The look in her eyes terrifies me beyond comprehension. They are charcoal black and that beautiful starlit gray is so far gone. Her fingers are cold around my neck, but I feel no physical pain. She is trying to kill me; I can see it in her face, but I know immediately that this is not her. They have done this to her. The Katniss I once knew is not here. A thousand different memories surge through my mind at this moment. The way her head used to fit perfectly into the spot under my chin, lying with her on the roof stroking back her hair, my lips sweeping across her neck on the train, or her hands skimming my cheek and neck ever so gently on the beach. All of that is over. I reach up to stroke her cheek and her grip tightens around my neck, cutting off my air supply.
Suddenly, I watch Boggs hit her in the back of the head, causing her to fall and pull her hands away from me. I gasp for air to regain my strength and then ball my hand into a fist, connecting it with Boggs' temple. Someone else sends a needle into my neck. I try to stand and keep myself upright. I lunge for Katniss because she is now also lying unconscious on the ground. I scream. I stumble to the ground next to her. My world goes black.
When I attempt to breathe, it is painful because it feels like only a small amount of air is flowing through my larynx. A tube sits around my ears and face, leading to my nose, giving me extra oxygen to keep me alive. There is a brace around my neck that only helps to remind me of what happened to put me in this hospital. I tell myself to keep breathing because despite what some doctors believe, I do not want to die. I need to live. I need to help bring Katniss back from her dark and cold mind that does not belong to her.
It was Boggs who sedated Katniss before permanent damage could be done. I know Haymitch would have come to my defense too, but none of us were prepared for what happened. She is hurt; her mind trapped away deep within her brain, shadowed by deep fear and hatred brought on by the Capitol.
Eventually Plutarch, Haymitch, and Beetee enter my room and I instantly hope that they are going to tell me I can exit the hospital and begin helping with Katniss' rehabilitation.
A nurse helps me sit up and give me a shot of something to ease the swelling. Prim is not my usual nurse anymore. She is now devoting her time to work with Katniss because Prim is one of the few people who's memory was thankfully not touched by the Capitol. Besides, the Capitol did not have access to their story the way they did ours, they had no memories of Prim to alter that severely. However, our relationship was so public that everything was used against her.
"So…Peeta, Katniss' condition has come as a shock to all of us," Plutarch begins. "We couldn't help but notice her deterioration in the last two interviews. Obviously, she's been abused, and we put her psychological state down to that. Now, we believe something more was going on, that the Capitol has been subjecting her to a rather uncommon technique known as hijacking. Beetee?"
"I'm sorry Peeta, but I can't tell you the specifics of it." Beetee says. "The Capitol is very secretive about this form of torture, and I believe the results are inconsistent. This is what we know: it's a type of fear conditioning. The term hijack comes from an old English word that means 'to capture' or even better, 'to seize'. We believe it was chosen because the technique involves the use of tracker jacker venom, and the jack suggests hijack. You were stung in your first Hunger Games, so unlike most of us, you have firsthand knowledge of the effects of the venom."
I remember back to my first games, after fighting off Cato. I remember the hallucinations and visions of Katniss being killed. The venom targets the part of your brain that houses fear.
"Recall has been made even more difficult because memories can be changed." Beetee taps a spot on his forehead. "Brought to the forefront of your mind, altered, and saved again in the revised form. Now, imagine that I ask you to remember something- either with a verbal suggestion or by making you watch a tape of the event. Then, while that experience is refreshed, I give you a dose of tracker jacker venom. Not enough to induce a three-day black out, just enough to infuse the memory with fear and doubt. And that's what your brain puts in long-term storage."
I start to feel sick again and the true realization of what they have done to her.
"So, that's what they've done to her? Taken all of her memories with me and distorted them into something she fears?"
Beetee nods his head. "So scary that they seem life threatening to her. So scary that she wants to kill you. Yes, that's our current theory. You are not the only one, however, she fears Gale as well; just not as deeply as she fears you. The Capitol had way more usable footage of the two of you."
I cover my face with my hands and clench them into fists hoping to relieve some frustration. This does not seem possible. How could someone have the ability to make a person forget about his or her feelings towards someone else? How could they make her forget that she cared for me, perhaps loved me even? That thought is enough to break me.
"We're going to reverse it though, right?" I finally ask.
"We…have very little data on that," Plutarch says. "None, actually. If hijacking rehabilitation has been attempted before, than we have no records of it."
"But we are going to try!" I say sternly.
"Of course we will try, Peeta." Beetee says with a smile. "It's just, we don't know to what degree we'll succeed. My guess…"
"We are going to succeed." I interrupt. "I don't care what you think, Katniss is going to come back."
Everyone only nods.
"We're putting together a team of mental health and military professionals. I personally feel optimistic that she'll make a full recovery." Plutarch explains, his words sounding a little too forced.
"Do you?" I ask, my words directed towards Haymitch.
With one glance at Haymitch, I can see the exhaustion and discouragement in his eyes. "I think she'll get somewhat better. But…I don't think she will ever be the same."
Tears fill my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I need to remain strong and get myself out of this hospital. I need to help Katniss.
"At least she is alive," Plutarch says. He seems to be losing patience with us already. "Katniss is damaged, but she's here. With us. And that's a definite improvement over this situation twelve hours ago. Let's keep that in mind, all right?"
Plutarch is right, and his words manage to make me feel somewhat better. Knowing that she is out of the hands of President Snow is such a wonderful relief. Yet, her condition often overshadows the hope, but I remind myself that it's still there- that I'm going to fight for her and bring the Katniss that I fell in love with back, because she's in there somewhere, and I will not leave her behind again.
They make me stay in the hospital for two extra days. I consider attempting to sneak my way out, but decide against it because odds are, if I was caught, they would want to keep me in here longer. However, when I am finally discharged, I race down to Katniss confines. Haymitch tells me how I am not allowed to see her yet because apparently, just hearing my name can set her off, let alone seeing my face. But I am allowed to sit behind a one-way glass wall where many other doctors sit, observing her. They are all staring intensely at the glass with pens and clipboards in hand. I can't help but feel like they are treating her like some kind of animal. I have to remind myself that they're only trying to help her.
"Prim is the only person she is completely comfortable with, so they have been using her a lot to help explain things to Katniss. She really trusts Prim." Haymitch tells me.
I nod my head. I think it is clear to everyone that these sisters have always had a relationship that was beyond love. They are willing to sacrifice everything for each other.
"Today Prim is going in to try to help Katniss understand her relationship with Gale." Haymitch adds a little apprehensively.
I see Gale seated a few seats over to my left. I don't think he's even noticed me enter the room; his eyes are locked on Katniss. Yet he has every reason to- Prim is probably about to remind her sister of the special relationship they had together. I am also going to get a front row view.
Katniss is sleeping right now and I notice how beautiful she looks. I always admired how young and radiant she looked while she was sleeping. Sometimes I would just stare at her for hours.
I watch as the door to her room slowly opens and Prim quietly walks in. Her hair is swept to the side of her shoulder and she too looks very tired.
"Katniss." She says gently as she walks toward her bedside. "Katniss."
Katniss stirs and eventually opens her eyes. She is startled at first and begins thrashing. I want to get up and run into her room because it is clear she was having a bad dream. And I have always been the one to pull her out of her nightmares so many times before. I was the one who held her close to prevent the terrifying images in her sleep. But I stay in my seat because I know that I'm now probably the terrifying image she is seeing.
Once she sees Prim's face in front of her, stroking her shoulder, she relaxes and a small smile appears across her face. It's so good to see her smile because when I was in the hospital, I was not sure I would be seeing it anytime soon.
"Is she like this with anyone else?" I ask Haymitch.
He shakes his head. "Not even close, even people she's never met, she is very cold towards. There is just a lot of confusion in her mind. Even her mother she is not sure of. Only Prim."
"How are you feeling?" Prim asks her.
"Better now that you came to visit me, little duck." Katniss says, sweeping a lose strand of hair away from Prim's face. "What did you do today?"
Prim hesitates for a moment before she speaks. I can tell she is really considering what she is about to say.
"I just had lunch in the dining hall….with Gale."
Katniss' face turns cold and it is clear how uncomfortable she is.
"Prim, I told you not to go near him, he could be dangerous!" Katniss exclaims. I watch Gale squirm in his seat.
"No, Katniss; he's not. Believe me…we have known him for a long time! He is your good friend." Prim speaks very calmly and slowly.
I can tell Katniss really comprehends everything Prim is explaining to her because their trust is very strong. Just one look at her face and you can tell her ideas and perceptions of Gale are changed from Prim's words.
"I don't…I think he wants to hurt me, Prim…or you." Katniss adds, sitting up in her bed.
"He doesn't though…he misses you." Prim replies.
Katniss wrinkles her eyebrow. "Does he love me?"
Prim hesitates here because I know she does not want to set her off. "I think so."
"And do I love him?"
Prim shifts her eyes away from Katniss and stares at the blank wall. I am not sure I want to hear this answer. I am not sure I want the confirmation of the fact that Katniss loves another man who is not me.
"You do," Prim begins, "but not in the way you suppose."
This takes me back. What does she mean by not in the way you suppose?
"What do you mean Prim?" Katniss asks, clearly as confused as the rest of us.
"I…I just think your heart was with someone else, Katniss." Prim says.
Someone else? Who else could there possibly be! Is there another man in her life that I-
My mouth instantly drops open at the realization that this someone else is me. I watch Gale look away from the glass and he immediately stands. He doesn't say anything and I don't dare look at his face. He strides to the door, slamming it behind him.
"Who?" I manage to here Katniss ask.
Now it is clear that Prim has become nervous. She knows she is not supposed to mention my name- not yet anyway. But now Katniss has brought it up and I don't think Prim was informed of what to do in a situation quite like this.
"We will talk about it another time, Katniss. I have to go to a class now on my schedule."
Katniss looks very confused, but she nods her head in agreement to her sister's words. They embrace quickly and Prim walks out of the room. My eyes do not leave the glass and my mouth continues to hang open at the thought of Prim's words. She has never really told me about these thoughts before. It feels somewhat selfish towards Gale, but I am very thankful she was able to tell Katniss that. There is also a stream of bliss coursing through my veins right now. Hearing from the person who is the closet to Katniss confirm that Katniss may have honestly loved me is the greatest thing I have heard since I arrived here. This helps me believe that her feelings for me will help in the process of bringing her back.
You guys have been so deprived of Everlark with this story, that I had to through something somewhat positive in there! Don't get to excited though! This ship is fair from setting sail yet! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, feel free to leave me any comments or suggestions of ideas you would like to see in this story in the future! I will see you all again soon! XOX