Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight
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Edward's POV
I start to feel my eyes grow heavy but I can't find it in myself to lay Masen back down. I lay down on Bella's bed, Masen on my chest with my hand on his back so he won't fall off. Slowly I feel myself drift off to sleep. I'm not sure how long I'm asleep before I'm am awoken to someone shaking me. I panic when I feel my chest is light and cold. I sit up quickly and find Bella with Masen in her arms. I breathe a sigh of relief and run a hand through my tangled hair.
"What are you doing in here Edward?" she lays Masen back in the travel cot and kisses his forehead.
"He um, he was crying. You didn't hear him so…" I trail off. She sits on the edge of the bed and looks at me.
"I'm heading home with Masen tomorrow." Her eyes leave mine and train themselves on the floor.
"What? Why? Everyone is so excited about Masen and you being here." I move closer to her.
"When your mom asked me to bring Masen on this vacation, I didn't want to. I relented that I would go if I could bring Jasper. Well, two days before she told you about the vacation, Jasper told me that he loves me. Like I told you earlier, I got scared. I told Esme that he wasn't coming and I used this vacation to escape and get away from him so I could think. I've thought and I know what I want now." I look in her eyes and I feel a sense of dread wash over me.
"Bello, please-," she cuts me off and shakes her head.
"I love you. I always will but what we had, we will never get that back. I don't trust you and I can't be with someone I don't trust. Us being together, it's not fair to Masen either. You hurt him. You gave him up. You can't take that back and I'm so sorry for telling you that I still love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I want us to try and be friends. We have known each other forever and despite the fact that we didn't work out, I don't want to lose you completely." A single tear falls down her cheek and she reaches up to wipe it away.
"Why him? He was the first guy you were with after we separated." I question.
"He actually wasn't the first. I stupidly decided that I needed to get over you sooner rather than later. I went out with Jacob Black from the reservation when Masen was three weeks old. I hated his personality but I stayed with him for a little while. I had sex with him once I was given the all clear. I regretted it as soon as it happened. I ran into Jasper two weeks later while I was buying diapers for Masen. The rest is history I guess." She explains.
"I'm not really allowed to judge. I mean, look at what I did. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me because I feared growing up. I um, I'm going to head to bed. If I don't see you tomorrow before you leave…Goodbye Bella." I give her a small smile. I stop right next to Masen. I use my fingers to lightly push a strand of hair out of his face. I lean forward and kiss his forehead. I pull away and notice a familiar crooked smile on his face. Before I can say something I'll regret, I walk out of Bella's room and into mine.
I can't sleep. I spend the night crying and imagining what life could have been like if I hadn't betrayed Bella. We'd be happier than ever. Masen would have full hearing. Maybe we'd even be planning a second baby. At 7:30, I could hear everyone telling Bella and Masen goodbye. I listened as I heard the car drive away and I listened to the whispers accusing me of being the reason she left and took Masen with her. They were right though. I was to blame. I am the reason they won't ever truly get to know Masen. I'm the reason they're losing a friend.
The rest of the vacation goes smoothly. We avoid the subject of Bella and Masen. I'm relieved when it's time to go home. I definitely need to talk to my therapist. I need to start living my life again. I get off the plane and head straight to the therapist. She just looks at me for five minutes at the start of the session.
"How was your vacation Edward?"
"The first couple days were great. Then it was awkward and painful." I tell her honestly. She nods and asks me to explain. "Bella told me that she loved me but that too much had happened and she couldn't take me back. Apparently, Jasper loves her and wants to be a father to Masen. I held Masen for the first time. I watched as Bella had to support him physically because of my idiotic actions. He's seven months old and can't sit up by himself because I fucked around and gave Bella an infection which transmitted to him. I haven't hated myself more than I do now." I say angrily.
"Let's skip over Bella for now and talk about Masen. Why did you hold Masen and how did it feel?"
"He was crying and Bella didn't hear him. I couldn't just let him cry like that. The only way to describe the feeling I had when I picked him up is…It was like my life was finally complete. I held him and in that moment I knew that I'd do anything to protect him from the horrors of the world. That's why when Bella came to me that night and told me that we'd never be together again, I accepted it. I had to protect Masen from me. I'm a horrible person. He deserves a guy like Jasper as a father. Jasper is a good guy. Me? I'm a cheater. I am self-centered and egotistical. I'm not a good role model for him."
"You know, every time you come here, you talk down on yourself. So I want to take a few minutes and go through what you think is great about yourself. What qualities do you have that make you a good person?" she smiles at me.
"I don't think I have any. I mean look at me. You've heard what a shit storm my life is." I shrug.
"Fine, you don't want to go through any, then I will. Edward, you're hard working. You love your family and yes, that includes Masen and Bella. You are willing to do whatever you have to, to make sure they're safe and happy. I know you're not in the best place right now, but it will get better. I promise you that, you just have to hang on." She reaches out and puts her hand on mine and for the first time in months, I believe that everything will be all right.
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So, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Remember that your reviews are extremely helpful to me. Thank you to everyone who favorites and follows this story. Thank you to Cheatward's Spot of FB for helping people find this story. As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated and I'll see you next chapter!