A/N: It feels good to get back to this! I've been meaning to write this particular chapter for ages- it's based on a real statistic I saw that just made me lol.
For Double Rainbow readers: The next chapter will be up tomorrow.
Mello woke up to Matt pulling all the leather out of the closet.
No, he realized on closer inspection, not all the leather. Just the pants.
"Matt... what're you doing?"
"You can't wear these anymore."
"Why not?" Mello bristled.
"Because of that," Matt replied, pointing to his computer.
Mello read what was on the screen. "No way!"
Matt nodded gravely. "The odds are not in our favor."
"Are you sure it's true?"
"Yep. I Google'd it to check. So all the leather pants have to go."
"Hey! That's not fair! Why don't you quit smoking!"
"Because, Mello, it's far easier for you to change your clothes than it is for me to give up something so addicting."
"But cigarettes are deadly! So if you quit, you'd be killing two birds with one stone."
"I'm not quitting."
"Well I'm not getting rid of my pants!"
"Fine! We'll see who has a harder time dealing with the consequences!"
"Fine!"
Fact: The two leading causes of temporary impotence are cigarette smoking and wearing tight pants.