A/N: This chapter is a bit long.

14

Arthur was learning Guinevere all over again.

She spoke her mind with ease.

She never wore purple or lavender. She wore blue, red, pink, white, virtually every color but any shade of purple.

She smiled and laughed more freely. He noticed she laughed a lot with her new friends and Merlin.

Arthur wasn't surprised that out of all of them, she reconnected with Merlin first. Like so many years ago, he'd see them with their heads together, laughing or talking about something.

He also saw her speaking quite comfortably with Gwaine. He wondered how the knight had gotten back in her good graces. One day, Gwaine offhandedly told him he had to earn her respect and that if he wanted any chance with her, he'd have to do the same.

Gaius also, like Merlin, seemed to connect with her quickly, as did Leon and Percival. Leon and Percival would spar with her and they all worked to improve themselves.

While her and her brother's relationship was quite tenuous, they were slowly working towards repairing their relationship.

Arthur felt left out. He didn't know how to approach her. She had completely transformed herself.

The worry that lurked in the back of her eyes was gone. It was replaced with a calm strength that seemed to surround her being. Nothing flustered her. She no longer spoke too quickly when she was nervous.

Her mind was sharp. He'd always known she was smart, but she had great strategies and plans. She'd actually planned several of the raids against Helio's men. They were all successful.

He did notice the things that made her who she was were still there. Her honesty, integrity, wisdom, and kindness were still there. Despite noticing these familiar aspects of her, she still felt a little out of his league. He wondered if this was the way she felt with him so many years ago.

She still hadn't spoken to him. Out of everyone, he hurt her the most. He wanted to apologize to her and he hoped she'd hear him out.

He was a sorry bastard for what he'd done to her and he knew it. So he waited for the next opportunity to speak to her when she was alone.

One morning he saw his chance. He saw her walking down the hallway alone. He stood in front of her, blocking her path, stopping her a moment. She lifted here brown eyes to him, her gaze unreadable.

Looking at her, the speech he planned flew from his mind. He said the words that had lived in his heart for a very long time regarding her.

"I am truly sorry for my actions towards you Guinevere." He paused, awaiting her response.

"You know, you used words very similar right after you banished me," Gwen's eyes briefly blazed with anger, even though her voice was quite calm.

Arthur noticed her anger and winced at her answer.

"You said you were sorry then too. What's changed?"

Looking around, Arthur saw an empty room across from them. He looked at her.

"May I speak to you in there?"

Gwen nodded. After entering the room, Arthur shut the door and faced her.

"I took you for granted and treated you horribly. Looking back, during our time together I now realize that I had the control in our relationship due to my status. It was you who took the greater risk in being with me. You stood by me through everything. My being enchanted, my father trying to kill you, and yet you cared for him for me. I rejected you and called you the wrong choice one day, and changed my mind the next and you still stood by my side. I took your kindness and love as my due. I didn't deserve you then. I am sorry Guinevere. I've done horrible wrongs towards you."

Arthur, overcome with emotion, dropped to his knees before her.

"Is there any way you can forgive me?"

Gwen turned her back for a moment. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath.

A few years ago, these words would have been enough, but they weren't anymore.

She turned around. He was still on his knees.

"Arthur there was a time when those words you just spoke would have meant everything to me. Now I see they are just words. Love is an action. It's the way you treat someone. You're right, I forgave you a lot. Why couldn't you do the same for me when I needed it? My heart was shattered when you banished me."

Arthur was silent. She walked closer to him, meeting his eyes. He could feel the anger rolling off her in waves.

"It was cold in the woods, you know. My hands were raw from pulling that cart. Every day, I heard your final words to me, over and over again in my head. Every night I was tormented with dreams of the hardness in your eyes." She began walking around him, her words falling upon him like fire.

"It took me a couple of months to realize I was enchanted. I almost came back to tell you. Then I realized that it didn't matter. You didn't want to see me. You made that abundantly clear." Finding a chair, she sat before the kneeling man, placing her face directly in front of his.

"I sold my possessions and bought a horse. My plan was to go to Tintagel. I was almost there when I felt something sting my neck one night as I was preparing my camp."

Arthur remembered when that happened to him and Merlin when they were searching for the cup of Life. His eyes widened in horror at what she was saying. Her next words confirmed his fears.

"Whatever they drugged me with paralyzed me, but before I passed out I could hear them talking about how my body would bring them a great price, and that they would surely make a great profit from me, because I was so beautiful. I later found out they'd given me a potion that removed my will from me. They use that you know, to make the women more willing." His eyes lowered in shame at her words.

That action caused her blood to boil. He was going to face this. He didn't get to look away because he felt bad. Her hand flew out, and the fine control she had been exerting snapped. His head flew back from her slap. His jaw smarted from her blow.

"LOOK AT ME ARTHUR!"

Surprise at her raised voice and slap caused him to do just that.

"I felt their hands upon me 'searching' me for weapons. There are times when I still do."

He wanted to ask, did they?

"For whatever reason, I was unharmed after that." Merlin told her about the protection spell he cast. She surmised it was the only reason things weren't worse.

"I was thrown in a cart, and Isodole found me. I've been with them ever since. Gwaine found us and now we are here. I wanted to refuse him his plea for help. I realized it would be small of me to deny help to those who needed it, no matter who they were. He told me, Gwaine did, that it took you a year…" Gwen felt her anger rising again.

"Why did it take a year for you to realize I was enchanted and lift my banishment? I was almost enslaved! You KNOW what they use women for! You sent me out with winter approaching ALONE! I WAS WITHOUT ANY PROTECTION FOR MONTHS! YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME! THAT'S NOT LOVE! YOU DID THAT TO HURT ME! GUESS WHAT! IT WORKED!" Her palms itched with the surprising desire to slap him again. She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself.

She'd never yelled at him before.

Arthur looked at her, her chest heaving with anger, eyes blazing, her fists clenching and unclenching as she glared at him. Shame washed anew through him. How he wished he had done things differently!

If only…

"You're right; I banished you to hurt you. I was hurting and wanted you to feel the same. You loving Lancelot was my greatest fear. He'd had your heart before, and a part of me was always afraid you could love him again. Seeing you with him that way, kissing him like that, hurt me deeply. I watched my worst fear come alive." His voice was quiet and subdued.

"Gwen I know that-"She cut him off.

"No wonder you so easily believed the worst in me. You never trusted in our love. All those years and you never …" Her voice trailed off. Leveling him with her gaze, she said, "Despite everything, I trusted you, Arthur." She moved past him to leave the room. Before leaving, she said, "I have to thank you for your banishment of me. It allowed me to see what true love and trust looks like. I know who I can trust my life with. It broke my heart two years ago to realize I couldn't trust you, not with my heart, not with my body, nor with my life." Gwen blindly swept out of the room, tears filling her eyes, slamming the door behind her.

Somehow, she found her room. Shutting the door, Gwen slid down the wall next to it and wept.

He tried to stand and follow her, but grief made him immobile. His head dropped into his hands. Again he dropped to his knees as hot, bitter tears filled his palms.

He hurt her badly. His choices nearly allowed her to lose her freedom. Somehow he had to make it right.

As he recounted her words, bile rose within him. She had been captured and nearly enslaved, at the mercy of men who could have done her great harm. He sent her away from everything familiar.

His rationale for banishment was that it kept her safe from death. She could have died anyway.

If she had perished it would have been his fault. His rash actions nearly cost him of a life he considered precious. He still loved her. Although he knew Gwen's actions towards Lancelot were engineered by magic, he would have forgiven her anyway if they weren't.

Could she forgive him?

Arthur stayed in the room a long time, deep in thought.

He didn't deserve her forgiveness.

He had to earn it.

And if, by some miracle, he earned her love again, he'd never let her go. He'd cherish her all of his days.

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She thought she'd forgiven him. Truly.

But when he dropped to his knees and apologized, Gwen felt her anger rise.

It was if nothing had changed.

In the past, Arthur would apologize and everything would be normal again.

Her accepting his words so easily was her fault. She was always a bit awed by the fact he wanted her. Just as he was afraid of losing her to Lancelot, she was afraid of losing him to someone more beautiful, more titled.

She didn't trust in him fully either. They both had a lot of insecurities.

What a mess this was.

Sighing, she went to prepare for her session with Merlin.

It went horribly. She was a mess of emotion and had a hard time concentrating.

Merlin ended the session early, and she went to the tower. It was quiet there, and she could sit and clear her mind and center her thoughts.

Arriving there, she was surprised to see Alator there.

"You expressed your thoughts and released your anger today, Guinevere. Now you will be able to fight successfully."

"It was hard, Alator. I didn't realize I was still so angry." Nodding in understanding, he gestured to the floor.

"Sit."

Gwen sat cross- legged on the stone floor. Alator sat across from her. Meeting her gaze, he spoke.

"Your words will allow him to become the king he was meant to be." Alator knew that Gwen would become Arthur's wife, but wisely he said nothing. She wasn't ready to hear it yet. Knowing Gwen well enough to know she used training to clear her head, he started their session.

"Now l want you to close your eyes and relax."

Gwen closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Soon she was calm and able to focus.

Alator raised his hand and tried to move her using magic.

Gwen resisted.

The magic pulsed stronger.

She continued to resist.

Quietly, Merlin entered. Alator nodded to Merlin and lowered his hands. Merlin didn't raise his hand, he just thought about her moving across the room.

Gwen moved an inch before recognizing the change and resisting. Both men nodded approvingly, stopping a moment.

"Good job Gwen." Merlin smiled.

Gwen said, "It seems my weakness is distraction. Merlin I need you to do that when you think I'm not paying attention. It'll help me be better prepared for sneak attacks."

Merlin simply nodded, and the trio went back to their training session.

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She sat on a rock overlooking the sea. In all of the places in Fyrien, this was her favorite place. Watching the water and listening to the waves always helped her to relax.

Today had been a trying day. She was emotionally drained.

Yelling at Arthur was the last thing she expected to happen. And slapping his face?

She still couldn't believe she'd done that. She'd never lost control that way before.

And yet, there was something quite satisfying about letting him know exactly what she'd been through. She wasn't however; proud of the fact she smacked him.

She'd spoken her mind to someone she long considered her superior. If there were any lingering doubts she had that she would return to being the subservient Gwen everyone was used to once she returned they were gone now.

During the span of her relationship with Arthur, she could never forget her place as a servant. She never quite felt like his equal.

She loved him the best way she knew how, and he did the same.

But with the two of them having to meet secretly for so long, over time it caused a major problem in their dynamic. Anything unpleasant was pushed aside in the need to see one another. Once their relationship was out in the open, they still ignored their problems and didn't voice their insecurities. That was one of the reasons Agravaine was able to influence Arthur into leaving her, even though it was only for a short time.

It was also the reason the enchantment worked so well. It played on all of her and Arthur's fears.

Closing her eyes, she listened to the sea.

She loved him still. It hadn't faded at all during their time apart.

Speaking her mind earlier also enabled her to let the past go. Now that she expressed her anger, she was able to truly forgive Arthur for his past actions.

Idly, she wondered briefly if he still loved her. Shaking her head at the thought, she knew that even if it were true, she couldn't jump into his arms as if the past few years didn't happen.

She deserved better than that.

She had to trust him, and right now she didn't.

She wondered if she ever would be able to again.

A/N: I worked on this, stopped, started over and re wrote a lot. Arwen is endgame in this story, but they had to address the past before they could move forward. It was a challenge to write this chapter. I hope I got all of the emotions right. Thanks for reading and reviewing.