"Guys! Hey, guys!"

Raphael looked up from his spot on the couch where he had been holding Michelangelo. Leonardo was panting as he entered the lair, seemed excited about something. As much as Raphael tried, he couldn't find anything exciting about the whole situation.

"What is it, my son?" Splinter had got up from Mikey's other side, approaching the oldest turtle. Leonardo had his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. "Leatherhead", he tried between pants, "Leatherhead might know a way-"

Only now Raphael noticed the tall shadow behind his immediate older brother. Leatherhead stepped into the lair, looking torn. Must've heard the news, Raphael thought bitterly. He felt Mikey pulling away from him, sitting up. The youngest wiped his eyes. "Really?"

That tone. That broken, yet hopeful tone. It made Raph's desire to rip apart the person responsible for all this almost unbearable.

Leo had got up, was smiling lightly at his youngest brother, but it was Leatherhead who answered. "Yes, Michelangelo. I helped Donatello improve the trackers in your masks. If the one in Donatello's mask is not damaged, then I should be able to track him down."

Raph heard the words, he knew what they meant. But somehow, he couldn't be happy about it. He only partly registered the sounds of gladness of his family, April's cry of relief. Mechanically, he got up from the couch, walked over to his punching bag without really looking where he was placing his feet.

He simply stood in front of the bag for a few moments, looking at it as if he had never seen it before. Then, slowly, almost lazily, he lifted his fist.

Punch. Punch. Kick. Punch. Punch. Kick. Usually, hitting his punching bag would relieve all kinds of pressure inside Raphael, if it were sadness or rage or both. And this situation definitely required both of those emotions. But strangely…Raphael didn't feel anything at all. His attacks were nothing more than a process. There was no fire behind them, no anger. Nothing. He registered the punching bag swaying around but he didn't even feel the contact. It was as if he weren't really there, as if it wasn't his body doing the actions. His mind was wiped clean from any rage, something he had never experienced before. There was nothing. Emptiness.

He could almost hear Donny's voice.

"You okay, big brother?"

That's what he would've asked. He would have tilted his head, like he always did when he was curious about something. His brows would have been narrowed to a worried frown and he would have pursed his lips, not accepting any lame excuses.

"Raphael?" That wasn't Donny's voice. The second oldest froze in his place, waited for his father to continue. A soft paw was placed on his shoulder.

He didn't know what brought it up all of a sudden but within the blink of an eye, Raphael felt like exploding. He screamed, a scream filled with blinding rage that almost sounded like a roar.

It had been wrong to blame this situation on Leo. It was wrong to blame it on anybody. The truth was, this shouldn't have happened in the first place.

He had no idea what had caused the relapse and to be honest, he didn't give a damn. All he cared about was that the very reason Donny had been infected was Raphael's fault.

"Watch yer back, brainiac!" "Isn't that what you're for, Raph?"

Yes. That was exactly what Raphael was for. He had sworn, ever since they had started their ninja training, that he would protect his pacifist little brother from any harm. Not that he didn't watch Leo's and Mikey's backs either, of course he did. But they watched their own backs, too. Donny didn't. He was too easily distracted by his surroundings, be it the enemy's technology or watching the backs of his brothers. Which is why Raphael had made it his duty to keep an eye on Donatello, always.

He had failed to do that many times. The Triceratons, the Underground City, their final showdown with The Shredder. Those were only few of the times where Raphael had failed to protect his little brother. He still had issues because of all those incidents but he had learned from them and to live with them.

But the Outbreak was the one thing that would never let him go.

If Raph had shoved Donny out of the way a split second sooner this whole mess wouldn't have started. Donny would never have been infected, would never have mutated and therefore, he never would have had that goddamn relapse. He would still be here. Here with them, where he belonged.

"My son!"

Raphael awoke in an instant. Had he been asleep? Why was he lying on the ground? Why where his cheeks wet? Surely he wasn't crying. He couldn't be crying. Raphael didn't cry. He didn't.

"Raphael." He was pulled into an embrace. Raph couldn't react.

"I know how much you blame yourself, my son", Master Splinter's soft, caring voice spoke, "But none of this could have been prevented by you."

He looked over his sensei's shoulder and saw that Leonardo was watching him with sad eyes. He seemed…understanding? Mikey was watching him wide eyed, peeking over the couch. April tried to be discreet but Raph could see her glancing over to him occasionally where she stood next to Leatherhead. Leatherhead was sitting at the computer, either gone back to work or never having stopped.

Raphael took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second. Donny's innocent eyes were piercing his heart. His soft smile burning his soul. The second oldest balled his hands to fists.

No. He wouldn't sink so low and start pitying himself. That didn't help anyone. Donny the least. He had to be strong. Strong for his brothers. Strong for his father.

Strong for Donny. Raphael bit his lip. If he wanted to help Donny, if he wanted to make up for his failure, he couldn't let himself break down like that. What happened, happened. Raphael couldn't change it anymore. But what he could do was doing anything in his power to get their brother back.

The hothead took a deep breath. He patted his father's back and then stood up. His dark eyes focused on Leatherhead. The croc was watching him with slight curiosity. Raphael winced ever so slightly. The expression reminded him of Donatello.

"LH", Raph said calmly, his voice stern and determined, "Let's hear your plan."