Perhaps this would have been easier if he didn't remember.

Yes that would have been a better scenario, just a "what are you talking about?" or a confused glace, it would have been easier to explain, to give an excuse, to avoid this topic.

Instead of that he is staring at me, his eyes are wide and he lets go of me quickly, stepping back, fixing his eyes to the ground.

I always hear the others say that Ivan is a harsh person, someone who's apparently not capable of feeling tender emotions, some have even dared to say that he is not capable of felling anything at all. I've always known they are wrong.

Ironically it is quite the opposite of what they say, I think that he is easily overwhelmed by emotions, that's the core of his problems, since almost everyone assumed that he does not care for others at all, he ends up secluded from amiable companies. Being restricted to business and official interactions with others, he complied with what the others think of him and just as they neglect him from his own ability to feel, he plays the part, putting up a cold façade of distant courtesy.

Now this saves a lot of trouble when it comes to others but sometimes I seem to forget it is just a façade and that's the reason why I feel guilty of my astonishment when I see him so wounded right now.

Ivan's voice was strained. "I… why didn't you tell me?"

I averted my gaze, I do not want to see him like this, I know how hard he's tried to gain the trust of everyone again.

He kept on talking. "I wouldn't have….. I… that was more than a decade ago… I won't do that… I wouldn't do that to you… not now, maybe then but not now… you understand that, right?"

"Yao, say something."

I didn't reply, what could I possibly say? I know that this fear I have is illogical but I can't refrain from feeling it. I'd like to tell him that there is nothing to be worried about, that everything is forgotten and forgiven but I can't, it would be a lie.

Alfred's voice broke the silence. "Hey guys, it is normally amusing to third wheel you but right now I feel a bit confused and uncomfortable"

Ivan turned to him, annoyance showing in his face. "Why can't you keep your mouth shut?"

Alfred scoffed. "Sorry but not sorry."

"Stop being so-"

Alfred held his hand towards Ivan shaking his head. "-I'll stop you there, this day has been enough of an emotional rollercoaster for him and I think we could at least stop bickering for today."

For someone who constantly ignores the atmosphere in the world meetings, I am surprised by Alfred's attempt at easing the situation. He is obviously uncomfortable but still tries to maintain his composure.

I replied quietly. "That is really thoughtful of you Alfred"

"Yes, why are you acting that way America?" Ivan inquired furrowing his eyebrows.

I retorted tiredly. "Please…"

Alfred smiled. "Ivan give him a break, go to that… uh… your house, prepare some tea, calm down and then come back here with it."

I observed Ivan's expression, he was about to retort instead he sighed and went on his way into the house.

Alfred sighed too and whispered. "Honestly I didn't think he would do it."

I nodded.

All this could have been avoided if only I had arrived to my house in China as I was supposed to do so, I brought this upon myself and now I have to deal with an issue I've been avoiding for so long. The problem with prolonging discussions is that the more time it passes the more difficult it gets and the more remorseful one feels, letting time pass means that one can reflect on what happened and that incomes in being more aware of the other's way of thinking.

"Coming here was a mistake." I end up uttering these words to no one in particular.

Alfred must have thought I said that to him because he places his hand in my shoulder and speaks condescendingly. "Do not say that, I am sure that we can get over this, you two just need to talk. Let's go to the steps, and sit there."

A surge of annoyance goes through my mind, this is not my fault, this wouldn't have happened if Alfred weren't here, if he hadn't insisted on bringing his suitcase back, if he hadn't made Ivan bring us here, I could still be enjoying my stay in here however he had to come for who knows what.

But I know, this is because they are in a stupid game.

I brushed his hand off "I have nothing to talk with any of you, this wouldn't have happened if you weren't so enticed by that stupid rivalry you have. You say you've changed but you keep on following the same pattern, you are both childish, stubborn and prideful, why can't you leave me alone? You obviously deserve each other."

Alfred laughed standing by my side. "Yao, stop playing the innocent. You know very well that Ivan and I have been courting you. I would have been more direct but I know you are not accustomed to that. If you ask me I think the three of us deserve each other."

My eyes opened in astonishment and I replied hastily. "What are you talking about?"

He took my arm leading me to the steps of the house and started whispering. "You certainly know that Russia doesn't go to Lithuania's or Estonia's houses or that I don't usually offer guidance around the nice places of my country to anybody."

I shook my head. "What are you implying? Russia doesn't go to their houses because they do not allow him to and you have taken Canada and England on trips to Montana. It doesn't have any sense, that's what a friend would do."

He snickered. "Yeah sure, a friend who's interested in getting closer."

If I was annoyed before I could say that I was exasperated at this point. "Look I don't know what gave you the idea but I am sure this is a misunderstanding."

He tightened his hold on my arm. "Why do you allow Russia to enter your house?"

I frowned at his action if he is going to intimidate me I won't allow it, this can't happen twice in the same day. I took a hold of his wrist. "Why wouldn't I."

He let go of my arm quickly and whined. "For the same reason you refuse to enter his. You fear what he might do right? The whole become one stuff, it makes you uneasy nevertheless you allow him to be near you, you also avoid my company in your home, why? Are you scared of what he'll say if he knows that I visit you? "

What has gotten into him? Why is he so stubborn? "This is nonsense. You've never asked to go to my house, and the times you went you invited yourself just as Ivan does."

Alfred was smiling, but it wasn't a cheerful carefree smile, it was ugly, mocking me, the mere sight of that smile was annoying me to my very core.

I was not sure if what irritated me the most was his voice or what he said next. "You know very well what we are doing, and you are playing this game with us, no matter how many times you deny it. You are playing, perhaps you should start to think about it."

I let go of his wrist, the least I need now is to fight with him. "Are you trying to anger me?"

He sighs. "No, I am just stating the obvious since Russia is not capable of doing so and you don't admit it. I am not being malicious or mean I am just saying the truth."

I knitted my eyebrows together, this conversation is giving me a headache. "You are not saying the truth, you are just stating what you think and I am sure that you are wrong."

"Fine- he let out an exasperated sigh-I am wrong and you are right Yao but if you don't mind me asking for a favor just try to overcome this situation. Honestly, I thought that Ivan was going to cry before I interrupted the silence. I can handle him being mad at me, it's predictable, he might throw me a punch or two but vulnerability? I hardly ever see that in him and I don't know how to manage that. It's not amusing, it's kind of weird."

I only blinked at him, his words surprised me.

He sighed and whined. "Don't do that! You drift away from the situation and it doesn't help at all."

Perhaps Alfred is right, I should have faced this fear before, I should have overcome this already. Maybe it'll be easier now, if Ivan remembers everything then I don't have to explain because he knows, if we talk about this, there might be a chance to erase the big elephant in the room that shows up every time we speak.

After this is settled I have a lot to think about, especially about what Alfred said, have I been encouraging them in their game?

I Looked up to Alfred and nodded. "Fine."

Author's Note:

Hi everyone, I am really sorry, I checked the last chapter updated and I don't know what I was thinking back then so I decided to change it. I hope you do not mind but I felt that other was neither good nor coherent. I am sorry if you got to read that, like really what was I thinking?