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Ch. 14 It's the Winter Wind it's Fire

(CLARE)

Jake pulls up to school and there are police cars, Simpson is outside and Audra is here and yelling at him it looks like. Jake parks and we walk over to a crowd that includes Drew and Adam.

"What's going on?" Jake questions.

"One of the Ice Hounds committed suicide in the Ice Hounds locker room," Drew informs us and my mouth drops open. My heart sinks a little even though I know it's not Owen.

"Which Ice Hound?" Jake questions.

"Henry Smith," Adam tells us.

I bite my lip stifling a gasp, I don't know Henry personally but I know him from what Owen told me. I know they were roommates in London and I knew he was a good player so I can't imagine why he'd take his life. Before anyone can say anything we're herded inside and everyone is taken into the auditorium. I look around for Owen but I don't see him or the other Ice Hounds.

"Where are the Ice Hounds?" I query.

"Talking to the cops or at the Coach's house," Adam says.

Once everyone is gathered in the auditorium Simpson, Miss Sauve and Audra get on the stage and Simpson goes to the podium. He announces that a student has taken his own life, tells us it was Henry and the hockey team is talking to the cops. He says anyone else that knew Henry may be questioned as well as long as the death is being investigated. We're then told grief counselors will be on hand for the rest of the week and then we're told to go to our next class when the bell rings. As we still have an hour before the next period everyone files out to the hallways, foyer, courtyard or memorial garden. I go with Adam to the memorial garden and after a moment we're joined by Eli. Things with us are better but still tense between us, his behavior while high hasn't been mentioned again and he swore to me he'd never take pot again. He also swears he's been taking his meds everyday but he had another flip out yesterday. We did make his movie, he showed it to Brett and he was impressed agreeing to write Eli a letter of recommendation to NYU. Eli was stoked and came right over to tell me since I stayed home sick.

The Ice Hounds never come back to school and I text Owen at lunch to see how he's doing. We didn't talk much about the Ice Hounds when hanging out but this has to be hard on Owen, especially given that Henry was his roommate during their team building week.

Jeremy: Are you okay? No that's a stupid question of course not. Can I do anything?

He doesn't respond but I think they're all talking to the cops or a grief counselor or something. When I don't hear from him by the time school is out I assume he just doesn't want to talk.

"We're going home, Dallas should be home soon I'll see you tomorrow," Adam tells me when school is out.

"Yeah see you tomorrow," I wave.

"You want to come over?" Eli asks.

"No I should get home," I reply.

"Come on I'll give you a lift," Eli says.

We get in his dad's car, which Eli drives whenever he can, and he drives me home, I wave and go to the door. Our mailbox is full; extremely full it's been like this a lot since I went on air about Asher. A few of the other girls are getting them too but since I was the only one that went on national television about it I'm getting more of them. Some of them are good, letters from people telling me how brave I am, complimenting me and stuff like that. A few have been from people who tell me all about their own sexual assault experiences, everything from something similar to my experience to girls who were raped and those are always hard to read. And then there are some from people accusing me of lying or worse. I sort through the letters and take all the ones for me just as Jake comes in.

"Hey, heard you left school with Eli I thought you'd be out with him. You know you're not supposed to go through those," Jake comments.

"I wonder when they'll stop coming," I sigh.

"Soon I hope, don't open any of them we'll show you the good ones," Jake reminds me.

"I'm not just sorting the mail," I reply as my phone alerts me to a text.

Peggy: In shock really. I need to get out can you hang tonight. Not up for anything crazy just need to get away.

Jeremy: I wouldn't mind getting away either. Can you pick me up?

Peggy: Be out front in ten.

"These people are fucking crazy," Jake growls and I look up.

"You're not supposed to read them either Jake," I remind him.

"I can't help it; this guy is a fucking moron. How do they rationalize blaming you for Asher being a sick pedophile?"

"They're nuts Jake, like Officer Turner said. I'm gonna sleep at Alli and Jenna's I'll text Mom about it," I tell him.

"Yeah okay," he nods as he continues reading the letter anyway.

I go outside and call Jenna, she says they'll cover for me but they think I'm sleeping at Eli's tonight. Owen pulls up a few minutes later and I walk over to the driver's side.

"Move I'm driving," I tell him. Owen shrugs and gets out going to the passenger side. I get in and start driving and Owen doesn't ask at all where we're going. "I'm sorry about Henry," I say after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah, he was on steroids and when Coach found out he was cut. He couldn't take going home a failure and he shot himself with a gun owned by his billet dad. He did it in the locker room so we'd find him and it makes me angry. Why did he even take steroids in the first place? Why'd he put his career in jeopardy like that? He was one of the best players on the team, he had a couple of bad days and he decided to turn to drugs instead of working on his playing. I just don't understand it."

"Who knows what was going on his head. Some people think that ending it is the answer and some things they can never get past which isn't true. We've all had things that we're hard to get through. All this stuff with Asher was hard and I had more than one time I wished I could just disappear but I'd never thought once of ending it all."

"Yeah at least it's done with and you can move on. Henry could have gone back and gotten help," Owen sighs shaking his head.

"I guess Henry just couldn't see that," I reply quietly.

"You haven't heard anything from Asher have you? That was part of the deal right no contact with you or any of the girls?"

"No haven't heard from or seen Asher," I answer slowly.

"But?"

"But nothing you just lost a teammate and I'm here for you," I reply.

"I didn't know the guy that well, I'm mostly just angry and confused. I don't understand why he would do it; I don't understood how anyone could think that was the answer. He had to have thought about it, he took the gun, broke into the arena and shot himself where the coach would find him. He didn't even try he just gave up," Owen says with a growl in his voice.

Owen goes silent again and I'm not sure what to say, I really didn't know Henry at all and trying to figure out what Henry was thinking is probably an impossible task. Anyway Owen's already angry and upset and if I ask the wrong question or say the wrong thing it could just make things worse. So we fall into silence again until I think of something I can say.

"It really sucks."

"Yeah it really does and I feel guilty," Owen admits.

"Why would you feel guilty?" I question.

"I knew something was wrong, I mean we all saw the changes in him, the obsessive workouts and quick temper. I never thought…I mean I told myself he was just determined to be better and he was super competitive. I roomed with him in London I knew how competitive he could be. When he couldn't play because he got suspended Coach put me in because I can play his position. When Henry got kicked off the team I was happy because I was being moved to first string and Coach still wanted me to be the student assistant coach. I was actually happy can you believe that?"

"Yes Owen of course you were happy being moved to first string is big for you. You had no way of knowing Henry would kill himself. You should be happy, not because Henry is dead obviously but happy for your accomplishments. You were appointed the special position of Student Assistant Coach because you are so good and you earned your spot on the team. Maybe you never would have gotten moved to first string if Henry hadn't been kicked off but you didn't force him off the team, you didn't tell him to take steroids that was Henry's doing. You can be sad that he died and angry and still be happy for what you accomplished."

"Thanks Clare," he smiles and then looks around at where we are. "Not that I don't trust you but where the hell are we going?"

"Our cabin," I reply.

"The cabin where Alli kissed Jake but you took him back anyway even though he was stepbrother, and went running out to the dark scary words all alone like the drama queen that you are?"

"When I did I get rep as a drama queen?" I question twisting my mouth.

"When Drew told me all about it and called you one," Owen responds.

"I was upset I wasn't exactly thinking about running into woods I wasn't familiar with," I defend my actions that night.

"Hey I think it was a good plan, you didn't want to lose Jake so you ran out to the woods making yourself the damsel in distress. No self-respecting guy would leave you out there, then he gets to be the hero and build up his ego, rather brilliant actually," Owen says.

"Yeah only I hadn't thought of any of that I just ran, I was actually trying to run home," I inform him.

"Maybe it was your plan subconsciously and you just didn't realize it. We already know you're smart and you're also deceptively devious, but your generally sweet personality doesn't let you show it."

"I'll take deceptively devious over drama queen," I grimace.

"Hey Drew dated Alli what the hell does he know anyway," Owen responds and I smile.

"As I recall you tried to pay Alli for a blow job," I remind him.

"Yeah but I never wanted to date her," he says.

"Anyway it was Eli that found me that night not Jake, I should have taken that as a sign and never gotten back with Jake," I comment.

"How are things with you and Eli anyway?" Owen asks just as I park at the cabin.

"Fine," I reply very fast and jump out of the car.

"Which means they're not" Owen says looking around, "also your cabin looks like something from a horror movie."

"I didn't bring us up here to stay at the cabin I brought us up here because it's quiet come on the lake is this way," I tell him. We walk down to the lake, sitting on the boat dock we take our shoes off and put our feet in the water.

"So you going to tell me what's going on with you and Eli?" Owen asks after a minute of silence.

"No," I shake my head.

"C'mon you can tell me," he urges tapping me with his arm.

"We came up here to distract you not me," I remind him.

"So we talked about my problems let's talk about yours. Spill Jeremy, you can tell me, what are sometimes twins, sometimes fiancé, sometimes husbands for?" Owen says and I giggle.

"He's had a few episodes lately."

"Bipolar episodes? Isn't he on meds?"

"Yeah when he takes them, the first time was the day we found out Asher took a plea deal. I came home and found Eli smoking pot with Jake, the pot mixed with his meds I guess. He was giggly and stupid like Jake but when I tried to go upstairs he stopped me, he was aggressive and it was scary. He apologized later and promised never to do it again. Then Friday he came over and wanted my help with his movie for Brett, but he hadn't taken his meds and when I told him I was going with Adam, Drew and Bianca to the hockey game Eli flipped out, yelling that he needed me and stuff like that. He even pushed me, I landed on the sofa and I wasn't hurt but it was still very frightening. He kind of snapped out of it at that point and ran out. Then Monday, after assuring me that he had taken his meds, he was really happy about Brett liking his movie. He came over and was on this…high, I really don't think he'd taken his meds that day but when he saw the hate mail he…"

"Hold it did you just say hate mail?" Owen cuts me off.

"Yeah after I went on air about Asher it started coming. There's a lot of good letters too but a lot of people, mostly men I think, have decided I'm some lying whore that's just trying to besmirch Asher's good name and get attention. We take all the bad ones to the cops, after I read the first few and one guy telling me I should be stoned Glen decided I shouldn't read them anymore. He goes through them now and gives me the good ones. A lot of them go to the station too and Caitlin usually brings me all the good ones, she's been really great. A few of the other girls get them too but I was the one to go on national television. We didn't give my full name or anything but people still found me."

"That's scary are the cops doing anything about it?"

"Collecting them all and contacting anyone they can track down but most of them don't put in a return address. There hasn't been any outright threats, well that I know of, mostly just angry people being rude. When Eli found out about them he freaked, he wanted to hunt them all down and talked about hurting them, really violently hurting them. It took me and Jake to calm him down and Jake made him leave."

"You know this world really sucks sometimes. Henry decides it's better to off himself than return home and you do something really brave and people are threatening you and calling you a liar," Owen states shaking his head.

"Yeah I try not to think about the letters or I'll have a neurotic breakdown," I confess.

"Didn't we come up here to get distracted, this is not distracting let's go swimming," Owen says.

"You might fit into Jake's suit, it's a good thing we keep the spare key here," I respond standing up.

"Don't need suits," Owen remarks standing up.

He picks me up and goes running off the pier with me in his arms and I don't even have time to scream. We plunge into the freezing water and I grip tightly to him out of instinct. When we surface we both take big breaths.

"You jerk now we're all wet," I grouse but I'm smiling.

"Yeah but it was distracting," Owen grins.

I twist my face and push him down swimming over him to the dock. I see his phone and wallet sitting on the dock so at least he thought to take those out. Owen gets out and we grab our shoes walking through the dirt back to the cabin. I grab the spare key from it's hiding place then we wash our dirty feet off with the hose by the door and I unlock the cabin, it isn't any warmer inside and I'm shivering.

"Do you know how to build a fire?" I question.

"Yeah no problem I saw the firewood outside," Owen nods.

"I'll see if I can find us some dry clothes, although I don't think you're the same size as Jake. Glen may have left something here," I comment going into the one bedroom.

We don't sleep here when we come up we just come for the day but we all have some spare clothes here just in case, although we took most of them home last time we were here since we don't come up in summer. I find a pair of sweats for me and a hoodie, last time we were up here was November so of course I brought warm clothes. I find a pair of sweats belonging to Glen and one belonging to Jake, not sure either pair will fit Owen though. Jake has some spare boxers stashed here and I grab one of Glen's white t-shirts. I get out of my wet clothes in the washroom and hang my clothes to dry then go out to the living room. Owen has a fire going and he's warming himself by it.

"Here I'm not really sure any of it will fit but they're dry. You can hang your wet clothes in the washroom," I tell him handing him the clothes.

"Thanks," he smiles. I hand him the clothes and then follow him to the bedroom, which he notices once we're both in the bedroom. "You trying to see me naked?" He teases.

"Just getting a couple of blankets it's still freezing," I laugh.

"Do we have any food?" He inquires.

"No but there's a store in town," I call grabbing the blankets.

"Can't we just order pizza?"

"We're in the middle of nowhere Owen," I point out and go to the living room. I wrap up in a blanket on the sofa and leave one for Owen. He comes out of the washroom a minute later in Glen's sweats and that seems to be it. Glen's sweats are even a little tight on him and I can see a slight bulge in them. I feel my cheeks get hot and I look away.

"Nothing really fit very well but this is fine. Not going to the store like this though so you better find some way to distract me from the fact that I'm hungry," he comments wrapping up in the other blanket.

"Well if someone hadn't decided to take us swimming with our clothes on we could have sat out by the lake. But I think we have a deck of cards somewhere," I remark getting up now that I feel a little warmer.

I find a deck of cards and we play Go Fish and then War, after a couple of hours our clothes are basically dry so we get dressed again. Owen drives to the market with me giving him directions and we get sandwiches, snacks and water. It's dark now and Owen makes another fire in the fire pit outside this time, we eat dinner looking at the fire and the stars. After eating we go down to the dock, with the blankets, laying on the docks and looking at the stars. Owen starts making up constellations and then coming up with backstories for all of them and they're quite funny, it keeps me laughing. When it starts getting cold even under the blankets we return to the cabin and Owen makes another fire. We did think to buy marshmallows and we roast them for dessert. When we're tired we go to bed, there's only one bed but we've shared a bed before, we do stay dressed though because it's freezing and we put out the fire before going to sleep. We wake up very early because we have to drive back and get ready for school. We clean up and then drive for a little while before stopping for breakfast.

"Thanks Jeremy it was good to get away and just checkout for a bit," Owen smiles when he drops me off at home.

"Anytime Peggy, see you at school," I reply and get out of the car.

"How was your night with Alli and Jenna?" Mom asks when I come in.

"Good, I need to change for school though," I tell her and go upstairs to change and get ready for school.

(OWEN)

I arrive at school Friday morning in game day dress, which consists of khakis and a dress shirt with a tie plus my Ice Hounds jacket. Usually on game days we're the only ones dressed up but today a lot of kids are more dressed up, most of them in black. Because today after school is a memorial service for Henry. His actual funeral is tomorrow in Halifax but since no one from school is going to go to Halifax Simpson and the coaches are having a memorial for anyone who wants to attend. And right after the funeral we have a game, there was a lot of talk about canceling the game but it was ultimately decided that we needed to play and keep the game schedule. They'll be doing some tribute thing to Henry after the first period. I join my team on the steps and we stay in one huddle, people are a mess of mixed feelings, as we have been all week.

I see Eli and Adam on a picnic table, Adam is wearing black like a lot of kids, so is Eli but he's always wearing black. They're talking but they also seem to be waiting for someone, Clare I would assume. As it gets closer and closer to the bell Eli begins calling and texting a lot but Clare doesn't answer, assuming that's who he's trying to reach. I get out my phone and text her too but she doesn't answer. When the bell rings we all go inside, Simpson announces the memorial today even though everyone already knows, and then the teacher starts class. When the bell rings I leave class and start walking to my nutrition and health class but stop in the hallway when I see Turner dropping off Jake and Clare. She gets swooped up by the male misfits and Jake walks in my direction because we have class together.

"You guys rob a liquor store or something?" I joke and try to figure out what's going on without Jake knowing I care.

"No Helen insisted on the police escort," he says which tells me nothing.

"Why?" I inquire.

"Hey we saw you guys get dropped off by Turner what's going on?" Drew questions when we walk into class he and Dallas are at their desks.

"The house got vandalized last night, someone spray painted whore on the garage and my truck. They also left a letter on the doorstep, at least we're assuming it was the same person, it was an outright threat against Clare. Helen's freaking out and Dad's going to buy a security system today," Jake informs us and I find myself tensing up and my fists clenching.

"Is Clare okay?" Drew asks.

"She keeps saying she is but I know it upset her, she won't show it though and she keeps telling us it's fine and she's not worried," Jake says.

"I'm sure Eli can take care of her," Dallas comments.

"More like Eli will snap and go all homicidal maniac, or just not leave her side like when Fitz came back last year. Only worse because I think he's actually crazier this year," Drew says and I nod.

We can't talk about it anymore because the bell rings and the teacher starts class. At lunch I find a text from Clare telling me everything Jake told me and swearing that she's fine. I don't think she is fine but I'll fix that later because I have a meeting with the other Ice Hounds coaches at lunch. The meeting is both about the memorial after school and the game tonight. After lunch I go to my math class and after that I have a spare and Clare is doing independent study in the library. I'm not sure if she has her phone on but I go into the library and sit at a table close to hers. I write a note on a piece of paper, make it into a paper airplane and toss it to her. It lands almost perfectly in her lap and she reads the note then looks over at me with a smile. I have to go meet Simpson and the coaches to set up for the memorial but I know Clare will meet me after the game like the note says.

When I get into the auditorium I help set up the chairs, the team will be sitting on stage with Simpson and the coaches. Coach gives me a bunch of black arm bands to wear and I hand them to the team as they come in. First Simpson talks and then Coach then Dallas since he's team captain then there's a short video about Henry, he was only at the school for 3 months so there isn't much and it's a lot of footage from games mostly. There's a minute of silence and then the memorial is over. Some kids will probably stick around to speak to the grief counselors and stuff but the team is going to the game.

It's not like we haven't been in the locker room since Henry died we've had two practices but it still feels weird. He killed himself in here and his blood stain is still on the cement. Every time we come in the locker room we look at it and everyone turns a little green. The first time we came back into the locker room on Wednesday afternoon Cam saw the stain and threw up. We take a minute and look at the stain, everyone lost in their own thoughts, I don't know what everyone else is thinking but I'm just remembering Henry.

After we change and get into our gear and skate out to the ice. The movie about Henry that played at his memorial at school is playing on the overhead big screen. There's some more announcements the game is dedicated to Henry and then we start. Not that everyone doesn't always play their best but tonight we're all playing really aggressively, on my part it's just anger and wanting to play a good game for Henry. We do in fact win and we celebrate on the ice although it's a more somber celebration than usual. When we get back to the locker room Coach tells us we had a good game and he's proud of us and Henry would be too. Considering Henry got kicked off I'm not sure that's true but I have to remember Henry made his choices. Normally we'd go out for pizza but not this week we just all go our separate ways, which is fine by me since I got plans anyway. I leave the locker room and go to my car. I send a text to Clare when I'm outside of her house and she comes out and gets in the car.

"How was the game?" She questions as I start driving.

"Weird without Henry there, I know he wouldn't have been there anyway but still it's like he was really not there and yet his blood is still on the floor. We did win though but I don't think that locker room will ever feel the same again."

"It must have been really tough going back there the first time," Clare says.

"Yeah it was, I'm still angry he even committed suicide and especially in the locker room. Now about this threat you got this morning?"

"It was nothing I told you that," she says.

"If it was nothing then why'd Turner bring you to school this morning?"

"Because my mom freaked out, he didn't threaten to kill me or anything he just called me a few names and said I'd probably like it if I was raped and that maybe he'd do just that if he ever got the chance," Clare tells me and her voice is steady but she won't look at me she's looking out the window. I on the other hand nearly slam on my breaks and pull over to the side of the road as soon as I can.

"Excuse me?! Who the hell is this guy? I'm going to go find him a…"

"Owen," she cuts me off, "the cops are taking care of it. This will die down it just happened and Glen already installed an alarm system."

"So you're telling me you aren't bothered by the fact some guy out there wants to rape you?"

"Yes it bothers me but if I think about it and let it get to me I'll get consumed by it. I'm not going to live my life looking over my shoulder because people are crazy," she tells me.

"You are full of surprises Jeremy," I grin as I begin driving again. "But you have to promise me that if you see someone that looks threatening around you call me right away."

"So now you're also an on call bodyguard as well as my twin-fiance-husband?"

"Yep," I nod and Clare smiles.

"I promise," she says.

"Good now let's go work up a sweat."

Update next Monday picking up around here and I only have two words for next week. Can you say sexual tension!