Chapter Fourteen: What Might have Been

Where every tongue is wagging
When every back is turned
Their telling secrets that should never be revealed
There's nothing to be gained from this
But disaster…

If I had the chance love
You know, I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late

Sarah McLachlan – Dirty Little Secrets

The weather was sweltering as it always was in Miami. Although Delko was used to it, he still dressed in thin cool shirts allowing some sort of air circulation. He hated getting hot and sweaty at a crime scene, it made him more irate when he returned to the lab. He had no idea how Horatio managed wearing those black suit jackets.

It was rare for him and Horatio to work a crime scene together alone but the lab was spread thinly at the moment, Speed and Calleigh were working on a double Homicide in Coconut Grove, and it was Kate's day off.

At the current moment him and H were stuck under the glaring sun in the Everglades glaring at some crocodile poachers who had apparently found their dead girl.

"I think you better take a look at this." Tripp's voice filtered through into Delko's brain.

The older man was rubbing his hand across his lips in agitation. Delko found himself feeling slightly worried, it was hard to shake up Frank at the best of times, but there were definite signs of something worrying the Texan detective.

They were following Tripp now, kits in hand as they strode after the bulky man, ducking under the crime scene tape and following him through the reeds and towards the embankment.

"We're still looking for the other pieces." Tripp said quietly as they drew to a halt.

Horatio took off his sunglasses, his mouth ajar as he stared down at the body stunned. There was a hard lump in Eric's throat, his limbs refused to respond as the case dropped from his hand and struck the ground.

"Kate."

The words slipped out of his mouth like broken glass. She was on her back, her head twisted towards the water as it lapped her face. Her hair was filthy from when the water level had been higher and over her head. One of her legs were twisted underneath her at an odd angle, but it was the other leg than made Eric's stomach wretch. He had to fight the sickness burning in the pit of his stomach as he took in the sight of it. The leg had been hacked off below the knee, and from the clean cut of the wound Eric could say that it hadn't been a croc that got her.

His eyes travelled further upwards to see the blood that was splashed across the chest of the shirt, the stump of her left arm hung uselessly across her body. The hand was gone, just like the shin. There was worse damage under the shredded shirt, he knew it but he couldn't bring himself to look. He turned his head away as the bile choked his throat pushing the images of the pulled up skirt and missing panties out of his head. They'd stolen her dignity as well as her life.

Eric couldn't hold it back any longer; his hand was clamped over his mouth as he hurtled towards the crime scene tape and under it in record time. The Hummer was view but he wasn't able to reach it. His eyes were watering as he bent over and hurled his guts up into the long grass. He was crying as he threw up, hot salty tears were trailing down his cheeks as his stomach rolled bringing him to his hands and knees.

His heart was hammering in his chest, there was so much heat rushing through his veins right now. There was so much rage, they'd desecrated her…

She was practically his little sister and the bastards had murdered her.

Speed, oh God this was going to kill him.

There was a hand on his shoulder as he swayed on his knees, the back of his hand pressed to his mouth as he tried to get a reign on himself. He already knew it was Horatio, his familiar warm touch was soothing but it didn't chase away the images in his head. The crime had already been committed.

"Eric…" Horatio paused as Delko closed his eyes feeling dizzy.

"Someone will have to notify Speed, I'll be there H, when you tell him. I'll stay with him." The words were hushed and murmured, he couldn't comprehend what this would do to his friend.

"Eric…that's not Kate." Horatio said quietly.

Eric's eyes snapped open, he was on his feet in an instant, twisting to see if Kate's murder had driven his mentor insane. His hazel eyes were on Horatio's face, the older man looked the same as always, calculating and compassionate, there were cogs and secrets turning in Horatio's head, there wasn't a sign of grief at all. It was all clear, H was right it couldn't be Kate, there was an explanation of course, only he couldn't wrap his brain around it, but he knew Horatio was already having ideas.

"Does she have sister?" Tripp asked gruffly, he was still shaken from the resemblance the body had to his surrogate daughter.

Eric bit his lip as he thought back to one of their earlier conversations; he crossed his arms over his chest as he answered.

"She was an only child, she doesn't have any family."

"But it would appear she has a very close resemblance to Kate." Horatio remarked, fiddling with the legs of his sunglasses.

"The FBI wanted Kate a few months ago to get involved in the Mala Noche; do you think they recruited someone who looked like her?" Delko exclaimed, partially horrified and partly relieved.

Tripp's jaw visibly tightened as he shook his head looking haunted.

"It sure looks like her, and I doubt that it's by accident." He muttered, exhaling deeply.

"I suspect this is anything but coincidental gentleman. Let's bag and tag. I'll call Alex to give her a head's up on the body." Horatio spoke thoughtfully before slipping on his sunglasses and staring out into the Everglades.

The morgue was silent as the Alexx peeled back the sheet revealing the face of the young girl lying upon the cold steel table. She shuddered at the sight before turning her gaze upwards towards Horatio was standing up on the observation deck watching.

"I've got to say Horatio; this one's giving me the creeps." Alexx informed him, as she studied the features of the young woman.

"You and me both Alexx, I need to be on top of this before I decide to bring Kate in." Horatio murmured as he adjusted the screen to get a full length view of the body.

"Timmy's already been down here; Hagen had him and Calleigh thinking he was identifying her body. Poor boy's got enough on his hands without worrying that his girlfriends turned up dead." Alexx spoke bluntly as she busied herself, smoothing back the hair away from the young girl's face, revealing harsh black bruising across the hair line and right eye socket.

"All those antibiotics making him sick, they're hindering him more than helping him." She spoke knowingly shaking her head.

"I'm worried about him Alexx, he's withdrawing." Horatio confessed, his arms crossed over his chest tightly.

"That's Timmy's way of dealing with the situation; it's easier for him to remove all attachments this way." Alexx explained to Horatio from between the glass.

Horatio sighed heavily before meeting Alexx's gaze.

"Do you think he's going to run?" Horatio asked quietly.

Alexx put a hand on her hip as she bit her lip, bowing her head.

"I think if the test comes out HIV Positive, he's gonna climb into the bottom of a bottle and head for the hills. But it's gonna be the waiting around that's killing him. Lord knows him and Kate don't need this right now. He keeps pushing her away…the girl's fragile when it comes to Tim, and he refuses to tell her…" Alexx paused. "It's a not a win, win situation. Kate's not stupid. I recommended PCR DNA testing but it's expensive and I know his insurance won't cover it."

"What is that Alexx?" Horatio asked curiously, cocking his head to the side.

"It means that Timmy can learn the results of his HIV test sooner. Instead of a three month window it's only a twenty eight day wait, Timmy's coming into his second week now. The problem is the test is expensive, it's impossible for him to afford it, but I know the waiting is killing him Horatio." Alexx confided.

"It's something I'll look into." Horatio promised her before turning his attention back to the body. "So Alexx what have we got?"

"Young female, my guess early twenties." Alexx estimated before continuing. "She bled out from the leg and arm amputations… She was tortured prior to death. The fingers on the right hand are broken, as if someone snapped them. I've picked up lacerations on her remaining wrist and ankle. It looks like rope, but I can't be sure. She had several broken ribs, her lung was punctured, I guess the beating occurred before the cutting did."

Alexx paused before removing the sheet completely. Horatio's jaw clenched as he studied the damage on the young woman's chest. Alexx raised her head towards him her gaze mournful and her eyes full of unshed tears.

"They cut off her breasts Horatio, after they raped her, they mutilated her. Poor baby, didn't deserve this, did you sugar?"

"Nobody does Alexx." Horatio murmured, tearing his eyes away from the young girl's face.

He couldn't help but imagine that this was Kate lying on the table. Would this have been Kate if Speed hadn't managed to change her mind, or would her cool head have stopped her from ending up in this position? The possibilities were terrifying and he was sickened by the fact he was almost relieved that this was someone else's child and not one of his own.

The woman lying on the table looked peaceful and above all she looked younger than he had originally thought after the make up had been washed off. Jennings was involved in this, he knew it. The resemblance to Kate was uncanny and eerie. The manner in which the woman was killed matched that of a certain Mala Noche snitch that had been executed a fortnight ago, it wasn't hard to put the pieces together. He'd have to run the finger prints through AFIS but he was sure they were going to be flagged by the FBI.

He hated the idea of making Kate call her former handler. He knew she'd do it in an instant but there was something about Jennings that made his skin crawl and he knew it was the way he constantly seemed to be baiting Kate. He reminded Horatio of Ray, and his ability to manipulate people. Despite the fact Horatio had loved his brother dearly; he never failed to underestimate what the other man was capable of.

Jennings was similar to Ray in that respect but where there was some observation that Ray had actually cared about Kate and her well being, Horatio was aware that Gabe Jennings was a hell of a lot more cut throat about his dealings.

His cell phone felt heavy in his hand, just like the weight that rested on his shoulders and after a few more minutes of debating Horatio took a deep breath and made the call he dreaded.

"Hey Kate? It's Horatio."

The voices that swarmed around him were overwhelming as he struggled to continue his work in the very open planned Crime Lab. He felt as if people were watching him and whispering as they walked past. He saw the pity and sympathy in their eyes and felt like bursting into sudden hysterical laughter, they didn't even know the half of it.

They were looking at him like that because they thought Kate was dead, he'd had enough condolences already to last him a life time before he managed to barricade himself in the Trace Lab. Hagen, for some unknown reason had taken it upon himself to announce to him in the middle of a very crowded break room that Kate's body had turned up in the morgue.

Tim couldn't describe the feelings that rushed through him that that moment in time. The indescribable numbness was almost too much to bear as he moved mechanically towards the morgue, praying, wishing, hoping that there was a mistake. As it turned out Hagen was wrong.

By some miracle his prayers had been answered and it hadn't been her body lying in the morgue, hell it looked like her, but he would tell by the shape of the other girl's eyes, the curve of the lips was completely wrong as were the slender shape of the other woman's cheekbones. He'd known straight away that that was not Kate.

His relief was momentous and he carried it around with him for the rest of the day, he was barely able to bring himself to approach Hagen on the subject of "Kate's death." All that mattered was that she was alive and well, and he damn hoped it stayed that way. He knew Horatio would watch over her, keep her safe if needs be.

At least if he left he wouldn't have to worry about that. Kate had roots now; she had friends and a surrogate family. She couldn't take off and follow him and even if she tried he'd make it so she'd never find him. A letter wouldn't do it justice, he could never get the words out, and thinking about leaving made his eyes burn and throat constrict. Horatio would tell her eventually, he was sure of that and maybe one day she would even understand.

Tim ran his hands through his hair, before rubbing his face with his hands. Jesus Christ he was a hypocrite. Forcing Kate to promise she'd never leave and then contemplating doing the same thing. He'd be breaking her heart all over again but he couldn't help it. HIV wasn't something he could live with. He knew that there were a lot of sufferers out there that led happy, full, long lives but that wouldn't work for him. He couldn't risk the possibility of Kate catching the disease, it was better to keep away than to explain the condition to her, he couldn't stomach actually saying the words out loud to her or the way she'd try to take care of him. He wanted her to have freedom and she would give that up to look after him.

The anger was there again, persistent and nagging; it was laced with sorrow and pain so deep it almost hurt to breath. Kate had wanted a family at some point, and that was gone now. There wasn't a chance in hell he was touching her again. He regretted the last time they'd made love; it had been hurried and rushed. He wished that he'd had some sort of warning. He would have taken his time memorising every part of her body, imprinting her essence on his heart to carry around with him, because eventually all he'd have was a memory of her supple skin on his, one that eventually was going to fade.

There was movement on the other side of the window and Speedle swore to God if it was Carrie checking up on him again he may just snap and punch her out, she was becoming an overwhelming thorn in his side. He raised his head, catching sight of Kate standing there and suddenly he was breathless.

She wore her dark chocolate hair wavy today; a style he adored on her. Half of it was clipped away from her face as the other half cascaded down her back; his eyes strayed to her facial features as she talked diligently to Horatio, her expression serious and thoughtful. He loved that face, the one where she was concentrating, it blew him away all over again and it was like he was seeing her for the first time. Kate was there in front of him, another reassurance he hadn't been wrong, she was still here, still in reach but still so far away.

They had called her in which indicated that this was more serious than he'd anticipated, the case went deeper than lab gossip, Kate had something Horatio needed. She stepped into full view and Speed found himself smiling despite all the pain that was buried in his chest. She was wearing a navy blue NYPD t-shirt from her time in New York; it had been given to her by a friend over there.

She was wearing beige coloured Capri's and little light blue flip flops. He could see the knot of her baby blue bikini peeking out of the neck of her shirt; her straw beach bag was attached to her shoulder as she left a small trail of sand from her flip-flops leading around the lab. They'd called Kate in straight from the beach

The moment he saw the FBI Agent step into the corridor his world was turned upside down. Had he been wrong? Was she the one that was going to run because of the way he'd been with her recently? He's underestimated Kate greatly if that was the case.

They were talking now, the three of them. Well Kate was doing most of the talking, Horatio was standing there head bowed and listening. It was serious; he could see that when Kate crossed her arms over her chest, her face filled with indignant rage when the agent said something to her. Horatio was breaking in between the two now and Speed had decided he'd had enough of the guessing. He picked up a file from the pile that seemed to be permanently fixed to desk and opened it. He thought he was past playing games but apparently not, he flicked through the folder as he stepped into the corridor pretending to read it.

Kate's voice was ringing loud and clear as the conversation continued down the corridor.

"How dare you even propose such a thing?! You owe this information to Lieutenant Caine; you owe it to that girl Jennings. Me, returning to the FBI is not an option and I refuse to be bartered into giving myself over to you in exchange for information on an investigation that is your fault anyway. Jesus Christ, give me a break…"

Speedle felt his breath catch in his throat as he raised his eyes to see the expression on Kate's face. He hadn't expected their eyes to meet across the corridor but that's what happened, as soon as brown met green he was swallowed up and back in that place again, the one that felt like home.

"I'm not leaving again." Kate said out loud, and he knew that it was for him.

Speedle tore himself away, taking a deep breath before ploughing down the corridor and erupting into the empty break room, he dropped into the nearest seat, letting the file slip off the table, spilling papers across the floor.

If the HIV didn't get him, the pain of breaking Kate's heart would.

Horatio had decided it was best to usher us towards the morgue to give Jennings a first hand view of what the Mala Noche had done to his agent. Although he had yet to admit that it was his agent. Horatio had paused in the door way to warn me that the body had been subject to immense torture and mutilation; he knew it was going to shock me; it was my decision whether I wanted to catch a glimpse of what could have been. In the end I'd opted for yes.

It was the face that shocked me more than the injuries. It was so young; the same age I had been when I'd gone undercover. I took a sudden intake of breath as I stood over the young woman, wrapping my arms around myself. The resemblance was uncanny, no wonder they had thought it was me…

Alexx was drawing back the sheet now, I turned my head away. I couldn't take seeing the extent of the gore, seeing what would have happened if I'd left. Instead I watched Jennings face. His jaw tightened as his eyes took in the mess that was this younger woman's body, his eyes flashed with anger. I exhaled deeply before speaking.

"She was new wasn't she?" I asked quietly.

That would be the only way they could have found someone who looked like me to take my place without going through the months of reconstructive surgery, months they didn't have because their opening would have been closing.

"Yea."

I closed my eyes, pursing my lips together, biting down preventing the swell of pain and above all the memories rising in my chest.

"How long before she went in?" I asked.

"A month, maybe two." He responded.

My eyes snapped open. Alexx and Horatio were on the fringes of the room, giving Jennings and I the space to converse almost privately.

"You didn't even give her proper training." I accused. "I got almost a year before you put me in the Family, but her, you gave her nothing! I don't understand…"

"Don't blame me Kate, you turned us down, we depended on you and you let us down, for what? A normal life with a boyfriend who's barely speaking to you? Face facts Kate the moment you turned us down, you signed this girl's death warrant." Jennings spat.

To my utter horror I found myself laughing, laughing at the fact he was blaming me for something I played no part in.

"I think your guilty Jennings, I think this is going to go back to your superiors and they're going to have field day tearing you limb from limb because you brought this girl in knowing full well she wouldn't be able to cope under the pressure. Now you have two options, you either give us the information that we need, and we can try and help you clear up the mess that you created, see if we can get a name. Or you can toddle off back to your FBI buddies with nothing at all and see how that turns out. I want names, and information on what she was doing there and who she was after."

Jennings opened his mouth to interrupt but I raised a hand to silence him before continuing.

"You don't fully co-operate and I swear to god I will call the FBI myself and cause the biggest pile of shit ever for you, because I know for a fact you haven't taken me off your books and I'm betting that they think that girl lying on the table is me."

Jennings face said it all and I knew I hit the nail on the head.

"I guess I've got you in a compromising position." I said coldly. "I think it's in your best interests to tell Lieutenant Caine exactly what you know and be thankful he's more compassionate about this whole mess than I am and two, I want to stay dead, I want no more contact from the FBI, no more watching. I want to be left alone, as far as your bosses are aware, on record I'm dead."

"You're going to deny that poor girl a funeral? You're colder than I thought." Jennings sneered.

"She can have her funeral, I'm sure the FBI will pay nicely for it." I informed him, hands on my hips. "But I doubt that she has a family, that's the way you work right Jennings?"

Jennings said nothing he simply fixed me with his hard gaze before turning his head away. At that moment a huge burden was realised off my shoulders, one I hadn't realized had been weighing me down. I felt lighter, more able to breath easy. Jennings was the one suffering now, it was all on him. He'd backed himself into a corner playing off the FBI like he had. It was pitiful reading the expression on his face; I diverted my attention back to the subject at hand.

"She disappeared didn't she?" I said softly.

"She was in Brazil one minute and then Miami the next. The only name she got was Riaz, but as far as our contacts tell us he's a minor player. We've got nothing on him." Jennings admitted.

"Their running the semen sample through the database…" I commented, shaking my head at the girl lying before us.

"We picked her because she was street smart and she looked like you." Jennings submitted almost sadly.

"She's nothing more than a kid." I mentioned, taking in the busted lip and bruising on her face.

"She's older than you were when you started." He informed me with a deep sigh.

"Hm, but I had more training. I had more experience then you allowed her." The blame was still there in my voice, it always would be.

How many lives was he responsible for destroying? How many parents cried at night because their loved ones had disappeared? How many hearts were broken, and how many deaths were on his hands?

"I think it's time for you to talk to Lieutenant Caine." I spoke into the silence that stretched between us feeling melancholy.

Jennings bowed his head, an admission of defeat, one that I should have revelled in but instead left me feeling cold and wounded. I was leaving the room now, this wasn't my case and I didn't want to know the details. I paused in the door way and glanced at Jennings over my shoulder as Horatio moved towards him.

"Remember Gabe, I want to stay dead."

Jennings nodded before turning his attention to Horatio. I stepped out of the room relieved I'd managed to barter my freedom but it was never going to sit well that it had come at the cost of the dead girl lying on Alexx's table.

It was late when he heard the knocking. Tim had been lying flat out on the couch, flicking through channels on his TV and trying to ignore the raging headache he'd been suffering the past few hours. His hand was throbbing, despite the fact he'd been knocking back enough pain killers to take out a rhino. He was pretty sure he was developing a fever, from the fact his temperature appeared to be soaring, and of course he was missing Kate furiously. He was depressed and he knew it but the darkness that swallowed him up was refusing to budge these days, there was no light at the end of the tunnel for him.

He was on his feet, his movements sluggish and weary as he took slow steps towards the door. His vision blurred a little as he reached it, yanking it open to reveal Kate standing there, a flirtatious smile on her face. His heart jerked in his chest as her warm eyes flickered towards his. He stood there for a second surprised and dazzled taking in her attire.

It took him a minute to realize she was wearing a beige overcoat, the sash tied at the waist holding it in place. It fell to her knees, revelling her long sheer covered legs and sexy black spike heels.

"Going somewhere?" he couldn't hide the hurt in his voice as much as he hated to hear it.

"Are you going to let me in?" she questioned, arching an eyebrow.

Speed held the door open for her as she stepped into his bungalow, closing the door quickly before following her into the living room.

He stopped dead in the door way, his mouth hanging open as she stood in front of him, her hands peeling off the overcoat to reveal what she was wearing underneath.

The outfit was something he'd seen in a Victoria's Secret catalogue she'd left laying her place. The black chiffon bra had a baby pink trim along the top, exemplifying her assets as she stood there before him. His eyes strayed down her naked torso, his breath catching in his throat as he took in the tiny minuscule lace and satin skirt that barely covered her toned ass. The outfit was completed with sheer black stockings and her high heels.

Kate was in front of him now; her body was brushing up against his, causing desire to stir within him. He inhaled the scent of her skin mixed with her perfume as her hands undid the top button of his shirt, her lips next to his ear.

"This is my way of apologizing for being so self absorbed recently." She whispered.

Speed closed his eyes tightly feeling torn and unable to respond. All he knew was that he needed just one more kiss from her and then he was done.

His hand was in her hair pulling her to him, his lips sought out hers. His eyes were burning as tears threatened him, but he kept his resolve as his lips brushed hers with a tenderness he hadn't known he'd possessed. Her arms were wrapped around his neck as she deepened the kiss, her tongue tracing his lisps before slipping into his mouth. Their emotions were mingling together now, all the unsurity and desperation was seeping into that kiss as they clung to each other drinking in the security and comfort the other brought.

He couldn't let her go; he couldn't bring himself to end it. His hands were trailing down her spine as the tears were leaking now from his eyes and down his cheeks. Their hearts were beating together as they grasped each other. He pulled away suddenly, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

The unfairness of everything was crashing down around him and he was forced to a breaking point. One that he knew he'd have to eventually give in and admit to. She was everything he'd ever wanted and needed and after six years of barely living because a piece of him had been so cruelly stolen, he faced the fact he couldn't do it again.

He couldn't imagine the nights without her lying next to him in bed, tucked under his arm. Her hand was soothing, smoothing his hair as he broke down clutching her tightly to him. He couldn't let go, these past few weeks had nearly killed him, and he'd had enough of the secrets, the hiding and the loneliness. He wanted to depend on her so badly but he could never find the ability to share the burden.

"Tim." She murmured, cradling him to her chest. "Tell me what's wrong."

His body sagged against her, his forehead pressed to her shoulder as the tears dripped onto her naked skin. He pursed his lips together, forcing the words out as he choked back the sob climbing his throat.

"HIV…The Tweaker had HIV."

He felt the breath leave her body as the news ebbed through into her brain. Her whole body was tense underneath him as she hugged him tighter.

"Oh Tim…" she whispered as he buried his face in her hair.

He had no idea how long they stayed there like that, unmoving. He took shelter in her arms, frightened to let go in case she disappeared. The world was turning now, he wasn't sure if it was because of the fever or the intense emotional stress he'd been under.

Kate pulled away frowning, her eyes on his face, taking in his clammy skin and pasty exterior. Her hand went immediately to his forehead, feeling the heat that was emitting from him she drew back quickly, realizing that his eyes had glazed over. Her hand strayed to his as she stripped away the bandages on the wound to find the skin twinged with redness and clear liquid seeping from it.

"I think we better get you to the hospital, your hand looks infected." Kate uttered drawing back for a second, scooping up her coat and shrugging it on over the revealing lingerie and tying up the sash.

Within seconds she was grabbing her keys out of her coat pocket and leading him towards the car.

The waiting room was littered with people in various states of distress and as I checked the clock for the fifteenth time I realized we'd been perched in the middle of the chaos for over an hour now. It had taken me over ten minutes to fill out Tim's medical insurance on the clipboard because his hand had swollen so much it was painful to hold a pen.

"You know people think you're a prostitute right?" Tim pointed out as I crossed my legs, ignoring the leers from the creepy, middle aged man sitting across from us.

"Yea I gathered that when security informed us that they didn't want my kind in here." I reminded him, tilting my head back against the wall.

"If you had your badge on you, you could have pretended you were in Vice." Tim turned his head towards me as I rolled my eyes.

"They probably think you're my pimp." I retorted.

"That some sort of nasty fantasy of yours?" Tim chuckled as I narrowed my eyes.

"You wish." I snorted.

We fell into silence as each of us became lost in our thoughts. His revelation had shocked me, HIV had never crossed my mind, but it made sense to why he'd been avoiding me. I had no idea how he'd managed to put on such a tough front when on the inside he was crumbling. His free hand came to rest on mine, and I found myself gazing into his eyes as he studied me.

"You can go you know." He mumbled, turning his head away again so he didn't have to see my expression.

I entwined my fingers in his, squeezing his hand lightly.

"I'd rather have people thinking I'm your ho, than leave you alone right now." I teased before glancing around again, taking an inventory of injuries.

Tim sniggered before turning serious again.

"We need to figure out what we're going to do. I know you wanted a family…" he began.

I shrugged.

"That's not important. We're not even sure you have it and there's plenty of things we can do if it comes down to it. You just need to stay focused on keeping yourself happy and healthy right now."

Tim bowed his head, nodding his reply before taking a deep breath.

"Everything seems a lot easier with you here." He said softly, looking down at us both holding hands.

"I'll always be here." I murmured, resting my head on his shoulder.

His lips brushed my forehead, the tension rolling off both of our bodies as we huddled together waiting for his name to be called.

The bed was unmade; I noticed as I took Tim's hand and guided him towards it. His back was to the bed as I stood on tiptoes to kiss him softly. My fingers were already working on his shirt, undoing each button until it was hanging open revealing his impressive chest. My hands caressed the muscles on his chest, tracing over his ribs and stomach gently until I reached his belt buckle. There was something sensual and yet soothing about the motions, we were both drained and weary, there was no room for passion right now.

His lips brushed my ear as his warm hands moved to undo the sash of my overcoat. It fell to the floor along with his shirt. His arms encircled me, and I was wrapped in his warm embrace.

"I love you Kate." He whispered, as my hands strayed down to his belt buckle.

His lips were slow and loving as they caressed my throat. I unbuttoned his jeans, sliding them down his hips before helping Tim out of them.

"We can't…" he murmured, as he drew back.

"I know." I returned, kissing his nose gently.

I helped him into bed before grabbing one of his t-shirts and slipping it over my head before climbing in alongside him. He was laying flat on his back, his eyes were already closed and his breathing deep and even as I shuffled towards him, curling my body up against his side. My head settled on his chest, my fingers splayed across his stomach as his arm automatically drew me closer.

Sleep wouldn't come tonight, my mind was too busy with the day's events, processing and filing them away. Instead I lay there and simply listened to the sound of his heart, as it continued beat in his chest.

Lol only four reviews? I feel like I'm losing my touch. So please show me some love people. I'm feeling a little disillusioned.

This chapter didn't go the way I thought it would lol but it ended better than I expected.

Thank you to BEG for betaing she did a good job and I appreciate the hard work and help she gave me on this. Of course thanks to the reviewers.

Cheymon: lol look out for two chapters time with Clavo Cruz! Thanks for the review!

BEG: Thank you for the congrats! Lol I'm still blushing from your kind words regarding the beginning of the chapter. Autumn's a sweet heart and her and Bernstein have a little role to play later on. I was really nervous about the bite thing I didn't want to copy or anything and I wasn't sure how they'd react. Lol At first he was gonna be nice and dismissive but I thought that's not really fitting of the char. Lol It gives me the creeps knowing how things turn out. That scene wrote itself I had no idea how it was going to turn out but boom they played it out well.

Blue: I finished them before you gave that review, lol Oreos are my drug. Nah Hagen's in this up to the last ep of S3 although his role and ending is a little different.

Daisy-Buchanan: Hey it's nice to mete you, thanks for the review, I hope you enjoy the story.