A little angst in this but it'll tell you more about Ashley's past after losing Dylan... and the hero behind her rescue. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I LOVE that my inbox is always full of alerts, makes me want to keep writing Spashley and never stop! You all rock. Hard core! Thanks! And I don't own SoN.

Flashbacks are in italics

11 - Welcome Back Ashley Davies

Ashley's PoV

I stood before the court and was granted what I was waiting for, for so long.

A chance.

"Leigh Avery, your name has now been changed back to Ashley Davies. From here on out you'll be known as Ashley Davies and every charge that was made will not affect your current name." A well suited guy said in a formal tone before he took a seat and I was ushered out of the room and into a smaller room.

"Lei- Ashley," Carter, my lawyer, corrected himself, "we've located Dylan."

I sat upright in my seat and hung onto every word he was saying.

"She's about six hours west from here and she's in a foster home." He sighed and took up his glasses, rubbing his face. "You've still got one more date to go through in order to get your visitation rights it's going to take some work given your history."

I licked my lips. "But after that I can see her, right? I can go see my daughter?"

"Yeah," he smiled warmly and patted my hand, "but in the mean time, I suggest you go out and get yourself a job to keep your mind off of things. It's a good start that you finally got your apartment but it will show stronger character in you if you get a job and show you're working hard."

I nodded and pointed at him. "That is a very good idea."

"I know you have millions and though Dylan would be set financially but showing the drive, you have a better chance at a quicker hearing." Carter stood up and shook my hand. "I'll be in touch with the next court date and we'll assign you a case worker. It should only take a couple of weeks."

I nodded and gave him a warm smile. "Thank you Carter."

"Anytime Miss Davies." He bowed his head and slipped out the door.

I stretched and for the first time in a long time, a genuine smile graced my lips. I looked out the window on the cold October day and watched the rain pour down onto the road below.

"So, looks like you're doing real well."

I turned around and found Alex standing there with a smile on her face. I hadn't seen her since the last time while I was still in rehab. "You like to surprise me, don't you?"

Alex nodded and pulled back from our hug. "Tracey would've loved to be here but she has a game in Ottawa that she couldn't miss."

I nodded and squeezed her hand. "So how is the career coming?" I asked as she took a seat beside me.

"Not so much lately," Alex blushed and put her head down, "I requested time off but I am looking at dates again to see when I'll be restarting my tour."

"What about studio time?" I frowned. "You wanted to get your next album out by Christmas."

"I pushed it back for March," she shrugged and smiled softly, "don't worry about me Ash."

Alex could never call me Leigh. She said it felt weird but whenever she sent cards, she'd put Leigh for Dylan's sake.

"Dylan's in wonderful hands." Alex blinked and looked at me, reading my thoughts. "She's so grown up yet so tiny for her age."

"She's my princess." I smiled sadly and reached for the picture of her I carried around everywhere. "God Alex, I miss her so much."

"I know." Alex sighed and patted my hand. "But she's in one of the best homes ever."

"How does she look?" I asked, I couldn't believe that within the month I was going to be able to see my daughter.

"Well," the rock star grinned excitedly, "she has long hair like you, curly and wavy. She's a miniature Ashley that's for sure." She chuckled and looked out the window. "She's in fourth grade, Spenc- uh spending a lot of time in her books allowed her to skip a grade. I guess her other homes never allowed her in school."

I frowned and then fumed. "What?!"

"Um," Alex sighed and cleared her throat, "Dylan's been through a rough year and a half. In homes that didn't really want her, just the money."

"You said your father had it all figured out! You said she'd be safe!" I threw my chair back and bit my tongue hard, trying to get rid of the angry feeling.

"Look," Alex frowned and spun me around, "he may work in the system but sometimes he can't help it all! He tried his best when he could and it's not my fault so many places suck at giving families, children. My dad stuck his neck out for you and Dylan and all that matters now is that she really is in a good home."

I swallowed and squared my jaw, looking at her. "What are they like?" I asked cautiously. I never experienced being in Foster Care but I've heard horror stories about it. It shattered my heart to know that Dylan may have been a victim to those exact stories.

"Who?" Alex shook her head.

"The people taking care of Dylan, what are they like?" I watched as Alex opened her mouth then closed it quickly again before licking her lips.

"Well she's um, single? She works hard though and Dylan is definitely her number one priority." Alex squeaked and swallowed, glancing out the window once again. I frowned and chewed on my lip, taking a step towards her.

"She's good to my girl?" I asked again.

"Yes," Alex breathed and her grey eyes looked at me. "Dylan loves where she is at."

"She, she doesn't recognize you?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yea, she does." Alex nodded with a hint of smile before she frowned. "She doesn't remember who I am, but she said she knew me from somewhere. I mean, it's been five years since she last seen me."

I nodded. "I know."

Alex had stopped coming around the moment I told her I was staying behind the scenes with her music. She told me it was because she didn't want to risk blowing my true identity. When I first changed my name, I still went to the studio but left Dylan with my parents. After coming home late some nights, I missed precious moments with her so I decided to pull out completely and just be a 'background assistant' or 'ghost writer'.

Baby C was a little upset when I disappeared from the publicity but she was also rather supportive in my decision.

"Next month I may be able to go see her. I'm trying to get some visitation rights and then when the court sees me fit, I'll be able to take Dylan home with me." I couldn't contain the happiness in my voice but I couldn't ignore the sad yet disappointed look on Alex's face either. "Alex, this is a good thing! I can finally be the mother I always was to Dylan."

"I know," she whispered and leaned forward on the table a little before looking her at me, "it's just that Dylan's gotten used to being where she is, you know? She's finally in a home that wants her. A home that loves her and lets her do all the crazy things little nine year olds do."

"But she's my home." I frowned, creasing my eyebrows. It felt as if Alex was hiding something but I had no clue what it could've been. "She's my daughter."

"I'm just saying," Alex shrugged, "I mean, I'm happy for you Ash, you know I am. After you told me about heavy drugs a year back, I was worried that you'd never admit to yourself that you could do better with your life and fight for Dylan. Now here you are, fresh out of rehab, sober, and-"

"-fighting to get my daughter back." I said sharply. For some reason I felt a little angry towards the young Carlin. She was holding up some resistance and after being her best friend, I knew she couldn't hide it well. There was a secret inside of her that was about to spill and when that happens, Alex gets on edge.

//

I pushed the girl away for the third time, watching as she tumbled to the floor. I kicked her clothes out of the bedroom and watched her stumble out, barely being able to walk on her own two feet.

I reached over my bedside to grab the pill bottle and cursed loudly when I found it was empty. Fucking bitch must've taken the sleeping pills while I was passed out.

I made my way towards the bathroom slowly and grabbed the small mirror that was on the edge, traces of white powder evident on it. I snorted and brushed it away, not caring that the mirror shattered on the floor before yanking open my medicine cabinet.

Finally, a drug that caused me to just mellow out or whatever.

I stumbled back into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, chuckling at myself while the baggy full of white powder fell to the floor. I picked it up and my head bumped the bedside table, causing a small frame to drop and her face come into view. I scrambled up on the bed as if it scorched me and looked at the small mirror in my hand with the deadliest drug my parents have ever warned me about.

Cocaine.

If everyone wanted to accuse me of being a drug addict and a careless person, so be it. I became what the town saw me as. The mother who allowed her daughter to be taken away because of her carelessness.

The person who turned to drugs for help instead of doing the right thing and fighting to get her daughter back.

The fuck up.

I started to pick up the tightly rolled up twenty dollar bill when I heard a gasp. I blinked at the fuzzy figure in my way and scowled. "Go away, I'm not in the mood to fuck."

Before I could snort the drug into my system, it was snatched away and I stood up, shoving the person backwards. "Who the fuck do you think you are?!" I screamed.

"A friend." His voice was so familiar that it shocked me. "Put some clothes on."

The figure took the baggy and the essentials and slammed the bedroom door behind him. I pulled on a familiar black jersey and ripped jeans, biting my nails as I walked out into the living room.

"I didn't want to believe her." Aiden whispered. "I didn't want Alex to be right about you."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, grabbing some water and chugging it back, feeling dehydrated. It had been years since I've even seen my own cousin.

"Why didn't you tell us you had a daughter?" He leaned forward and stared at me. "You made our parents keep it a secret, why?"

"You wouldn't understand." I snapped and moved to grab some more water.

"Then enlighten me, Ash," he got up off the couch, "we're cousins and you couldn't even tell me that I had a baby cousin running about?"

"We're cousins? We're family?" I laughed and threw a bottle at him, narrowing my eyes. "What the fuck ever! Was I invited to your wedding six years ago?"

Aiden swallowed and sighed. "We just didn't want any drama and since we were having it at the Carlins…"

"So you decided to cut me out." I snorted and looked around for a clean glass. "Doesn't anyone do fucking dishes around here?"

"No one else lives here but you," he shrugged, "and your whores."

"Fuck you." I laughed sarcastically and looked straight at him. "Why are you here? Did Alex get bored of rescuing me?"

"Alex has her own family emergency," he snapped back in a tough way, handing me back the bottled water I threw him, "and I was worried about you. I heard about Aunt Christine and Uncle Raife. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral."

"Whatever." I shrugged and sat back down on the couch. "That was nearly six months ago."

"I know. It took me a while to find you because of your name change. Alex broke down and told me." Aiden moved to sit beside me and looked at me sadly. "How old is she?"

"Eight," I murmured, feeling that heavy pressure in my chest. "She'll be nine in about five months."

"What's her name?" He asked softly.

"Dylan." I whispered, feeling the pounding in my head increase. "Dylan Marie."

Aiden pulled me into his arms and hugged me, rocking back and forth. "Well, Kyla and I have another child," I looked up at him with a small smile, "she's three. Her name is Cailyn."

"Congrats." I mumbled, somewhat sleepily. "I would like to meet your family sometime."

"You too." Aiden smiled and held me by my shoulders. "Come on, you should get cleaned up." He patted my leg.

"I'm not going anywhere." I frowned.

"Yes, you are." He tugged me towards the bedroom and tossed me another shirt to put on. "You look great in Spence's old jersey but I don't think you want to spring attention on yourself."

That was my first step to getting help. Accepting the help Aiden had offered. I hadn't seen him since graduation either but it felt good to know he was there after all.

He told me if I couldn't get help for myself, I should get it for Dylan. He grabbed the picture that was lying on the floor and stuffed it in my pocket, so that I carried around a reason to get onto the right path. "Ash," he whispered, "she's beautiful."

Aiden promised he wouldn't tell a soul about me. He promised he'd disappear and pretend he never found me. I told him he didn't have too but he suggested it'd be best while I got better; fewer distractions that way.

I promised him that I would get help. I promised him that the facility he dropped me off at would be my home until I was ready to face the world sober again.

Until I was ready to get Dylan Davies back.

Even when they let me go, I would still check myself back in until I knew for sure I was ready.

//

I looked at the picture in my hand and smiled at Alex. "Thank you for telling Aiden."

Alex looked shocked yet relieved. "He said he never found you."

"He did." I nodded and looped my arm through hers. "He saved me."

Blood over water, right?

-\-/-