Trials
Clow Reed looked around in confusion. He had been out for a walk to enjoy the lovely spring day, when he felt something strange. He felt magic, very similar to his own, but it was also very different. It was card magic, it was one of his own cards, but it was the Return card. It didn't take much to realize that he had a visitor from the future. This could be touchy. He would have to help his successor any way he could, but it was tricky to meddle with the flow of time. If he said the wrong thing he could negate the good effects whatever he said would give.
He quietly turned the corner and smiled to see the little girl standing there. She was adorable and innocent and full of wonder as she watched Cerberus and Yue puzzling over the bare cherry tree. Cerberus was being questioning and worried while Yue was trying to be accepting and patient. Clow realized that Yue was imitating his own attitudes and saying things will happen when they happen. He smiled and decided to surprise his creations with a shower of blossoms. The appearance of the little girl made him feel like showing off.
"I wonder what Kero-chan and Yue-san are doing..."
"They're waiting," Clow answered simply. Still, when he heard the girl call Cerberus "Kero-chan" he was stunned into remembering his aunt and how she was the only one Cerberus had accepted the nickname from. Could this be the reincarnation of Esther? She jumped and turned her huge green eyes upon the magician and he knew that this girl had to be connected to Esther somehow. It warmed him to think that his legacy would pass on to someone he loved so much.
She stammered, surprised, but he hushed her with a finger to his lips. He rarely had the opportunity to surprise his guardians anymore and loved to see their faces when pleased. He brought out his Flower card with a smile and asked her kindly to make the tree bloom. He then bathed in the surprised joy coming from Cerberus and Yue. "Is that better?"
"Geez...Of course it is!" Cerberus grinned, overjoyed.
Yue just smiled, the simple little contented smile that made Clow's heart leap in his chest. Especially these days, Yue's smiles were precious gifts that he wouldn't trade for the world. Clow knew he had less than a year left in this world, so he hoarded those treasures.
Within his mind though he could hear the girl's words from behind where she still stood. "Kero-chan and Yue-san look so happy." Her voice held terrible regret when she said it, enhanced by the fact she said the words too softly for his physical ears to hear. The terrible sadness and insecurity the girl felt was painfully transmitted directly to his soul. "They both look very happy."
He let the magic of the Return card slip her gently to a time where he would be able to help her more. A few months to mull things over. Maybe then he'd be able to help her.
~~~~~@~~~~~
That summer was one of the most beautiful and peaceful summers of Clow's life. He considered napping in the garden with Cerberus and Yue, but he didn't sleep much anymore. There were so many things to do, and he was too aware that he didn't have much time. He wanted to make sure he wouldn't leave any books half read. He knew that there would be too much left unfinished as it was without leaving books in the middle.
That's when he felt the presence of the little girl again. From his visions he realized that this was Sakura. She was like his daughter, but at the same time not. He couldn't puzzle it out any better than that. He was afraid he didn't really *want* to know.
She had appeared sleeping peacefully, draped over Cerberus's neck. He knew that both of the time related cards were very draining, so he let her sleep as long as she could. She looked very peaceful, very comfortable, and she had to love Cerberus very much for them both to sleep together like that. He had an image of Cerberus creating a small false form to hide with in less enlightened times and wondered if Sakura thought of the proud Cerberus as a cuddly stuffed toy. It was something that would certainly delight a young child like her. He chuckled to himself and returned to reading, enjoying the perfect day.
He knew immediately when she woke up because her energy felt different. She was more powerful than anyone else he had known at that age, and she was twice as sweet as Esther had been as well. Though, that might be because he had picked on his younger aunt....
"Did you sleep well?" He kept his voice kind and soothing, wanting to make sure she was at ease and also not wanting to disturb the other two as the slept.
Sakura proved that she was just as energetic as Esther had been. "Clow! Um...I..."
He hushed her gently with a finger to his lips. "This is a quiet place to rest during the day." He smiled at her to remove any sting from being reprimanded for her shouting, then turned back to his book. He found he could no longer concentrate on the words though. This girl was much more interesting. He smiled and wondered what it would be like to know her in the future.
Sakura bowed her head a little and started again quietly. "There is something I'd like to ask you.... Uh...um...you see..."
He didn't have to look up from his book to answer her with a question of his own. "About the future?" He waited for her affirmation, trying to think of a way around this. Playing with the timeline could be tricky, and giving her too much information could negate--it was too late to worry that over again. "What is it you want to ask?"
"Uh...you see...strange things are happening, and we always feel your presence when they appear, so I was wondering if you had done anything."
He gave her the most direct answer he could...considering he didn't know for sure himself yet. "If I will, then I did. If I won't, I didn't."
"What do you mean?"
Clow was saved from trying to explain when Cerberus interrupted. "Clow!" They both jumped a little, but the golden guardian beast continued without opening his eyes a bit. "No! Don't use the Bubble card!" He squirmed like he was being tickled. "Please...stop...." He laughed a bit, then went back into a deeper sleep.
Clow continued smiling, overjoyed by the peace and contentment he had enjoyed in his life. It hadn't been all wonderful, but it was easy at times like this to remember how the good things outweighed the bad. "Well, well..."
"It's nice here," Sakura began with some trepidation. She had let the sadness overwhelm her again. "Very peaceful."
He knew that events of the future were troubling her a lot less than her emotions of the future. She was so young to be so sad when faced with his joy. Something was wrong. "And how are you? Do you like these children?"
"I love them!" She insisted. "Kero, Yue, and the cards! But...but I'm just not you."
Her answer spoke volumes. He stood up, not able to face thoughts of his mortality sitting here in such a perfect day. He knew that she was having to deal with his grieving guardians in her own time. Yue would be the one that couldn't let go, even with such a happy child. For a moment he almost regretted loving his angel so much. Almost. But he knew Yue would be hurt no matter what...even when it had been unexpressed, their love had been strong. He walked away until Sakura asked him to wait, then he paused and basked in the glow of the summer day. It was easy to enjoy a day like this, but a chill had settled within him.
"The summer is over so soon." He allowed himself to be swept along with her by the power of the Return card into autumn. He would be pulled back into summer soon enough, but he wanted to point out to her how much like the seasons a human life was. It would be easiest to illustrate that point while still beside her. "Each season passes into the next." There was beauty in the changing of the leaves, but there was also finality in it. He walked among the fallen leaves and paid more attention than ever to how they crunched beneath his weight. The chill that had entered his soul at thoughts of mortality now surrounded them in the air. It felt the same. "Have you ever thought about how sad that is? I have. Why can't the seasons stay?"
Sakura was distracted by the colors and the cold, and he didn't want to deal with this yet. His final autumn. No. He wanted to enjoy his final summer with his wonderful creations. He let her slip into winter as he faded back into the summer and his beautiful garden.
Yue was just stirring when Clow slipped back under the shade of their tree. "Where were you, Clow?"
"Taking care of some business."
"Work? On a day like today?"
"You're right. It won't happen again." He smiled and sat closer to Yue, running a hand across his back.
Yue smiled and leaned his head against Clow's shoulder. "I wish today would never end."
"Me too," Clow said in return. "But since it can't, let's make the best of it."
They wrapped each other in love and graced each other with kisses that spoke of an eternal moment of love. For Yue time seemed to stand still, but for Clow time relentlessly continued toward the inevitable. My greatest wish, though, is that when I am gone you will find this happiness again.
~~~~~@~~~~~
Sakura's energy returned that snowy, winter day. Clow had just realized that today was the day he ran out of time. The words had barely left his mouth as a warning to his beloved guardians when he felt the girl run into the house. So, he would be sharing even this moment with her. He thought he would feel intruded upon, but he realized that it was a comfort to him. It helped him smile a little more genuinely to remember that such a wonderful and caring person would come after him and take care of those beings he loved most.
He would need all the support and comfort he could get. He kept the smile on his face, but inside his heart bled for Cerberus and Yue. Especially Yue.
"Explain yourself, Clow! What does this mean?" Yue's tone was harsh and angry and the betrayal in his eyes was the worst sight Clow had ever had to face.
"It's as I told you, Yue. I will leave this world today." He had to be the strong one. If they saw his fear and hurt at this necessity it would be so much harder for them to face. He had to be strong for them.
Cerberus looked disturbed, confused. "That's not something to joke about."
"I'm sorry," Clow admitted softly. "It is not a joke."
"Why," asked Yue forcefully.
"It is my time."
Cerberus's words mocked Clow with their blind faith in him. "Your time? Impossible. You're the world's greatest magician. You made us!"
"Even so, everything must die in time--even me."
Cerberus echoed Yue's last question now. "Why?"
"There will be someone who will come and care for you in my place," Clow assured them.
"I don't want anyone else," Yue said, his voice choked with emotion.
"Then this person will need your approval," Clow reasoned.
Yue exploded with anger at being rejected so simply. "I wouldn't approve of anyone else!"
Clow dismissed Yue's blind loyalty gently, already knowing what would happen in time. "It won't just be up to you, Yue. Cerberus, you will also have to approve."
Cerberus remained lost, unable to quite accept what was happening. "Are you serious?"
"You two and the Clow Cards will be happy with your new master when I'm gone. That is my final wish."
~~~~~@~~~~~
The transition from life to death was both more and less difficult than Clow had expected. There had been pain, but that was finished now. That life was finally over, and he didn't realize how wearying it had been until he allowed himself to rest.
Sakura was there, waiting. She still had questions, and he realized that though he still could not answer some of those questions, he could answer others for her. The answers she needed he could give freely, and the answers she thought she needed would be answered for her sooner than she could hope for. He would give her insight, something she needed much more than answers.
"Every life comes to an end at some point. Even ours. It is part of being alive."
"What happened to Kero-chan and Yue?"
Her love and concern washed over him like a spring dawn, and he knew he had made the right decision in letting go and encouraging her to take his place. "That is why I'm happy that you have become their new mistress."
"But I--"
"No. You'll do fine. Please take care of them, okay Sakura?"
She was nearly crying in her distress and insecurity. "I can't do it! I can't become you! I don't want them to forget about you, but...but I'm not you."
"That's what I expected. You are you, I don't expect you to be me. There are a lot of things that only you can do."
"Only me," she questioned, disbelieving.
Clow nodded kindly. "We cannot live in the past forever. The future is always ahead of us." He pulled her back to the garden, though it would never truly be his again. It was still eternal in its beauty and would forever contain the happiest memories he had. He was dead and his most beloved creations were sealed away, but the garden was far from empty and he needed Sakura to know that. "The winter is over. A new spring has begun." She marveled at the beauty revealing itself as the snow melted and the flowers awoke. The winter he had cast over his creations was over. Sakura's spring was dawning. Clow gently pulled his energy away, leaving her with one last insight. "It's okay. I am me, and you are you. That's the way things are supposed to be."
~~~~~@~~~~~
Eriol broke from his reverie, watching Sakura struggle to change the Light and Dark cards. They had been Clow's last, and most powerful cards...and among his most beloved. He needed her to change those cards. The loss of any card would be a great pain to him, but those two cards were so kind and charming and wonderful and had taken so much work to create and.... It would cut him like a knife to see those two of all the cards become nothing more than ink and cardboard.
When he had arrived in Tomoeda he had started pushing Sakura to change the cards right away. There was no time to lose. What he had been doing until this night was like walking a tightrope without a net. He needed to keep walking. He needed to make her keep walking. And he couldn't afford to make any mistakes or let her make any either. It was a balance for him between pushing her to her limits and keeping her back enough that he could do what he needed without detection. Disaster after disaster distracted her and kept her on her toes while forcing her to become more and more powerful. Finally he was forced to pull the ultimate punch.
She had just used the Return card on her own to ask Clow about the things going on now. Eriol remembered that vividly, finally putting all the pieces into place. Sakura should have returned so weak that his spell to put everyone to sleep at once would have knocked her out instantly.
Instead she had returned with enough energy to change six of the last eight cards and force his hand to making this the time and place of the final showdown.
This was better than he could have planned, because it forced her to rely on things that she wouldn't have found out otherwise. Yue and Cerberus had shown her that they could return to pure magic to aid her. The part of him that was Clow had nearly wept to see them, the proud sun guardian and the beautiful moon guardian, become unraveled like that. Still, she needed to know her limits, right? She needed to know her resources also.
And then an unexpected resource stepped up. Li Syaoran watched her struggle with the last two cards, despite the extra energy of her guardians. Syaoran gave her the energy she needed, even though he had been staggering and supporting himself with his sword. Her bonds with others gave her greater strength than Clow could have ever called upon. When Sakura had become too weak to support Yue's energy her brother had sacrificed his own magic for his best friend's life. Every time she faltered there was someone to help her...including Eriol. She was destined for greatness. She may never be known beyond her circle of friends, but among that circle she would always be wonderful.
As he thought that the last two cards finally accepted her energy as part of themselves and became Sakura Cards. Light burst forth and dispelled his own darkness. Eriol smiled in relief.
"Oh my, it looks like she's beaten your magic." Ruby was distressed to see her master beaten at his own game, but she noted that Eriol wasn't worried.
"Is that what you wanted, Eriol?" Spinel had always been the more insightful of the two. Ruby had always been Eriol's best friend and fun companion, but Spinel had almost been a surrogate parent at times. Especially in the beginning. Spinel knew the ins and outs of his more mature thought processes, and Ruby was the key to his sense of fun. He couldn't bring himself to regret the mistake he had made in their creation, no matter what the consequences would be.
Eriol smiled, assuring them both. "Yes. It's finally over." The relief he felt was greater than any other feeling he could think of. He then watched Sakura as she checked on her friends. She was worried about her brother not waking up as fast as Tomoyo, but Yue reappeared and assured her that Touya would be fine. It would all be fine now.
"Sakura." Eriol stood on the ground now, approaching as an equal. Cerberus and Yue rushed forward to protect her immediately, but Eriol waved them off. "It's over. I won't hurt her."
Sakura was startled and searched his eyes for an answer. "Over? What is?"
Eriol smiled and simply answered, "They're all Sakura Cards now."
As soon as he spoke, her cards floated up and showed off their glory. They were all happy and not one had been missed. Sakura held out her hands for them, then hugged them to her heart with such love that a lump formed in Eriol's throat. It was a beautiful sight.
He had intruded on her enough. It was time for him to return to his house and make preparations to return to England. He teleported himself and his guardians away. Sakura would be free to celebrate without his intrusions any more. She would seek him out when she was ready, and then he would be free of it all for good.
He was looking forward to going home and finally resting. Maybe some day Sakura would even look past what had happened and be his friend. He sincerely hoped so. He had never had a true friend like that...not an equal.
With a shake of his head he dismissed his sentimental melancholy. The trials were over, and life could begin.
~~~~~@~~~~~
Sakura had had fun at the party Eriol threw, but it was tinged with terrible sadness also. Her friend was leaving. He would be on the other side of the world! She didn't even think about how he had been the source of so much distress over the last few months. She understood that he had just done what he needed.
She was actually sad to see it was all coming to an end.
She was reluctant to leave the party. Miss Mitsuki gave her a smile that said it was okay, and Sakura knew she had one more thing to do before leaving. Sakura bit her lower lip nervously for a bit, then made up her mind. "Eriol, can I talk to you?"
"Of course," he said gently.
"I wanted to say...thank you for being my friend. I'm going to miss you."
"After all that, you still consider me your friend?" His eyes were confused, betraying his loneliness and pain for the first time that she had seen. He looked vulnerable in that moment, and Sakura was confused about why.
"Of course! You did what needed to be done, but you were also my friend all the other times!"
He smiled sadly, then half turned away. "Even in this body, I'm not the same age as you." His voice was wistful, and he looked unsure of why he was admitting it. "I'm the same age as your father, Sakura. I haven't had friends at all in a very long time."
"No, because you have Spinel Sun and Ruby Moon, and they are wonderful friends for you."
His smile grew more genuine and less sad. "This is true, but I meant real people as friends. An equal. Being your friend would mean a lot to me. I mean, it does mean a lot to me."
"Good!" Her cheer was infectious, but short lived. "Uh...Eriol? How is it that you're my dad's age?"
"When my parents died in a plane crash, I didn't have anyone left. I had been having dreams, and I called upon high magic to create Ruby and Spinel to keep me company. It wasn't until too late that I realized that I had altered the last spell Clow had cast. He had divided his soul and his magic in two so that the magic wouldn't kill him again, but I accidentally took it all when I created them. I haven't aged since then."
"So, you'll be this age forever? Until you die? How horrible! Isn't there anything you can do?"
"I'd need to give half of Clow's magic to the one who holds the other half of Clow's soul. It would take a lot of magic to do though, and I can't do that and give the magic away at the same time. It would take someone as powerful as Clow was to return me to normal."
Sakura jumped up, clapping her hands, then hugged him. "When can we do it? I know that Yue said I'm not as powerful as Clow was yet, but I'll work on it really hard and when I'm ready I'll help you!"
Eriol was silent for a long time, his eyes wide with shock. "You'd do that? For me?"
"Of course! That's what friends are for. Do you know who would get all that magic?"
Eriol ducked his head, refusing to meet her eyes at first. "Your father. He is the other half of Clow Reed."
"Wow!"