*Dodges shoes* HEY! NO HEELS!

*Looks guility at feet* I'm sorry I didn't update in ages... My brother just went in for an operation and we've all been really worried... he's fine though. :) So...

READ ON PEEPS!

P.s. We disected a lung today in science and I stuck my finger down a vain... just thought i'd share.

Harry: Lets go to the woods.

Ron: Whoa whoa whoa! That's the forbidden forest.

"That never stopped you before." Snape mumbled.

"Of course it didn't. He's the son of James Potter and the Godson of Sirius Black, and now the adopted nephew of Remus Lupin." McGonagall moaned.

"Hogwarts is so screwed." Flitwick groaned.

All sort of creepy creatures live there.

"No kidding..." Teen Ron said, remembering Aragog. Sirius gave him a sharp look, and Harry facepalmed.

"When did you go into the forest?" Remus said sharply. Older Harry looked frantic, gesturing wildly for Ron to shut up.

"Well..." Ron started. Harry put a finger to his throat and drew it across, basically saying Ron was about to sign his own death contract. "We only heard about it... from ... Neville!" Neville jumped and looked wildly at Ron.

"Now you've dragged me into this?" He shrieked in a very un-manly way.

"Shut up and play along!" Teen Ron hissed at him. Neville gulped.

"Yes! I was in there... a few years ago... taking a... chicken... back to the ... zoo?" Neville said slowly, his voice going up in octave. "But the orangutan said 'No you can't get that back without a reciept.'"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Orangutan's tend to say that." Luna informed them. Sirius stared at them.

Harry: Look- It's either here or the shrieking shack. So let's go!

Ron: I can't believe it. We're going from the scariest place in the world to the scariest place in the world.

"Actually that would be from Filch's office to Umbridge's bedroom..." Harry said with a thoughtful look.

"EW!"

"NASTY!"

"GROSS, HARRY!

Harry: Let's take cover behind this fallen tree

( three lays on stomach)

"Oh the joy of panto..."

Ron: You alright Herman?

Hermione: Yeah I'm alright- Are you alright Ron?

Ron: I will be—after a redvine.

"Redvines make EVERYTHING better!" Harry told Albus, who was trying to pick Ron's nose.

Harry: Listen, Hermio...

Hermione: What?

Harry: Why did you go in the shrieking shack if you knew there was a monster in there? Aren't you the one that's always telling us not to- go out and do dangerous stuff and have any kind of...

Hermione: Fun?

"Fun good!" James said with a stern face.

Harry: Yeah! Oh yes.

Rose jabbed Harry's ankle. "No be mean to mah mumma!"

"Sorry Miss Weasley." Harry said with a fake snivel.

Hermione: You know I just thought that if for once I did something crazy then maybe you guys would like me.

"WE LOVE YOU HERMAN!" Ron and Harry both jumped on Hermione and snuggled her.

"My boys. My strange, strange boys." She grinned and patted their heads.

Ron: Yeah? Well you thought wrong.

Hermione thumped Ron on the top of the head.

"Bloody hell, woman!"

Harry: Okay. No, no. Listen! Hermione. . .

Hermione: You-you said my name right!

Harry: Just now? Did I, Hermin- monster. . .

THWACK!

"OWIE!" Harry looked at Sirius. "She smacked me Sirius!"

"I know, I saw." Harry pouted as Sirius sniggered.

Hermione: Yeah. That's close enough

Harry: Listen- you don't need to pretend to be someone your not just to get people to like you. I mean just look at me.

Hermione: Yeah but your Harry Potter!

Harry: Yeah. . .yes. But maybe in the wizarding world that's true. But in the muggle world. . . I'm just a . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I'm something called a douchebag.

"It's true..." Little Harry sniffled.

"What is a douchebag?" Cho asked. Hermione leant over and whispered in her ear. She lushed a deep red.

"Harry, you are not a douchebag." Fred said. George nodded furiously and poked little Harry in the cheek.

"Whoever called you that is what we in the wizarding world call an arseface." Sirius said, rubbing a thumb between Harry's shoulder blades.

"Sirius Black!" Mrs Weasley scolded.

"What? It's true!" Sirius raised his hands in defence of himself.

Hermione: A what?

Harry: A douchebag. Hermin. I play guitar when everybody is supposed to hang out. And- I make weird covers of Disney songs, who does that?

"Disney?" Ron said curiously.

"A muggle thing... it's become really shit in our time..." Harry rubbed the back of his head.

See? Muggles hate that shit. To them I'm just. . . . .I'm just a douchebag. I'm like- I don't know. I'm like. . . Justin McCarthy. I'm like Justin McCarthy. I'm Justin McCarthy's douche!

"That's disgusting..." Drao wrinkled his nose. Harry shoved him.

Ron: I got a confession to make too.( Stands up) Back home- around my brothers, I'm kind of a douchebag too.

Ron's brothers stared at him.

"Please guys, I don't think like that anymore." Teen Ron said with a blush.

"We're proud of you Ron." Bill said quietly. "So proud of you."

Mrs Weasley couldn't help but tear up a bit.

Like Shia LaBooth. The prince douche. ( bites red vine)

Harry: But hey. That's okay. Because at Hogwarts it's cool to be who you are. It's cool to be unique. So hey maybe your not pretty. . . like Cho Chang.

Cho rolled her eyes and Ginny growled.

Maybe not as fun as Ron.

"HELL YUS!"

Or cool like Snape.

"Er... thank you?" Snape said, turning a bit red.

"Any time Severus." Harry said happily.

But you know what? You are smart, like Hermione.

"N'awwww..." Remus cooed. Everyone turned to look at him. He just shrugged and pulled out a 'Harmony' badge.

And I for one would like to have a friend who would do my ancient runes essays.

"I'm hurt Harry. Is that all you use me for?" Hermione put a a hand to her chest and gasped with fake hurt.

"Not sure about that, but I know that's not all Ron uses you for." Harry said with a wink. Hermione and Ron both lushed red as everyone else fell over laughing.

Hermione: You mean it?

Harry: Yep cause's it's due tomorrow.

"Oh damn... I hope time's frozen." Ron said. "I have a potions essay due in..."

Hermione: Harry! Ron! Uh, come here!( Hugs them)

Ron: Oh my god! Your so soft.

Harry: Thanks!

"That is just wrong on like... so many levels." Charlie said, looking a it green.

"Are you thinking of a threes-"

Fred was cut of by Katie slapping him.

Hermione: So you guys really like me!

Harry: Ah well somethings in life you can't go through together without becoming friends afterwards namely one of them being taking on a 12 foot vampire.

"I AM NOT A VAMPIRE!" Remus yelled.

"Think on the bright side, mate." Sirius said with a smirk. "At least you don't sparkle."

( Wolf comes on stage) Arggggg!

All three: AHHHHH!

Ron: We're dead as **! We're dead! I regret nothing!

Hermione: I love you both!

"WE LOVE YOU TOO HERMONONUCLEOSIS!"

"..."

( Neighing)

( Firenze trots on.)

The four adults from the future all pointed at the screen. "It's Firenze, our centaur friend!"

"What are they on and where can I get some?" Kingsley muttered to Moody, who chuckled gruffly.

None shall harm Harry Potter. Back! Back, you cowardly thing! Run! You creature of the night and know that the woods belong to the centaurs and their kin! ( wolf runs off.) So not worry Harry Potter and co. The beast is gone! ( Three fall to their knees)

"ARISE, SIR NIGHT!"

Everyone turned to stare at Dumbledore.

"What? A girl can't have some fun nowadays?" He scoffed.

Harry: Who are you?

Firenze: Rise! Call me Firenze. It in centaur tounge means: friend

Hermione: Thank you—How did you. . .

Firenze: Know to save you? The leader of my tribe is a wise and powerful being. He has seen the future and has charged the centaurs with your protection, Harry. For you are destined for great things. ( Ron reaches out to touch hair)

Hermione coughed something that sounded a lot like 'Beastality'.

Hermione: I've heard that centaurs were close to extinct. But I never thought I'd get to see one in real life.

Firenze: It is true. Us centaurs are a dying breed. Due to a magical plague many moons ago, all females of our kind have perished. We have long searched for a human mate. But none have survived.

Harry: Survived what? Www what survived?

Firenze: Survived coitus. Harry.

Harry: What's coitus?

( Hermione whispers explaination in ear.) Harry; Oh, they died because of your giant horse gongs! ( Ron drops down and look under tail and gapes)

"OH MY GOD RON YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND LOOKING AT HORSE BALLS. IT'S NOT POLITE!" Draco yelled.

That's funny.

Firenze: Yeah It sounds like a funny problem. But it's actually not.

"I feel you pain." Snape muffled a sob. Hagrid patted him on the back in understanding.

( Ron stands up) Oh. I'm. .. I'm so sorry.( holds hand out and touches tail.)

Firenze: It's alright. Listen- we've got to get you kids back to Hogwarts castle. Harry unless the stars are mistaken you've got a quidditch game you must be well rested for.

Harry: Oh wow. Thanks Firenze, your so cool.

Firenze: I sure am.

"Firenze is LEGEND!" Neville cried.

Everyone turned and stared.

"Well he is..." He mumbled in embarrasment.

Well get on my back!( Holds on to Firenze) To Hogwarts!

Just as Ron was about to demand the next clip, a bright light appeared in the middle of the room. Everyone stared in shock at who had landed at their feet. Sirius and Remus slowly stood, each of them clutching one of Harry's hands.

"James?"

SEE YOU SOOOOON!