EPOV
"Rose," I called out again.
"Up here, Edward," she called back. I started toward the stairs and as I reached them, I saw her beginning to descend.
"Where's this furni-" I froze as my eyes landed on the most beautiful human being, who stood whispering frustratedly to Alice. She looked almost…angry. She looked at the floor, defeated, as Rose thought up some excuse, I guess.
"Rose?" I questioned wearily in a tone that screamed 'what the hell is going on here?'.
"Yes?" she smiled innocently at me, batting her eyelashes for added effect.
"What am I doing here, really?" This question had her stumped. She looked caught between two excuses. I sighed audibly and looked at the floor. Bella Swan; my angel; my love, was here, and I felt my heart do a backwards somersault, as it always did in her presence.
"I…couldn't find my…movie and I was wondering if you had it?" I looked at her sceptically.
"What movie?" I challenged. Silence.
"Can I talk to you for a moment?" she asked me seriously. I nodded and followed her into the kitchen, leaving Alice and my Bella on the stair case. My Bella? I gave up that right when I turned her down on my front doorstep.
"Rose?" I treaded carefully. "Care to explain why I'm really here?" Though I had a pretty good idea.
"I just need to know something," she started uneasily. I just looked at her, waiting for her to continue.
"Rose…is this about Bella?"
"Yes," she said timidly. Rose was never timid, so I knew she was frightened of my reaction to her confession.
"What do you want to know?" I sighed, exasperated. "And none of it leaves this kitchen, do you hear me?" She nodded her understanding before voicing her questions.
"Do you love her?" I nodded sadly. I had lied to her. I had crushed her.
"How could I not?" was my genius response.
"Then why did you lie to her?"
"I had to."
"Why, Edward? She's crushed. Into a million tiny pieces. She may put on a brave smile for the outside world, but inside, she's broken and she's hurting more than anyone should ever hurt. She's just lost her father, and now the man she loves threw her love back in her face. Not only that, but she has to see him, you, everyday. You're her mentor, but she wishes you were so much more." I had tears in my eyes now. "But now, now you may be too late. You may have just lost the best thing that has ever happened to you," she finished. Rose had always been good at reading people, but this just ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped all over it, before lighting it on fire. How could I have done this to her? What sort of sick, masochistic person does that to the person they love? I do.
"Rose. It's her future. It's my future. I can't risk her future for a relationship that may or may not work. Do you not see where I am coming from?"
"Oh, Edward. I do. But she doesn't care about that. She wants the man whom she loves dearly. She doesn't want a life, a career, if she can't have you." I pondered over this for a moment.
"Are you saying that she doesn't want to live her life without me in it?"
"Exactly. But you may have just gone past the point of no return. There's this boy, Jacob, who's in some of her classes, and I think she might be considering taking up his offer of a romantic date." At this, my blood boiled. I felt my hands fist and my muscles tense as if preparing for a fight. I was seeing red. Imagining my Bella with another man was my own personal hell. She's not 'your Bella' anymore, I reminded myself. Dammit.
"Edward?" Rose asked worriedly, taking a cautious step toward me. I must've had a murderous expression on my face. With good reason.
"I don't want her to date anyone. Especially that dog Jacob Black."
"Well you gave up that right. I'm sorry Edward, but you made the decision and now you're dealing with the consequences. You're too late. Bella has moved on, and maybe you should too," and with that said, she retreated back to Bella and Alice and they laughed at something one of them said, while I remained standing shell-shocked, staring out the window. After a few moments, I left the kitchen and walked out the front door.
The rest of my weekend went by without anything happening and then it was Monday again. Bella's lecture hall first. Joy. At least they were giving their oral presentations today, so I could stare at Bella with no one knowing what I was thinking, and no one thinking it was inappropriate. I heard her soft laughter fill the air, and my pants immediately tightened. Damn this effect she has on me. Every day after her lecture hall, I would have to leave to…relieve myself.
"Oh, Jacob. You're a funny one," she told him sweetly and I watched as her hand went to his shoulder. Jacob sobered a moment later and turned to her.
"Bella?" he asked timidly. Grow some balls.
"What's up?"
"Umm…I was just…umm…" he trailed off.
"What is it?" She placed a reassuring hand on his arm. Fucking brilliant.
"I just wanted to know…I was just wondering…do you wanna go out…with me?" No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. N-
"Sure," she smiled brightly. Fuck. I felt the pain ripping at my chest, and it was all I could do not to break down in front of my now seated, watching and expectant class.
"Excuse me for a moment, please?" I asked of the class as I headed toward the door that leads to my office. I heard a few murmurs behind me, but I couldn't concentrate on them. Suck it up, Edward. This is what you wanted for her. Now she can have love and a future. Get your sad and sorry arse back out there and listen to the presentations. Now! I jumped back up from my chair, sucked in a deep breath and entered the room again.
"Sorry about that, guys," I apologized. The murmuring stopped and they all faced toward me again. "As you know, the presentations are today, and you will be selected at random, by me," I said, trying to put some life into my voice, but failing miserably. First up, we will have…" I looked down my class list. "Jacob Black," I smirked. Suck shit, loser, I thought, inappropriately. I knew I wouldn't base my marking on anything other than the content and research in the presentation, but I couldn't help but hope that this dog failed. That wouldn't give Bella a good future, I told myself. I must admit, I was overreacting. They hadn't even gone out on one date yet. Edward! Breathe, and listen. I sat and listened to a few more people give their presentations. I was impressed at the devotion that the students had put into researching.
"Next up we will have…Isabella Swan," I looked at her, and her eyes connected with mine. She smiled weakly before fumbling her way to the stage at the front of the room.
"I have to say that I started this assignment with a great deal of scepticism," she started and her heavenly voice filled the air. "Because of this, I deliberately chose one of Shakespeare's plays that I remembered as having a particularly vibrant and articulate female character who seemed to shape to the agenda. I was certain that this play would absolutely refute the charge that Shakespeare wrote ideologically and from the perspective of the patriarchy. The play is 'As You Like It' and the character, is Rosalind," after her introduction, I got so caught up in Bella that her speech was pushed to the back of my mind. The way she used her hands to describe something, and the way she pushed her hair behind her shoulders whenever it fell over her beautiful face. Even the way she paced across the stage when she was trying to prove a point and her brow furrowed when she lost her tracking for a moment. "Rosalind flees her uncle and goes to the Forest of Arden disguised as a man in order to protect herself. This allows her to test and tense her suitor, Orlando, by warning him, in her guise as a man, of all the supposed frailties of womankind. Women, she tells him, are 'changeable, proud, capricious, apish, shallow, inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles, now liking him, now loathing him, now weeping for him, now spitting at him.' I got excited as I read it for surely Rosalind requires Orlando to disagree, but no, Orlando reacts to this checklist approvingly. This is exactly the woman that Rosalind proceeds to become. She pines, she sighs, she gets paranoid he might run off with another woman, gets distraught when he's late, faints when she hears he's been injured and is so desperate to get married that she organises the wedding herself and tells Orlando," she paused at this point and looked directly at me. "'To you I give myself, for I am yours'." After a moment, she broke the eye contact between us and I felt a slight flutter of hope in the pit of my stomach. Did she really mean to disguise her feelings for me in her presentation? "Patriarchal ideology has fashioned the characters, the values, and the very structure of this play. Professor Cullen's assertion that literature is essentially ideological couldn't, in my opinion, have been better illustrated." I was blown away. Bella Swan was smart, funny, witty, beautiful, sexy, cute and she loved me. But after her amazing end to her astonishing speech, I still couldn't help but recite that line in my mind over and over.
To you I give myself, for I am yours
What did she mean by that?
AN: I am so sorry that it took a while to get this chapter up. I was astounded by the amount of reviews I received for the last chapter in such a little time. By the end of the day, I had my 10 reviews, but I still had to write this chapter, so I apologise sincerely to you all that had to wait. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I will try my hardest to get another one up in the next few days. If not, please don't kill me. School is still kicking my ass. =[
Anyway. A whole chapter in Edward's POV. I find it a lot harder to write in his POV sometimes, which is why this chapter took longer to complete than it otherwise would have . I hope it was readable and please let me know what you loved and what you thought was crap. It helps. Lots. =]
Please review. I am pleading with you. Begging. Because I can. I will give you all virtual cookies if you review. Freshly baked. Chocolate chip. Please? =]
Shall we say...15 reviews for the next chapter? I know you guys can do it. I have faith in you. =]
Xoxo
Keet =]