned against her temple. "Why?"

She shrugged again. "I don't know. I can hardly sing in front of my parents. What makes you think I can sing in front of a bunch of strangers?"

I thought carefully on her statement. "What if you didn't sing in front of strangers? What if you sang for people you knew?"

Her face was hidden from my view, but I could still feel her grimace. "That's even worse. Then I'd know what they were thinking…they'd say I'm horrible and I should stop. Like some kind of induced torture."

I curled my finger underneath her chin and brought her face up to mine. "I don't understand why you feel the need to demean your own talent. You have a lovely voice…much better than Hayley Williams'."

Her warm brown eyes rolled in their sockets. "You're just saying that."

I shook my head firmly. "No, I'm not. You really have a lovely, warm tone, much like the rest of you. I often wish you would sing louder."

Bella sighed. "Let's not talk about it anymore tonight. I'm really tired."

I nodded and tucked her head underneath my chin. "Then sleep, love. I'll be here in the morning."

I felt her breathe in deeply as she snuggled in closer to me. "Goodnight, Edward. I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered.

When her breaths became steady, I finally allowed my thoughts to stray where I had previously refused to let them anywhere near.

Jasper had suggested it weeks ago. Emmett agreed and though Alice feared angering me, I knew she felt the same way. Carlisle said if it were ever to happen it would need to be soon.

Truth be told, I had been considering the possibility myself. In the rare moments I spent away from Bella, I was in the hospital poring over her charts, researching similar cases and grasping at straws in general to find a way to cure her disease. I entertained the possibility of a bone marrow transplant, but I realized it was much too late; the quarantine process took six weeks and there wasn't a close enough match for her bone marrow anyways. No matter where I turned, all roads pointed to the same, desperate conclusion.

The only way for Bella to survive this was to turn her into a vampire.

I pulled her closer to me at the horrible thought. Luckily, she didn't stir.

The idea tore at me. On one hand, I relished the idea of spending eternity with her. If she were immortal, I wouldn't need to be so careful with her. And making her a vampire would mark her as mine in a way no other method could. We would spend lifetimes together, happily and I would no longer be the odd man out of my family.

Unfortunately there were disadvantages to the prospect as well. The human things I loved so much about her would cease to exist. Her smell, her clumsiness…the way she blushed when I turned to look at her…all of that would be gone. But worst of all, I would condemn her to a life of insatiable thirst. She would no longer be the innocent, carefree young girl she was…she would forever be a slave to that desperate, disgusting hunger that I had been struggling for years to overcome.

But I knew I had little time. If I were going to turn her, I would need to explain to her soon. I could smell her blood getting weaker and her complexion became paler day by day. She was also probably in a great deal of pain, though she never complained.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered softly. I loved her so much. I loved her tenacity, her youth, her energy despite her disease. She deserved so much more than the terrible hand she was dealt. Yet she continued to live her life contentedly, crossing off her daily goals with a smile on her face.

I had to discuss the possibility with my family. If it were the only way to save her, I needed to ask their advice first.

Gently, I slid my arms out from underneath her and tucked the comforter over her body. When I was sure she was still soundly asleep, I stole out of the window and ran back to my home.

As expected, the entire family was in the living room by the time I reached the clearing. No doubt Alice told them of my decision.

"No," Rosalie said vehemently, the moment I strode through the front door. "You can't."

I nodded grimly. I had been expecting this reaction from her.

"I think you should," Jasper contested over Rosalie's loud growls. "You've exhausted all other options…there's no other choice."

Emmett nodded his agreement. "It's the only way."

I turned to the couch Esme and Alice were sitting on. My sister nodded and my mother smiled. "Oh, Edward," she said softly. "I've never seen you as happy as you are with Bella. I couldn't bear to see you unhappy if she were to die."

My jaw tightened at the thought of Bella dying, but I nodded. "Thank you," I said quietly.

"No!" Rosalie screamed. "You can't! I won't let you!"

"Why?" Carlisle asked quietly.

"It is not our place," she spat through clenched teeth. "It is not our lives that we are condemning to this hell. All of you sit here, debating over her immortality without her here, as if her opinion doesn't matter. I shouldn't be here! None of us should be here and yet we are! I would rather be dead than confined to this life!" She flung her finger out at Carlisle. "You should have let me be!"

Surprisingly, Carlisle nodded. "She's right, Edward. You must inform Bella of the option and give her time to consider the consequences. And you must do it soon."

I turned to Alice. "How much longer does she have?"

My sister's eyes were indescribably sad. "Two weeks."

I nodded tightly. It was settled; I would have to tell her tomorrow. It was her only chance.

I watched in fascination and horror the next day as my girlfriend battled her way through the very last slice of pizza in the box. She stuffed the last bit of crust in her mouth and pumped her fists in the air triumphantly as she chewed. "Yes!" her shout was muffled around mouthful. "I did it!"

I laughed. "You most certainly did."

She finally swallowed and patted her taut belly. I noticed sadly that the leukemia had eaten away at her already slender body, leaving her as nothing more than a stick. Hopefully this huge meal would serve to fatten her frame. "I don't think I can eat for another week…"

I chuckled and pulled her closer to me. On the television screen in front of us, Audrey Hepburn was twirling around in a sparkling ball gown with Rex Harrison.

"I love her dress," Bella sighed as she snuggled closer to me. "It's so eye-catching, but so understated at the same time. She was so classy."

I murmured my assent. "I remember thinking she had a sort of quality about her," I said. "She sparkled on screen, much brighter than any star of the time." I buried my nose in her soft hair and inhaled her pungent fragrance. "But she's nothing compared to you," I whispered.

I smelled the blood rushing to her face and I smiled.

When the final credits rolled, Bella lifted her head to face me, a wide grin on her tragically pale face. "Thank you for watching that with me," she said soulfully. "And watching me eat three extra large cheese pizzas."

I grimaced at the memory. "One of the strangest things I've ever seen in my life," I declared.

When the VHS had run out, I turned off the television. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what I was about to say. It was now or never.

"Bella," I whispered. "What if there was a way for you to live?"

She stopped and turned her head, her brown eyes wide with disbelief. "What?" she breathed.

"What if there was a way for you to survive your leukemia? Would you take it?"

She bit her lip. "It depends. What are you trying to say, Edward?"

I chose my next words very carefully. "There's a way for you to live, Bella," I said very slowly. "But it comes with a great price."

Her already vast eyes widened even further. "You're offering to turn me into a vampire, aren't you?"

I nodded grimly.

She bit her lip. "How would it work?"

I explained the entire process. I told her about the venom, about the intense pain. I didn't downplay the agony at all; I wanted to impress upon her how much it would hurt.

She was quiet for a moment. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"You haven't much time left," I replied. "Alice says you have two weeks and I didn't want tell you about this…option…until all others were exhausted."

Silence. Then, "What would you have me do?"

My heart broke at the desperation I saw in her eyes. "Bella, I'm a selfish creature; I believe I've told you before. If you chose this life, you would be by my side for all of eternity. I would love you, cherish you, protect and defend you until the end of time. Can you understand how happy I would be? I've never needed anyone more than I need you."

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she brought her hand to my face and gently stroked my cheek. "Oh, Edward…"

"Bella, can't you see?" I whispered passionately. "Even when I was human, I was never alive. I was never able to truly breathe until I met you. You are everything to me, now and forever. If you…if you died, I just…"

She was crying freely now. "Edward, don't say that," she whispered. "You can't feel that way about me. You can't—"

"I can, and I do," I interrupted lightly. "I didn't want this to be the last option, but it is. And I want you so desperately to say yes. I want it more than anything I've ever wanted in my life."

Bella didn't bother to respond. Instead, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine frantically, as if the answers she wanted were in my mouth. I kissed back, anxious to impress upon her how much I needed her.

It was the most distressed and most amazing of kisses I ever shared with her. I felt my need meld with hers, forming one intense desire. But I also felt my desperation clash with her reluctance, and the sensations were bittersweet. Oh, Bella…oh, Bella…

A/N - Heh...so... I know this chapter is so incredibly long overdue. I'm a terrible person for keeping ya'll waiting. I'm sorry! But now that the school year is over, I'll be able to write more, hence updates will be much sooner. Yay!

I'm also nearing the end of the story. It's going to be a homestretch...with some insane twists that I'm pretty sure none of you are expecting. ;)

Don't forget to review!