Warnings: Drug use.

-My Suicidal Love-

Yami scratched his head as he watched the curser blink over and over again, "Why can't I figure this out?" He bit the inside of his lip and scrolled up a bit on his screen and read, perhaps a little recap would help. "Why is this so hard? I have a beginning and an end; it's the middle that kills me." Yami smiled lightly at the mug of hot coffee placed before him. "Thank you, love." Yami looked up at his boyfriend with bright eyes.

"You need to relax; the words will come to you. They always do." Yami nodded, it was true, whenever his dark haired angel was around he found the words would pour out of him like hot syrup. "It's just like back in that creative writing class where we met."

"Yeah I know. You're right." Yami smiled and took a sip of his coffee, "ah, it's perfect." He closed his eyes at the soothing French vanilla flavor. "You remember the day we were partnered up to write that half and half story."

"The story where I wrote the first page and you had to write the second?" his boyfriend smiled at the memory. "We got first place, of course I remember, why do you bring it up?"

"Well that was the first time I was proud of something I turned in. because you were writing it with me."

"Oh please, you were good way before that, amazing actually. I don't even know why you took that class, you could have taught it." his boyfriend made his way behind Yami and placed his hands in his long sexy tri-colored hair. "It's how I was first attracted to you, the way you wrote made me feel, your characters had such passion and soul, it's like when you write you are god, you create their worlds and they live."

Yami sighed at the feel of fingers buried deep in his hair, "I-I guess that's true.mmm." Yami raised an eyebrow, "so what else attracted you to me?"

"Your overall sexiness." His boyfriend winked and looked at the screen, "So what's wrong now?"

"Writer's block." Yami sighed. "if I continue writing this the way it's going then I'm going to write myself into a corner but if I go back I have to start from the second chapter again." Yami looked at him helplessly, "there's a fucking pill for everything, why is it they can't they make one for writer's block?"

His boyfriend laughed softly, "There's an idea," he paused, "hey that's what they could call them."

"Shut up. Ow!" he glared at his boyfriend's sudden yank of his hair.

"Don't tell me to shut up."

"Yes yes, I'm sorry." Yami saved his work so far and pulled his boyfriend onto his lap and tapped his nose. "Marry me when this story is finished."

"You want to marry me?"

"Yes."

"Alright." Yami smiled and kissed his boyfriend lightly and lovingly. "Ah! I've just been inspired. It will be finished by the end of the week."

"Wonderful." Yami's boyfriend hopped off of Yami's lap, "I'll leave you to it then."But Yami was already typing away.

The days went by without another bout of writers block and at the end of the week Yami was finally finished. "Baby, come here, watch!" Yami called out to his boyfriend.

"What is it?" he walked in and smiled and leaned over Yami's shoulder and watched as Yami hit print. "You finished it."

"I did! And I have an interview with the publisher tomorrow." Yami smiled and watched the printer push out the first few pages of his book. "I love you so much." Yami pulled his boyfriend down to him and kissed him passionately. He broke the kiss and looked into his boyfriend's emerald eyes. "Now we can get married."

"Well now, let's not rush into it. But we will get married. I love you too, by the way." Yami nodded and pulled his boyfriend up with him and lead him to the bedroom.

"Show me."

"Naughty boy." His boyfriend nodded and kicked the door closed behind them.

As Yami slept that night Yami's boyfriend snuck out of the room, into the office and grabbed up the freshly printed manuscript. He looked at the computer and sat down. "It's about time." He whispered and looked through the files and deleted everything. "No proof." The green-eyed boyfriend walked out to his car and safely tucked the story away. "I will be a famous author, I will be remembered forever." He laughed and went back into the house and grabbed up a few matches and tossed them around the house randomly and went back to bed until the fire alarms screamed out.

"What the fuck!" Yami shot out of bed and shook his boyfriend. "Fire, we have to get out!" Yami shook his head at the spicy smell around them. Yami shot out of bed, "The story!" Yami ran toward the bedroom door and jumped back at the glowing red handle. "Damn the fire's right outside the door!"

"Leave it, there's no time." Yami's boyfriend yanked at Yami's arm hard. "Quick, out the window. Please Yami, I love you, I don't want you to die."

"I can't!"

"No, we have to, you can write it again, I'll help you." His boyfriend finally managed to drag him out the window and into the yard just as the fire truck pulled up.

"NO! Please, it's still in there!" Yami reached toward the house as his boyfriend held him back. "I can get it, I can!"

"Is there someone else in there?" a firefighter asked seeing the scene he'd witness thousands of times.

"No, his manuscript is in there." Yami's boyfriend asked.

"Is that all? Well you are lucky to be alive, be thankful for that." He said and turned his attention to his men. "Put her out boys!" he called over the hiss of fired and scream of alarms.

Yami looked on as his beautiful story, a story he'd been working on since high school, was lost to the world for all eternity. And suddenly he felt a pain in his chest. A part of his soul was burning, his child was dying and all he could do was watch.

--

A few years later Yami casually walked down the streets of the city, glancing into bookstores and sighing. He never wrote again, he decided it wasn't meant to be and went into editing. Yami looked through at a couple and smiled softly, at least he still had Duke Devlin! The couple held up one of the new releases with his name written and huge green letters on the bottom. "When did…" well it was a good thing Yami was meeting Duke there in a few minutes.

"Hey, baby." Duke came to a stop next to Yami.

"What's going on? You wrote a book? When did you find the time?"Yami walked into the store with him. "Is that what this surprise is about?"

"Slow down, Yami. Now, I did write a book, and it's why I called you down here. This is what you helped me do. You know all I've ever wanted was to be a famous writer; well you helped my dreams come true."

"Well then you are welcome." Yami picked up the book and opened it. "What's it about?"

"Now that's not important." Duke pulled the book from his hands. "I don't want you to read it, ever, see I'm scared of what you might think of my writing. So promise you won't read it."

"How can I do that? I love you, I would be proud of anything you did. Let me read it. Please."

"No. this is the one thing I'm asking you not to do." Yami sighed and nodded. "Thank you,"

"Well this is great, and it's on the New York Times bestseller list, that's quite an accomplishment." Yami kissed his boyfriend softly. "I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too." Duke took Yami's hand and led him out of the book store…

--

Yami screamed jerking awake and gasped for air. Where was he? His mouth felt numb, hell everything did. He tried to turn his head but it was strapped down to a table, his wrists and ankles were tied down in a similar fashion leaving him immobile. "So what happened next?" Bakura smirked down at Yami.

"Nn. What's going on? Who are you?" Yami fought to keep his eyes focused.

"Why, I am Bakura. And I was enjoying your painful screams. This memory hurts you the most doesn't it? Tell me what happened after he told you not to read it."

"No, leave me alone! Let me go! What the fuck is going on!"

"No! I'll tell you what happened. It's obvious!" Bakura laughed and held a knife to Yami's cheek. "He stole the book! You read it."

"No! Stop it!" Yami tried to yank away from the knife.

"You saw that the characters, the people you gave life to two years ago were down on paper with different names. He stole the story, oh and he was planning it the whole time." Bakura cut a small gash into Yami's cheek and laughed again. "He knew how good you were and decided to make you love him, trust him. And you did."

"Shut up! Love doesn't exist!"

"You used to believe it did!" Bakura cut him again. "What happened then? You became a man whore. You would fuck anyone who was willing to pay for it, maybe you didn't take money, you took their hearts as payment! You hurt them, when they got too close that's when you cut them off." Bakura slash at Yami's other cheek, "Payback's a Bitch, isn't it Pharaoh?" Bakura licked the knife clean and used the handle to knock Yami back out. "Now to finish this memory."

--

"How could you do this to me!?" Yami yelled at duke as he ran into their bedroom, book in hand. "What is this? The fire. They said it was arson, you did it, didn't you?"

"You promised me you wouldn't read it!"

"Fuck off. You stole it."

"Shut up. You can't prove it."Duke pulled up his suitcase,

"What's this? Where are you going?"

"I knew you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off that book. I'm moving. The chick I dedicated the book to is letting me stay with her. See you." That was the last time Yami saw Duke in person or on the shelves.

Yami brought a hand up to his chest and took a deep breath, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. He fell to his knees, maybe a bit dramatic but the pain, the loneliness was palpable. Yami's head shot up, duke left his stash here. That's it, that's what he needed. Yami crawled to the bed and dug around under the mattress and pulled out a small bag of cocaine. "Nice of him to leave me a little treat." Yami laughed as he proceeded to gather up all he needed to take some. He'd seen Duke do it hundreds of times.

Yami sat at the coffee table and looked down at the line of white powder and leaned down snorting it up his nose. He leaned back as his eyes watered lightly; it burned and felt cool at the same time. He wiped his nose and closed his crying eyes.

Weeks later Yami had finished off the stash and glared at the empty bag. "Sure leave me too!"Yami sighed and shut his bloodshot eyes. "Fuck this."

"Yami," came a knock at the door.

"Go away." Yami muttered.

"I'm coming in." Tristan pushed the door open and held his breath at the smell and the sight of Yami's apartment. Trash was piled in every corner of the place, it smelled of smoke, alcohol and basic unwashedness. "Jesus, Yami. What is happening to you? And how long have you been wearing that?"

"Leave me alone, man." Yami sniffed a few times. "Why are you here?"

"Let's see, you've been blowing us off for weeks now. I came to check on you." Tristan walked in deeper. "It's a landfill in here. What happened to you?"

Yami shrugged and sniffed again before passing out, a small line of blood ran down his left nostril. "Shit, Yami." Tristan scooped his friend up and put him in the car. "I'll save you, Yami."Tristan drove him to the hospital.

--

Yami screamed again, "Tristan!" His eyes opened wide. He could feel his blood pool around his body, everything was cold. Bakura had left thousands of cuts on his body. "Stop it please! I've done nothing…. I don't wanna remember."

"Too bad, Pharaoh. You will relive this over and over again until Zork is reborn and you are fed to the darkness. "Now, I see this Tristan is very important to you. Perhaps I should send him a gift." Bakura took up the book and began to chant. "Devour his heart, devour his soul, I call forth my minions of darkness, be reborn as I have been reborn."