S.E. Hinton , not me etc.

Various levels of bullshit were being developed, as Two-Bit and Soda continued their bragging. Steve was still deep in discussion with Clark. Darry and his other friend had now joined them, dissecting different makes and models of cars they would never own, all of them bench racing at the top of their voices. Sandy and I were speculating on the whereabouts of Sylvia and Dallas, who had disappeared. All three conversations were apparently interchangeable, as people commented, laughed and ridiculed, shouting across each other to make their point.

The sound of a girl's voice exclaiming got my attention away from the general commotion. I saw the young chick I'd spoken to in the bathroom, over by the door. She was trying to walk past a tall guy in the doorway who looked like he was enjoying her annoyance, goading her by putting out his arm every time she moved, hemming her in.

"What ya lookin' at?" Sandy tried to follow my gaze, through the crowd.

"That bastard over there, that chick told me he hit her." As I said it, the guy grabbed her around the arm, nearly jerking her off her feet. I bristled.

"You talkin' about Angela? She's a piece of work herself."

"I don't care...look at him, he's hurting her!"

"Aw, she can take care of herself. It's none of ours..."

"How can you say that? He's twice her size." The guy was still holding the girl by the arm, dragging her outside. I was following him before I knew what I was doing, before Sandy could stop me.

"Hey, leave her alone, you fuckin' gorilla!" I snapped, hurrying down the steps after them, as he pulled her towards the corner of the building. Angela let rip with a string of curses, batting at the guy with her free hand.

He turned his head to me, tilting it to one side, like I was some interesting specimen to be surveyed.

"You wanna come play too, girlie?" He laughed.

"Evie!" It was Sandy's voice, from the doorway, as she let the noise and heat spill into the night air.

The girl, Angela, was looking at me with wide eyes. She didn't look too frightened, but then she didn't exactly look comfortable either.

I advanced on them. "I said, leave her alone." My voice was surprisingly steady.

"Fuck off before I make ya." He turned towards the parking lot there. "It ain't nothin' to do with you, bitch."

"Nah. But it might be something to do with me." A new voice came out of the darkness. Three figures walked over from the side, where several cars were pulled close together. I thought I heard the click of a blade even though it was too dark to see which of them was holding it.

"I ain't got no quarrel with you, Shepard," the gorilla blustered.

"Might wanna take your hand off my sister then." Oh, now I knew who she was.

The guy dropped Angela's arm like she was red hot. She rubbed it angrily and kicked him in the shin, scooting away from him before he reacted.

"Get in the car, Angel."

"He hit me, Tim." She gave out the information with a certain amount of glee, I thought. "He slapped me before."

"Yeah. Well. I can understand the impulse," Tim said, stone-faced. "Get in the car." She disappeared in the direction he'd come from.

The gorilla was dumb enough to think that Tim's comment was a get out for him and he launched into a list of annoying things that chicks did to deserve a slap, like they were buddies yakking. I wasn't sure he even saw the first punch coming. The two other guys glided forwards, one either side.

I turned around quickly and headed back towards the steps, just as Steve and Soda appeared, with Sandy pointing them down towards me. Steve came down the steps as I reached the bottom one.

They all looked towards the darkness, where the sounds of a beating were clearly audible.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Steve rounded on me, his mouth set in an angry line.

"I just..I thought he was gonna hurt her..."

"You don't even know them!"

I nodded. "I know. I was tryin' to help..."

"Glory, Evie, fuckin' glory! You coulda been hurt."

I was suddenly angry, not especially with Steve, but with myself, because what he said was true. But I couldn't yell at myself.

"Aw, go back to your friend with the fascinating engine," I snapped. "I didn't ask you to get involved, did I?"

Steve recoiled. "Fine." He stamped back up the steps and inside.

"Fine!" I yelled after him.

Soda wavered for a second or two, then followed Steve.

Sandy ran down to me and threw her arm around my shoulders, asked if I was okay. That's when I realized I was shaking. I smiled at her and it was harder to act cool than I might have expected.

"I thought he was gonna hurt her..." I repeated. It seemed faintly ridiculous given the noises coming from the lot behind us. But that was guys, that was her brother looking out for her. It wasn't the same.

"I know." And she did. Of course, she did. Sandy sat me down on the side of the steps, lighting up a cigarette for me. I took a drag, gratefully.

"Evie, you can't go around chasing after meatheads like that," Sandy remonstrated, just as Tim Shepard walked right up to us.

"Yeah, you wouldn't wanna get in the habit of being places you weren't expected." He raised an eyebrow at me. There wasn't a mark on him, no sign of a fight at all.

Sandy squeaked, taking a step away from him."Our boyfriends are right inside."

"Okay..." He said slowly, looking at her as if she were deranged. Then he spoke to me again. "Just came to say 'thanks', Angel said you helped her out earlier, as well. I owe ya." He walked away and we saw one of the cars drive off. I had no idea what they had done with the gorilla.

As soon as she was sure he was really gone, Sandy was wriggling with excitement. "Far out. Tim Shepard just said he owes you, Evie. Like, you could probably ask to have someone killed or something, like..."

"Don't be crazier than you are!" I shoved her lightly, "He's not friggin' Al Capone. Get a grip."

She looked towards the door. "We should probably..."

I nodded. "I might just finish this." I waved the weed at her. "Get my head together."

"I ain't leaving you on your own."

"Please. Just a couple of minutes. I'll be right here."

She went because of course, she wanted to be with Soda. And she'd probably seen me get mad and then need to cool down more times than anyone. Apart from Sarah.

Then I started pacing, although I'd told her I'd stay put. I did stay next to the building, stepping between one lighted patch of ground and the next, under the windows. But I was feeling too keyed up to sit still. I finished the weed and threw it away.

The window on the end was tiny, I had no clue what part of the building it was inside. It was cracked open a little way and I heard voices. Voices I knew. I was walking away, I swear I was walking away, but I heard Steve clearly say, "Christ, she's drivin' me crazy today. What the fuck was all that about?"

Soda chuckled. "You're kidding, right? You ain't seriously askin' me what goes on in a chick's brain?"

My feet were rooted to the spot. If you asked me any other time, I'd have all kinds of shit to say about people who listen in where they shouldn't – Sarah being a prime example – but I just couldn't help myself.

"Why would she get into someone else's business like that?"

"Kind of ballsy of her." Thank you, Soda.

"Yeah. She's that."

"Like you'd want any other kind of chick. I seen ya with that shy one, remember? She drove you nuts."

"Evie drives me nuts!"

I was real restrained at this point, because I wanted to contribute to the conversation like you wouldn't believe.

"Evie drives you nuts in a good way, man."

I waited for Steve to agree with him. And waited. Just as I was going to walk away, unable to bear not hearing him say anything, he sighed.

"I dunno what she does to me. She's under my skin, for sure."

"Well, d'ya love her, or not?"

"I dunno, man, I just dunno." I think I died a little inside. He didn't know?

"Then you don't." Soda sounded so definite. "If you have to ask yourself, then you don't." Oh. Shit.

"How the hell do you know that?"

"My mom told me. She said, 'when you know, you know', there's no other way of explaining it."

"I ain't sure that does explain it, Soda."

Soda sighed. "Yeah. But, like, with Sandy, I don't wanna go with other girls. Not even if it was 'no strings, meet me in the alley, wham bang, no one else gotta know.' I just don't want that. If Raquel Welch walked in here, wearin' only a smile, I'd still be goin' home with Sandy. And the thought of her with someone else...makes me wanna puke."

Steve snorted with laughter. "So you're into Sandy, I get it. I don't want no other girl but Evie. But how do ya know if that's gonna be forever?"

"Shit, man, didn't I just say? When you know, you know. Gimme that beer."

"S'my beer, Curtis."

"Whatever. It's my fee for advisin' you about your love life."

"You ain't helped at all!"

"I'm wounded, man. Okay, it probably don't matter anyways."

"Huh?"

"Don't make no difference what you feel for Evie. She's so pissed at you, she's probably gone home with Clark."

"The fuck..?"

"Whoa, chill! Come back. What's it matter to ya?"

"She ain't goin' home with that prick, no fuckin' way! I'll fuckin' kill him. She's my girl...What? What you grinning like that for?"

"An' that's how you know, Stevie, that's how you know. Now gimme that beer and fuck off an' find her."

I walked back to the steps and sat down. I wished I had another weed, or better yet another drink. I wasn't comfortable with Steve's indecision, even if Soda had successfully teased a positive reaction out of him. I knew exactly how I felt about him. I loved him. And, right now, I was hacked with him.

The door opened and closed again. Steve stood on the top step, with his arms folded. "Seriously? You're still out here on your own?"

I stood up, ostentatiously brushed my dress down. "I was just coming inside. Actually."

"Good. Because I was just waiting. Actually." He stared me out.

"I believe.." I said, pausing only for a second as I walked up the steps, "...that I'm gonna dance now. You can please yourself."

Steve stood in front of me. I tried to push past him. He wouldn't move. When he put his hand up to stop me a second time, I flinched.

"What the hell?" He was horrified. "Evie? What's gotten into you?"

I waved my hand towards the cars, "Just, all of that...that guy..."

"Fuck's sake, Evie! Some asshole slaps Angela Shepard and now you act like I'm gonna clock you?" He scowled. "I would never..." I watched as he made a real effort to speak more calmly. "I wouldn't. I wouldn't even slap Angel an' she practically begs for it. You, babe..." He shook his head, "...I would never hurt you."

This I knew. This I completely believed. I'd reacted out of some habit I hadn't had in months. Some memory that had been brought to the surface by what had just gone on. Ricky was as hard to shake as nicotine.

Steve sighed. "You gonna tell me what this is all about?" I shook my head. He chewed his lip, regarding me through narrowed eyes. "I don't like secrets. I don't like that it feels like you're keeping something from me." Wow, that was quite eloquent on the emotional front, for him. Soda had really started something.

I sat down on the top step. Steve sat next to me. "You tired?" he scoffed.

"Nah. These friggin' shoes kill."

He waited. Lit up a weed and waited. Eventually I realised that I was only making it worse for myself.

"I thought Sandy told you all my dirty little secrets." I tried to joke.

He shrugged. "Just what I said, that time at the lake."

I took a drag on his cigarette, another delaying tactic, which he recognised because he took it back. I looked away from him. "Well, that's all there is to tell. I was with Ricky for a while, he was a first class bastard, something along the lines of Angela's charming date. Sue me, for not wantin' to see someone else go that route."

"How long a while?"

"What does it matter?" Of course it mattered. Only idiots go back for more...

"How long?"

"Few months."

"Months?" He seemed shocked. "An' he hit you?" I nodded. "Like...he hit you an' that was it?" He watched me for an answer and when I didn't give one, he tried again. "Or he hit you a few times, or what?"

"Glory, Steve, I don't wanna..."

"Evie. I want to know."

At this point I ran out of defences, I ran out of excuses and I just let him have what he was pushing for. "You want to know? You want to know exactly how much of an asshole he was? Exactly how dumb I really am? Did he hit me more than once, but less than ten times? Sorry, I forgot to count. Did he slap me, black my eye, pull my hair? Yes, yes and yes. Did I try and leave him? Yes. Did he eventually get bored and leave me? Yes." I glared at him. "Satisfied?"

He was silent for a moment. I pulled the weed from him and finished it, flicking the butt away into the darkness, staring after it.

"Fuck." Guess he ran out of eloquent.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"I don't think you're dumb." Oh. Not what I expected him to take from my little rant.

"I went back. Looks pretty dumb from here."

"No. I don't understand it. But it ain't on you, no way. It's all on him, the lousy fucker. Christ, Evie," Steve threw his arm around my shoulders, hugging me to him, "I'm just so pissed that it happened at all. He deserves to be in a hole in the ground."

"Well, it's done with, ain't it?" I lied through my teeth, given that it had obviously just made me react like a lunatic. "And I want another drink. Now." Really, what I wanted, more than anything, was to stop talking about it, stop remembering it and most of all, stop letting it leak back into my life. I figured a little more underage drinking should solve most of that. I put my hand out and pulled Steve up. "Is Clark paid up yet? Or we got more to collect?"

We went back in. The noise was welcome and the challenge that Two-Bit threw down was welcome and I was just in the mood now to accept.

And then, the drinks were lining up and the games began and I wasn't sure of the rules. After a few more shots, I wasn't even sure there were rules...

Well, Soda the bar room philosopher, who knew?

Anyone want to take a bet on how the drinking games are going to work out...?