Coffee.
It was just coffee. It was a hot caffeinated beverage made from ground coffee beans and water. It carried no connotations, no hopes, no dreams and certainly no implications of a relationship.
More so, she wanted him to bring her coffee. She had given him implicit instructions to do so.
Burke wrung his hands nervously as he approached the coffee cart. He'd been given a second chance. He had a chance to do things the right way, to make things better- to heal their wounds. His stomach churned with insecurity as he saw the coffee cart come into view.
The emotions that stirred within him now were a stark contrast to what he felt only a few months ago. He wanted to be sure again. He wanted to know that he was doing the right thing. He wanted to know that this would win Cristina back.
He stepped closer to the counter. It was just coffee. He kept repeating the phrase over and over in his head, trying to remind himself. This was her pace. This was her idea. This was what she wanted. She wanted him to bring her coffee.
As the strong scent of the coffee overwhelmed him, he sighed and stepped away from the cart.
It was never just coffee with them. Coffee carried connotations of forbidden sex in an on-call room and an unwanted pregnancy. Coffee brought tragedy and reunion and hidden apartments, gunshot wounds and silent treatment. Coffee was symbolic.
It would never be just coffee.
Burke walked away from the coffee cart and towards the surgical unit. He needed to talk to her. He needed to see her. He only hoped that his inability to commit to buying her a cup of coffee that was merely a cup of coffee and nothing more wouldn't ruin his chances.
Spotting her by the board, he brushed by her and took hold of her elbow. Gently, he guided her away from the board and around the corner to the stairwell.
Looking to his empty hands expectantly with a cool gaze, she trailed up his body to his chest. "Where's the coffee?"
"I couldn't do it." He answered evenly, "I couldn't do it, and I won't just buy you a cup of coffee like it doesn't mean anything."
She watched him closely. She'd never seen Burke like this before- nervous and visibly shaken. "Why does it have to mean something? Why can't it just be a cup of coffee?"
"Because it has meaning. It wasn't just coffee when I gave you a cup the first time, and it wouldn't be just coffee now. I can't do that, Cristina. I want…to make you happy. I want to make this work, I want to do everything you say. I want to go at your pace. But I just can't buy you a cup of coffee and act like there isn't a story behind it. Act like we don't have a past." He eyes shifted nervously up and down her face, trying to get a read on her expression.
Cristina didn't want to deny their past either. She didn't want to deny him those memories. She didn't expect to bring her a cup of coffee without the heavy connotations that one cup could carry between them.
She just didn't know how to tell him that without unnecessarily getting his hopes up. The last thing that she wanted or needed to do is to give him false hope that things would progress faster than she wanted them too.
"We'll get coffee together. This afternoon, and I'll buy my own cup. It's not a date. It's just two people. Who aren't friends. And aren't dating. Buying coffee."
"Colleagues." He nodded gently, trying to withhold a smile.
"Whatever." She answered, and brushed past him. Her heart fluttered when their arms brushed and she rolled her eyes. She hated him for turning her into such a damn girl so many months ago. She hated how she had a physiologic reaction to him every time he was in the room.
"I'll see you this afternoon, Dr. Yang."
A grin spread across his lips as he started up the stairs. They'd just done something they never did in their previous attempt at a relationship.
They'd communicated and compromised.
He wanted to believe that the nerves that had manifested themselves would dissipate by the time their coffee date arrived, but he already felt them intensifying.
Bringing her coffee, no matter how strong the implication, was nothing compared to talking. Burke knew that inevitably there would be talking and arguing, and he couldn't help but feel that perhaps this coffee date was going to set the stage for the first argument that had not yet occurred.
Perhaps he should've just brought her a cup of coffee, instead.