Dear Editor,

I'll be the first to admit that I really don't know a lot about how this magic stuff works. It's not as though I've had cause to learn much about it. My family was a family of cobblers, seamstresses, and tailors. There's not any magic involved in any of those professions unless you're a fairy who fixes shoes or makes clothes.

But, like I said, I'm not. I'm just your average Joe. Ordinarily, I don't even think about magic unless I get a random thought about how I wound up the town tailor, and, when I do think about, it just gives me a headache, so I try not to think about it at all. Best to leaves these kinds of thoughts up to the professionals.

Then, the other day, my little girl, Helen, was on her play date with her little group of friends when one of them started to fall off the monkey bars, and Helen let out this little yelp, held her hands up, and her friend levitated.

Well, everyone froze and started looking around thinking Regina Mills, Emma Swan, or maybe the Blue Fairy was around somewhere, but none of them were there. That's when we realized that my little girl was the one doing the levitating.

It's amazing how quickly a parent can go from completely panicked to calming voice despite the full on, crazed, mind blindingly huge amount of fear they may be experiencing internally. Apparently, my little girl has magic, and neither me nor my wife can figure out how that works because no one on either side of our families has magic.

What's worse, we don't know what to do about it. There's no book out on how to deal with your 11 year old who has magic. We don't have any training schools for this sort of thing. We've got nothing, which brings me to the point of this letter.

I'm willing to bet I'm not the only non-magical parent with a magical child in this town, and, since Hogwarts doesn't exists (as far as we can tell), then we need to do something because an 11 year old with untrained magic that only comes out whenever they're experiencing extreme emotions is a dangerous thing.

Need I remind you, friends, the volatile emotions of preteens and teenagers? Things are bound to get ugly quickly, and I really don't want our town to turn into that Twilight Zone episode where everyone is afraid to think unhappy thoughts lest one kid turn them into a dog or something. Or was that a Simpson's episode? Can't remember, but I think you get my drift.

Just in case you don't, I don't want be afraid of my child unless it has to do with who she might be bringing home to date or whenever she starts driving, so we need to start a training school for the small percentage of children who have magic and no one around to help them control it.

I'm not even sure who we should talk to about this. All the usual suspects are tied up. Mr. Gold is currently being controlled by the Wicked Witch. Regina Mills is currently training Emma Swan, and, obviously, Emma Swan can't teach anything to anyone while she's learning it herself. Blue is, well, frankly, I'd just rather her not be in charge of our younger magic users, and that's all I'm going to say about that. I understand Tinkerbell is in town, and I know she has experience dealing with teenagers. Maybe she could teach a night class?

Whatever it is we decide to do, we should probably start doing it soon. Last night, my daughter got mad at me because I told her she couldn't listen to anymore Justin Bieber before bedtime, and our CD player exploded into a ball of flame.

Do you know how much a CD players costs in this town now? You ever wonder if you're honestly about to take your life in your own hands because you then had to ground your child for setting said CD player on fire via telekinesis, like maybe you'll be next? At the rate we're going, I'm not going to have a single creature comfort to my name before my baby girl gets herself in check, or I'm going to wind up extra crispy.

My wife and I need some help. Anyone have any suggestions?

Refusing to be scared of my daughter,

Shawn O'Bannon

...or, hell, maybe Hogwarts DOES exists, but the owls can't get to Storybrooke because of the protection spell Belle put in place? Who knows?

As always, reviews are appreciated.