Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

thank you for all the reviews! ^^

sorry for the (kind of) wait. i've been hella busy with school, work, and trying to get extra sexified for LA Pride next month ;D soo updates might take a while..but i'll try and get 'em out to you as soon as i can.

angst warning! and eh, long monologue warning? (only because a lot of talking can be a lot to take in)

I felt a gentle caress on my cheek, then...kisses?

I slowly opened my eyes and jet black hair was tickling my cheek as cool lips softly kissed my neck.

A smile formed on my face and I felt a hell of a lot better. I guess that nap really helped...and well, who wouldn't be in a good mood waking up like this?

Alice pulled herself away from my side, "Did you sleep well?" She asked as she took my hand and began to trace imaginary lines with her dainty fingers.

"Yea..I actually didn't know I fell asleep. How long was I out?"

"Not too long. It only took us about two hours to get here. I thought I'd go the speed limit so you could sleep as long as possible."

"Aw, aren't you sweet. Actually following the rules of the road for little ol' me."

She grinned, "Only the best for my baby."

I rolled my eyes, but smiled none the less. "So, where are we?" I pulled my sight from her gorgeous face, which was a hard task, and looked out of the car window. It was still dark..it must be three, maybe four in the morning. We were parked by a beach, the moon was shining across the small, gentle waves.

"We're in Deception Pass." What a name, huh? "Don't let the name frighten you, it's so beautiful here, even when it's almost pitch black outside." Well, you're right about the pitch black part. Stupid vampire senses, she could probably see everything as if it was day...and I, well, I couldn't see shit. Well, besides the water, but the forest behind us...it looked like pure darkness to me.

"Alright, I'll take your word on it." I stretched out, feeling cramped in the car.

"You want to sit outside? It's pretty cold, but I think I have a blanket in the trunk."

"Yea, thats fine." Before I even finished responding she already ran to the trunk and was back in the drivers seat with a blanket and a hoodie.

"Here, yours is still wet." She handed the dark navy blue hoodie to me, it read Oxford.

"Is this yours?" She nodded. "No way, you went to Oxford?"

"Yup, that was my...third time in university? I think."

"Third? How many times have you been?"

She giggled and her eyes seemed to glow, I noticed. "Let's just say, I have a whole section of my closet dedicated to old high school and college sweatshirts."

I pulled it over my head, and her scent consumed my brain. I felt my eyes roll in the back of my skull...okay, I need to breathe or else her scent is going to turn me mad.

"I never pegged you as a sweatshirt wearing girl." She flashed outside the passenger side door, opening it.

"I'm not really one, they never go with the rest of my outfit." I held back an eye roll and a smirk. "But, it's like the law, you have to have a sweatshirt for every school you go to." She held out her hand and I took it.

"I suppose." I allowed her to lead me to the slightly rocky beach until she stopped near a large piece of washed up driftwood.

"Don't suppose, just agree with me. You know I'm right anyway." She chastely kissed me to further push her point.

"Yea, yea, I agree." My voice was drawn out, teasingly, but my face was split in two. Of course I agree, would you disagree with a gorgeous, seemingly perfect woman as Alice? I think not.

We both sat down on the log, the whole scene around us was calming...The soft sway of the waves was mixing with my own breathing, easing me into this moment. Alice wrapped the thick blanket around my shoulders, but she froze slightly as I pulled her under the blanket with me.

"The purpose of a blanket is that it's supposed to warm you. With me under here it's not doing its job."

"Hush. I don't care for your logic. Mine's better." I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her into me. My head found its place in the crook of her neck, which I lightly kissed.

A grin formed on my lips as I felt her shudder underneath me. I love the way she makes me feel...and I love the way I make her feel.

A slight purr rumbled from deep in her chest. "Can I let you in on a little secret?" Her frosty whisper sent a pleasant chill down my spine.

"Mm, what is it?"

"I think...you might be the re-death of me."

"Uh, re-death?" I lifted my head up and raised a questioning brow at her.

She gave me a soft smile and there was...this look in her eyes that I couldn't place. "Yea. I'm already dead, but...if something were to happen to you..I..I don't know. I think I'd die. Again."

I knitted my brows together, "Ali, don't say things like that."

"I'm serious. When James first got to you and I couldn't see you I just..I felt this huge weight in my chest..Seeing you passed out, I flipped my shit. Things are getting dangerous, and I'm not going to say that I don't want you around just to protect you, because that will just hurt both of us...but I..I don't know what I'd do if you were hurt...or weren't around anymore."

"Well you don't have to worry about me not being around. I wouldn't leave you even if I could..." I sat up, missing her body next to mine already. "What I said before...I'm sorry. I was out of line. I know you'd never hurt me...I was just so upset..and pissed off. I didn't mean to take it out on you." I caressed her cheek with the back of my hand. "You mean a lot to me...the last thing I want to do is hurt you.."

She shook her head and took my hand, intertwining our fingers. "I know that you didn't mean it..."

"But still. The look on your face made my heart break...I don't want to be the one to make you feel that way again." I looked down, feeling my eyes swell.

She lifted my chin, forcing me to keep eye contact with her. "I was saddened that you were so distraught, not by what you were saying. Your words only affirmed what I already thought...I was more upset that this thing is tearing you up..." With her other hand she brushed some unruly hair from my face, "I never want to see you like that...so..afraid. It hurts me because I don't know how I can help you, other than being by your side."

"You are helping me. Just by you being here..with me..it helps me so damn much. I..I've never had anyone stay with me this long when they don't even know why I'm so messed up...and just, thank you..Thank you for being here..I know I might still look scared and even..just fucked up but you've kept your word and continued to be here for me..and I can't thank you enough for that..." I took a breath. "And I want to keep my word too."

I ran a hand through my hair and immediately shivered from the cold early morning air. Alice grabbed the end of the blanket and pulled it tighter around us, grasping my hand in the process. The simple gesture soothed me.

"I guess the best way to say this is to start from the beginning...It was around the beginning of spring time, so a lot of people were throwing parties to celebrate the end of winter, or just to get drunk. A friend of mine invited me to this party, along with over a hundred other people. I didn't want to go because this girl, Gia, would be there...she had strung me along for three months before throwing me to the curb and I didn't want to deal with her shit. But my friend told me to come anyways and let loose, just forget about it since we were all graduating soon anyways. So, I eventually agreed."

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"The night of the party I was staying at my dad's house, since my mom was, and still is, psycho when it comes to drinking. I was about to leave when my stepmom saw me and said if I was going out I should bring my stepbrother along, I didn't want him to come with me since things were weird between us...after I came out to my family he kind of took it bad. Jake was still my brother, he still protected me and stuff, but I felt like I couldn't really be myself around him anymore. Anyways, he overheard us talking and decided to come along."

Alice continued to caress my knuckles, her deep caramel eyes never left mine as I spoke.

"So, we got to the party and I left him to go find my friends. A couple hours later, that girl, Gia, she ran into me and started talking to me...she was completely drunk and wanted to hook up. I wasn't that drunk yet, and I was still pissed off at her so I told her no, she got upset, and then bam, we're having this huge argument. Things started to get ugly, but Jake stepped in and stood up for me. He was able to pull me away from her and make me forget all about being upset and pissed off."

I felt my jaw tighten.

"We started drinking together and just having fun. He started asking me about my taste in women, and we were just joking about our types and crazy stories...it was like he was finally okay with me being gay and he was taking an interest in that part of my life. But then..as I started opening up to him more and more..things changed. He started getting...touchy. I didn't think much of it since he was drunk but...after awhile it got uncomfortable, so I left to go find my friend. The party had ended a little while before, so the house wasn't crowded anymore. I couldn't find my friend, so I started looking in random rooms for her. When I was walking out of a room Jake came out of nowhere and he looked sick. I brought him into the room because there was a bathroom in it, just incase he threw up."

Alice stopped her gentle motions and grasped my hand tighter. I think she knew where this was heading.

"I was holding him up and he was so heavy...He practically collapsed onto the bed..with me. I tried to push him off but he was nothing but dead weight. I told him to get off and..I remember him mumbling just to stay, he only wanted to sleep...he was too tired to move. I kept pushing at him but nothing happened. After a while I really thought he fell asleep, I couldn't move and I was feeling really sleepy...I was about to fall asleep when I felt him touch me.."

A low growl emitted from her chest. I noticed her eyes darken.

"I felt his hands start to...roam all over my body and I couldn't do anything. I just...I just fucking laid there." My throat tightened and I could feel tears swell up in my eyes...but I couldn't cry. "He moved and got on top of me...I was thinking of yelling, screaming, pushing him away..but my body wouldn't move. I wasn't afraid or something I..I just really felt like I was about to pass out. He started to take off my pants...and I pushed his chest away but he was like a fucking wall..."

I heard a snapping sound as Alice's other hand gripped the driftwood log we were seated on. Her jaw was clenched and her brows knitted together.

"Then..I felt him. My body finally responded to what my brain was telling it and I punched him but nothing happened, it was like he was incredibly strong..I kept punching and pushing him but..by the time I was able to get some room to move out from under him it was too late...After that I ran out of the room and just...ran. I ended up at my mom's house at around five in the morning and I just...laid in the shower for hours."

A slow trail of tears ran down the sides of my face. I've never told anyone the whole story..just what happened..not..everything. She lifted her hand and wiped away the tears from my cheeks. Her touch was soothing and as lame as it sounds made everything feel better. Although I could feel her trembling as she touched me.

"The days after I wouldn't eat..or speak to anyone. A week later I started receiving acceptance letters from universities and...I picked the one that was farthest away. I left for two years..and I wouldn't have come back if it weren't for Lena...she told me to do what I wanted..that I shouldn't keep living in the past and letting my life be run by something that I couldn't control..even though I think I could have stopped it..I just...fuck I was so angry that I had to move back and I hated the thought of being here...but I feel like after I met you...things have gotten better. It's so fucking weird to hate a place so much because it reminds you of your past..but you love it because it's the place of your new future.."

I stared into her pitch black eyes...waiting for a response.

"I...oh, Bella!" She pulled me into a hug that I could feel the passion in. She held me close to her and she spoke in my ear. "I can't even imagine what you've been through...Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me everything. But please, please do not think it was your fault or that you could have stopped it. Don't guilt yourself into what happened. It's not your fault at all." She pulled away, still holding on to my shoulders. "What ...he did was horrible..fucking disgraceful..anyone that does that to anyone should be castrated. Or killed. It's a fucking unforgivable act and I can't just sit here and let him get away with it."

I could see the ends of her canines poke out from behind her lips. "You are such an amazing and beautiful person, inside and out. And he's made you broken...made you feel guilty and because of that you've hurt a million times more. I can't forgive him for hurting you in the worst way possible.."

I grabbed her hand and brought it back up to my face. She looked frantic..like she couldn't decide if she wanted to hold me or go rip out a coupe of trees.

"Ali..please, the best thing you could do for me is just...be with me. I've felt so..dirty and just used that actually being with you has made me realize that I'm not..that I can be happy and I don't know what I'd do without you. I know you want to kill him but I don't want to risk you getting in trouble, or worse, for attacking him."

"...I know that, but Bella..I don't think I can accept that. I will always be here for you, always. Nothing is going to keep me away from you, and that stupid fucking treaty doesn't mean shit to me at this point. They're supposed to keep humans safe, well what the fuck did he do? Keep someone safe? Fuck no." She stood up and started pacing.

"He said he was going to tell Sam..and accept his punishment."

"What are they going to do to him? Keep him from shifting? Big fucking deal. He can take whatever his pack does to him, but he still has to take what your girlfriend has for him. He needs to have his fucking ass handed to him."

I got up and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her into me. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you. For saying you're gonna kick his ass for me...that you're willing to take the penalty for going against the treaty just for me...I don't want you to do that, but it feels good to hear you say it."

Her shoulders dropped and her arms encircled me. I moved my arms from her waist to around her shoulders and rested my chin atop her head. I could feel her trying to calm herself by taking deep breaths, the soft puffs of air tickling my neck.

I felt her lips move against the crook of my neck as she spoke, "I know you don't want me to...but you know I have to do this, right?"

"..Yea, I know. I'd do the same for you."

She kissed my neck. "I want to be able to take all your pain away and make it disappear..but I feel like I can't."

"But you are," I slowly detached myself from her, "you're doing it right now, Ali. You don't even have to do anything and you make me happy, you make me feel amazing, you..you make me feel loved. It's been a rough process to get here...but I feel like I'm growing, that I'm finally getting over it. I'm not just forgetting about it and letting it sit and rot inside my mind, I'm actually doing something about it. I honestly feel a thousand times lighter after telling you..I've wanted nothing more than to tell you everything about me...so that our relationship could grow without any hesitations or secrets or having any shame. I don't want to be that scared, angry, self doubting kid anymore, I want to be the person you make me feel like."

Her eyes had finally settled back into the melting caramel that seemed to take my breath away. I noticed her eyes seem to grow lighter and lighter, even her face seemed to glow. I blinked a few times, and as I stared into eyes..I could see the sun begin to rise in the reflection. A smile made its way across her full lips as she leaned in and kissed me.

"If me being myself is what makes you happy, then I will continue to be the awesome, beautiful, and talented woman that I am."

I chuckled, "Good. I wouldn't want it any other way." I leaned in for another kiss, which lasted a bit longer than the last one. She bit my lower lip as she pulled back, and I wanted to keep this going, but she pulled away and giggled.

"I think it's time to get you home. Your mother is going to be quite upset with me for keeping you away."

"Fuck her." I moved in again but she placed a finger on my lips.

"Now, now, I don't think that would be very appropriate." She removed her finger as I pouted. "Aw, don't give me that face. I'll make it up to you, I swear."

"Oh yea? How?"

She winked. "You'll just have to wait and find out."

...

My mom was upset. Apparently I had been gone for over three days when I told her I was only going to Alice's house for one. Oh well, she'll get over it.

Actually, once Alice threw on the charm my mom forgot why she was so angry at her. Now she was back to loving her, only she was still pissed at me. I don't know why, I mean I was only walking in the door three days late at 7:30 in the morning on a Thursday. Everyone does that.

After Alice left I hopped in the shower for a good 45 minutes. When I came out Luka was sitting right by the door, patiently waiting.

"Hey, girl. It's been a while, huh?" I bent down and rubbed her behind the ears. "I've missed you too. You know, next time I go over to Alice's house I'm gonna bring you with me, how does that sound?"

Luka seemed to smile at me with her tongue hanging out to the side.

"Yea, I knew you'd like that idea." She followed me back into my room and jumped on my bed. I changed into some shorts and tank top, ready for a long ass nap. When I turned around I felt my heart jump out of my chest.

"Holy shit! God, you scared me. What are you doing here?"

"I said I'd make it up to you, didn't I?"

I grinned.

Alice was laying down on my bed, petting my dog. "So, how long have you been in here?"

"Relax, I got here when you were already in your underwear."

"You sound disappointed."

"I am."

I got into bed, curling up next to Alice and wrapping my right leg and arm around her. "You changed clothes?"

"Of course, I never wear the same thing twice."

"Ha, of course, silly me."

I could feel my body melting into hers, her cool skin was easing me to sleep. I looked over to the other side of my bed. Luka was already asleep, with Alice still scratching her behind the ears.

My eyelids were becoming heavy. "I wish you could sleep."

"Why's that? I don't need to sleep to dream of you, I already do that enough."

"Wow, could you be more cheesy?"

"Actually, yes, I could."

I grinned as she pulled me closer, her arm wrapped around me as her hand rested on my hip.

"Ali?" She started to gently move her thumb across my hip bone.

"Mmhmm?" Soft circles traced from my hip to my ribs and back again.

"Could you..sing to me?"

"Who told you I sing? Was it Edward?"

"I don't reveal my sources."

"It was him, wasn't it? Well..I wanted that to be a surprise but I guess I can forgive him for telling you. Alright...close your eyes."

I did. With my eyes closed I was able to only concentrate on her beautiful, bell like voice. It was so..smooth..silvery. I could feel her words float around my head and into my ears, finally settling in my chest. As sleep finally took me, all I could feel was bliss.