Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer created it all.

Just a few ANs. Review replies will be slow this week due to Thanksgiving (I have 15 people coming to my house), Christmas decorating, FF giving me fits on review replies, and my computer. IE9 is giving me fits and I have to reformat my whole computer! AARGH!

Just be patient with me and I'll get back to your Rants, Loves, and etc... In addition, I ask forgiveness for using ~SOMP~ to break up sections, but FF is taking out the italics for some reason - or running the words together. Hopefully, I learn how to fix that soon.

For those of my readers in the United States - HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Carlie POV

I followed Ross out of the room…as if I had any other choice. He was absolutely adorable and totally confident of his place in this house, unlike me. I felt my nerves almost overtake me as he pulled me through the door and the four adults in the next room turned quickly to look at me.

The adorable blond boy broke the ice for us by saying in response to my proposition, "M'am, that seems a good truce."

He reminded me of several of the little boys I babysat, highly intelligent and precocious. His sister sat in a booster seat beside him. She was probably four. She had the same honey blond hair and sparkling blue eyes.

Alistair pulled the chair between he and Ross out ceremoniously, and to give myself a moment to gather my wits, I walked toward it. As soon as I sat, Ross and Alistair smirked at each other over me. It was a classic test of strength. Daddy…Uncle Jake…I almost didn't know what to call him now…. The thought stopped me for a moment. Daddy, I decided, surprised at the anger I felt at my hesitation, would have called it a pissing contest…to see whose was bigger.

I looked to Alistair and my direct gaze seemed to disturb him. I decided to tease him a little. "A true southern gentleman would place my napkin into my lap." They both dove toward my plate causing the one who'd been introduced as Jasper to smile brilliantly and my dark headed uncle to laugh. I felt awful about the fact that I'd kneed him.

"Um…Uncle Emmett…" my address of him in that manner made the room go quiet "…I'm sorry about the whole knee thing."

"He deserved it," the gorgeous blond woman at his side said. "If not for that day, for plenty of others." She grinned at me, and I realized that she wouldn't have been a party to what went on, along with the quieter man who'd married Aunt Alice. Perhaps these were the two that I could relate to first, to give me time to assess the others, because although I was playing nice, I was extremely mad at how they'd treated my mother. But at the same time…love had already taken root in my heart.

Anger flared inside my chest that I'd been placed in this position by their actions.

"Even a small mouse has anger," Grandfather Billy's words ran through my head. His wisdom then followed. "Little one, do not allow your anger to rule you, for rule you it will if you give it lead. Watch, listen, and hear what occurs around you and only then shall you become wise in the choices you make." He knew me to well…how headstrong I could be. It would seem I was too much like my father, and I needed to be more like my mother. I was marrying his grandson; and therefore, would be a help mate to a future elder of the Quileute nation. Grandfather continued to teach me in their ways. And Quileute ways were to disarm the enemy with stealth, not reaction. Reaction would have been easy for me as I thought of the hurt they'd caused my mother.

"Emmett could get 'reprimanded' every day and it still wouldn't be enough," Aunt Alice's words brought me back to the moment, and then her tinkling laughter filled the room. It was hard not to grin at the infectious sound.

She caught my eyes trying to see how I would react, and although I tried, pain skewed my smile. The pleading in her eyes begged me for a chance, and I attempted to right my smile. It was if I could see her breathe a sigh of relief. She really shouldn't be assuming that everything was right with us. My instincts told me there was more to her story, but again, time would only tell if I was correct or not.

My grandparents and father came in right after and all four adults turned to assess him, giving me a moment to right myself. He looked horrible, I realized. He was still too handsome for his own good, but there were huge dark circles under his eyes and a haggard look to his face. Part of that could of course be explained by a sleepless night, but I was certain it was much more. Not many people would admit to their sins so readily. He could have attempted to tell me a pretty story, as I was sure I would have never gotten the whole of it out of Mama. Not that she would have lied to me, but she would have sugar coated it. She already had. I was also quite certain that I might not want to know what he'd said to her…that that knowledge would have destroyed even the small kernel of possibility for us.

It made me wonder…why my mom would feel the need to protect them in that manner. Why hadn't she told me? For all she knew, they didn't care for her, having thrown her to the wind, and yet she still had spun stories of wonder about him. I realized at that moment that I'd never questioned about Edward's family when I was younger. Because of her fairytale explanation, I'd just always assumed he didn't have any. For certainly, the family of the Edward she'd told me about would have wanted me. As I watched them begin to take their seats around the table, I realized how right I'd been.

I was good at reading people and always had been, which was the reason I'd decided to become a psychiatrist. And what I knew was that they loved me already, but just as I was clear that they loved me, I knew something else; they loved my Mama as well. My father…dear Lord…what had he done. That picture had said it all. They'd looked at each other as if there was no one else in the world. It was the way Daddy looked at Aunt Leah, Uncle Aro at Aunt Sulpicia. How must it feel for Edward to live daily with the knowledge that he'd thrown it all away? How must it feel to him to look at me now and know just how much he'd thrown away? No wonder he looked drawn and restless.

For certain, I knew only a couple of things. My mom had loved them enough at some point in time to continue protecting them to me. She'd wanted me to believe their inherent goodness even when she had all the 'evidence' to the contrary. The mess of why they did what they did was just that…a mess. The individuals in front of me had lived with that as well, but I wasn't through letting them know. They needed to understand the hell my mother's life had been. She wouldn't define it that way, but Daddy had. He'd never pulled any punches about the struggles, although he and Aunt Leah had certainly hid my father's true identity from me. Could I blame them, though? Knowing what had occurred so long ago?

Even knowing what had happened, I was still angry with Edward for his actions. He wasn't perfect, although he might look it. He'd made a very bad decision. A decision that had irreparably changed everyone's life and his family had allowed it to happen.

As I saw them bow their heads for prayer and Carlisle began to speak, I realized that although I wanted to give them all my whole heart, I just couldn't because of it. Only time would tell if I ever could?

Edward POV

"Father, thank you for the many blessings you have bestowed on this family. May we always remember that we are called upon to make the lives of those around us better. Thank you for the food we are about to partake of, for it is in your name we pray."

"Amen," everyone around echoed, and then the chaos set in.

Family meals were a loud and hazardous experience in the Cullen household. Hands, mostly Emmett's, were slapped if someone decided to be greedy about a particular dish and family discussion became boisterous. The kids felt free to give their opinions of the topics discussed and it often came down to verbal blows.

My mom had attempted to rein it in years ago, but she finally decided that not many families ate together, so if it meant it being chaos for it to happen…it was well worth it. I wondered what Carlie felt about the mess, but if her grin was any indication she was fine. I imagined that meals with the Quileute were probably as rambunctious.

Alice was taking Jasper to task over his plan to keep the kids up half the night looking at the stars.

"The Persieds were particularly brilliant a couple of weeks ago," Carlie offered up to the table.

Jasper's head jerked to her and he narrowed his brilliant blue eyes on her. "They were weren't they? Generally, they aren't as strong as the ones in August, but the weather was particularly good. Were you at an observatory?" he asked.

She shook her head shyly. "No, Grandfather Billy made Sam and Paul carry him out to La Push and we watched them out on the beach. It was beautiful. The lights from Forks are so far away that it was amazing."

"I bet. Do you like astronomy?" Jasper asked quickly taking the opportunity to engage my daughter in the conversation. She'd been quietly observing throughout the time we'd been eating.

"I do, but honestly Seth knows more. The events are pretty big out on the reservation, they make it a party."

"Billy, he is doing well?" my father asked of her.

The obvious affection that came over her face at the mention of his name was almost like a punch to the gut. Jealousy ate at me. "Give it time," I told myself.

"Yes." She smiled. "Sue stays on him to eat right, with his diabetes and all. Grandfather just grumps back and tells Harry to take his wife home. He then sneaks around to eat junk food. But, I think that what Sue forces on him helps. He looks better now than when she started her campaign against him."

My father nodded, pleased to hear the news on the Quileute leader.

"Would you like to go tonight with us, to the observatory?" Jasper asked of her, earning a punch in the arm from Alice.

"Fine!" she mumbled at him, "you can deal with the cranky toddlers tomorrow. Rose and I will take Carlie shopping for her bedding and decorations before she heads home. Edward are you game?" she asked quickly.

I adopted a contemplative look. "Home with a cranky Ross, Emmy, Ali, and Jas, or shopping with three beautiful…" my mother's eyes widened and I realized she wanted to be included "…how about four beautiful women…that is a hard choice. I guess since I promised Bella I would bring Carlie home, I'll have to suffer through the shopping."

I saw the startled glances of my family towards me. I'd not spoken Bella's name so easily before, and they knew the difference even if Carlie was unaware of the significance.

The men cleaned up the late brunch dishes, and then we spent the day by the pool. I watched Carlie frolic with the kids, her bond already solidifying with my nieces and nephews. They were enjoying an older cousin to play with, and she became the person to catch them as they jumped from the diving board, although Emmett had to step in as she grew tired. The unexpected sense of peace as I observed her, the warm lazy day, and the oversized chaise lounge lulled me, and soon, I felt my eyes droop, compliments of the sleepless night.

~~SOMP~~

When I awoke from my impromptu nap, it was to find Carlie's back cuddled into my chest.

Startled, I looked over to the seat beside me and saw my mother there, camera in hand, tears in her eyes. "Don't worry, I took tons of pictures. It was too precious not to do so. She came looking for you and found you asleep. Next thing I knew, she'd laid down beside you and a minute later, she was asleep as well."

I didn't trust my voice to respond for a moment. "Okay," I finally rasped out.

"If she's going with Jasper, Emmett, and the kids, she'll need to get up soon to shower and change."

"Okay, just give us a few more moments," I begged softly, admiring a strand of familiar chocolate colored hair that curled around one of the cushions.

I planned to move before she woke up; guessing that she would be embarrassed to find herself snuggled against me. She was being cordial, but I'd recognized the assessing look in her eyes and had seen the flashes of anger even though she attempted valiantly to hide them. Jacob and Bella had done an amazing job of raising their children, including Carlie…she was insightful and poised…almost too much so for someone so young. She was definitely more mature than I had been as a teenager…had I been half as smart as Carlie, we wouldn't be in our current position. I was grateful that she had Jacob in her, knowing that she'd gotten a good bit of her wisdom and poise from him and his father. I planned to speak with him, to discuss what he was willing to let me have of her…to ask permission, so to speak, to be a part of my daughter's life. I needed his blessing as much as I needed Bella's; Carlie was his daughter after all. I saw that now, away from the jealousy that had controlled me those first days of knowing of her existence. Jacob Black deserved my apology as much as Bella. I was still a little unsure who, if either, would accept it.

But for the moment, I wanted to savor Carlie's unconscious decision to seek comfort from me. The need to protect her and to be a father to her washed over me so strongly in that moment, that I knew I'd kill anyone who hurt her. It was a life defining moment for me, to realize that all my priorities had irrevocably changed.

~~SOMP~~

"I love you," Bella whispered softly against the skin of my abdomen. Her silky hair trailed across my stomach and erection. She was teasing me, and she knew it. The curve of her lip told me all I needed to know.

"Baby, you're killing me." My voice was harsh and rough and needy. She giggled at the sound.

Her lips trailed upward over my chest, nipping at my nipple. I groaned, uncertain if I'd wanted to feel her lips wrapping around me…or on mine. I rationalized that if I got to kiss her, it would mean that I could sink into her. My dick was actually happy with either choice, as long as he was getting some part of her. I moaned as she bit softly into the curve of my neck before trailing her tongue up the side.

"Tell me what you want, Edward?" she said seductively.

The feel of her breath washing over my ear made me jump in anticipation. Pre-cum leaked from me, as Jr. prepared himself for sinking into "his Bella." Funny how "he" had a say about how I made love to her, constantly upset with me for wasting time "talking to her about things." I wanted to laugh. Only a teenage boy would consider his cock as a separate entity. Mine was…he was a territorial bastard when it came to Bella. "Mine," he was constantly snarling at me.

I realized that I'd spoken the word outloud when I heard her giggle again.

She broke away from the skin below my ear and propped herself on her elbows so that she could look down into my face. The curtain of her hair surrounded us, but couldn't disguise the twinkle in her chocolate eyes.

"Yes?" she smirked.

"Just arguing with your biggest fan," I admitted unabashedly.

"My biggest fan?" she repeated, leaning on one elbow to free up a hand to pay her "fan" homage.

My eyes rolled back into my head at the feel of her tiny fingers wrapped around me. She slicked her fingers through the moisture leaking from me and used it as lubrication as she stroked down.

"Bella…" I growled out, thankful that she'd listened to every single word I'd told her about how to please me with her hand. My hips bucked into her as Jr. wept in thanks.

"Edward, focus…" She challenged me, and I forced my eyes open to look at her. "My lips, my hand, my pus…"

I roared out at the filth coming from her lips, flipping us over and plunging down into her. The heat and snugness of her enveloped me, and I heard her sigh in response, wrapping her legs around my waist. Because we'd been teasing each other for most of the afternoon, neither one of us needed much more, and as I moved in her deeply, I saw lust infuse her face. She squeezed her legs around me unmercifully as she arched up, her walls sucking at me greedily. Screaming out her name out, I came hard into her.

Jarring from sleep, I sat up in bed, breathing hard, and felt the stickiness of my cum on my hands and stomach. It was pretty bad when I jacked myself off in my sleep…but I had been reliving Bella's hands…Bella's body…nirvana… It had been such a vivid remembrance, and I groaned at the feelings that had swirled around us, surrounding us in cocoon of pleasure and communion. Even in my teenage enthusiasm, naiveté, and coarseness…there had still been incredible love in the joining of our souls and bodies. A startling awareness hit me…along with my heart, I'd left that with her, I realized…my soul…to become a soulless monster. For isn't that what I'd been for so long, only reforming parts of my life and wallowing in others. Did she even know that she still owned them…owned me?

Did she care?

"NO!" the voice inside me said, "Why would she?"

Why would she indeed…

I swore at the chaos inside me, and then forced myself from under the sheets, knowing I'd have to throw them into wash. Luckily, I'd probably be able to hide it with the excuse that I was doing it as a result of the weekend ending. Using the sheet to wipe myself off, I went ahead and stripped the bed. Then, I listened intently to the room beside me and thanked God that I hadn't shouted Bella's name out during my little fantasy…like I'd done in the past. Imagine explaining that to Carlie!

Needing a run to work out my thoughts, I quickly showered to clean myself and left a note for Carlie letting her know where I was going and that hopefully I'd be back before she woke. I knew that Jasper had kept her out late, having heard her come in. Even though she'd tried to be quiet, being a light sleeper, I'd heard the creaking of the second step. That tell-tale sound had saved me from numerous practical jokes over the years.

I added a postscript to tell her to go to the kitchen and help herself to breakfast if she awoke before I returned.

The brisk air helped me to clear the fog. I was a wreck and I knew it. Carlie had charmed everyone. My dad and mom had come to my rooms as soon as she left with Jasper, Emmett, and the kids. I'd originally thought to go with her, but then she'd surprised me by telling me it was okay not to.

"It'll give me some time to meet my Uncles, and you need to sleep anyway."

She was being polite, but I realized she just wanted some time away with the less threatening members of the family. As my feet pounded the pavement, I thought back to what had happened when my parents came to join me.

~SOMP~

"Edward, I can't stand it. We have to speak with Bella." My mom was doing her best to keep from crying. "She has done an amazing job raising Carlie, and she needs to know how truly sorry we are. I hope she will forgive us. I couldn't stand it if she doesn't, but I just don't know…if the shoe was on the other foot, what would we do? It's not going to be enough to just earn her forgiveness; I want her back, Edward."

"Mom, you never wanted to let her go."

My father had reached over to hold her hand then.

"But we were cruel, Edward. There is no excuse, no matter how hurt we felt at the time. I can't forgive myself. The only explanation I can give is the horror we'd just gone through with that awful woman. But I never should have believed Bella capable of that level of deceit, even for the short time I did."

"Mom, I didn't allow you to feel anything different. You were too busy attempting to save my life, and I made it impossible for you to do more."

~SOMP~

I'd tried to reason with her, but I could see that she was not convinced. She'd always felt she should have ignored my wishes and gone behind my back. My father felt the same way. How different our life would have been had they done that. Even though it had taken me a few years to sober up, my parents would have kept Bella safe…would have kept Carlie safe…and loved them both.

I started to feel the burn of my muscles, knowing that I was pushing myself. It felt good to feel the pain. It was very early, Sunday morning, and as such it was quiet, and I met little traffic on the way. Running by the entrance of their street, I had to restrain myself not to turn down it, certain Jacob would notice me, and I wasn't ready to take him back on again. I needed to be nice to him, to talk to him, not beat the crap out of him again and receive an equally vicious payback.

Normally, my family would go to services on Sunday, but we'd forgone it this week wanting to spend time with Carlie. It was an important part of the family rituals though, so I'd have to ask her about her willingness to attend with us if she decided to keep visiting. I wondered if she went with Bella, Jacob, Leah, Seth, and Samantha.

As I turned back toward the house, I realized that today…today would be about her connecting with the women of the family, having spent yesterday afternoon with the kids, and the night with Jasper and Emmett.

I knew that my father would want time with her as well, but as always, he was the patient one. He would wait until she visited us next, and then he would find a way to bond with her. Carlisle had his own way of relating to each of his children and grandchildren…it was almost supernatural how he cared for us. I knew that of all the family, my father had chastised himself the most about what happened. After I'd sobered up, he'd spoken to me incessantly for years about finding her. He'd actually pleaded with me, but at the same time he'd understood in a strange way. He'd certainly shocked me with his perceptiveness one evening when he'd finally lost patience with me.

~SOMP~

"You know why you don't want to find her, don't you?" he snapped.

"Of course, Dad, she's gone on with her life. She lost everything within a short period of time, and what right do I have in reminding her of that just to relieve my conscience."

He sighed before saying, "Edward, don't attempt to snow me with that excuse."

I blew my breath out in a great gasp. "I called her horrible names, and humiliated her in front of our classmates. The gossip ran rampant, you know that. I made sure that everyone would think her a horrible person. I don't deserve her."

"Well at least you are getting a little more honest, but you aren't quite there yet, son."

"What?"

"You are so close to Alice that what happened to her was almost as excruciating for you as it was her, and it destroyed your belief in your value. I know it can't be because your mother and I didn't love you enough…" He smirked as I snorted – THAT was a major understatement. "What happened with Alice wasn't your fault, and we've done everything to convince you of that. But, if you aren't willing to work on the demons that haunt you, you are going to lose what little you haven't already. Bella seemed too good to be true, and then you fell in with Tanya, who you deemed more your 'equal,' much to our chagrin. The drugs, the sex, all the women…they were or are just a way to cover it all up. Edward, you just don't think you are worthy of being loved in that way, because you take on responsibility for things that were out of your control. You are responsible for how you treated Bella, we all are, but nothing that occurred before that. However, only you can come to that conclusion…and to the realization that you merit having Bella's love, if it even exists anymore. Maybe you gave up on Bella so quickly because you were really just afraid that one day, she would leave you."

~SOMP~

He was entirely too perceptive.

Remembering the dream I'd had earlier…the memory I'd relived…I thought to that day. Bella and I had been enjoying a Saturday without the family around. We'd spent the day in my room in the Forks house and dreamed of our life together…what it would be like…what we would do with ourselves after high school. Never did we question that we would do it together. But if I were to be honest, I knew that even then, I wondered if I could truly hold on to the angel that graced my bed…and when she would see that I didn't deserve her regard.

So, it would seem I was up against two battles…one to make amends to Bella and win my love's affections again…and one to convince myself that in the event I was so graced that I deserved it.

Would LOVE to know what you think. I know some of you are going to hate hearing the sexual thoughts of "Jerkward," but just remember he was a 17 year old boy at the time…

Jasper's thoughts on his little excursion with Carlie to reviewers!

"Even a small mouse has anger" is a Native American proverb that has been passed down from generation to generation. Its origins are unknown, but I can remember my grandparents saying similar things since I was little. I just couldn't help using it!