AN: Cue the dramaaaaa and angst. Couldn't be all happy all the way through. Enjoy!

Mac really loved riding with Chibs. Pressed close to him, with the adrenaline-filled sound of the bike beneath her and the wind all around her; it was an experience like no other. They were on their way to the Irish, technically this was a charity run but it was a cover for the gun-running operation that the Sons were running. Cameron had requested to see her again, and Clay was in no position to say no, so Mac was filled in on the details as brought along.

Mac was nervous again, because her last confrontation with Cameron had ended with a message that sounded a hell of a lot like it was from Peter. Mac couldn't think of a different reason why Cameron would want to see her. She also wasn't a fan of the way Chibs' eyes narrowed when Clay told them the news; like it was a personal offense to him rather than just a curiosity. It hadn't taken long for Mac to figure that these Irish were related to Jimmy O' and Chibs' past.

Either way, though, she was on her way to the Irish, and they were almost there. It was five minutes before they pulled off the road, got off the bikes, and were ushered in a black room. Cameron was there, as well as a younger man who must've been his son.

Mac stands back from the guys as they greet Cameron and his son, named Edmund. She keeps her eyes on Chibs, who looks a little like a caged animal. She doesn't really tune into the conversation until Edmund mentions some of the IRA bosses.

"Jimmy O', some o' the bosses migh' be coming stateside." he said in a heavy Irish accent, and Mac, as well as everyone else in the room, sees Chibs stiffen. The guys are all looking at him.

"Tiocfaidh ár lá." Chibs said, and Mac breaks out in goosebumps. Their day will come. Mac had heard Peter say the same thing, time and again, when talking about enemies and targets. Jesus Christ. It was almost too much of a coincidence to be Peter, though, so Mac tried to calm herself down until she could talk to Cameron. She wanted more information without giving herself away. If Peter had found her and was targeting the Sons, it would be important for her to not cause waves until she got her act together.

The Sons converged on the table a few minutes later, and Cameron left Edmund to give them the overview of their new gun-running operation. He walked over to Mac. She didn't miss the way Chibs' eyes narrowed at them, but she just shook her head lightly, warning him off. Best not to piss off the Irish.

"Hello, Mackenzie." Cameron said to her, and Mac gave him a polite nod. "Thanks for coming."

"Didn't have much of a choice." Mac said, and Cameron nodded.

"Well, I've go' another message from up above." Cameron said, and Mac indicated that he should continue. "You've already heard it, though. Chibs there said it just a few minutes ago. Tiocfaidh ár lá."

Mac tried to control her breathing, but the feeling of being watched was back. It was definitely Peter. Chibs saying it was a coincidence, but Peter had sent Cameron with that message specifically to give himself away.

"Why is he so interested in you?" Cameron asked. Mac shrugged.

"First of all, I don't know who he is, and if you don't either, than how am I supposed to answer that question?" she said. "I have no previous connections to the Irish, so I'm not really sure what's happening here. Perhaps your boss has me mistaken with someone else."

She walked way then, outside where the air was clearer, and just sat on Chibs' bike and waited for the guys. When they came out, loaded down with felt packs, Chibs walked over to her.

"Wha' did Cameron want?" he asked immediately. Mac just shook her head, pretending like it was nothing.

"To flirt." she said, deciding to play off of Chibs' mistrust for the man that was already in place. His eyes narrowed.

"Bloody mick." he growled. Mac took his face in her hands.

"Hey." she said softly. "You've got absolutely nothing to worry about, Filip." Chibs' eyes softened as he looked at her.

"Mac!" The prospect yelled for her, and Mac sighed.

"Duty calls." Mac said, but before she could walk away, Chibs swept her up into a hug and a toe-curling kiss. Mac was parting from the guys here - she had a job that was going to take her a fair bit away from Charming for a while. It could be weeks before she returned, so she allowed herself to say goodbye to Chibs. When they parted, she brushed his scars with her thumb.

"Be safe, Filip." she said.

"And you, luv." he replied. Then she turned, taking her back with her towards the bike that the prospect had driven up with them in the van. Mac waved once more to the guys, and then drove away.

—

**a few weeks later**

Mac had just walked in the door of her motel when her cell rang. Not the one she was using for the job or her prepaid, but her cell that everyone in Charming had. Odd. she thought. She'd given the club, Gemma, Tara, and Chibs fair warning. She might be gone a while, and while that fact had come true, they knew to limit contact. So it must've been important. Mac saw Tara's number, and flipped open the phone.

"Hey Tara, what's up?" she asked.

"Mac." Tara's voice was taught and Mac was immediately on alert.

"What's wrong?" Mac asked, shutting the door behind her and sitting down.

"It's Chibs." Mac's heart started to race.

"Tara, what happened?" she asked again.

"There was an explosion." Tara said slowly. Mac felt like she'd been hit by a hammer.

"Oh god, Tara, is he…" Mac trailed off, not saying it.

"No, Mac, he's alive. He's just in critical condition. He was working on a van that exploded and he took a bad hit to the head when he got blown back. They have him in a coma right now." Tara said all this quickly.

"Tara, I… I can't leave right now." Mac said, and that was the truth of it. She was neck deep in this mission and leaving right now would get her in trouble with Tommy as well as possibly killed. And yet Chibs and her connection to him was pulling her to Charming with undeniable force. For a second Mac stepped back. This wasn't her. She didn't get attached like this. But then it became clear. This was Chibs. He knew everything about her; more than anyone, possibly including Tara. He was her partner, her lover, her confidante. She was in love with him.

Oh god.

"Mac, it's okay." Tara said. "He would understand."

"It's not okay." Mac said bitingly. Then she sighed. "Tara, please keep me updated. If I don't answer my phone, leave a message. I'll be back as soon as I can." And she hung up.

Mac sat in the chair for what felt like days, head in her hands, wondering when she'd let Chibs in as far as she had.

In love.

More than anything, she wanted to leave for Charming and hold vigil by Chibs' bedside. And then, of course, her phone rang again. It was the mission phone. Mac sighed, swallowing the lump in her throat made of tears, and slipped into her enforcer persona.

—

Hey Mac, it's Tara. Hope you're okay. Chibs is doing a lot better. He's not completely out of the woods, but we're pretty sure he's going to be fine. The rest of the guys, however, are in prison. They shot up a church fundraiser like a bunch of idiots. I won't say more than that until you get back. Gemma and Clay made up, which is making everything just a little better. Jax and Clay had a brawl over some club thing; I'm fairly sure it's just the climax of a bunch of tension between them, but after it they seemed better than they had in a while. I talked to Gemma about Jax's dad's manuscript, and she agreed with your perception of it. I still don't completely trust her, but I'm getting there Mac. So now were kind of holding the club together as best we can with Chucky and a few of the guys that weren't at the church. Anyways. Get back as soon as you can. Be safe.

—

Mackenzie, it's Gemma. I assume you're still on vacation. Look, Fiona's back, and Chibs is awake and I wanted you to know. She's a conniving bitch, and I'm pretty sure she's angling for Chibs back so I felt like you should know. And also, if she's back, Jimmy O's not far behind. Get back as soon as you can. I'm doing my best to keep everything together but we could use you, Mac.

—

Chibs was worried. Mac had been gone for a while, and completely out of contact since before his accident. She hadn't come to see him, and today was the day he was getting out. That wasn't her. Something was up. She's on a job, man, chill out. Then there was Fiona, and Chibs was certain that Gemma and Tara was keeping Mac updated, even if she wasn't responding. This wasn't how Chibs had wanted Fiona to come back into his life. Damn.

They'd wheeled him out, and he'd greeted his brothers joyfully, gone back to the clubhouse, had a good time. And then Jimmy O' had made his presence known. Chibs had been pretty sure that he was in the States, thanks to Edmund and Fi. Bastard.

There was a man with him that Chibs didn't recognize, and who didn't have an accent. He was tall, handsome in a cruel way, and kept look at Chibs like he knew him, which made Chibs wildly uncomfortable. Jimmy O' introduced him a Murphy before antagonizing Chibs about their past, and leaving with his thugs. I'll kill you, bastard.

—

Mac, it's Tara. Happy got your signal; thanks for letting us know you're okay. Chibs was getting worried. He's fine, by the way, but Fiona is still here, along with Jimmy O' and his cronies. By the way, I saw Fiona kiss Chibs. I'm not sure what the context was, but I saw what I saw, and I thought you should know before you got back here. I wasn't sure I'd get a chance to tell you before you see them. Be safe, Mac, and hurry home.

Mac was frustrated. Charming was going to hell in a handbasket. First there's Chibs' accident, which had haunted Mac since Tara had called her. Then she'd had to go without contact for the sake of the mission, and she'd missed Chibs' recovery, Fiona's arrival, Jimmy O's arrival, and now Chibs' and Fiona's reunion. Her body wasn't sure whether to be cold with fear or hot with fury. If Chibs had lied to her all those times he told her he and Fiona were over, Mac wasn't sure what she'd do. But there was nothing for it right now. She was enforcer-Mac right now. Other emotions couldn't come in to play. But it took all her training to repress them.

—

It took a couple of days, but eventually she was done. It was a successful completion, and Ma was free to leave for Charming. She'd never been so happy to be driving back to that town. She pulled into Teller-Morrow, and found it empty.

Weird.

The guys must've been on club business. She wondered where the girls were. Shrugging it off, she drove to Jax's house next, looking for Tara to find out what the hell was going on. The first sign that something was off was the ajar front door. Mac checked she had her weapons and parked a little away so as not to arouse suspicion. The door creaked open when she pushed it.

There they were. Cameron holding Abel, Tara sobbing on the floor in front of him, Half-Sack between them. Mac ran at them before she really knew what she was doing. She went for Cameron, trying to hit him without hurting Abel, and Half-Sack did the same thing. Mac must've made contact, because Cameron came away with a bruise on his face. But he'd also grabbed the knife off her waist and buried it in Half-Sack's gut.

"Kip!" Tara yelled and he fell, putting pressure on the wound immediately. "Kip, you're gonna be find, hold on." Mac glanced down and then turned back to Cameron, who was now holding the knife to Abel.

"A son for a son." he says, before dropping the knife. Mac only has a second to be confused before Cameron has grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled her to him.

"You." he said to her. "But for you're friend, you'd be mine." He kissed her then, and Mac recoiled with her whole body, trying not to hurt Abel. Get off of me, you rat bastard, I'm not your's and I'm absolutely not Peter's.

When he let her go, Mac spat in his face. "Fuck off." she said simply. Cameron just grinned at her.

"Your friend will see you soon, Mackenzie." he said, and then threw her against the wall with all his might. Mac's head hit the wall with a crack, and everything went dark.

—

The throbbing in her head was the first thing she felt. Then a rocking.

"Mac?" It was Tara's voice. Mac groaned.

"Oh thank god, you're awake." Mac opened her eyes to find she was in the back of a van, Tara next to her, and Opie driving.

"What?" Mac asked, mind fuzzy.

"Cameron took Abel, and Half-Sack got stabbed. Do you remember?" Tara asked, and Mac nodded. It was coming back to her now.

"Good. We're on our way to the docks, Cameron's headed for a boat. The guys are racing him there." Tara said. Mac thought she was remarkably put together for what had just happened. Mac sat up, trying to suppress the throbbing in her head so she could participate in what was about to happen next.

But they were too late.

Mac, Tara, and Opie came running down the docks just as Jax sank to his knees, yelling his grief to the air, Cameron staring from the deck of a boat chugging away. Mac felt the loss like a punch to the gut, stumbling and almost falling when they finally reached the guys. Jax stood up, rushing to Tara.

"Tara, what the hell happened?" he asked wildly. "Why is my son gone?" He was in shock, Mac thought, and terrified. He wasn't thinking clearly. Tara clearly noticed as well, and took him off to the side to talk to him quietly.

Chibs was devastated. Jax's son, gone. And at the hands of the IRA. The same bastards that had ruined his life were now doing the same for Jax. Goddamn bloody micks.

He watched as Tara, Mac, and Opie ran down the docks just too late, and was glad to see Mac alive. What he hadn't expected was the spike of anger he felt when he saw her. He watched as Tara took Jax aside, listening for what he could hear of their conversation.

"…Mac showed up…" "…cameron stabbed Kip with her knife…" "…then kissed her, told her her IRA friend would see her again soon, whoever that is…"

Chibs' sight went red. First, she misses his accident and his long recovery. She's not there at all while he's in the hospital; doesn't even call. Then there's Cameron. The mick had been flirting with her for a while, but Chibs had never thought Mac would return the affections. Apparently he was wrong. And now she'd essentially gotten the prospect stabbed and she was planning to meet up with him again? Who else could the friend be?

Mac went to Chibs, giving him a hug. When he didn't return it, she stepped back, wary.

"Where the hell have you been?" Chibs asked, voice quiet and laced with danger. Mac felt her hackles go up. Was he angry with her?

"On a job, Chibs, you know that." she said.

"Really?" he asked acidly. The whole group was paying attention to their conversation now. "Or have you been helping the Irish behind our backs?" he asked, and Mac recoiled. How dare he?

"What the fuck, Chibs?" she asked.

"See, it looks kind of like this, luv." The endearment was mocking, and Mac felt anger start to build in her gut. "It looks like you and Cameron were together - I always knew he was flirting with you with all the requests to talk to you, but I never thought you'd return it. It looks like you left at an opportune time to help the Irish fuck everything up here. Why didn't you come back when I got blown the fuck up?" Chibs was yelling by the end of it.

"I was on a job, Filip." Mac's voice was quiet. She wouldn't yell.

"Yeah, sure. You weren't helping out my replacement, Cameron? That's not how Half-Sack ended up stabbed with your knife? Not how Jax's son ended up in Cameron's hands? He kissed you tonight, right? I heard Tara tell Jax. Your next move is to what? Go find him in Ireland? Start a happy family with the IRA?" Mac wasn't sure whether she hated the anger or the disgust in his voice more.

"Whether you believe me or not, I was on a job. The day after your accident, I was forced to leave behind all communication. Breaking that barrier would've risked my mission and my life. Thought I still got voicemails. I heard all about your reunion with your wife. Guess you reconnected while I was away. Does this happen every time I leave, Chibs? Do you reconnect with some crow eater? I was on a job. Don't believe me?"

Mac pulled out the letter she'd picked up from Happy, who'd been worried about her. She handed it to Jax. Then she pulled up her shirt, showing the whole group a nice new slice across her back that she'd gotten during the mission.

"That's a letter from Happy. He was worried about me. And this lovely new scar to add to my collection. You bastard, Filip. I was on a job. This is my thing, Chibs, I thought you could accept that. I accept you for who you are. SAMCRO is my family. I didn't come looking for it, but it's my family. I'm not going to betray family, asshole. I'm not working for the Irish. Cameron grabbed me and kissed me against my will. Was Fiona kissing you against yours? When he was done, he threw my against the wall and knocked me out. It was bad luck that he got his hand on my knife. I didn't help him with Abel. He had the kid in his arms when I walked in. Tara can attest to all of this. If you'd listened to the entire conversation, perhaps you'd've heard that."

"As for you and me, Chibs, I'm in love with you. I've never been in love with anyone. I cannot believe, after all you know of my past and I know of yours, that you think I would betray you with a member of the IRA. Idiot. You know what else? Tiocfaidh ár lá. You know who used to say that to me? Peter. He's the friend Cameron was talking about. He's trying to ruin me and SAMCRO by helping the Irish. Peter Murphy. the man who almost ruined me. I wouldn't be surprised if he was with Jimmy O' this whole time. Cameron's been giving me hints that it's Peter, but I honestly didn't believe or want to believe it until now. How dare you accuse me of giving up Abel on purpose? How dare you accuse me of helping the Irish? How dare you accuse me of sleeping with someone else? By the way, that makes you the biggest fucking hypocrite ever, reconnecting with Fiona after assuring me that you didn't love her anymore? That she was only your wife in name? Fuck off."

Mac realized all of a sudden that she had a very rapt audience. She wasn't sure what had suddenly caused Chibs' mistrust, though she supposed it only appeared sudden to her. He look - as he should - more contrite than he had a minute ago, but Mac wasn't having it. She turned to the guys, deciding to finish her story once and for all.

"Peter Murphy was a fellow solider of mine when I was in the military. We ended up dating, and we were happy for a while, but he always had control of the relationship. Eventually, he used me to kill a woman he had raped and her child; his daughter. I didn't know who the targets were until after they were dead. I didn't know they were a woman and a child until after they were dead. And believe me, I have never forgotten. I left Peter as soon as I could, but realistically I ran, and it was only a matter of time until he caught me. I sometimes wonder if I didn't stop in Charming to drawn him to me so I could end this. Look, I'll understand if you never want anything to do with me again. What I did was heinous, and I can never make up for it. I just want you to know who is probably working with Jimmy O'."

She turned to Jax next.

"I have no words. I'm sorry that I couldn't do more to save Abel. I'm sorry I failed when he needed me most, and I'm sorry…" Mac turned to the rest of the group now, tears clear in her eyes. "I'm sorry that Kip had to die. So, now you know the full story. I'm going to leave, now. I haven't been home in weeks and I need… I just need to go. I'm sorry I failed you."

And she walked away. She left Chibs and the look on his face that made her heart hurt. She was flanked by Tara and Gemma, who both gave Chibs scathing looks as they walked away. Thought Mac didn't see it, Chibs had never seen his brothers look angrier at him. He felt like the thundercloud of anger in his mind had collapsed like a cloud of feathers. It was gone. Mac was right. Where had the sudden mistrust come from? Fiona. That made Chibs feel even worse, probably because it was true. Mac had been on a job. She'd been honest with him from the beginning. She'd tried to turn him away. And after everything, he'd accused her of cheating, or helping the Irish take Abel when he knew damn well they were capable of doing that on their own. She'd looked so sad, so broken. He'd never seen her like that. How he wanted to run after her, but for the wall of his own brothers blocking his way.

I'm in love with you.

She'd been so open about the admission. He'd honestly wondered if he'd ever hear the words from her, and then there they were. And oh how he wanted to return them. Wanted to act on them. Wanted to show her just how much he felt for her. But he'd fucked it all up. Maybe the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he'd taken her heart and stomped on it.

Fuck.

—