Author's Note: I'm sure not many of you know, but I'm engaged since May last year. In November 15th, a few weeks after my last update, I found out I was pregnant with our first child, who we later found out was a girl. At the time, we had been together for close to a year, and we had superficially discussed having children. The pregnancy was unexpected, but we both jumped headfirst into parenthood.
However, in January this year, I got sick with dengue fever. It's a common disease here in Brazil, with symptoms very similar to the flu: bodyache, headache, fever during the day, chills at night. To recover from it one just has to rest, keep themselves hydrated and let their body kick it off on its own. I'd had it once before, years ago, so I knew what to expect and how to fight it.
What I didn't know was that, to women in my condition, dengue fever had some serious consequences. Once I found out I was sick with it, my fiancé and my father checked me in a hospital; two days into my hospital stay, I suffered a miscarriage. I was a week away from my fourth month of pregnancy. This made To Be a Father an extremely hard-to-write story. However, I will persevere and finish it. It'll take longer than planned, but do not give up on me.
to be a father
thirteen
Rachel is discharged two days after she checked in the hospital. After the incident, everyone, from Noah to Nina, from Santana to Brittany, treats her like she's made of glass, this frail little thing that will break if not handled with extreme care and caution. Dr. Powell tells her she has to be more cautious from now on; her bleeding scare has just made everything a little more touch-and-go for her for the next weeks, however, that doesn't mean she has to stop living life normally. She just has to be extra careful and avoid any and every source of tension and emotional distress.
It's September now, and she's starting to show properly. Anne has hired someone to clean the backyard house for her – after it sparked a major fight between Puck and Rachel, since, two weeks after the incident with Finn, Puck came home from cleaning the Lopez's pool to find Rachel cleaning the main suite. He basically freaked out and ordered her to quit doing that. Rachel, who has a legendary temper but now that's dosed with a healthy shot of pregnancy hormones, didn't... quite like that. In the end, she stormed into their bedroom in the main house, calling Puck every well-mannered-girl curse she knew. Puck muttered a "fuck" after rushing in after her. It took Anne running interference to smooth everything down and have them kissing and making up.
Anyways, it's September now, and the next morning will be the first day Rachel will set foot in McKinley since the day she told the gleeks she was pregnant, nearly four months ago. She can't say she's not nervous. She had quit New Directions following Finn's nasty reaction to her announcement, and, even though Santana, Brittany, Quinn and Noah had tried to sway her decision, she was determined she wouldn't go back. After her hospital trip, Noah was on board with her staying far away from the choir room. Even Brittany fiercely said it would be better for her to stay as far from Finn as possible.
However, her being out of New Directions doesn't improve her reputation. In fact, she may be the one person in the entire student body that is in fact even more of a loser after quitting glee.
How pathetic does this make her?
Noah knows she's nervous. He can tell. He finds her sitting on the nearly empty nursery (they're still discussing themes for it. The only things they have there is his and Nina's old, white crib, and the old rocking chair his mother got from Nana Connie before he was born), rocking gently in the chair, its creaking noises the only sounds in the quiet room. She's looking out of the window into the darkening yard, wearing loose flannel pants and one of his old hoodies, a hand unconsciously rubbing her small belly, which pokes out from underneath the hoodie. "Hey, babe", he calls her softly so that he doesn't startle her too much. She blinks lazily and smiles weakly as her eyes focus on him. "You okay?"
She nods and makes a noncommittal noise, tucking a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. "Tomorrow school starts", she comments quietly. "And everyone will know I'm pregnant". She snorts. "I mean, the few people who have been away during and summer and are unaware of me being a mother-to-be".
He sighs and approaches her, pulls her up, sits on the chair and pulls her into his lap. She curls into him and he rubs her waist soothingly. "It'll be okay", he mumbles, pressing a kiss on her fleece-covered shoulder. "You know you'll have Schue trailing your steps begging you to come back, don't you?"
"I'm not going back", she answers firmly. "Not unless Finn quits, and since he's Mr. Schue's favorite student, I doubt he'll have Finn quit so he can have me back. Plus Kurt and Mercedes... The environment is just too toxic", she confesses softly, leaning her head against his shoulder. She feels him rest his cheek against her hair, nodding a little.
"I understand. But I think glee will break apart if you leave. You... You're the one who keeps us together, Rach. At least I think you are".
"No, I'm not", she argues, and he chuckles.
"You sure? Look, if you hadn't demanded a decent male lead from Schue, he wouldn't have slipped the Chronic Lady in Hudson's locker". He smirks at her soft gasp. "I saw him doing that after he heard the fucker singing in the shower. If Finn hadn't joined, Quinn wouldn't have joined, neither would have San and Brit. I would've never done it if it weren't for Quinn being knocked up with my kid, and Matt and Mike are too shy to have auditioned on their own accord. Face it, Berry. You're our glue".
She's at first silent, speechless, but then regains her wits. "That was then. Now, you don't need me for that. You all love glee. You won't quit".
"Says who?"
"I just did", she says with a smile. "Noah, you love performing. Glee is the one safe way to keep doing it regularly. You won't quit".
"I love you more than I do singing and dancing, babe", he replies. "And you, and our son, will need more than ever in the next few months. Schue and the other fuckers can kiss my ass. My family needs me more".
"Noah", she admonishes him softly, a smile on her face she can't quite suppress.
"So tomorrow we're gonna walk into that joint like we own the fucking place and all the other assholes can kiss our asses", he tells her with a grin, and she chuckles, looking a little more reassured and nodding. He kisses her temple, his hand splaying on her stomach. "We have to choose a name for him", he says, changing the subject to a more pleasant one.
Rachel bites her lower lip softly. Ever since she found out she's carrying a son, she has a name in mind. However, she doesn't think she can get him to agree to it, and she's terrified her suggestion will offend and/or hurt him. "We do", she nods hesitantly, still worrying her lower lip. "Do you have one in mind?"
"Not really", he admits, stroking her stomach. "I know I don't want him to be Aaron".
She's silent for a moment, then quietly says, "I don't have either".
Better keep her suggestion quiet for now. They still have months until they need to decide on that after all... And she's not that sure of her name choice anyway.
That can wait, and so she settles in the arms of her boyfriend and they watch as the sun sets.
The next morning, Rachel wakes up as early as always. She takes a walk through her neighborhood, the only exercise Dr. Powell allowed her to get done in her state, and she goes back home to prepare for her day. She chooses a deep red, almost maroon, woolen sweater-dress, paired with black tights. It shows off her bump, but doesn't put it on display so that people can tell just by looking to her that she's pregnant.
(For safety reasons, she packs a change of clothes, deep green tights, a brown woolen wrap-dress. One can never be too prepared, especially when she's still fearful about slushie attacks).
Noah comes to pick her up and whistles as he sees her, kissing her tenderly. "You look so hot, babe", he tells her, and she giggles, curling next to him in the truck's cabin.
Whenever she imagined her entrance in McKinley as the pregnant girlfriend of Noah Puckerman, she always imagined everyone stopping dead at their tracks to watch them pass, the buzz of barely-muffled whispers trailing after them, Jacob shoving his detestable tape recorder on their faces to catch a statement he'd surely twist before publishing it on his despicable blog.
The reality of it cannot be more different.
People go with their day as they always do, the popular cliques gathering together, Cheerios staring enviously at her as she walks past them with Noah's arm firmly wrapped around her shoulders. Jacob's almost salivating at her when she catches sight of him, and she shudders in distaste. Noah tightens his hold on her, anxious, concerned eyes examining her face, and she shakes her head with a reassuring smile.
Suddenly two silhouettes walk up to them and she grins. Brittany and Santana, both wearing their wintery Cheerio uniforms (long-sleeved, red-and-white shirts, the usual red, twirly short skirt), slide up next to Rachel. The blonde smiles sunnily and hugs Rachel with a small squeal, the Latina smirking at her. "Looking hot, Berry", she praises, and Rachel giggles.
"Thank you, Santana. How are you today?"
"Tired already", Santana admits. "Coach Sylvester had us practice a whole new routine for Sectionals this morning, and Brit and I were thinking about ditching first period – it's Spanish", she says with a meaningful glance at Rachel and a dismissive flip of her hair, "to go grab something to eat. You guys in?"
"Please say yes, Rachel!" Brittany pleads with a puppy-like stare, and Rachel chuckles with a look at Noah. He shrugs and nods.
"I'm in", he replies, and Brittany claps her hands happily, taking one of Rachel's hand in hers and dragging her away. Santana and Noah watch the two girls walk away with fond smiles on their faces, following after them. He may seem relaxed, at ease, but he's not; in fact, he's tuned both to her mood and to any suspicious moves around them. Rachel, shrugging, follows Brittany willingly, locking arms with her.
"So... Miss Sylvester is already training you for Sectionals?" Rachel asks, and Brittany nods. Walking a little behind them, next to Puck, Santana snorts.
"The woman's a crazy, slave-driver bitch, but her methods are sure effective. We haven't lost a competition since... I don't even know when", the Latina says. Rachel sighs.
"Mr. Schuester could learn a thing or two with her, that's pretty much certain", she mumbles, looking down at the floor and scowling slightly.
"None of your concern anymore, babe", Puck says dismissively. "After all we've quit glee, right?"
Brittany gasps. "You can't quit glee!" The blonde cries, flabbergasted.
"I have to", Rachel replies sadly. "I mean... I can't keep going to glee, being lead. Not while I'm pregnant, and with Mercedes, and Kurt..." The brunette bites her lower lip. "... and Finn..."
"So Finn quits. No big deal. He's not a decent male lead anyways" Santana replies, easily.
But then Puck huffs, rolling his eyes. "Yeah. No big deal. As if Schue is gonna kick his star pupil out of glee like that", he snaps his fingers for emphasis, hands clenching into fists by his side. During Rachel's stay at the hospital, knowing Noah was still restless for how easily Finn got away from his attack at Rachel and the baby (one punch and a kick to the balls? Too little), Rachel had pleaded with Quinn to stay with him what little time he wasn't at the hospital with Rachel herself. So, there's still more than a healthy dose of residual anger in Puck, just begging to be released, preferably on the usually-confused face of Finn Hudson.
"Even if he would, New Directions would still be a member short without Finn. This means no competitions. That can't happen", Rachel argued.
"Without you we're also a member short, Berry", Santana shot back, rolling her eyes. "Plus, no one else can pull what you did last Sectionals. Look, I think I have the perfect solution for our little issue".
Rachel turns to look at the Latina, frowning, her eyes making the silent question. The brunette Cheerio smirks a little. "It seems McKinley Titans has a new coach. Her name is Shannon Beiste, and she's awesome-"
"You want to invite Coach Beiste to glee?" Puck snorts, and Santana glares at him.
"No, dumbass. Callate and let me speak. Anyways. Apparently, the Titans also have a new kid, candidate for the quarterback position. I saw him talk to Coach Beiste early this morning."
"He's cute", Brittany cuts in with a giggle. "All tall, blond. I think he plays for Kurt's team though", she adds with a sad frown. "That's bad, he has a pretty mouth, I'd like to kiss him".
Santana rolls her eyes fondly at her best friend and carries on, "Anyways. When we were leaving the gym after practice, we – Brit and I – walked past the auditorium. There was someone in there, singing. A guy. So, obviously, we sneaked in to see who it was".
Rachel's eyes are wide with understanding. "The new student sings?"
Santana nods. "Yes. He does. He was doing that Bruno Mars song, what's the name, Puckerman?" At his blank look, she huffs and sings quietly, "I wanna be a billionaire, so fucking bad..."
"Billionaire", Puck replies easily.
"Yeah, that. So... you know, I can think of a way, or two, to make him join glee after we kick Finnbecile out", Santana finishes with a small grin.
"That's counting on Schue actually agreeing to kick Finn's sorry ass out of New Directions", Puck points out, wrapping an arm around Rachel.
"You leave that with me", a female voice comes from behind them. The four teens turn around and come face to face with no other than Quinn, back in her red-and-white Cheerio glory, a scheming smile on her lips.