Chapter 13
Josh point off veiw.
We finaly arrived at the pub It was my fault I realy shouldnt have gone but I couldnt just leave Annabel and if james went well he would still be there. Jenny thinks iam a little odd she definatly isnt sure about me. my head is spinning I need to sit down.
"Sorry about Josh you proberly think he is a little crazy" Annabel said apoligising for me does she not know iam here?
"Yes He doesnt like being in a car does he?" Jenny replyed.
"No he doesnt he was in the car that crashed when his parents died." Annabel said explaing why we had to stop so much.
"I was suprised he came with you Annabel." Ben said now joining in the conversation.
"Yeah so was I he was fine on the way there. I was so proud off him I thought he was getting over his fear. It seems he hasnt." Annabel said a little disapointed that my fear had won over bless her.
"Guys iam still here."
"Josh?" Annabel called out. she couldnt see me.
"Iam down here."
"What the hell Josh i thought you had gone inside?"
"No I felt dizzy and i feel really sick. I had to sit down"
"Come on lets get you in." Annabell and Ben helped me up i still felt dizzy i dont know why it didnt affect me like this normaly i would just freak out and i wouldnt be able to control myself but i never felt sick after.
"Josh are you ok?" James asked as they helped me in.
"Yeah I am over the worst now thanks. I need a drink."
"I will get them in." Ben said trying to ease the atmosphere. i slumped down into the corner
"Ohh hay Ben sorry I feel like a dick for not saying hi." James apolgised in his posh manner as if james posh ha.
"It's ok good to see you again." Ben said not aware that James had been rude. Ben understood why but Jenny seemed a little put off.
"I'll come and help with the drinks Ben." Jenny said she wasnt sure if she wanted to be left alone with the us.
"What does every one want?" Ben asked.
"Cider for me." James asked
"I'll have a glass a rose please." Annabel asked.
"Josh what do you want?" Ben asked me.
"Josh?" I heard James shout my name to but it its like I was here but not what a strange feeling and and I cant feel any... hang on no i cant not a sole how bizare is this what it feels like to be normal? Annabel came and sat next to me i knew it was her she had the wonderful scent vanilla.
"Josh." She wispered in my ear i dont know why it made me jump.
"What?" I said kind off annoyed that I was disturbed from my thoughts.
"What do you want to drink?"
"Ohh Cider thanks sorry." I said apolgising, i am sure I am turning pink as everyone is looking at me. Ben laughed at me he wasnt annoyed but Jenny didnt look to pleased. Jenny is trying to compare me to fraiser Iam sure i dont think she likes me very much great iam feeling parnoid not having the help of feeling how she feels wow this must be what its like for frais. i always feel worry from fraiser i wonder if that is what it is him being paronoid protecting me and james from whatever he hides from his past he doesnt want his past affectin us. They got the drinks and walked back to the table. Annabel was talking to James and I was sat in the corner I just couldnt help but feel lost with out my gift why had it stoped working.
"There you are Josh." I heard Jenny say as she Passed me a drink. James and Annabel thanked them for there drinks. After a moment, I suddenly snapped out of my day dream, I was aware of jennys hurt feelings, they came rushing over me all at once. and so did every one else worry concern hurt for me iam sure.
"ohh, I am so sorry Jenny thank you. Sorry you must think I am a total dick." I said as i realised how my behaviour mush have come across. Why had I not been able to feel this before. It was like I couldnt feel anything and then with no warning, I could feel how hurt she was.
Annabel and James started laugthing at me as I was starting to go back to my normal self. The laughter was more relief than humour.
"That's ok." Jenny said soundind unsure and a little scared.
"No it wasnt fair of me please will you forgive me?" I said pleading with her. I could feel her diaprovel. Ben started to laugth now. Jenny looked very confused.
"Dont worry You will get use to Josh." Ben said explaing my behaviour. There was an awkward silence for a few moments after they had stoped laugthing.
"So Josh is Frasier on his way?" James asked to break the silence. I gave James a dirty look to say shut up, I didnt want to be too obvious about my girft around strangers. i tried to focus on Fraiser nothing nothing at all I couldnt feel frais i started to panic I tried harder willing for my gift to work.
"Josh?" James asked
"Josh you going to answer me?" James said annoyed to why I haddnt answered after a good 30 seconds.
"I dont know." I snapped back, getting even more anxious it was horrible i could allways connect with fraiser.