A/N: Wow I wrote this rather quickly. Be proud of me everyone. Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE 200 REVIEWS. I will give you all kisses for being so absolutely fabulous. I honestly don't have much to say except for this story is almost coming to a close and it's so cute and I'm so absolutely fucking happy with this whole story it's amazing. Seriously I love all of you so much. Okay. Okay. Enough of me - here is chapter fourteen. This chapter is for Breanna because she's being so patient right now ((not really, you little shit)). I love yooou

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi but I saw Marina and the Diamonds last night.

"I'll protect you from all the things I've seen. And I'll clean your wounds, rinse them with saline." Kerosene | Crystal Castles

If anyone ever tells you that you don't dream when you are unconscious, they are a goddamn liar. Call them out on it, too, because I dreamed several dreams when I was under. Some were about Eli and others were about my father and I remember I had one where I was back in Canada – and none of this had ever happened. I had never been sent away for the summer and instead, I was wrapped up in a world of trying to get over Jake while he dated some skank he had met at the Dot. In fact, this entire dream, which seemed to last months and months on end, made me forget Eli entirely. By the end of it all, I had no reconciliation of a dark haired, green eyed, fucked up teenager that had ruined my life. I was purely Clare Edwards. A boyfriendless, misunderstood bookworm that seemed to have lost all of her friends to the cheerleaderpocalypse. The dream world was bullshit, though. Even the dreams that did involve Eli. They were meaningless and he faded out of view before I ever got a chance to relock our lips like I longed to. In my own world of sleep, I longed most for reality. And while on most occasions I would hate reality, this was completely different.

My hearing is what returned, foremost. I could hear the beeping of the heart monitor, and the sound of someone breathing beside me. When my vision came back, I opened my eyes and there he was. The man from my dreams – Eli. He appeared to be asleep, in a too-small-for-his-own-good metal chair a few feet away from where I was. Every once and a while he would squirm in his seat, kicking his feet and shifting awkwardly. It reminded me of the way dogs dream.

I took this time while Eli was asleep to figure out where I was. The walls were white and there was a window behind Eli's head which led to a long hallway full of men and women in scrubs carrying clipboards and their hair in high ponytails or buns. The bed I was lying in was so firm it was nearly unbearable but I didn't dare to open my mouth and say anything. There was an IV hooked into my arm and when I looked around a little more, there were several machines that I couldn't put names to. Obviously, I was in a hospital. So something horrible must have happened to me.

I barely remembered the party, and I had absolutely no idea when it had been. It could have been weeks into the future and I would have never known. Then again, I doubt Eli would have been bedside with me if it had been very much later. I would imagine he would wait four days, perhaps five – then give up all hope of me waking up. He'd go get wasted, smoke some cigarettes, and take some other drug until he would finally get over me. He had done it with every other girl so surely this wouldn't be so different.

I fell asleep again. I don't know how long I was out but when I awoke again, there were voices in the room. At first they weren't so recognizable, but soon I could hear the husky voice of someone I knew wholeheartedly, and the voice of a spunky teenage boy.

"Dude, she's going to be okay." Adam said sincerely. I didn't dare open my eyes to see the two of them, but I imagined Adam to be sitting beside Eli in another seemingly uncomfortable metal chair.

"But what if she isn't okay, Adam? What if I lose her like I lost Julia? What if she never fucking wakes up?" Eli growled.

"Well, then you'll just have to live remembering that you were a great boyfriend for the time that you were."

I could hear Eli scoff, and the legs of the chair squeak as he pushed them away. His feet shuffled on the tile as he stepped closer to me. The light that I could see through closed eyes above me was suddenly covered, and I could feel Eli's presence above me. I heard him sigh. "No, Adam, I am actually a really shitty boyfriend." He muttered. His hands brushed against the thin blankets that covered me and I tried desperately not to react to it. "But I wasn't with her." There was a bit of hesitant courage in his voice, and it cracked suddenly. "I tried for her." Eli sighed again, and stepped out of the way again – the light shining down on my face again. "Oh well."

Adam bickered slightly, trying to raise his hopes that everything regarding me would be all right. He offered that he would take him to the hospitals cafeteria and buy him a soda or something to keep him awake while he waited here for me. Eli muttered something about not wanting to leave me here alone in case I might wake up, but eventually after some arguing, he agreed, and I listened closely as the door opened and, before it closed, hesitated significantly. As if Eli was staring at me as I lied there – hoping, just hoping, that I would awaken before he would follow Adam into the hospital. But it shut finally, and when I opened my eyes, Eli was gone.

It was then, as he was gone, that I realized how cold it was. I decided to sit up and call for a nurse. While I knew it would thrill Eli beyond belief to see me wake up in front of him, I thought this would be a better idea. Because if I woke when Eli was there, I don't know how I'd react. But now, I would be able to collect myself. I glanced around me, finding a button that would alert one of the nurses to come to my room, and when she arrived, she flashed me an excited smile and nodded towards me.

"Welcome back, Miss Edwards!" She said cheerfully. It had been so long since anyone had muttered my last name I had nearly forgotten that it even existed. I had become so used to Clare Diana it scared me. "You've been out for a few days now; it's good to see you up and about."

I didn't really know what to say to that especially since I wasn't exactly 'up and about.' I was merely awake and trying to sit up.

"Your boyfriend has been waiting in here for you to wake up the whole time. I don't think he even went home once." Well, of course he didn't go home. He hates home.

"He's not my boyfriend." I clarified; voice scratchy. I hadn't spoken in several days, so the sound of my own voice surprised me. I coughed as she clicked her tongue.

"Hmm," she muttered, checking one of the un-nameable machines and smiling towards me. "Well, he sure was acting like a boyfriend. He and your father had the longest discussion I'd ever seen." I pinned my eyebrows together in confusion, but decided not to ask any further questions. Eli would answer them for me, I hoped. "Your father, unfortunately, had to go to work." She unhooked the IV from my arm and continued rattling on about all of the fun I had missed while I was out. I didn't ask any questions or make any further comments on my complicated love life with Eli. "Now dear, I'm just going to check your –"

She was unable to finish her sentence because the door swung open and there was Eli – and Adam behind him – standing wide eyed and Pepsi Cola in his hand.

"Clare Diana, you scared the fuck out of me." Is all he says before he steps out of the threshold of the door and walks towards me. I try to smile, but I end up blinking confusedly. Once he had approached my bed, and stared down at me from above, I can see the fear in his eyes. How terrified he must have been. Before I could only hear it in his voice, but this was much different. "Are you okay?"

I nod slowly. "Yeah," I whisper. "I'm okay."

The nurse finished her check on my blood pressure, and then she left the room, leaving Adam, Eli and I alone together. They both pulled up the chairs they had been sitting in and stare at me, interested. It looks as if they are going to ask me something but there isn't really anything that they can ask me, because I've been unconscious for 'a few days,' whatever that even means. Adam is finally the one to sigh loudly, making the three of us sit up to attention.

"What happened?" I asked. Eli opens his mouth to speak but Adam cuts him off.

"You OD'd on LSD or PCP or something. But Eli got you here in time to save you. We were all pretty scared."

Eli muttered something underneath his breath, before looking up at me with sad eyes. I was hoping he would say something like I'm so glad you're okay or I was so worried or maybe I'm so happy that you are alive but he didn't say anything. But I knew he meant it because of what he had said to Adam. He just didn't know how to show it, and I couldn't judge him for that. I turned to look at Eli, begging with my eyes for him to say something, but his green orbs were glazed over. It barely even seemed like he was looking at me.

"Adam?" I asked, turning to him. He sat up straight in his chair at the mention of his name. "Could you leave Eli and I alone for a couple minutes?" Without question, Adam stood to his feet and shuffled out of the room. Before he left, he mentioned something about how Katie and Bianca were going to stop by later to say hello to me, now that I was awake, and I was fairly grateful for this. When we were finally alone, there was a thick silence in the room. All I wanted was for him to say something to me, but he looked wordless. Finally, I got up the courage to say something. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Sorry I almost died." I whispered.

"Sorry I let you." He answered.

Then we were silent again. He looked down at his hands in his lap. God, I wanted him to scoop me up in his arms and kiss me all over, maybe shed a few tears over how I'd survived and hold my hand until the moment I got out of there, but he didn't. He just stared at me, absentmindedly, trying to figure out the words he wanted to say. I just wanted to hear him say I love you.

"I talked to your dad." Eli said after what seems like a lifetime. I noticed him shifting awkwardly in his seat, but do my best not to make a note of it or make it seem as if I had stared at him doing so. "We're uh," he cleared his throat and looked up at me. "We're okay now. I apologized for being an ass, and he apologized for judging me so harshly. He said I don't have to go to summer school anymore, either. So we can spend the rest of the summer together before you have to go home." I smiled at him, liking that idea, though the conversation he shared with my father seemed to lack plot holes.

"That's wonderful." I said. Eli nodded, scooting his chair over closer to me. I wished he would just get up out of the stupid chair and sit on the bed beside me, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. "How long until I leave, anyway?"

"Twenty days." It surprised me greatly how fast the summer gone by. How little time Eli and I would have left together. I sighed deeply, my head falling back against the one pillow I was given. "They said you can go home tomorrow, if you're feeling better." Eli told me. "Your dad wants you to come home, and uh, I do too."

I blinked. "You don't want me to stay with you anymore?"

"No, no, it's not that." Eli answered quickly. He pulled his chair a few inches closer again, this time he could touch me if he really wanted to. "It's just that… I don't want you to get hurt, and I'm… I'm hazardous, I guess. Staying at your dad's will be better for you. Besides, my house is a dump, anyway."

"Did Randall tell you that? That you're hazardous?" I asked. The word seemed so out of context for Eli. He was nowhere near hazardous to me. In fact, he seemed to be the one that would save me from such demons. After all, he was the one that brought me to the hospital in the first place.

"No," Eli said hastily. I noticed him looking anywhere but my eyes at this point. I didn't know why he was doing that, but it made me tense up a bit. "Talia did."

Her name seems to make the roof of my mouth sting. I took in a deep breath, and let it out shakily. I didn't know how exactly to say what I wanted and what I needed to say, but I knew I needed to get it out – immediately. So, taking a leap of faith in my speech, I opened my mouth and said: "Eli, you need to tell me about Talia."

He seemed a little bit surprised that I was so upfront about this, but the really surprising things came later. Moments later, actually, when Eli opened his mouth and began to tell me about Talia. He moved his chair closer again, and let out a long drawn out sigh that seemed to last forever. Like he was stalling, which, was perfectly fine. As long as he explained himself. And then, he did.

"Where are we now, one, two, three four? Three and four were clarified, mostly. I mean, Bianca I didn't have to say much about. We fell in love; we broke it off – now we're cool. I went into depth about Imogen but numbers one and two are the only ones I seem to have lacked in. It's probably because they're so difficult to speak about. Talia was number one… Talia is, fuck, she's a demon. I've never met someone that could single handedly ruin someone's life with a laugh but her… she was someone I wish I'd never known." Eli laughed quietly to himself, as if he was reminiscing in his head a specific moment in their timeline. He looked down at the tile and smirked, a look I'd missed seeing after a while. "I met Talia in Saturday school. You know, like the Breakfast Club." He gave me a reference like that because I told him several times that this was my favourite film. I like how he can remember bits and pieces of certain things. "She was a grade above me, and I thought she was cute, and she told me later on that I was the most attractive guy she had ever met. Score, I guess. I don't know.

"Anyway, back then I was kind of pathetic. I never did drugs, I never went to parties, and I never slept with girls. In fact, at this point in my life, ninth grade, I was a virgin. It wasn't until a few weeks later at a party that Talia had dragged me to that she and Fitz forced me into a bedroom with this girl Julia to have sex for the first time. But Julia is a story I'll tell you later, maybe. I don't know. We're talking about Talia right now." Eli paused, and took a deep breath. "She convinced me to ditch Saturday school with her, and the two of us went to the park where all the homeless people are, and she gave me my first joint. Talia introduced me to a lot of firsts, but I guess I'm a little bit grateful for this. I mean, how else would I have been able to try these things? I guess I'm Talia to you, which is okay. Except for the fact that I love you and Talia never loved me." It's refreshing to hear him finally mention something regarding love towards me. In a way, I wondered if he had completely forgotten this. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the pillow, almost as if I was going to fall asleep, but Eli knew I wasn't falling asleep. I was just getting comfortable to hear the rest of his story. I hummed, indicating for him to continue.

"Talia and I did everything together. From try new drugs to adventures in other cities and get lost. She and Fitz and I created the Fantastic Four. But one thing we never did was sleep together. Well, not until the end, that is. I don't know what it was about her, maybe it was the way she pulled me in and changed me so quickly that compelled me to be around her but I fell in love with it. I fell in love with her carefree attitude and the way she talked to me. Talia had a filthy mouth, but it just added to her attitude which I loved so much. The way her soft eyes could bring you in, and on one Saturday morning at Saturday school she could change you completely. She turned me into a completely new guy. From shy Eli Goldsworthy to a drugged out, attractive freshman in high school. I'm serious – Talia even raised my social stature. I don't know how she did it, but she did. And I loved it. And I loved her. But things change, they always do, don't they?

"Sure, when we were really high sometimes we would hook up, but never to the point where the pants were dropped and genitals collided but we really felt like it sometimes we would go climb in the plastic tunnels at the park and she would kiss me like we never had any other thoughts in the world. And it was such a nice feeling – to be wanted by her in a way that was more than just friends. I remember the day I went alone in to the tattoo parlor, and I got a plain line on my side and I said to myself: this is for Talia. This is all for her, I love her. And that's… when it went downhill. That's when everything finally started crashing and burning." Eli took a long, long breath before he even dared to continue. I opened my eyes for a split second to catch a glimpse of him, and he looked sad – miserable, even. I wanted to say something but I knew that that would be wrong. I needed to let him finish talking – to finish letting him tell me about Talia. "So, I threw myself out there and I told Talia that I loved her. Well, first I fucked her and then I told her that I loved her. I remember exactly what I said to her, too:

Talia, it's been too long. We need to just get this over with and fucking have sex already.

And she said:

Goldsworthy, you are absolutely right. Let's have sex.

And afterwards I told her. I waited until we were both finished and quiet and tired and we both were lying next to each other in her bed and she looked and me and I looked at her and I said:

Talia, I need to tell you something.

What?

Don't freak out, okay?

I said that because I'd never actually told a girl I'd had feelings for them before. Like, legitimate feelings, I mean. So this could have possibly been single handedly the most terrifying thing I'd ever gone through.

Why would I freak out, Goldsworthy?

Because it's a big deal.

I pointed to my side with the tally mark and I said:

Talia I got this for you. Because I love you. I'm in love with you.

Talia didn't say anything back to that. She simply kissed me on the forehead and turned off the light on her nightstand and went to bed. I wish I had gotten the hint from that but I was only fifteen, so what can you expect from that? So I went on the next few weeks following her around like a lost, sick puppy, hoping she might return the love feelings that I had for her. But she never did. She never reciprocated them. I always hoped that she might. I was her little protégé and that was it – nothing else. Talia had moved on to bigger and better things, much more important than The Fantastic Four and far more important than me. She tossed me away, telling me that she didn't love anyone and that she probably never would. I was okay with that. Any normal fifteen year old teenage boy likes to tell themselves that they can change someone – but it was different with Talia. She was so much more complex than I had ever imagined. Talia was different than other girls. Because unlike you, and Julia, and Bianca and Imogen, she didn't need to be corrupted. She was the corrupter. And I was the one she had ruined."

Eli stopped speaking for a moment, and shook his head slightly.

"I was such a fool."

This story that Eli had given me left open yet so many plot holes that I wondered about. But what about what Adam had said? How did her just rejecting his love make him hate her so much? There had to be more, but I couldn't push. He had already opened up to me so much. But then I remembered something – he had mentioned an extra name, the one girl he had lost his virginity to.

Julia.

I heard about her even less than I had of Talia. Today was the first time her name had ever been even uttered. When I was fake asleep, and here – now. I didn't ask any more questions though. I couldn't push him past his own limits. I could wait, or at least I wanted to believe that I could wait to hear this part of his story. There was only one part missing, after all. It worried me to know one day I'd be the fifth part to his story, a new addition that would never fade away. I had twenty days left with this boy and I had better make the most of it.

"You aren't a fool, Eli, you're fantastic." I told him, opening my eyes and rolling onto my side so I could get a better look at him. He smiled nervously, and extended a hand to finally touch me. He was so gentle and soft when he did so, it caused me to shiver. "Don't ever think you're a fool."

"I love you, Clare Diana." Eli answered. I hadn't expected it, but he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, giving me a quick kiss on the mouth before he pulled away and scowled. "Oh, shit, I forgot you had been unconscious for so long. You're in dire need of a breath mint, love."

I laughed, for the first time since the party. "Sorry. I didn't mean for it."

"I know you didn't."

We both smiled. I couldn't wait to get out of here and let things get back to normal. Whatever normal was, now.

…

Randall took me home from the hospital the next afternoon, and he promised he wouldn't ask any questions about what had happened and how I had got myself in the hospital to begin with. I assumed that Eli had told him everything anyway, but I didn't make a comment about it. When we got home, he helped me up the stairs, and made sure I was situated in bed. I know, you're wondering, why didn't Eli do that for you? He was there in the morning at the hospital, but at around eleven, he said he had some business to take care of and hurried out of the hospital. He told me he would see me later, whenever that was. He kissed my forehead and he took off, staring at me for a moment before he walked out the door. He seemed so happy to know I was alive.

"Clare, are you going to be okay?" Randall asked before he closed the door to my bedroom. I nodded slowly, and he gave me the most forced sympathetic smile I'd seen in a long time. He makes a move as if he's about to leave, but quickly stops and stands firmly in the doorway. "I just want you to know I'm glad you're all right."

"Thanks, Dad." I smile. I genuinely smile because I think this is the first time I've heard anyone say they were glad to know I was okay after all that had happened. I assumed he was done talking, but he quickly takes a step inside my room and lets his usually folded arms hang to his sides.

"Clare, I want to apologize for the way I acted at dinner." He said seriously. I perked up immediately at this. Since Eli had told me that he and my father were 'okay' now, I was longing for the details yet too frightened to ask. This could be my moment to find out everything that had happened at the hospital while I was out. "We were both upset with each other, and I wouldn't listen to you. I should have, I'm sorry."

I tried not to crack a smile, but I nodded. "I understand. Eli told me things between the two of you were fine now."

"I know it sounds awfully cliché of me to say this, but it was a blessing that Eli got to you when he did. Who knows what would have happened to you? He saved you, Clare. I'm so thankful." I hadn't heard my father talk like this in ages. I can barely remember him speaking so happily about anything even he and my mother were still… loving towards each other, which seems so far away that I can hardly remember it. I stare at him absentmindedly, noticing that it looks as if there are tears forming in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say more words of undying love for me, when there were several knocks at the door. He turned around and swallowed. "That must be Whinnie. She's coming over to keep me company while you're up here resting. Is that okay?"

I nodded. "Of course it's okay." I smiled awkwardly. "Have fun."

I still hadn't gotten to know Whinnie – nor did I actually want to, to be quite honest – but from what my father made of her, she seemed nice. And incredibly young, too, which came off as a little awkward to both Eli and I. Why would my father, verging on the age of fifty, want someone in their thirties? Eli jokingly said that Randall was a sugar daddy, and that was the only reason that Whinnie would be with my father in a million years. Both of us laughed, but I had this awkward feeling that perhaps it was true.

From downstairs, I could hear the muffled whispers of several voices, and the shuffling of the feet on the stairs as they – it sounded like more than one set of feet – walked up to my bedroom. There was a subtle knock at my door, which I instantly recognized to be Eli's and a large smile crept up onto my face.

"Come in!" I shouted.

The door immediately swung open, and there stood Eli, Katie, Bianca and Adam, carrying balloons and cards and chocolates and anything a girl stuck on one-day bed rest could imagine. I covered my face with my hands in excitement as they all marched in. So was this what Eli had been planning?

"Just Clare, you sly dog, who knew that this was what you were planning." Bianca said teasingly, as I pushed my eyebrows together in confusion. "Getting fucked up so we could lose Wonderland just so we could rename it Neverland? That's pretty sneaky. None of us saw it coming, did we, guys?" I knew she was kidding, hell, everyone knew she was kidding – but we all laughed along.

"You caught me." I giggled. My eyes wandered across the room to Eli, who I noticed wasn't exactly joined in on the festivities. Sure, he was there, and sure he was laughing at all of the jokes but he seemed to be facing away from me, rubbing the side of his face uncomfortably. Although I was advised against it, I sat up onto my knees and crawled across the bed to Eli standing near the end. And when my eyes caught sight of what he was hiding, I nearly when ballistic. "What the fuck!?" I shouted, reaching for his hand. "What happened?!"

Behind Eli's covered hand and turned away face lied a bruise so physically large it was impossible for someone not to notice it. His left cheekbone had been damaged significantly, and when I got a gander at his bloody nose and lips, my heart nearly stopped. Who on earth would do this to him, anyway?

When he didn't answer me, I shoved on his chest.

"I went to go fight Fitz," Eli grumbled. The others in the room didn't even have to be told what to do. They all knew that this was a cue to leave. Bianca left the balloons tied to my bedpost and Katie left the chocolates down on my dresser and the three of them scooted out of my bedroom so fast it was hard to believe that they were even there in the first place.

"Now why on earth would you want to do that?" I asked, my voice suddenly turning sympathetic as I gently grazed my fingertips over his bruises, watching as he winced at the feeling. "Tell me what happened."

"I couldn't go beat up Talia for what she did; she's a girl. So I went to the next best thing, the one who bought the drugs from her: Fitz. But he ended up monumentally kicking my ass so it was a bit of a disappointment. Or, I was." Eli admitted, looking shameful with every word he spoke.

"Yeah, I can see that. You look horrible."

I got up from the bed, wobbling a bit as I walked towards my bedroom door, gripping the handle.

"Clare, you're supposed to stay in bed." Eli informed.

"Oh, fuck off." I rolled my eyes.

I can hear Eli snort as I walk into the bathroom and run a wash cloth underneath the water. Eli followed close behind me, just to make sure I wouldn't fall and hurt myself. I pointed to the toilet seat, instructing him to sit down, which he did immediately. I touched softly at the hardened spots of blood on his lips and nose. Every time I'd press just a little bit too hard, Eli would shut his eyes and tap his fingers on the sink counter beside him, reminding me much of the first time I had ever given him head – though the situation was much different now.

"Don't go fighting boys who are five inches taller than you." I say sternly, yet jokingly at the same time. Eli cracks half a smile and nods slowly, the cloth brushing against his bruise making him yelp in pain again. He looked so miserable under my control like this.

"You would have laughed if you had seen him. I walked right over to him, decked him, and then ate shit. Like, I tripped over myself and that's when he pounced. I looked so stupid." Eli tried to laugh at himself, but it only made his expression reflect more and more sadness. I shook my head at his poor digression. "I didn't even have to tell him why I was so angry. It was like, he knew. Like he was expecting this to happen."

I placed the wash cloth down on the sink and stepped a few feet forward so I could wrap my legs around his on the seat. I noticed him biting down on his tongue to stop himself from swearing at the pain. I frowned.

"Where else do you hurt?" I asked, starting to pull away but Eli moved his hand to the small of my back to hold me to him still.

"Ribs." He whispered – his voice sounded incredibly strained, which made my heart throb at his pain. "But don't move. I want you here. Just stay still."

So we stayed in that position for quite some time. I don't know how long it was, and I don't know how long Bianca or Katie or Adam waited downstairs for – in fact, I had some imaginary idea that they had left the moment I'd noticed the bruises on Eli's face. But as he held me in his arms, I felt safe. So calm and delicate. I wasn't going to be hurt by anything else ever again. Talia had failed, and Eli had won. It was all over, wasn't it? Now we could just be ourselves and carefree and happy and –

"Eli, you know I can't… I can't do drugs or drink with you anymore." I said softly, whispering it so quietly into his ear I wondered if I had even said the words at all. It was like I had forgotten them. But I went on, anyway. "After what happened… it's not a good idea. It's a really bad idea, actually."

"I know." He said back to me, his lips pressed so close to my ear I could feel how hot his breath was against my skin. "I can't almost lose you again. You're too precious to me." I could feel my cheeks turning red with a blush but he wasn't able to see it. I wondered if he was blushing too – though his bruises would cover it. "No drugs, no alcohol. Just you and me and sobriety." I laughed softly in his ear, wondering if he had meant to make it rhyme.

"I hope that's not too stressful for you."

Eli shook his head, his hair brushing against my face. "Nah, you're my drug, Clare Diana. You're my heroin."