Chapter Fourteen – You did what?

"Margaret dear, why was Thornton sharp with you?" Bell asked as soon as Hale left the room. He then moved to a chair across from her. "You don't have to divulge your secrets to me. I know lovers tend to have several of them."

Margaret frowned, pursed her lips and lowered her head. "Mr. Thornton is not my lover…"she muttered almost inaudibly

"Yes, I'm sure. Anyway, I had been meaning to speak with you for a few days, so much so that I had to ask Hale if you had been avoiding me. I know you also spend a lot of time at Thornton's." Bell continued

"Oh no sir, I would never avoid you. I do spend time with Mrs. Thornton. Mama had asked her to look after me when she was gone, you see, and she has become my chaperone," she replied, "…and I think she wants to make a proper northern lady out of me" she looked around, leaned forward and whispered.

"Now, you are smiling. Something you said brings Pygmalion and Galatea to mind," Mr. Bell laughed, "you know from Ovid's Metamorphoses"

"Yes, that King Pygmalion sculpts Galatea so perfect and falls in love with her. Are you saying that I am not loveable without transformation then?" Margaret asked with an impish smirk "and Mrs. Thornton has to sculpt me to perfection?"

"Good Lord no, you are perfect my dear" Mr. Bell "Just that King Pygmalion's mother may be sculpting a perfect wife for her son," he added silently.

"You flatter me sir" Margaret said.

"Not at all" Bell said. "Anyway, so what do you do over there?"

"We talk, actually, I feel I do all the talking and she does all the listening. I read and keep her company and sometimes we do embroidery. She makes the most beautiful embroidery I've ever seen. It's so intricate like Mama's, and she wants to teach me, but I just know I could never have the patience to do it well talk less of master it" Margaret said.

"It looks like you are getting on well with her. I'd known her to be cold and standoffish so I am surprised and somewhat impressed that someone with your passion and kindness could bear to be in her company that much" Bell said.

"Mrs. Thornton is really very kind and generous. She is just reserved, I think, but when she smiles, you should see her face light up. Anyway, I'm doing a likeness of her, and I am due to unveil it on Tuesday," she replied

"Do you have an understanding with Thornton then?" Bell asked. "I think he loves you," Bell said.

"Love?...Oh no, I don't have any understanding with Mr. Thornton and he doesn't love me at all. He is friendly and courteous at times but I think he actually despises me," stated Margaret.

"He despises you…" Bell noted that this was quite some contrast from Thornton saying at their meeting "….she won't have me"

"Yes, he does. He comes home to lunch, but I feel he sometimes cannot stand the sight of me because I somehow make him disagreeable," Margaret emphasized.

"Let me get this… he despises you, but he comes to lunch when you are there and yet cannot stand the sight of you," Bell grinned.

"I can hardly stop him for coming to lunch in his own house, but he has a poor opinion of me, and then he told me so" Margaret said emphatically.

"He told you that...and yet he lets you come to his house and spend time with his mother, and then joins you for lunch. Doesn't he also come here to teach you chess?" Bell chuckled with an even bigger grin.

Margaret nodded. "I am a guest of Mrs. Thornton's, so I think Mr. Thornton tolerates me because of her. He offered to teach me chess and it would have been rude to turn him down and he comes here because he is a friend of Papa's. He had been kind to us but I insulted him in the past and he will never forgive me"

"Do you care for Thornton?" Bell asked

"He is a good friend to Papa and he cared for Mama when she was dying," she replied

"You did not answer my question"

"He is much sought after by all the ladies of Milton and he will surely choose one of them to wife. The Slickson sisters all but said so when they came to Marlborough Mills some weeks back. He has offered his friendship but he often gets cross with me, so it is an odd situation you see," Margaret explained

"Margaret, all this doesn't sound like Thornton. Is there something more to this that you feel you can tell me?" Bell inquired.

"When Mama was dying, Fred came secretly to see her," Margaret said

"You mean…..your father did not tell me Frederick was in the country. I must say that was daring …." Bell gasped

"We kept his visit a secret even from Mr. Thornton, and we did not let him into the house when he came to visit Mama, and he felt slighted by it"

"I can imagine," he said nodding thoughtfully.

"Well, I had to see Fred off to the station late at night so that he would not be discovered. Mr. Thornton saw us at the station and thought he was …..was….." Margaret faltered

"…..your lover. I understand" Bell finished.

"There is more. There was an incident at the station, and the matter involved the police and I lied to protect Fred. Mr. Thornton knew I had lied and was so disappointed in me and he told me he no longer loved me," Margaret said with a shrug

"Now, I am confused. When did he first love you?" Bell asked.

"He proposed marriage to me after the riots, but I refused him because I thought he did it out of obligation, but I did not know he cared for me. He was disappointed and I was rude to him. It was badly done" Margaret said.

"The riots, a proposal, obligation, Frederick, police…..…nothing you have said makes any sense to me child. Can you start at the beginning and tell me all? Mr. Bell asked

Beginning at the trip for a waterbed to the visit from the Mrs. Thornton, Margaret narrated the story to Mr. Bell whose eyes widened as she went on.

"And is Frederick safely back in Cadiz?" Bell asked in a whisper

"Yes, he is. I sent him to London to meet Henry Lennox, to see if there was anything that could be done to clear his name," Margaret replied.

"Yes, yes, Lennox, your cousin's brother-in-law. Hale told me he wrote to you recently. Was it about him?" Bell said

She nodded. "There is hope"

"So, does Hale know about all this?" Bell asked.

"Does Hale know about what? What are you two talking about?" Mr. Hale came in at that moment smiling. "You have to tell me, and don't leave anything out."

And they did…..tell him everything, that is;

And they did not…leave anything out, that is.

"You mean to tell me my family had been the source of gossip in this town all this while?" Hale stared open-mouthed and managed to say after a long silence. "What must the Thorntons think of me as a parent….of us as a family?" His mind was a jumble. This was Helstone all over again, Fred's mutiny and exile, his crisis of conscience, isolation and dissent. The pain and misery and confusion all rolled into one.

"I'm sorry, Papa," she said to her father and looked to Bell for support, who grunted his agreement.

"I don't know whether I am most angry, disappointed, or dismayed, Margaret. How did you keep all this to yourself all this time?" Hale asked.

"Mrs. Thornton knows everything," Margaret said, "and she promised to keep our secret."

"If you could have told Mrs. Thornton, surely you could have disclosed this to me as well?" Hale said, wondering how his daughter could trust someone outside the family with such a delicate matter.

"Hale, ladies are known to share secrets with one another and keep their menfolk out, so do not let that surprise you," Bell said. "Remember that your wife and Dixon kept you in the dark about the severity of her illness; and Margaret and this same Dixon conspired to hide her injuries at Princeton from you. They talk, but just not to us. It is no surprise at all"

"Papa, but you were distressed after Mama's death, and I did not want to add to your troubles," Margaret said

"What made you think you were better able to handle the matter? What made you think that I could not have handled it," he said

"I think Margaret was trying to help," Bell said to placate his friend, for indeed Hale had fallen apart at Maria's passing that had it not being for the Princeton incident that reminded him that he still had parental responsibility, he would have gone to Oxford with Bell to recuperate. The poor girl had been the strong one for the family and she must have felt it her duty to handle all delicate matters, but Bell was not about to point out his friend's glaring shortcomings.

"Yet another secret from her, Bell. I thought the robbery in Princeton was the only trouble she had gotten herself into," Hale said to Bell who gave Margaret a sad smile. In almost four decades of their acquaintance, Bell had never seen his friend so animated about anything, not even when he dissented.

Hale then turned back to his daughter, "this is a very serious matter, Margaret. You cannot compromise yourself like that and then refuse to marry him, and then make matters worse by keeping silent about the inquiry involving Frederick. The moment it involved the police, concealment should have been out of the question, particularly with Thornton, as he knew you had to lie. You don't do that to friends. What were you thinking?" he said.

"I thought he would forget eventually," she said

"He obviously did not, as you heard yourself this evening. No, no one forgets about those things. Reputation is not something to trifle with," he replied. "The Thorntons are prominent people here and we have embroiled them in our mess."

"But Papa, Mr. Thornton is a magistrate and the police inspector reported Leonards' death to him. What if he informed the authorities about Fred? I didn't know what else I could have done," she said.

"Then you should have come to me. It was never your decision to make. What would you have done if it were another magistrate and not Thornton? I sent you on that errand and Frederick is my son," Hale said,

"I did try to tell Mr. Thornton that I had to keep the secret, but he called me reckless and said he did not love me anymore," she said

"Thornton needed to know the truth whether or not he loved you. You lied… he covered up for you without knowing why, and yet you kept him in the dark. That was cruel, Margaret. He must have been aggravated with all kinds of thoughts, and he probably did not tell me himself because he wanted to spare me the ignominy of knowing that my own daughter had been implicated in what he thought was an indiscretion," Hale said, quite put out that everyone around him had sought to conceal things from him, to protect him. Surely, he could not have been that weak.

Bell added, "Margaret, on the contrary, the poor chap still cares for you. You have made him so miserable withholding your love, and I think you love him too. Having said that, it's still beyond me how the price of calicoes in London could possibly offend him." Both Margaret and Hale smiled at Bell's deliberate attempt at levity to ease the tension.

"I will tell Mr. Thornton everything when next we meet," she said. "He is travelling to Le Havre tomorrow, remember"

"No my dear girl, you will not be the one to tell him. You have done quite enough. I will tell him myself. He is my friend, and it is my responsibility to do so," Hale said to Margaret, and then turned to Bell and said, "I'm afraid we have to cancel our trip to the Athenaeum tomorrow. Margaret and I will leave for Marlborough Mills first thing in the morning and settle this once for all, before he leaves for Le Havre."

"I'm so sorry, Papa," she said in tears.

"Come here, come here, and dry your tears. I am disappointed and rightly so, but you meant well. You had been the strongest of us all, and I should have taken better care of you," he beckoned and drew her into his embrace and patted her back. "I have to thank Mrs. Thornton for taking you under her wing. You need her guidance it would seem. It will all be fine. As you say, he is your first olive, things like that are bound to happen," he added, and kissed her on the brow, and excused her to go up to her room.

…..

Hannah Thornton could hardly sit still in the Dining Room as she waited for her son to come home. She was certain that he would return with the news of an imminent wedding and this time round, she looked forward to it, for Margaret made John very happy. This was no longer the haughty southern lass that came to Milton a year and a half back. No, this was a sensible, kind-hearted and loyal friend who cared passionately for the people she loved, and who loved her son, and Hannah was certain, herself included.

Hannah wondered why he was taking so long coming home, seeing that he had to travel the next day. She hoped that they had not let their passion get to their heads, typical of newly engaged couples. "This was not yet the time for such liberties," she said to herself.

…../…

Thornton had gone for a long walk after he left Crampton to clear his head. Yes, this was punishment for answered prayers from the gods indeed. When he got home, he checked the Dining Room and Drawing Room and his mother seemed to have gone to bed. He then went on to his bedchamber.

Mrs. Thornton heard him enter his room and shut the door, almost knocking out the hinges and waking half the neighbourhood. It was close to midnight. She got up and left her room to go to see him. She found him seated on a sofa by the fireplace with his head bowed and she crossed the room and took the seat next to him. She could not believe she had misread Margaret's regard for her son again.

He reached into his breast pocket and brought out the small box and gave it to his mother to see. It was a beautiful freshwater pearl and peridot necklace with matching drop earrings. It completed the set with the bracelet.

The note said

– to Margaret, my pearl and my greatest treasure. You make my life beautiful and I give you this token to celebrate our understanding. I'm yours forever, John

"So she still won't have you, John?" she said, running the necklace through her fingers. She winced as she recalled his pain the first time round when he had said, "no one loves me, no one cares for me, but you mother."

"No, I could not ask her" he replied, using the poker to stoke the embers in the fire with fierce jabs sending sparks flying into the room. "I lost my temper and …..I…I insulted her."

"You lost your temper? You lost your temper. You insulted her. Whatever for?" she asked. "Why on earth would you do that?"

"I heard Mr. Bell and her father mention that she still exchanged letters with her friend Henry Lennox, and I think she must love him. I was angry I suppose, and I …...never mind," he said. "I did try to apologise but she would have none of it, so I had to leave."

"Henry Lennox? Are you sure about that? But she told me… What would make you think she had an understanding with Lennox?" Mrs. Thornton asked, the panic clear in her voice.

"I think she does," he replied. "I heard them talk about her dowry." Mind you, he had overheard this and was not eavesdropping, he said to himself.

"Dowry...Ah….." and she slumped back into her seat as weight of that word sank in. "I did not realise that was so important to them. She would not have much of a dowry anyway, but that never did matter to you, or did it?" she asked.

"No it never did," he said.

"But does that girl not know her mind? I was so sure she loved you when she accepted the bracelet, and she wore it with so much pride. Even Fanny noticed it. I still cannot believe I was mistaken, but then, I had done so in the past," she said.

"I want her to be happy. If she can't be happy with me, then I pray Lennox will give her the happiness she wants," he lied gallantly. That is what he is supposed to say, is it not?

"So we are back where we started and she has broken your heart all over again," Mrs. Thornton said flatly.

"Hmm… " Thornton sighed. "This time, I broke my own heart," he thought to himself. Hannah could swear that she could hear the actual sound of her son's heart, piece by piece, and even though this time around it was entirely his own fault, she knew it would be just as painful, perhaps more.

"But you worked so hard and it's all been in vain. Perhaps I should not have encouraged you, but I have to admit that this has come as a surprise to me," she said. "Do you think she accepted Lennox's suit because she thought you did not love her, for you had delayed in letting her know you still did?"

"I doubt if she could be compelled to accept someone she did not love. She would not even have me to save her reputation," Thornton replied.

"Perhaps her family in London persuaded her to have Lennox to secure her future. He is her cousin's brother after all," she said, frantically seeking a reason, a plausible explanation for this turn of events

"You have made a point there. With the mill failing, I hardly have much to recommend myself. It may be for the best that she goes with one of her southern gentlemen," he said

"The heart loves what it loves," she said. "If she's caused you so much pain, I will not invite her back here. I cannot bear to see you in pain again," she said

"She is your friend, and if you still desire her company, I think she should come," Thornton said.

"She is due here on Tuesday to unveil my likeness, but I don't think I shall be able to face her so soon. I would still want to speak to her face to face though," Mrs. Thornton said.

"In all honesty, she never told me she cared for me. All she wanted was friendship," Thornton said.

"She may not have said it, but her actions spoke otherwise, that she loved you, that she loved us all, that she cared," she said. "All is not lost. She hasn't said anything yet. Let's have hope. In all honesty, I don't believe there is any other girl in the land I would prefer for you. She is worthy of you, I just pray she would have you."

"Well, I should not have called her a liar. She was in tears, Mother. The problem is that I leave first thing in the morning, and will not have the time to make amends," he said

"But why would you call her a liar just because she now has an attachment to Lennox?" Hannah asked. "She never lied about that….unless you are still thinking of that incident at Outwood Station and I hope to God you are not." As soon as she said it and saw him flinch, she knew.

"John Thornton…you did not…" she said, shook her head in disbelief and sighed. "Well, if that is the case, I would say go to Le Havre, and we will settle this when you return." As far as Mrs. Thornton was concerned, the concealment had gone far enough, and even though disclosure would not achieve much now that it would seem that Margaret had an attachment with Lennox, it was prudent that John knew the truth at last, as not knowing the truth was aggravating him more and more. She knew Thornton would never alert the authorities, but she also knew that the Hales would feel vulnerable about such a secret being out, so he would have to assure them of his discretion. He had to know, but with their consent.

"Now you remind me, Mr. Bell has invited us to dinner at the Grand on Friday with the Hales," Thornton said

"It is not something we can talk about in such a place. You need to rest and I'll leave you for now," she rose to leave

He would have to beg, plead, grovel for her forgiveness and he did not look forward to his next visit to Crampton.

Thornton stopped by Crampton on his way to the station in the morning. Neither Margaret nor her father was at home. "They left not five minutes sir. They could not have gone far," Dixon said. Thornton waited in the Drawing Room and hoped they would return soon. He still had some time to spare.

Dixon opened the window for some fresh air for him, and as soon as she left the room, a gust of wind blew a pile of paper on the side table onto the floor. Thornton went to pick them up and saw it was Margaret's sketches. He began to look at them as he placed them back. He was impressed as to how accomplished she was in her watercolour painting of a yellow rose bush, with the leaves and thorns. He was most surprised how good her pencil sketches of people were as he could recognize her parents, Mr. Bell and Dixon. There were others for her cousin Edith and Aunt Shaw, and she signed their names below the portraits. Then he saw images of the man at the Outwood Station, lots of it, and in different poses. He was either fishing, building a kite, in a tree house with a telescope, and one in a sailor's uniform judging by the collar and the cap. The man looked much younger than he saw that day but John still recognized the face. It was he, the same one, and his name at the bottom of each page was there, Frederick.

He sighed again, "Frederick."

They were all in a rural setting…. probably Helstone, and this Frederickwasprobably a childhood sweetheart….yes, it had to be, he reckoned

She loved this gentleman, no doubt about that. She said so. The bond they must have shared for her to have made lots of portraits of him. He must have sailed away on some naval commission somewhere in the Empire when they were parting that day, and that is why his mother was certain this gentleman was now gone from her life, but not from her heart, Thornton added. He should have listened to his mother, for whilst he tarried in asking for a proper courtship, he had probably now lost her to Henry Lennox.

He had to be sensible. Tales of love and happiness occurred only in the silly novels that Fanny read. They never happened to anyone he knew, and was never likely to happen to him. He had a mill to save. He was responsible for so many people and at least, in that situation, he had a purpose, there was something he could do. Therefore he exhaled deeply, rose, and decided to leave for the station. He will go to Le Havre, then return to Milton, and after that, he will have to resign himself to a future life alone, a life of a numbing pain that he had become accustomed to, a life without Margaret Hale.

Thornton then left a note of apology to Margaret, accompanied with the single glove, the one he kept as security. The note simply read:

"Please forgive me"

…../…

Unknown to him, Margaret and Mr. Hale were at Marlborough Mills. Hale was determined to tell Thornton about Frederick. They had taken a carriage whilst he walked so they missed each other. When they heard at the mill that he had already left, they decided to call on Mrs. Thornton at the house, and they were told that she was not yet up and not able to receive them. They left their calling cards and a message for Mr. Thornton to call on Mr. Hale on his return from Le Havre.

Mrs. Thornton watched the Hales leave Marlborough Mills from an upstairs window and then went to her writing desk to send a note to Margaret.