A/N: So very sorry this took so long to update. Crazy life, I could swear on it if you wanted me to. Be warned, I swear a little in this chapter and since its been awhile since the last one and I don't know how often or bad this story swears, so I'm just warning.

Thanks to: LivingitRight, Curley-Q, Sailor-lit, PiratelfDair, kylielink, Jeremy Shane, Xenevra, mandraco, and Maiqu for reviewing! It seriously brightens my day when I see people taking the time to care.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls. All rights go to Amy Sherman-Palladino.

~.::.~

Jess sat at Lindsay's headstone cross-legged, his fingers trailing her name on the stone. His convenient-store-daisies - her favorite flowers- lay in front of him. "God, Linds, I'm sorry."

A deafening silence was all he got in response. He shouldn't have expected anything more, he should have accepted that she was gone a long time ago. But, she was his wife and he loved her, and he just couldn't.

And it was only an hour ago he was going to fuck someone else.

Jess wanted to drown himself. He wanted to bury his head deep in a bath full of dirty water; it's what he deserved. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, if that counts for anything. I just- I think I need to move on." Jess lied his hand on a patch of full grass and picked out strands. "I don't love Sadie. I don't even think I know what love is anymore."

He could almost hear Lindsay's giggle behind him, but he knew it wasn't real. She liked to laugh at him when he told her he was bad at being romantic. "I know I love you. But- man, I never wanted to ever have to do this- I think its time. Coraline needs someone to look after her and love her as much as you and I do. I need to stop being alone, you know?"

Jess stood up, brushing off dirt and wrinkles in his pants and shirt. "I'll be back. Soon, I promise. And I'll bring Coraline. But I don't know how much is going to change between then and now. I guess- well, I'll see you." Jess makes to walk away, but turns again. "I love you, in case I forgot to mention that."

~..::..~

When Jess arrives back homes hours later, Rory and Dean are still asleep, but Coraline is sitting at the couch watching cartoons. "Hey, kiddo."

"I'm watching 'toons. Shh." Jess nodded, recognizing his daughters need for silence. As a commercial blared through the dark living room, they sat quietly until Coraline broke it. "Do you love Rory?"

"Do I- what?" Jess turned off the television, resulting in no reaction from his daughter, and faced her. "Where did you get that idea?"

"I heard Rory and Beanie talking. She said she loved you. I just wanted to know. Sheesh." The show, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because his daughter was too cool for Hello Kitty, came back on, halting their conversation.

Jess wondered when Dean and Rory had talked about her feeling and if they were real. Did he feel the same? Was he the reason she didn't marry Logan? And what about Sadie? It was too many question for that time of the morning, Jess thought. He got off the couch, and before walking to the kitchen to make coffee, he stopped at the guest room. Rory was still sound asleep, clutching the ends of the duvet close to her face. One pillow had fallen off the bed, but the other was gently residing underneath her chin. Jess thought it was a beautiful sight; she was so mellow during the day that he couldn't believe that she could be anymore vulnerable. But this was something different altogether.

Jess knew his feelings for Rory were never going to change; he loved her since he was seventeen and too stubborn to tell her how he felt. He just thought that he would be able to push his feeling aside; he'd married Lindsay- had a child for Pete's sake!- and tried, and failed, to have sex with Sadie. Maybe she was the real reason he couldn't go all the way with Sadie- Jess loved his wife, but he also felt the horrible feeling of moving on.

Jess jumped when Dean's voice boomed in his ear. "Well, that's not creepy at all." Jess turned around and Dean was, after all, standing mere inches away. He face was stoic, but that wasn't much different than it's normal expression. Still, Jess felt the mood change as Dean cowered over him. "Why are you watching Rory sleep?"

"I'm not. Someone took a paranoid pill this morning." Dean's icy glare wasn't something that Jess had dealt with since the taller man had moved in- they agreed to be civil since Jess was being kind in taking him in, so it was throwing him into major high school flashbacks. "Are you okay?"

"Me? I'm fine. I was just wondering if there was anything you needed to tell me?" Jess wondered what he meant- obviously Dean was the one keeping the Rory's-in-love-with-him secret.

"Not that I'm aware of. Why? Is this story time?" For a second, there was a flicker in Dean's eyes and Jess could only wonder that was. "Wait, what happened to Matt and Chris?"

"Last night they got bored of hockey and left. Said something about 'the best donuts in New York.'" Jess nodded- the donuts they were running after were pretty damn good, but almost impossible to find. It was a man and his donuts cart, circling New York. Nobody ever finds it by looking. Something told Jess they'd be gone an awfully long time. Dean walked away with a 'humph', to the kitchen to no doubt make Coraline breakfast.

"Why are you watching me?" Rory's voice was so quiet Jess barely heard her, but he did. He smirked, entering the room further.

"Didn't mean to wake you, sorry."

"The talking didn't wake me. You burning holes into me did it." She sat up and patted the empty bed space next to her. "What's up?"

"Just thinking. Some…stuff happened last night and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it." Jess was positive he didn't want to tell Rory what happened with Sadie, but he felt like he had to. He lied to her a lot when they were young, and still she doesn't know about Lindsay.

"Well, I've got some news that will make it worse. Wanna hear?" Her tone was so sarcastically chipper that Jess remembered why he fell in love her so many years ago.

"Hit me." He moved closer to her, preparing for something horrible. Of course, he was expecting her to say that she loved him, but was that really what he wanted? And what would that solved.

"My grandma called last night. She says she wants us at Friday dinner tomorrow." Rory smiled her apologetic, but cheery smile; the one she used when she tried to get him to go before he was attacked by that swan.

"That's no surprise. You and your mom still go every week, right? Lorelai mentioned that." Rory shook her head, the crease in her forehead folding as her eyebrows furrowed, the same way they did when she tried to concentrate on her Trig homework, but Jess enticed her to the apartment.

"No. Yes. I mean, she was us. Mom. Me. You, Dean, and Coraline." Jess wanted to die at that moment; any kind would be find. He found the best would be the more tortuous; the kind that would make Emily Gilmore look like a walk in the park and him unable to go to dinner.

"Why? I don't- but- why?" He had trouble getting a complete sentence out of his mouth- he's a writer god dammed it! That should not happen!- only because the thought of meeting with Rory's grandmother, again, under horrible circumstances that she would probably blame him for was not on his top five things to do before he dies.

"I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to. Trust me, you don't want to be inside the head of Emily Gilmore. Just say you'll come and behave." Her blue eyes widened, making it virtually impossible for Jess to say no.

"You'll have to ask Dean."

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