*huffs, with my hands on my knees* Er, hello. Sorry about that. I probably should explain where I have been for the past several weeks.
You see, I was involved in a giant war led by Stalin and anyone who ever participated in a revolution ever, with his General Holden Caulfield, code-named "The Catcher in the Rye". He had an militia armed to the tooth with Scantron guns and locked me in a room for several days with other people my age while we were tortured. My integrators forced me to speak French and explain how a chloroplast works. My only weapons: a crappy number-two pencil and sheer will.
Basically, I had an American midterm. Yes, this is the reason why I have given up on the American Dream.
Okay, to tell you the truth, the midterm isn't why I haven't been writing lately. First off I also had a state test a few weeks after, though that was much easier. Next I find out my neighbor, who I grew up with was diagnosed with Leukemia, though she is fortunately doing well. Then my best friend tells me she is moving back to Europe, something I only thought she would do for college. Now I find out people bullied my sister at school, and needs to go to a psychologist after a comment she made. To sum it up: my life sucks, and English needs a counterpart to Saudade.
One the bright side: I saw Frozen, and reverted temporarily back to my childhood self. I spent the past week jamming out to Let it Go in Portuguese and French on Youtube, while drawing mustaches on Napoleon in my textbook.
This chapter is kind of late as I orginally wrote it on April Fools, but rather than just releasing a drabble, I extended it. The next chapter of this work should be out soon, since it's 95% completed.
I'll finish the two mini-series (the invisible trio prank and Napoleonic wars) soon enough, though the next chapter isn't on the two.
Disclaimer: I sadly don't own Hetalia.
Portugal's Pranks, taken from her journal
April 1st, XXXX
Prank: Have Hungary dress up as the Padeira de Aljubarrota and watch's Spain's reaction.
Result: Spain ran out of the room screaming "God protect meeeeee!" Hungary and I chased him across a parking lot wielding bread shovels. Only found him a day later curled in a ball in a closet sobbing, cuddling a bunny stuffed animal. Romano finally hugged me (but started cursing when he realized what he had done).
Repeat? YES.
April 1st XXXX
Prank: Spike America's soda with Vodka
Result: America spent the whole meeting staring at us with a creepy smile. Even Russia wouldn't go near him. He kept muttering about how Capitalism will make everyone become one with him (hasn't it already?). England kept repeating the line "Where the bloody hell did I go wrong?" while acting generally terrified. Germany stuttered throughout his speech, and then proceeded to hide behind Italy.
Repeat? The horrors.
April 1st, XXXX
Prank: Spike Inglaterra's tea with França's champagne.
Result: I will not go into details about this one. I will not tell you about how England could act like an extreme *bleep* when he wants to. I refuse. You cannot tell me about how he ended up on the top of the flagpole. Not going to happen. You can't make me tell you about England acting like France the whole day. Or the fact that he was obviously not acting like a gentleman. Nope. I am not hitting my head against the table for writing that.
Repeat? Pervert.
April 1st XXXX
Prank: Tip off Belarus the next time Russia comes to visit
Result: Russia will never visit again, so I can finally save money on sunscreen (then again, maybe not. Dammit England, spend more time in the sun). Belarus is in my debt, and is now one of my drinking buddies. I also learned that Belarus possibly has a crush on Lithuania, while drinking. I will never drink that much Vodka again, (Stupid hangover, why can't I be tolerant to all alcohol, not just wine?) England keeps blushing for some reason.
Repeat? Possibly, but no alcohol next time.
April 1st XXXX
Prank: Pretend to be Spain for a whole day.
Result: People treated me like Canada the whole time. I was extremely tempted to strangle them. Only people close to me (thank you Brazil) were able to tell the difference. Do we really look that similar? Seriously, with just the same haircut for the day (had to threaten England to restore it) and no scar am I automatically Spain? For Deus's sake, I am the older one! I am a woman! In the end, I gave up and just went drinking with Canada, and am now afraid of beavers and hockey. I will go never drinking again with him, because of his hockey rage. Who knew Canadians could be so violent?
Repeat?: No, I VALUE MY SANITY!
April 1st, XXXX
Prank: Team up with Hungary and lock former enemies in closets.
Result: I may have nearly started WWIII. Hungary, this is while you do not pair America with Russia. I lost my good bread shovel, dammit. Fortunately, old man Otto-Turkey accidently released Spain's conquistador side. That shut everybody up quickly. Not to mention they couldn't kill me while I was too busy saving their *bleep*. We held a moment of silence for the innocent toaster. Hungary stayed at my house for several weeks, terrified of Russia. I finally convinced Prussia to talk to her, and she went home.
Repeat?: Do you wish for Russia and America to nuke the world?
April 1st, XXXX
Prank: Destroy all of Spain's futbols (Soccer balls according to America).
Result: I released Spain's conquistador side again, and nearly ended up cleaved in half. Curse that axe (Denmark!). Not to mention his stupid bull broke into the building (again) and I had to work with America to bring it down without killing it. France managed to tackle Spain and knock him out with a book on Napoleon. This time the moment of silence was for an honorable table and brave vase thrown at Spain. America held a funeral for the fallen furniture, and Italy was the priest. I seriously question his idea of freedom of religion.
Repeat? No, in the memory of vase-y (Americans).
April 1st, XXXX
Prank: Team up with Hungary and Belgium, and secretly steal all the coffee from the kitchen
Result: Nearly all of the countries fell asleep during the lecture. I believe Germany was almost falling asleep as well, despite being the presenter. Belgium kept blushing the whole meeting since Switzerland accidently fell asleep on her shoulder (must have France look into that). Only two people awake were Britain (shoot, I forgot the tea) America (went to Starbucks), and Hungary. For reasons that worry me, she kept taking pictures the whole time, especially of Spain and Romano. Later on, we finally woke everybody up with an air-horn, but everyone was still too tired to register the mustaches.
Repeat: Yes *grins evilly*.
April 1st XXXX
Prank: Trick Germany into eating chouriço
Result: He yelled at me at about how it is not real sausage. Argh. Come on! That's flavor Germany! Something you clearly can't appreciate! I sailed several *bleeped* oceans to get all of those spices! (Ah, the good old days…) and there's good wine in that! I'm not just stuffing *bleep* into those sausages like you! Great, now I know how França feels.
Repeat? Yes, to teach Germany how real cooking is.
April 1st XXXX
Prank: Have a sword-fight with Norte Itália in the middle of the meeting.
Result: We blew everyone's minds (so long as they're not my family). I was surprised actually how none of the Axis knew Itália could sword-fight so well, despite his heritage. He trained under the best there ever was, Avô Roma. It shouldn't come as a surprise. He won, and not because I threw the match.
Repeat?: Yes, but outside of meetings.
Okay, not a lot of it had to do with Portugal herself, I was basically trying to entertain myself. This was supposed