Saturday morning had seemed like forever away, but now that it was here, Edward found himself nervously sitting outside the love of his life's home. He prayed that the time would soon come when he could walk in without feeling light she might kick him out.
Finally feeling ridiculous, he got out and moved toward the door. There was a small part of him that thought that he might be waking her up, but he couldn't let that hold him back. Saturdays he had to be back into the club by one since they opened earlier. He had to see her. Waiting until he had another day off just wasn't going to work.
Ringing the doorbell, Edward knocked his the side of his fist against his thigh willing Bella to open the door.
He was more than a little surprised when she answered the door only moments later, completely dressed and ready for the day. "Hey," she smiled up at him. "I wasn't expecting to see you today. What's up?"
"I was wondering if you and Jacob would like to join me on a trip to the zoo." Edward felt the smile stretch across his face as he looked down at Bella's beautiful face.
Bella smirked, "You know proposing to me in public isn't going to change my answer, right?"
Edward shook his head, "How little do you think of me to think I'd sink so low?"
"Don't play with me," Bella raised an eyebrow as she turned back into the house. "You haven't passed up a chance to propose me yet."
"You can't blame me," Edward followed her in and shut the door behind him. Jacob was sitting in his little bouncer, seemingly happy with everything in his world. "How early does he wake up?" Edward chuckled.
Bella had left the room and came back with what appeared to be a diaper bag. "Five or six. I've never been able to sleep past that." She picked Jacob up out of his bouncer and he reached out to grab a hold of a chunk of her hair. "Are you sure you have time for this? Last week you were at the club rather early."
"We do open earlier on Saturday," Edward nodded. "But I want to spend the morning with you and Jake. And I can't remember the last time I went to the zoo."
"Okay," Bella handed Edward the daiper bag, wanting to see if he hesitated. Wanting to see how he would react to the simplest thing involving her son.
If she had been hoping for an out, hoping that Edward would quickly show that he didn't want to be a part of her son's life, she would be sorely dissapointed. Edward quickly reached out and took the bag from her and held the door open for her.
Bella quickly grabbed her keys, another test. She began to walk toward her car, thinking that Edward would stop her. She wasn't going to let Edward drive his Volvo, no matter how safe it was. There was no car seat, and it would take forever to move hers into his car.
Again, Edward surprised her by simply following, even opening the back door so that she didn't have to shift Jacob.
After she'd buckled him in, Edward stood waiting. He wanted to drive. There was this protective side of him that needed to be in control of the situation. But he'd given up all control to Bella. And even though he prefered to be at the wheel, he would wait until she offered it to him.
Bella watched as Edward shifted nervously. The side of her mouth twitched as she realized what he wanted. Holding her keys out to him, she shook her head and went around to the passenger side.
Edward smiled as he looked down at her keys. She trusted him. She trusted him to drive her car. She trusted him to drive while her son was in the car. Little things that she might not even realize she was giving him. LIttle things that made him feel like he was flying on top of the world.
"I didn't even know the zoo opened up this early," Bella glanced at the time. "I mean, are the animals even awake at this time?"
Edward chuckled as he backed out and began to make his way toward the zoo. "Most zoos are cheaper at this time. The shows don't start until after lunch, and sometimes they have the animals out of their exhibits so that the vets can look at them. I wish I could have gotten you a better time."
Bella placed her hand on his arm, realizing that he was probably critisising himself more on the inside than what she heard. "Edward, for now, this is all you can offer. If you stick around, maybe we can do a full day at the zoo then."
"I really wish you wouldn't talk like that," Edward placed his hand over hers on his arm. "I'm not going anywhere. Now that I know what my life is like without you, you're never gonna get rid of me. I don't care if I have to spend a lifetime proving that to you, as long as you let me."
"I'm willing to let you," Bella said, and then tried to lighten the mood. "After all, I didn't slam the door on you this morning. That's promising, right?"
"I'll take it," Edward smiled. "Have you ever taken Jacob to the zoo before."
"No," Bella let her hand slip back into her lap. She loved touching Edward. She loved the feel of his hard body against any part of hers. But she also knew that she didn't think straight when that strange spark travelled between them. It was something that she had never understood, something she'd never known could exist until Edward. "We really don't get much farther than to the park around the corner. That, and I don't really want to spend more money than I have to."
Edward's brow furrowed. "Are you having trouble with money?"
Bella hesitated just long enough for Edward to have his answer. "Bella, what's the matter? Do you need help?"
"Not help," Bella said slowly. "What I really need is a job. But I have a hard time leaving Jacob long enough to go on a job interview. And even when I can get to one, they say that I'm overqualified for any position. I need to find something, I'm still having to make payments on the house. I really love my house."
"It's a nice house," Edward agreed. "English major, right?"
"Yeah," Bella turned around to check on her son, who was happily blowing bubbles. "I wanted to get my masters, because there's only so much that you can do with a bachelors in English, but James wouldn't let me. He was very against having an educated wife. If he could have convinced me to drop out of college, he would have done it in an instant."
Edward's grip tightened on the steering wheel for a moment. He wished now, like he'd wished more than a thousand times before, that he could hurt James the same way that he had hurt his girl. Bella was beautiful and smart. She was individual and independant. And this James had almost ruined her. When Edward had broken her heart and sent her on her way, he'd never thought that she would find someone who would treat her so horribly. He didn't think that it was possible for someone to treat her so horribly. She deserved to be treated like a goddess. And there shouldn't be a man on earth who didn't see that in her.
"Maybe I could find you a position at the university." Edward said hesitantly. He was scared to get excited by the idea. If Bella started to work in the same University as him, even if it was large, there was a chance that they would see each other during the day. That was five days a week that he might be able to have lunch with her. Five days a week that she could 'pop in' to his office. It could be amazing. But he didn't want to hope.
"What kind of position could they offer me?" Bella didn't want to hope either. She didn't want to have to move back home with her father. She loved him, and he loved her, but Charlie would look at her with those eyes. Those eyes filled with dissapointment and pity. Dissapointment that she'd let herself get into the kind of relationship with a man like James. Pity because he felt that he understood. But he could never really understand.
Renee left him, and Bella knew that her father never really got over it. He'd loved her. He'd loved her in a way that would have put many other men's affection for their wives to shame. So she would never downplay the pain that he felt, that she was sure he still felt when it came to her parents' divorce. But it was different. The pain that her father felt during his divorce is what she would compare her breakup with Edward to. But this, there was nothing she could compare this to. James hadn't just made her feel undesirable, hadn't just cheated on her, he'd embarrased her. He'd embarrased her in front of all the people in the office that he'd worked in before they moved because he had cheated on her, and yet she'd stayed with him, believed him. He'd embarrased her in front of all the people at his current office because there was no way they didn't know about his sordid affair. But worst of all, she'd embarrased her most of all with herself. Because she'd let herself get into this. She'd forced herself to believe him, even when all the signs told her that she shouldn't.
"Well, if you applied for grad school, you could work as a TA." Edward said, pulling her from her own head. "I mean, you won't be making a lot, but it's a job, and you'll finally get to finish what you started."
"If only," Bella said. "First I'd have to take the GRE. And then, if I passed, I'd have to apply. We're looking at a process that would take months, at the least." She reached out and ran her fingers through her hair. Her eyes widened and she pulled her hand back immediately. She hadn't meant to be so intimate. But her body had reacted on instinct. When they'd dated in high school, her fingers had spent a lot of time in his hair. She'd found any excuse she could to touch the infamous curls. She'd brush his hair out of his eyes, or scratch his scalp when he'd lay his head on her lap while the snuggled on the couch.
"That's true," Edward said crestfallen. He was upset that he hadn't been able to help her, but also that she'd pulled away so quickly. That was the second time today that she'd pulled away. He should be rejoicing over the fact that she was simply touching him. But he couldn't stop the twinge of hurt that he felt at the quickness of her withdraw.
"Is there any other jobs in the university that are available to someone not still in college," Bella asked quietly. She still felt wierd about what had just happened. "I'd be willing to take just about any job at this point."
Suddenly, a possible opportunity popped into Edward's head. "If I were able to find you a job, would you promise me that you would begin the process to try to getting into the grad program?"
Bella raised an eyebrow, "You think you have a job for me?"
"Promise first," Edward said as he pulled into the parking space. "Promise me that you will take the GRE if I get you a job."
Bella smiled, "I promise."
"Okay," Edward looked at her. "The woman who has been running the office for the Music Department is about to retire. They're going to give her job to her assistant, but they haven't hired anyone yet to take the assistant's job. If you come in Monday, I think I might be able to get you the job." He took her hand across the console, praying that she wouldn't take it back from him. "I can't promise that they'll give it to you, but it's worth a shot, isn't it?"
Bella nodded her head. "It is," she whispered. Before she could rethink it, she leaned forward and hugged him. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear before exiting the car and going to get her son. Holding hands, stroking his hair, and hugging were so much closer to the type of relationship that they'd once had than she'd originally been planning on participating in. Making out, heavy petting, and pushing limits were what she was looking for now. It was harder to fall in love that way. It felt less like love that way.
Edward led them to the kiosk and bought their tickets as well as a stroller. They were quiet for the first ten minutes, each considering the ride that had just occurred. But the silence was too much for Bella eventually.
"Do you come to the zoo often?" she smiled up at him.
"Only when I can't sleep," Edward answered honestly. "When I first moved here, while I was still taking courses, I would come out here and go to the aquarium. It was usually quiet because the kids wanted to go to the reptile house and the cat house more than they wanted to see the fish."
They stopped when Jacob cried out as they passed a particularly loud monkey. Bella reached into the stroller and pulled her son out. Bouncing him slightly, she walked toward the gate and pointed to the monkey that was making all the noise. "It's just a monkey, baby," she whispered as she nuzzled into her cheek. "There's nothing to be scared of."
"Yeah, little man," Edward appeared beside them, and two sets of chocolate brown eyes met his. "That monkey's just saying hello."
For the first time, Jacob looked into Edward's eyes with extreme interest, as if taking in everything he said. Edward could see so much of Bella in the little boy. Then, taking both Bella and Edward by surprise, Jacob reached out and took a hold of Edward's shirt, his grasp so strong that Edward couldn't pull away without stretching the shirt.
"I've never seen him do that," Bella said quietly. It was almost lost to the sound of the monkey, who was still screeching, but Edward's ears were attuned to her voice.
Edward smiled at the little boy and leaned a little closer to him. "You're Mommy made me promise not to propose to her in public today, but maybe you could start wearing her down for me. Maybe if you like me, she'll want to be with me."
"Leave my son out of this," Bella said as sternly as she possibly could. "You will not use him to sway me. That is not playing fair."
"I'm not promising to play fair," Edward smirked at her. "We will be together. I'm just trying to speed up the process."
Bella shook her head before pulling away. Jacob had finally let go and look back toward the monkey, who had finally decided to give his audience a moment of reprieve. She placed him back in the stroller and began to move down the sidewalk, Edward planted firmly at her side. "I want to belive you," she finally said. "I want to believe you when you tell me that you're not going anywhere. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to believe you when you tell me that nothing will change your mind."
'Then believe me,' Edward wanted to say. 'Don't let any more of our time together be taken from us,' he wanted to beg her. But he knew that wasn't what she needed to hear. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you believe me again. If there's anything I can do to prove it, just let me know."
She rolled her eyes, "It's not that simple." If it were that simple, she wondered if she would tell him. If she knew what it was that he needed to do, would she help him along, or would she try to stop him from proving himself? She couldn't honestly answer that question.
The morning went well, and Bella was so glad that Edward had taken the chance and come to get them.
She looked down at her son who was watching with rapt attention as all the colorful birds flew around them. He wasn't near old enough to appreciate the other animals, but this made him giggle.
Bella smiled and Edward couldn't resist turning her face and leaning down to press their lips together in a chaste kiss. "Marry me," he whispered against her mouth.
She hesitated. It was so unexpected, so sweet. But it wasn't right. She couldn't say yes. "You said you wouldn't ask me in public."
Edward smirked, by his eyes showed some of the rejection he felt. He wasn't going to let it get to him. He was going to have to work hard to get Bella back, to get her to be his wife. But it wasn't hard to admit that being rejected four times hurt. He had to just keep reminding himself that she would say yes, eventually. "I couldn't resist."
Bella pulled back from him. "Keep trying," she whispered. She'd seen the look in her eyes, and it had hurt her to know that she'd caused him pain. But she couldn't say yes.
Nodding, Edward turned to watch a particularly colorful bird preen himself, "Trust me, I will."
Noon rolled around and Bella and Edward headed back to the car. Edward wanted to stay longer, but he had a job to get to. With any luck, he would be done in just a few weeks, just in time for spring break. If he was lucky, he'd be able to convince her to go home with him for the holiday.
At her door, Bella couldn't stop herself from reaching for him. She threaded her fingers through the hairs at the nape of his neck and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him. The kiss was sweet. It summed up the way she felt about their morning together. "Monday?" she asked against his lips, not wanting to move away because she knew the spell would be broken.
"Monday," Edward agreed before reaching up to cup her cheeks and kiss her again.