Welcome back all wonderful readers! Ok, so I'm totally sucking up hoping you'll forgive me for the long awaited update. No good excuse for that so let's just move on to the new chapter. Enjoy and read-on!!

-whit

Ch. 14 Revelations from the (not so) deep

"I'm not going to tell you what to feel Lucas but I do know that if there really isn't anything left between Peyton and you, you've got to make it clear to her…"

Lucas sighed as Lindsay talked. It was bad enough that he knew that they were over but now Lindsay wanted to give him advice about something he didn't want to talk about.

"And I know you Luke and how you are with the girls you care about; you don't want to say anything that would hurt them and while that's sweet you're never going to be happy with anyone if you don't make it clear to Peyton that you two are over."

With the usual scrunch of his face, Lucas looks desperately at Lindsay. If Lucas had been trying to do one thing since Peyton came back it was make her realize that they were over.

"And I don't mean doing it sweetly; I mean sitting her down and laying it out for her. You have to do that Lucas, regardless of how much pain it might cause either of you or you're never going to have another chance with…"

"Did you leave me because of Peyton? Or the letters? Because I'm confused LInds…" Lucas interrupted before Lindsay could continue.

"Neither Luke…" Lindsay answered and paused before continuing, "…or a little bit of both but they weren't the defining factors Lucas. What we had was good Lucas, really good, but I think we both stayed in it because it was safe."

"No, I loved you Linds. I wasn't in it just because it was safe…"

"I know but I think that's what kept us in it. But look at us Luke…" Lindsay said as she spread her arms out, "…there's no more fight left, in either of us. And that's ok but when you're in a relationship that fight, that passion to fight, has never got to leave you. We both need people who are going to fight to be with us at the good and bad times Luke and I guess what I realized is I'm not that girl for you."

"Maybe you're right but these past two years have been great and I hate to see what we had get thrown away."

"They're not; we have these great memories to keep. But have you heard yourself Lucas?" Lindsay asked and Lucas just looked on confused. "You keep referring to us in past tense and you're doing that because you know it's over, you just don't want to admit it because you think that we've failed."

"What else would you call it?" Lucas asked pleadingly.

Lindsay let out a small laugh. "A lesson. And that is nothing to be ashamed of Luke." Lindsay walked over to where Lucas sat on the edge of the bed and kneeled down in front of him.

"I have cherished each and every moment that we've spent together. I don't regret these past two years and I never will. We've been so good for each other Luke, just not that forever kind of good, ya know?"

Lucas nodded. He knew Lindsay was right and wondered if there were signs that he should have picked up on sooner but he couldn't think of any.

"Yeah I guess I do know. It's just hard to accept I guess…"

Lindsay nodded in agreement, "I understand but the sooner we both do the sooner we can move on and then give ourselves fully to someone else. It'll happen sooner than you think Luke."

Just as Lindsay finished the air conditioning in the room kicked on and a humming noise joined the room; the room that had become home to one of them. Ever since Lindsay had left Tree Hill she was staying in a hotel In Charlotte, near her office. But now it seemed like she would be leaving the hotel too and finding somewhere more permanent to live. The only question was: where?

Lindsay smiled as a thought entered her head. "Ya know Luke we are still so young, don't go into that 'I don't know what I'm going to do' brooding phase because it's not over. You will find her." Lindsay said and then shrugged, "or re-find her."

Then Lucas gave that 'I haven't a clue' look and it made Lindsay laugh. She realized then how much she would miss everything about him; especially his little facial antics. But the truth was their love wasn't that forever kind of love; whatever the hell that meant. And while Lindsay wasn't sure she was on to something, she figured it couldn't hurt to try.

"I really like Brooke ya know…"

Lucas groaned, "I thought you said…"

But just as quickly as Lindsay had been interrupted by Lucas she interrupted him.

"From the moment I met her I liked her; even if it was an awkward situation. She was sweet and funny and I could tell that she wanted you to be happy. She never had any aggressive feelings toward me and accepted me fully. And honestly I think she's one of the greatest people I've ever met and for the life of me I can't help but wonder why you didn't write a book about her."

Lucas shut his eyes tightly, hoping they weren't really having this conversation. Then Lindsay placed her hands on his causing Lucas to open his eyes abruptly.

"Go home Luke. Go write your book and teach the game you love."

There was no more "Brooke" talk after that and Lucas never asked why Lindsay brought her up. And the weeks that followed Lucas didn't think about it much because truthfully he was still getting over the breakup. But lately it had occurred to him why Lindsay brought Brooke up. She believed Lucas when he said it wasn't Peyton but had a lingering feeling about Brooke. That's what Lindsay meant by "re-find her". That's what brought Lucas to standing in front of this house. A house that was too big for even two people. A house that represented the loneliness Brooke felt; even if she wouldn't admit it.

Just seconds after Lucas knocked a tall blonde opened the door, shocked to see Lucas in front of her.

"Hey," Lucas said softly.

Peyton scratched her neck nervously, "Hey, Brooke's not here."

Lucas nodded, "I know. Can I come in?"

Without another word Peyton lead Lucas into the kitchen where she was cooking dinner. An emo band was playing in the background which Peyton immediately turned down.

"Your taste in music hasn't changed," Lucas commented as he took a seat at the island.

"Some things don't change Lucas," Peyton replied.

Lucas nodded, "No, I guess they don't," he said quietly.

Silence filled the room and the air seemed to get colder. Outside gray clouds were overtaking the sky but one couldn't tell if a storm was coming or if the clouds were just passing by. As the silence continued the awkwardness grew. This was only the third or fourth time they 

had been alone without anyone around. But even with that in the air, Lucas knew what he had to do and this time he was not going to back down.

"I need you to listen to me, k Peyt?" It was in the form of a question but it was more a demand than anything else.

A look of dread and hope lost spread across Peyton's face; contouring deep into the lines on her face. A nervous smile spread on Peyton's face and her mouth lay agape.

"Look Lucas if this is about yesterday at Brooke's office, it's really none of my business and you don't need to explain yourself."

Lucas laughed, not because Peyton knew exactly why he was there but that she figured he came to explain himself.

"I didn't come to explain Peyton, I just…I just wanted, needed, to talk to you about a few things." Lucas wished he hadn't stammered. The last thing he wanted to come across as was confused or unsure.

After leaving Brooke's boutique yesterday Lucas thought a lot about the next step he needed to take. He certainly wasn't going to push Brooke in any way especially considering how fast things were moving. Sure Lindsay had left almost two months ago and Lucas was over her, but he was positive no one was expecting him falling in love with Brooke all over again (but then again it seemed like Haley and Nathan sure were). The one thing Lucas had to do was talk to Peyton and make it clear that there would never be a "them" again.

"I have feelings for Brooke."

There. He said it. But instead of Peyton's jaw dropping to the floor she stood completely composed. Soon she went back to cooking. And just as Lucas was about to talk again Peyton spoke up.

"I know Lucas." Peyton said without turning back to face Lucas. "Didn't we already talk about this in your office?"

"Not really." Lucas answered.

Stopping all of her actions Peyton let out a big sigh before turning around. The pain was evident in her eyes.

"I get it. You don't need to come over here and rub it in my face."

"I'm not rubbing in your face Peyton…"

"Then what Lucas?" Peyton interrupted loudly. "What the hell else could you be doing? I get it…once again you're in love with Brooke or you have always been. And our relationship was just a bunch of bull. Did you ever love me? Because I have always thought that it was going to be us against the world. Whatever happened to always being in love with me?"

It was Lucas' turn to sigh. The truth was he did write a book based on his relationship with Peyton but he had written it in a time of pain, a time just after Brooke had left him.

Lucas said the only thing he could, "I wrote that book in high school Peyt. Some things do change."

"How do you even know what you want Lucas. You go back and forth more than anyone I know. Next you'll be saying you want Lindsay, then me, then Brooke…."

Lucas shook his head, "No Peyton," he said forcefully, "It's always been Brooke, in one way or another."

Peyton threw her hands up in the air, "Then what were we, huh? Were you just dragging me along until Brooke would allow you into her heart Lucas? Because she'll never love you like that again. She'll never trust you like that again. You're wasting your breath."

"STOP!" Lucas yelled and slammed a palm down on the island. Frustrated he stood up and paced in the kitchen. "She is your best friend Peyton and all you can think about is ways for me to give up. Do you know that she would do anything if it meant that you were happy? Why can't you reciprocate those feelings…"

"Don't you dare act like you know a thing about me and Brooke's friendship, you don't know the first thing," Peyton yelled, matching Lucas' tone.

"I know that in high school being with me was more important than having your best friend in your life…"

"Oh, like you didn't do the same thing Lucas," Peyton countered, "When you two were together you were an awful boyfriend and you left her for me, twice…"

The last comment infuriated Lucas so much that he launched himself towards Peyton. "I never left her, I gave her up. I gave her up and that was the worst mistake I've ever made. And I was the best boyfriend I knew how…"

"When Luke?" Peyton interrupted. "When you were saving me or kissing me?"

"I didn't kiss you the second time Peyton," Lucas snarled, "And I made it very clear that I was in love with Brooke and you still went to her and told her you had feelings for me causing her insecurities to resurface. And you got what you wanted didn't you? She broke up with me."

Peyton's face fell. She hadn't thought about Brooke and Lucas' break up since…well since it happened. For a moment it was silent as Lucas studied Peyton's face. It was obvious that Peyton had no idea that Lucas knew that she told Brooke about her feelings.

"Yeah I know about that; funny though how it never came up while we were together. And Brooke never told me because she knew how angry I would have been. She kept that to herself…"

Peyton looked at Lucas questioningly. "Rachel told me…" Lucas said as if reading her thoughts, "when I went up to New York…to see Brooke." There was a pause before Lucas continued, "You're the one who told me to fight like hell."

Tears threatened to spill out of Peyton's eyes and she tried to hold them in. "I know but…but…"

"But what Peyton?" Lucas pushed.

Peyton threw her hands up in a futile attempt, "I guess I say and do certain things in hopes that they'll help me get over you."

Lucas shut his eyes tightly; he knew her words were too good to be true.

"Just why Lucas? Why say all those things in your book and while we were together. I'm trying to put it together, what we were, why we didn't work out, why you just couldn't love me."

"I did love you Peyton and we were there for each other when we both desperately needed it but the truth is…" Lucas paused, "…the truth is, is that was a long time ago and I…"

"Love Brooke." Peyton finished.

By now Lucas had made his way on to the other side of the island, running his hands over his face. This was not going how he intended at all. The past was never meant to be brought up but it was.

"I didn't come over here to fight Peyton or to talk about the past…"

"Then what Luke? Why did you come over here?" Peyton pleaded while a few tears crawled down her cheek.

"I just needed you to realize that there is no "us" anymore and there will never be Peyt. I came over here to tell you to stay out of whatever chance I have with Brooke. You're probably right…Brooke will probably never trust or love me in that way again but I need to try. If you really care about Brooke or me…" Lucas shrugged, "you'll just let go."

It was a heartbreaking moment for both of them. For Peyton being forced to see reality and for Lucas to realize she was probably right.

After a moment of silence Lucas shrugged, "God I wish I could just get it right, ya know? That we could all just figure it out like we thought we had in high school. I feel more lost than I did in high school and I think growing up does that to us. Realizing the reality of our choices and living in spite of them; it takes a lot of work. But what's more important is that we pick up the pieces and realize that our mistakes help us learn, help us grow."

"Why does it have to hurt so much?" Peyton asked softly.

Lucas just shook his head, "I don't know," he said quietly.

As Lucas turned to leave, not really knowing if he had accomplished his task, he heard Peyton follow him. And as he reached the door Peyton finally spoke up.

"I read one once…"

Lucas turned around, obviously confused by what she was saying.

"One of the letters Brooke wrote you," Peyton clarified.

The revelation made Lucas furious but he had no chance to show it before Peyton spoke once again.

"I tried to understand they love you two shared. I tried to see the guy she wrote about but I never could. I was always so jealous of what she had with you, what she still has. But I guess I figured what we had was bigger, ya know in the "stars", but really what you two had could never be touched. I think I knew it the second I picked up that letter and was just too scared to admit it."

Lucas closed his eyes and just nodded before reaching for the door handle and leaving.

Outside the clouds had thickened, becoming darker than they had been. There was something in the air that made Lucas uneasy. Bad things always seemed to happen on days like these. As he made his way to his car he wondered what he had accomplished by coming over here and if instead he should have found Brooke. Found her and talked to her, laughed with her. Maybe then the clouds wouldn't be so dark.

What neither blonde knew was while they were fighting in the kitchen a certain brunette had come home, parking her car in the driveway to keep it safe from the rain that would surely fall. A brunette who had come inside quietly, knowing Lucas was there. Then after hearing the fighting, went upstairs to avoid any sort of confrontation. A brunette who couldn't help but listen to the whole conversation from the top of the stairs. And who was now currently in her room, lip trembling and tears slowly creeping out.

xx—xx

So let me know how you felt about this chapter. I felt it was vital to my story and an important part of getting to Brucas. Let me know you cute little reviewers!

Personal Thank You(s):

Brooke D.- I know Peyton always pops up in the wrong places! I hope this chapter didn't bug you too much considering it was full of Peyton. And the Breyton relationship is full of flaws so it's no wonder Peyton can't read Brooke like she once could.

Hoeoverbros- So glad you like it! There is much more angst to come, so be prepared! And it's good to know I'm writing well; that means a lot to hear!

Brucasfanatic- Hey you are more than welcome to hit Peyton and yes unfortunately she'll probably be in the way. But if I didn't write it that way I think it would not be as realistic. Thanks for the review!

Sophia-Chad- So glad you liked the chapter. I hope you're still reading even though it took me awhile to update. Thanks!

GreedxEd- I haven't given much thought about Bevin and Skills honestly (but now I will). Brooke will learn to be selfish but it will be a process. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Toddntan- Thanks so much for your Fan--Tastic review. Yeah I couldn't let the kissing lead to more. It was hard enough to find a way to defend that. We will see Lucas become less fickle (at least in my story). And there will be major developments in Brooke's selfish style! Although not so much as to change who she is.

bella ()- Which couple is that??  I hope you enjoyed this chapter too! Thanks for your review.