A Brave Answer

Louisa drops his hand: "I told you Martin, it's over. Danny's back here in London, doing what he wants. He broke my heart years ago, but I tried to convince myself that I still loved him. What I was in love with was the memory of what we once had, but not with Danny. We knew each other from the time I was in grade 1 and he was in grade 2. His mum taught piano and gave recitals at village hall. She seemed a very glamorous mum, and I wanted her to be my mother.

"Danny left Portwenn for a secondary school in Cork where his uncle was headmaster. He worked about Cornwall with his father in the summers, and I'd see him occasionally. To me, he was just an old primary school mate. A few days before he left for university in London and I for the States, we talked at the harbor. My dream was to attend Goldsmiths, but I knew there was little chance of it. Danny told me about grants and loans I could find and other ways to make a go of it financially. His school friends from Ireland were coming over for university with less money than I would have from my au pair job. According to Danny, I had to believe in myself and apply to university. No one had ever encouraged me in this way, and Danny made an impression on me.

"When I returned from the States the following year, Danny had already gone up to London for the term. I made a round of the village telling people I was off to university in London. Most were skeptical that I would stay, but Danny's mum told me I would be successful if I worked hard. Like Danny, she gave me a bit of the confidence I lacked. She also gave me Danny's phone number should I become homesick.

"In London, I phoned Danny after I settled into the flat, but never saw him as I was so busy with my studies. Before Christmas break, he called to say a friend was driving to Truro and asked if I wanted a lift. Mrs. Steele fetched us in Truro and was to drop me at the cottage. When we got there, I found that my father had let it to several artists and there was no place for me to stay. Mrs. Steele insisted that I come to their home. Danny's dad was a land surveyor covering a good deal of Cornwall, so they had more money than many people in Portwenn. Their home seemed so elegant, and Mrs. Steele was very refined and gracious. Of course, I put them out for the holiday, but they welcomed me and were very kind.

"Danny was working on a school project, so I talked mostly with Mrs. Steele and went about with her. I did find a few bits and pieces of work to do, but mostly I read and tried to get ahead with my studies.

"At the end of the break, Danny's friend collected us in Portwenn. He wanted to photograph the old houses as well as the coastline for a class in black and white photography. On the return trip to London, we talked about what we were going to do with our lives. At that age, we were going to be the best architect, the best teacher and the best photographer. Danny's confidence was very re-assuring to me after a difficult first term. I had been homesick and always frightened that my grades would not be good enough.

"A few weeks into the new term, Danny invited me to a party at the photographer's flat. Danny didn't know many people and I knew no one so we just stayed together and talked. When Danny dropped me at the tube, he tried to kiss me, and I pushed him away. It would have been like kissing my brother, if I had a brother. The next day he called me and apologized and asked me to a lecture one of his professors was giving at the Victoria and Albert Museum – actually near here. That night I felt differently about him, so I let him kiss me. This began our time together.

"When I finished at Goldsmiths, Danny was working for a fairly important firm in London. This was a real coup because graduates from Bartlett's usually were hired by smaller companies or the government. I wanted to return to Portwenn because my father was there and having health troubles. The primary school hired me, and I loved living in Cornwall. If he could, Danny came for weekends, and we spent the time at his grandmother's old farm cottage on the moor. It was very idyllic, but after a year or so, Danny became more anxious and unable to relax. He was under pressure at his firm, and one of the partners had dropped him from a project because the client didn't like Danny. Being in one of his political phases, he and the client got into it one day about Greenpeace.

"Another architect and Danny decided to work on their own with some promised referrals for design projects. The referrals never came, and they both had to work as waiters for a time. Then the friend married a woman whose father was a fairly well-known builder in London. With that marriage, they received several commissions for small buildings and were able to return to architecture.

"Danny was to meet me in Truro one weekend to celebrate my birthday, actually my 29th birthday. We talked about getting married, and I thought that Danny would propose that weekend. Danny knew there would be little work for an architect in Portwenn, so I agreed that living in London would be for the best. Holly assured me I could have my choice of posts at various comprehensives in the city. If I wanted summers in Portwenn, I could stay with Danny's parents or at the old moor cottage.

"Late Friday night, Danny called me at the hotel to say he had been delayed in London with work, but would see me on Saturday morning. When he hadn't arrived by 2, I called first his office and then his flat and left messages. A little later he phoned and said he wasn't coming to Truro at all. He thought he had outgrown me and needed a different sort of woman to suit his life in London. Of course I asked why he invited me to Truro and many other questions. He only said his plan was to tell me good bye in person, but he was too tired to make the trip.

Martin groans, takes Louisa's hand and says: "Stop, don't tell me anything else, Louisa." She shakes her head and the tears from her eyes: "Not much else to tell. I left the hotel and on the way home, I stopped to see my friend, Grace Remington, who was then living near Portwenn. She did not particularly like Danny and told me he probably was seeing other women all along, and I was well rid of him. I was so naieve, I never questioned why Danny didn't want me to come to London - why he would only come to Portwenn. Grace and other friends were right about Danny, but it was still quite a blow. I had pinned my future to Danny, and now I had nothing.

"A few days later, his mum came to see me and told me she understood from Danny that we had broken off our friendship. She is such a lovely women, I did not want her to know the horrible son she had raised. Instead, I asked if we could remain friends. It was odd as one usually says this to the person with whom you had the relationship, but I said it to Danny's mother.

"Mrs. Steele and I did remain friendly, and one day she called saying Danny was trying to put her away at Tall Trees. When Danny arrived from London, I was at the house with your Aunt Joan. Mrs. Steele had changed dramatically from only a month earlier, and I agreed with Danny's assessment that Tall Trees was best for her. One thing led to another, and I tried to fall back in love with Danny, but I couldn't do it. When he was hired for a project in East London, I was happy to see him go. He was part of my life, but now he isn't."

Martin tilts his head and asks: "Were you sleeping with Danny?"

Louisa shrugs: "No, not this time. I didn't want to. And with Danny's new-found religion, he didn't press me. I believe he thought he could set aside his ambition and learn to live a slower life in Cornwall with me. But when London called, he realized how much he missed it. So off he went."

The waiter clears the table and asks if they would like coffee. Martin has had a very good pear tart at the restaurant and suggests they share one. On Sunday evening after a day catching up at the office, Martin would sometimes dine at the bistro and treat himself to the pear tart. Louisa asks if he spent every weekend at the hospital.

"Most of them. I really didn't have anything else I wanted to do more than work."

The tart and tea arrive, and they begin to eat it together. Louisa finds it a bit erotic to be sharing the tart with Martin and asks: "No women to distract you?"

Martin pauses as if carefully considering his answer: "I saw women after Edith, but they moved on quickly. When I became a consultant at St. Thomas's, I had to attend some charity dos and met women involved with them. They had enough family money to live well, but they needed a cause to fill their time. Occasionally, something would spark with one of them, or a woman I met professionally or – even worse - someone Susan or Claire would foist on me. A few were sexual, and I enjoyed that, but ultimately it wasn't enough. Louisa smiles and Martin says: "It really wasn't."

Martin excuses himself as more people are entering the bistro after theatre. The owner is looking about for tables and brings a small booklet which he lays at Martin's place. Louisa opens it, checks the bill and quickly hands the man her card. He raises his eyebrows, and Louisa says: "He's been very brave and deserves a bit of a treat." Minutes later, Martin rejoins her and motions to the waiter. Instead, the owner comes to the table and hands Louisa the booklet. She opens it, signs the bill and removes the card and receipt. Martin protests to the owner who says: "Sir, it is so good to have you here again and with such a beautiful, generous lady. You are a very fortunate man." Martin is flustered, but says: "Yes, right. Thank you."

As they leave the restaurant, Martin touches Louisa's back to guide her through the tables. When they reach the door he helps with her coat. Rather than take her hand outside, he places his arm around her waist. As they walk back to the flat, Louisa leans into Martin. Nothing is said until they reach the building when Martin murmurs: "This was the best night I ever had in London." Louisa nods and kisses him on the cheek.

In the lobby, Harry looks up from his computer and wishes them a good night. He adds that Jane will be on duty at 8 the next morning and should have all the newspapers sorted by half eight. Martin turns around and remarks: "See that you get her here on time." Louisa hisses: "Martin!" Harry blushes and ducks his head. In the lift, Louisa laughs and says: "No more wine for you!"