Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

Chapter 14 (Making Contact)

Sam typed carefully in the address bar of the browser on Carly's computer, she clicked enter and came up to a site called "The Slap". She turned her head away momentarily, then moved her eyes to the picture of Beck Oliver. On a separate window was a photo that had been scanned in of her father, a husky male with brown hair framing his face and sharp features, an older version of Beck. "It just can't be right…" Beck was actually older than she was, by at least a few months. She clicked on a photo album and started thumbing through all the pictures she could find of him. It was too uncanny, too strange, too weird. She wanted an explanation, but she would probably never get one. She picked up a small donut she had next to her and bit into it, leaning forward against the desk and frowning at the screen.

"See, this is what she does every day." Sam jumped at Carly's voice and looked back to see Carly and Freddie watching her. She cleared her throat as Carly moved to the screen and pointed at the photo of Beck and of Sam's dad. "You see how alike they are? I've told Sam time and time again to send the picture to Beck and to ask, but she doesn't listen. Maybe she'll listen to you?"

"Quit talking about me in the third person, Carly…I'm right here." Her stomach flipped inside and she felt the bile slowly rising up inside of her as Freddie stepped next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "How is it possible? I mean, unless Beck's mother was either here in Seattle or Dad was in LA at the time of conception…and who cheated on who?" She knew her parents had been married at least four years before her birth, so it was very likely that the dad cheated on her mom. "I would send him a message, but…I don't know…" She didn't want to be laughed at, she didn't want to be judged, and most definitely, she didn't want to be wrong. "What if…what if maybe…what if he looks more like his mom, and his dad is completely different? Like Valerie's Dad." Freddie raised his eyebrows and started going through the pictures until he found a picture of Beck with his father.

"Sam…I'd say the resemblance is too close…"

"Huh?" She took one glance and her entire world crashed to the ground. There he was, in full view, her father standing next to Beck with his arm around his shoulders. "I-I hadn't seen that one…" Freddie pressed his lips together and rubbed Sam's shoulder firmly. Why did she feel hungry all of a sudden, unless, that wasn't hunger? She had a very empty feeling deep in the pit of her stomach. She could feel the bile rushing to her throat. "So, dad's been there…all this time?" She clicked over to another photo of her father that she had on the computer, one with him next to Pam, holding one of his two twin babies in his hands, Sam. She leaned forward and grabbed her bangs, trying to fight the urge to cry.

"I think it may be time for you to initiate contact somehow." Her throat tightened as she pulled up Beck's email. She had his email since their trip to LA, they'd gotten the emails of the whole group. She felt Freddie's hand rub her back while Carly sat next to her and placed her hand on her arm. Her eyes moved to Carly and she was comforted by her friend's reassuring gaze. Tears dripped down her eyes as her fingers hovered over the keys, shaking like a leaf in the wind.

"I don't think I can do this. I really don't…" This had gone on long enough, she knew that much. However, no matter how long it had gone on, she wasn't sure if it was the pain or the fear keeping her from emailing him. What would even happen when she did? Would he react negatively? Would she be ignored? Would his girlfriend try to kill her for contacting him because she thought that she was being an obsessed freak over Beck? Probably not, but it was just another wild possibility.

"Well then move aside, if you will…" She raised her eyebrow at Freddie as he motioned her to stand from her chair. He smiled politely and she slowly rose up, uncertain about what would take place. She watched as he sat down, stretched his arms out, and rested his fingers on the keyboard. What the hell was he doing? Her eyes widened and her heart started beating rapidly. "Dictate. I will type down whatever it is you want to say, then I'll attach the pictures and we'll be on our way. Whatever happens after that, it's out of our hands. Up to him to decide whether he's going to pursue contact or just blatantly ignore you. Sound fair enough?"

"I…I guess so…" He smiled at her and tapped his fingers on the keyboard lightly. Sam took a shaky breath and tried hard to think of what to say, knowing the minute she spoke, Freddie would begin typing. "H-Hi, my name is Sam Puckett. We met at the party in LA. I don't know if you remember us, but you, Jade, and your teacher hung out with Carly's brother Spencer in the Jacuzzi. I'm the one who beat your friend Robbie in the rap. I don't want to come off too strong, I really don't know any way to say this really. I'm mystified, I don't know how, and I'd like to know the truth, but most of all…I want to get to know my family. You see-" She closed her hands and her throat locked up. Freddie looked at her with concern as her hand flew to her chest. She cleared her throat and clenched her eyes shut as the tears started rolling down her cheeks. She quickly brushed away the tear and breathed in as Carly gave her hand a friendly squeeze. "I have a twin sister and was born on Mom and Dad's fourth year of marriage. Dad left us when I was five years old, and we've never known where he was, and I've enclosed a picture of him in the email. Also, I'll give you my instant messenger in a little bit. I know you probably won't care, but, please…"

"…I think you're my brother." Beck ran his hand through his hair, shuddering silently as he read that sentence over and over again. The photo she'd attached to the email was of the family picture. There was no mistaking it, the man in that photo was indeed his father. He'd received the email about half an hour ago and he was unable to take his eyes off of it since. The door flew open and Jade rushed in, holding her phone tightly in her hand. He whimpered slightly as she hurried next to him.

"Beck are you okay? I got your emergency message…" Another whimpering moan left his lips. His heart was ripping in shreds and he wasn't sure whether he wanted to break down and cry or tear up his father limb from limb. She took a look at the photo on his computer and lifted her eyebrows. "What is your father doing with that woman and two babies?" He flipped over to the email and Jade ran her eyes along the email, slowly widening them as she glazed over each line. "Holy…what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." He couldn't believe that for once he was the anxious one. He thought he knew his father, but now he wasn't sure. "Was everything a lie, Jade?" He wanted to know more, he wanted to know the truth. "Dad will probably tell me it's nothing and I should just disregard it…" He ran his hand through his hair once more and sighed as Jade scanned the information line where Sam gave her instant messenger and so forth.

"Well you're not going to leave her hanging." She was right, he had to be strong here. If he had a younger sister, then he wanted to be able to talk to her. With an oddly steady hand, he highlighted her messenger info and copied it. He swallowed and added her as a contact. "Think you'll talk to your dad at all about this?"

"Eventually…right now it's just one step at a time."

Yeah, I understand that." His messenger buzzed and he quickly looked at it, seeing that Sam accepted is request. His emotions were already reaching the peak, his nerves were completely shot. A new window popped up, Sam initiated contact. She was requesting a video conference. He hesitated briefly and Jade nudged him. "Well? You're not leaving her hanging, answer the call!"

"I know…I'm just…" He shook his head and clicked the accept button. His webcam light flicked on and soon Sam's image appeared. While she looked more like her own mother, she had her father's eyes. Standing behind her were Freddie and Carly, to familiar people that he was grateful to see. He took a deep breath and studied Sam. "Hello there…"

"Hi." There was a bit of awkward silence when Beck could not think of a thing to say. After all, what was there to say to someone who might be the sister you never knew you had. "So…I was born first, right?"

"Yeah. By a few months, I think…"

"Nice to know." This was going slower than he'd anticipated. Slower than he'd wanted it to go. He was fishing the sky, trying to figure out what the hell to say or do. Somebody needed to throw him a fucking bone and soon. "You don't look too bad for someone who just found out she had an older brother…" He mentally slapped himself for saying that statement, what the hell was he thinking? This wasn't a time to joke! Though, Sam did smile and shrug her shoulders gently.

"Yeah, well, you're not looking too good right now. Did I catch you at a bad time? I'm sorry if I did…actually I probably just threw a wrench into someone's world just now, didn't I?"

"Kind of hard not to do that…" Oddly he was actually slowly entertaining the idea of being a big brother. He felt like he could be a brother.

"So…How is this possible? I mean, you're older than I am, you live in LA, but we have the same father. Plus, didn't it say somewhere on your profile that you were born in Canada?"

"Yep. Mom lived in Canada for a few years before moving to America. She even worked at Niagara Falls." Sam's eyebrows rose sharply and her face started to pale. Beck saw this and immediately began fumbling, wondering if he'd said something wrong. "What's wrong? I didn't say something bad did I? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's just…Before Dad left us, he and mom would take a week around their anniversary and go up to Niagara Falls. Mom once told me that when I was young, she had a fight with Dad about a waitress working there…"

"Mom was a waitress…Oh my god…When did he leave you guys?"

"I was five." Beck's heart sank and Jade visibly cringed. Now it was Sam who was getting worried. "What? What is it?" His mother died when he was just five years old, and the man he always knew as dad, he'd just assumed had always been there.

"I always assumed Dad had been here the whole time. Mom died when I was five years old. Sure I had a stepmom, but they divorced about a year ago. She wanted no part of dad and myself. I wonder why…"

"Will dad listen if you bring this up with him?"

"No, he's stubborn about that stuff. I once asked him why I didn't seem to get anything at all from my mother and he just told me to not look into it. I can't believe this is happening…it's so much like a dream…"

"I'd pinch you, but I kind of can't from here. Pity, maybe your girlfriend there can pinch you for me." She smirked and he felt himself lifted up emotionally as he started to chuckle. Maybe he could get used to this whole brother thing, but of course, he'd have to figure where the hell to begin.

"So, you're a twin, right?"

"Yeah, you should meet Melanie, she's nice. Although she hasn't been too happy with me lately…"

"Why is that?"

"She thinks I stole her crush. AKA Freddie." Beck raised his eyebrows and chuckled slightly as he turned his eyes to Freddie. He didn't seem all that bad at all, a knowledgeable guy that was likely capable of taking care of Sam in the ways she would need.

"Hey, Freddie my man, what's up?"

"Um, not much, just sitting here with Sam and helping her through a couple things."

"Hey, can I ask a personal question?" He didn't know why all of a sudden he felt the need to interview this guy, but he did, and he actually liked it. "What's your view on sex?" He heard snickering in the background and Freddie's face drained. Sam's cheeks became red as Freddie turned around and shouted for Jonah to stop snickering.

"I don't believe in sex before marriage. Why?"

"Okay that's fine." Beck grinned widely and Freddie's eyebrow arched up. Sam closed her eyes and in appropriate, sisterly fashion, she directed Jade.

"Jade, please hit Beck for me."

"Uh oh…" Beck's eyes widened as Jade smacked him upside the head. He threw his hand to his head and winced as his head started throbbing. "Hey, what was that for?"

"Embarrassing your sister," Jade replied nonchalantly. He rolled his eyes and looked to the door of his RV. He heard footsteps coming towards his house. His eyes widened and Jade glanced up as well, it was his dad. The door opened slowly and in trotted the man that he thought he'd known all his life, and now he had nothing but spite for this man. Emitting a low growl, he minimized the screen so his father wouldn't be able to see Sam.

"Hey son, what are you doing?" Sam's eyes went wide as she heard the man's voice. It was her cue to remain silent, but that wouldn't be difficult to do. "Do you think you could mow the yard for me while I go pick up some groceries?" Beck steamed and Jade gently placed her hand upon his shoulder, hoping to calm him down.

"Easy Beck, easy…"

"I want answers, Dad." The man lifted his eyebrows up as Beck rose from his seat, growling softly. Ever since he'd been in the RV, he'd been taking care of himself. He had thought of emancipation once before when his father was married to that one psycho woman and he just couldn't take her, that's when he moved into the RV and his father begged him not to apply for it, but now, that thought was back and there was nothing his father could do to prevent it. "Who the hell are you? If not a liar, a cheat, a swindler…" He had already applied for emancipation anyway when he decided that it was time to be on his own. His father had been acting strangely and had also been keeping a lot of things from him. Beck had become so stressed that he applied. Yes, it had been done on impulse, and yes he'd been thinking of recanting his application, but now it was over. Now that he'd discovered this, it was all over.

"What are you talking about? I am your father."

"Oh yeah, I won't deny that, now how about anyone else. Are you anyone else's father?" The man chuckled and crossed his arms.

"Why would you be so concerned?" Now he was getting agitated, the man was dancing all around the subject and avoiding it. Why couldn't he just answer the question with the truth?

"Why are you so fucking afraid of the truth, dad?"

"Don't use that kind of language."

"Come on! Were you even here for the first five years of my life?"

"What are you talking about? Of course I was!"

"Liar! I have fifteen days to decide whether or not I'm cancelling that emancipation, so you'd better start learning to give me the truth."

"What do you want from me?"

"The truth! I just said that!" What was so hard to understand about the question? "You've been lying to me all your damned life about who you are and about the family you left in Washington."

"What family? There is no family you need to know about!" Like a ton of bricks slamming into him, he crashed under the weight. The air fled his body and his muscles started to become tense. What was there for him here now, a father that lied about everything and refused to tell the truth? He growled and shook his head.

"That's it, we're through. If you refuse to acknowledge all of your children, then you refuse me and you are not my father. I'm sorry…I have nothing more to say to you." He sat down in his chair and stared blankly at his computer, he hoped his father would just leave. "I'll mow the lawn for you, but that's it." The man stared at his son and slowly started walking off, he felt defeated at best. Beck brought the messaging service up and saw Sam with tears in her eyes. "Sam…"

"Dad doesn't even care…"

"You shouldn't have seen or heard all that, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I should have expected it from him…" She wiped her eyes off and gave Beck a small smile. "I'm glad, though, to know I have a brother, I suppose." Neither of them had any idea what to do next, so they were just going to have to wing it.

"Good to know I have more family out there."

"Yeah. You don't even know the half of it."

Voila, Sam finally initiates contact with her relative, unfortunately their father decides to be a cheap bastard about it and avoid the subject. Pity.