Chapter 14
Castiel's POV

Cas walks along with Dean beside him. After school they drove away until they found a trail to walk down. He told Dean that he had something to tell him, and Dean sounded freaked out, but after a few minutes of walking he seemed to calm down. He's even holding Cas' hand, which gives Cas the confidence he needs to tell Dean everything.

"You're still coming on the trip, aren't you?" Dean sounds worried. He looks calm, but his voice sounds worried, afraid. "It's okay if you aren't, just tell me."

"I'm coming, I promise. It's not that, Dean, I just want you to know everything. . . Everything about me."

"Like what?"

"Well, for starters, I am—I was an angel."

"What?" Dean freezes, unable to say more. Cas watches him, worried for a moment. "I'm listening."

"You're not. . ." Cas can't phrase his thoughts properly.

"There are crazier things, Cas, I believe you." Smiling, Cas swings their hands back and forth. "I'm listening, Cas, go on."

Cas keeps swinging their arms back and forth. This is going to be easier than he thought it would be. This morning when him and Gabe fought over the topic of Dean Winchester he became more and more afraid of telling him, but now he feels like he can tell him everything. He's unafraid of what he'll say. He goes on and tells him everything. He tells him about heaven, and how everybody has a different heaven. He tells him about God, and how he is both good and bad. He tells him about Michael, and Raphael, Gabriel, and Lucifer. He even tells him about his other siblings, like Anna, and Balthazar, and Zachariah, and others he played around with growing up.

He goes on and tells Dean all about the things he learned growing up, and how he helped humans until he finally fell from heaven.

"And Michael, he was the best. He would always show us how to do everything. He taught me that everything on earth had a purpose, and that everything had a reason to live. Like once, he told me not to squish a fish because it had a lot in its future. He even helped me put the fish back into the lake. But he always did what father wanted, always, no matter what it was, and Gabriel and I weren't like that." Cas swings Dean's hand again. "I tried to follow what father wanted, but I couldn't always. Sometimes he wanted things that didn't make sense, like no haircuts, and no work on Sundays. Some things didn't make any sense, and Gabriel thought so too.

"Gabriel and I are alike, a lot alike; we both love humans, and humanity, and Gabriel and I were closer than the others. Gabriel was easy to talk to, and he understood me unlike the others. Gabriel is my closest brother, and my best friend. But Gabriel is silly. . He likes to make trouble. He liked to play tricks on everybody. He once played this trick on Michael, when Michael opened the door a bunch of water fell on him. He couldn't fly for a week." Castiel smiles at the memory. It seemed so long ago now, like millions of years ago, but it was only a few years past.

"The last trick Gabriel played got us kicked out. Father told him specifically not to play a prank on the day that Michael would become of age. We don't call them birthdays up there, we call them age days, because it's a day that you become a year older, not the day you're born, that only happens once. Anyway, Michael was old enough to start learning to be the next god, and Gabriel was told no pranks, not a single one. I didn't know this at the time he came to me, but Gabriel and I planned the little prank, even though Gabriel knew he shouldn't. We found this sappy stuff, it was sticky and thick, and we pulled out some of our feathers. With angel powers this prank was easy to do, so we did it. The second he opened the door the sap was on him, and so were the feathers. The bad part was that it happened in front of every angel, in the middle of the ceremony, and we were the cause of it. When Gabriel and I were planning this he didn't say this was his plan, but clearly it was because he stood there laughing. We were yelled at, a lot, and father kicked us out. He said that when we proved we could be the angels we thought we could be that he would give us back our wings. And now I am here with you, nearly three months later walking in the woods with you." Dean is quiet for a long time. Cas waits. When he finally can't take it anymore he stops walking and turns to Dean. "Say something. Please."

"I don't know what to say, man."

"You believe me? You're not freaked out by me?"

"Yes and no." Cas doesn't speak. He waits. "I believe you because it makes sense. You don't understand anything about human life. You have a hard time speaking like a normal person. You don't understand the point of school, and you always act like you know everything, which you probably do to be honest. And whenever you see something you've never seen before, which is all the time, you act like a toddler discovering the world. It makes sense, Castiel, that's why I'm not freaked out. I knew you were different since the first time I saw you in history class."

Cas smiles. "I was so worried this morning, but I'm glad it turned out like this." Inhaling, he thinks about Gabe's words last night. He can tell him, he can tell Dean. "Dean?"

"Yeah, man?"

"I love you." Cas looks at Dean in those big green eyes of his. Dean says nothing. "I love you, Dean." Waiting, Dean doesn't say anything, he just stares at Cas, frozen. "Dean?"

Dean stumbles over his words. "You know, I just remembered that I have to meet Sammy." He lets go of Cas' hand. "I've got to go before Sammy thinks I forgot about him."

"Yeah, of course."

"I'll drop you off at the motel."

"No." Cas shakes his head. "I can walk. I enjoy the woods."

"Are you sure?" Dean grabs his hand again. "It's no problem, driving you home."

"Yes, Dean, I'm sure. Go see Sam. I'll be fine. I promise." Dean leans over and kisses Castiel's cheek. As he turns and runs away Cas thinks about how he is anything but fine. He said it and Dean couldn't say it back. He said it, and Dean didn't say it back. Freaked out, Cas walks along the trail alone. He doesn't care if he doesn't find his way back home, he just wants to be alone so he can feel what he's feeling.