Disclaimer: I certainly do not own Harry Potter or anything else. Though I do own the slang "Vagina Cabinet." Go ahead, you can use it. I give you permission.
June 8, 1992
Woke up in hospital. Tried to tell Dumbledore that Quirrell and Voldemort were my OTP.
He's like, "Chill out. Next you're gonna tell me that you want them to do a duet."
But I do.
I have whole bunch of candy from all my bitches. They miss their daddy.
Daddy's home. Daddy's home, now.
Also, the fuckin Weasley twins sent me a fuckin toilet seat. That's nasty, bro.
Dumbledore told me that Snape was trying to save me. Then he fucking ate all my candy!
But I got him in the end. I made him eat my earwax. BOW DOWN BITCHES.
Later...
I think Hermione is going to give me pity sex now. Or at least let me touch her boobs.
Madam Pomfrey made Ron and Hermione leave so we could get it on.
June 9
Hagrid tried to drown me in tears. Then gave me a photo album. I'm getting mixed signals.
Later...
God, I'm going to miss Hogwarts food. All you can eat, while at the Dursley's, I'll be lucky to get some bread.
Muggles suck.
Later
GRYFFINDOR WINS THE HOUSE CUP! SUCK MY DICK MALFOY. FUCK YEAH!
June 11
Passed all my subjects. Who's the stupid one Hermione?!
Still you.
Fuck off Hermione. Get your own diary.
June 20
This might be a little sappy, but I'm going to miss everyone. Even Shlongbottom.
But most of all, I'm going to miss my fame.
And using my cloak to watch Angelina Johnson shower.
Until next time...
Live long and Prosper,
Harry Awesome Potter
Authouress' Note: Last chapppy, Potterheads. Thanks for all your kindness.
Important note: Let me know if you want me to continue this into CoS. I'm having my doubts.
Thanks for reading, and please review!
Cheers Darlings,
The Fierce Phoenix