So, I'm not sure how you'll feel about this chapter. I'm hoping you'll like it though. There's a bit of Puckleberry in it :)

I know that it's going to seem on and off and what not but I don't want that to like get in the way of you enjoying this fic. I'm planning on writing a sequel type thing for this once I'm done but in Quinn's perspective so you can better get inside her head, and see what was going on while Rachel was dealing with all this. But this fic is far from over so you'll just have to hang in there :)

Again reviews are deeply appreciated as are Story Alerts. And honestly words can't explain the way I feel when I get an Author alert. Like really guys? :3 you're so sweet :3

I'm also not sure why I tend to update late at night, but it never fails to work out that way. Oh well. Enjoy :)

Was it really possible for someone to feel this much? You couldn't have ever believed that someone could make you feel all of this. You weren't even sure what all you were feeling, you were just so full. So very full of so many emotions. It was like Quinn was filling you up, like she was…God you didn't even know, you couldn't put words to what you were feeling and it frustrated you so much.

The crashing sound of decorations hitting the floor caught your attention. Of course dad wants to put up Halloween decorations now. It had just turned October yesterday. "You alright?" you call already knowing the answer. It's why you didn't even bother getting off the couch, you got your dramatics from daddy, but dad's stubborn attitude had most definitely rubbed off on you.

"I'm fine! I can handle putting a few Halloween decorations up!" He scolded while you listened to him pick up his mess.

Why had you gotten up so early? It wasn't like the earlier you got up the sooner Quinn would be there. It was the exact opposite and yet you found yourself up and ready with a full thirty minutes to spare. This was insanity, you couldn't even spend the time looking for an appropriate song for your glee assignment because not only were there not any options but there was no way you would be able to express how Quinn made you feel, or even what Quinn made you feel. There just weren't words for it.

The earlier frustration made its way back over you at the thought. How could you not know how you felt? Shouldn't be that unbelievable, look at what got you into this mess. Your brain taunted.

It was more than love, with a slight sense of fear. It was an emotion that made you full, and cold, and warm, and confused. It was an emotion without a name. But how could something not have a name? You couldn't be the only person feeling this. Surely someone had gone through a similar feeling at some point in their life. What did they call it you wondered?

You were so lost in your own world that you almost didn't even hear your phone go off.

Hey, be there in a few.

See you soon.

You wanted to tell her you had woken up early thinking it would somehow magically bring her to you faster, so she had better hurry, but you just weren't that sure of where you stood with her. Sure she spent a good portion of yesterday afternoon confessing and apologizing but you still weren't quite sure where you two were. Clearly you weren't in a relationship, but you kissed every now and then. You touched each other in simple innocent ways but they always meant more than the common eye would assume. But yet the two of you never discussed your feelings for each other. It was all about how she was sorry, and how she was scared. Your conversation never entered the topic of how you felt about the other and at first it didn't matter, but right now you just wanted a label, you wanted to know.

Hearing more crashing you opted to stay outside, hoping the cold air would help clear your head a little. You sat on the cement step on your small front porch looking out at your yard. It was rather small compared to your neighbors. The driveway took up the majority of the space, and what grass you did have was always either covered by leaves, snow, or the shadow of the old large Oak tree. It's not like it was a huge deal though, the yard was hardly ever used. You didn't have childhood friends to run around with. You spent most of your time in musical lessons, whether they were vocal or instrumental. The only time the yard was used was on holidays when dad turned himself into a famous decorator, over-doing the theme each year.

A smile erupted on your face at the sight of the small compact car and, more importantly, the blond inside. You lifted yourself up from your sitting position and practically skipped to the car. "Well good morning Roger Rabbit." Quinn teased. Giggling you buckle yourself in, turning to the girl ready to counter with your own quip but you stop yourself, for the girl that was unabashedly teasing you had literally stolen your very breath away. She looked radiant, and just so…so happy. You'd never seen Quinn's eyes shine the way they were. There wasn't a barrier between you two. It wasn't Quinn Fabray giving Rachel Berry a lift to school; it was Quinn picking up Rachel to spend a few minutes together where they could just be before heading to school. You were equals.

"Quinn," you breathe. "You look, just, indescribable." You watch her blush and turn away, smiling at the windshield.

"Quinn," you need her to look at you, you need her eyes to keep you from floating away to some distant mental crazy land. However, when she turns to you, you don't look in her eyes, you barely pay them any attention. Instead you gaze longingly at her lips. How long had it been sine you last kissed her? Too long was the only logical answer that came to your head. So you leaned forward, doing your best to ignore the seat belt trying to hold you in place, and take her bottom lip listening to her sigh into the contact.

"I've got you something." She whispers against your lips, tickling them with her own.

You kiss her again before speaking. "You didn't have to."

A giggle escapes you lips as you feel her go to pull away but quickly return for one last kiss. She reached her arm out and behind your seat struggling with the distance between her and whatever she was going for and the position she was in. When her arm finally returned it was holding a grey shoe box. She eyed it carefully, like she was afraid of letting it go. "You can't open this with me around okay? And no one else can see it, not a thing inside here is for anyone's eyes but yours." You nodded understanding and took the box, wanting so desperately to open it now.

You spend the majority of the car ride staring at the box. You didn't dare shake it after you attempted to only to be shouted at by Quinn. What on Earth could the box be holding that Quinn was not only afraid of you knowing about but anyone else too?

She doesn't leave your side that morning, walking to your locker, leading you to hers and sitting next to you in English. You hadn't the slightest idea of what today's lesson was about, your mind was completely full of what could possibly be in the mysterious grey shoe box sitting in Quinn's car. If you had brought it in with you there would be no stopping you from taking it straight to the girl's bathroom and sifting through whatever was in there.

The bell rang sharply and you stiffened slightly at the sight on your desk. In your attempts to fool the teacher into believing you were actually taking notes your brain had chosen to draw a circle of hearts around the paper, and in the center of the page? The name that consumed your every thought. You shoot your eyes to the blond sitting next to you smiling as she tossed her notebooks into her bag. God. She saw. She freaking saw! Were you able to kick yourself yet?

Sulkingly you stand feeling more humiliated than ever before. She never brought it up though; the two of you walked to bother of your lockers and it was never mentioned, thankfully. Maybe she hadn't seen. "So, you seemed a little distracted in class today."

Of course she saw. You literally tried to hide your head in your locker as you groaned. "Can we just ignore that?" you beg, head still deep in your locker.

"Ignore what?" No, not him. You were having such a good morning, why did he have to ruin it? Didn't he have somewhere else to be? Anywhere else to be? The smacking of their lips made you cringe. You couldn't tell which hurt worse, seeing his lips on hers or hearing it.

It took everything in you to not look at them as you walked off to glee. You thought you'd feel more sad than angry at what had just happened, but it was a deadly mix of both, coursing through you as you quickened your pace. Pumping with each heartbeat, growing stronger and stronger until suddenly they somehow managed to mix together. Were you so angry you were crying or were you so hurt that you felt angry? Your heart was caving in on itself and your fists clenched tightly at your sides. There was no way you were going to make it to glee in one piece.

You took a quick detour to the nearest ladies room, slamming your hand against your mouth to stop the sobs before they escaped. You broke into a sprint, clenching your eyes tight once you finally reached the room. The door was pushed open by your body, your hands to busy keeping you in one piece; one over your mouth, the other clutching your stomach. You slammed the stall door shut, locking it immediately finally letting yourself crumble into a million pieces. The sobs echoed off every wall, taunting you with the endless sorrow. Your knees grew weak and you slid to the floor, tears slipping down your cheeks somehow able to slip out of your clenched lids. Everything was back to hurting again, just absolutely everything hurt. So much so you found yourself groaning in between your sobs.

It was foolish of you to have let your guard down so easily. Every wall you had built had crumbled down this morning and you didn't even notice. How could you be so stupid? But, it wasn't all that stupid, the only reason they went down in the first place was because Quinn looked so happy. She didn't have any of her guards up and it only made yours melt away as easily as butter in a frying pan.

Your muscles shook violently as you tried to take control of your breathing. It was hard to even want to control your breathing though. It was hard to just simply want to breathe. Maybe your sporadic breathing would give you a heart attack and you'd just die. You'd die and you'd leave all of this pain behind you. You wouldn't have to deal with any of it. But guilt hits you like a baseball to the face. What about Quinn? She'd have to go through your death too. She would have to go through a type of pain you couldn't even imagine. And then there was Jesse and Noah. You couldn't possibly put them through that.

Somehow your breathing had calmed down enough to where you felt numb enough to stand. You weren't crying anymore but that previous feeling of being full was gone, sucked away by some invisible force. You were just a shell of what once was Rachel Berry. Truthfully it shouldn't be hurting you this bad, it really wasn't that bad but you were just starting to feel a hundred percent again. You had only been this happy for a short while, it wasn't fair that it get taken away so easily. It wasn't fair of Finn to remind you that Quinn wasn't yours.

The late bell rang as you freed yourself from your small prison. Each step feeling heavier than the last, your legs taking you to the sinks. Your brain was hollow; there were no words, no thoughts, no feelings. There was just air. You were a zombie. You looked at the mirror appalled at your reflection, you really looked the part. Your nose was red, cheeks pink, hair messy from you running your hands through it, trying to pull it out. But worst of all were your eyes. Where brown chocolate lovely eyes once were now held black emotionless hollow ones. You barely even recognized them. You hated yourself for getting so attached to someone you'd never have, to someone you'd never deserve. You hated Finn for having everything you've ever wanted. And most of all you hated the lack of hate you harbored for Quinn. It was physically impossible to hate her. She could make you cry like this every day and still the second you looked into her hazel eyes all would be forgiven.

By the time you had finally made your way to glee Artie had already sang his song and was getting an earful from Jesse. "It was incredibly disrespectful to Mike for you to sing that song to Tina, Artie. How would you have liked it if a guy sang to your girlfriend? Not to mention you lacked any sort of true emotion." You ignored the looks that a few of the members gave you as you climb the risers and sit in the far left corner, away from everyone. There was some sort of dispute going on but you couldn't listen to it, your mind transfixed on the faux-Quinn holding Finn's hand. It was a loose grasp but it killed you just the same. That could be your hand.

A body makes its way to the seat next to you, the smell of cologne instantly overpowering you, and you know the identity. Noah Puckerman, secret sweetheart of the year has come to sit next to you and hold your hand, giving you all the comfort in the world.

The numbing was starting to wear off once you got to fourth hour. You took your seat next to Noah finding comfort just by being near him. He was so much more than anyone would ever see him for. "How you feeling?" He asks, leaning his body towards you.

"Fine."

"Bullshit." He says with a roll of the eyes.

"Really Noah, I'm perfectly fine, now please, I'm trying to watch the video we're supposed to be watching."

He scoffs and turns his head to the screen, giving you a moment to breathe. "If you were actually 'fine' you'd have stormed out of the room the second you hear dissection." You paled and spun to the screen watching as a man pointed to a fetal pig's intestine, and then holding them in his hands. "Hey," Noah called gaining your full undivided attention. "Why are you letting Finn get to you like this?" It took everything in you not to roll your eyes. Why did everyone assume your moods were always about Finn?

"This has nothing to do with him. I'm fine, really."

"Why are you lying to me?" You weren't sure what it was, but you really felt for Noah. Clearly, he had a heart and wasn't the self-proclaimed sex shark everyone knew him as. He was so much more than that. It killed you to think about why he felt he should hide that from everyone.

You looked deep into his brown eyes, wondering if he would ever leave you alone about this. Deep down you want to tell him, you wanted to have someone who knew Quinn's sweet side help you through this. Sure Jesse was great to vent to but he didn't know everything. He didn't know the history you had with everyone in glee, so he couldn't really help, he could only listen. "I'm not lying." The boy smirked and relaxed against the metal bar connecting his desk to his chair.

"Fine, it's not about Finn. It's about Quinn then." You felt heat rush to you face at the accusation and look at him with such fear you were sure you looked like a dear in headlights.

Your heart pounded; kick starting your body back to life from the earlier depression. He leans forward again, resting his elbows on his knees, leaning in as close to you as possible. "It's impossible not to notice after the past couple weeks. Her giving you rides to school, the song choices you two pick, the way you two look at each other when you're singing. Not to mention the sudden protectiveness she has for you." His voice was just below a whisper but you still catch yourself looking around to check if anyone heard.

"Who all knows?" You ask cringing at the thought of the entire glee club finding out.

"Just me, and Kurt I think but he hasn't said anything to anyone." Noah relaxed in his seat again but the smirk was no longer there. He'd found out he was right, that's all that mattered.

"Surprising, he's usually all about the gossip." You watch his chest quiver with silent laughter before he looks at you seriously again.

"This is probably really scary for you and all but I just want you to know," he pauses to look around the room briefly. "It is so freakin hot!" You burst out in laughter as he flashes you a toothy grin. Both of you quickly closing your mouths one the teacher reprimanded you.

You walk with him to lunch your arms looped together. You couldn't believe how much better you were feeling. You didn't feel empty anymore, you felt happy, sure not as happy as this morning but happy nonetheless. The second the two of you step in the cafeteria Quinn's eyes are on you. At first they were worried, now they were just angry. "I don't understand how she can be all jealous when she's the one dating the wrong person. We're hardly even holding hands." Noah says, pulling out his turkey sandwich. How could he possibly eat after the video he was just subjected to?

"I think she's afraid you'll get me pregnant." You tease nudging him with your elbow. He laughs, take a bite out of his sandwich, and suddenly his face goes serious, in a deep thought about something you were oblivious to.

"You know," he starts, swallowing the mouthful of food. "You take that whole 'I don't eat meat' thing to an extreme new level." Once again your face goes red hot but you couldn't hold in the laughter that exploded from you. It was the loudest you've laughed in weeks, months even, and it shook your stomach so hard it began to ache.

The only reason it starts to die down is because Finn was suddenly standing right over Noah's shoulder. "Hey, mind if we talk?" He was ignoring Noah's existence and looking you square in the eye.

"Now's not a great time, Finn. We're enjoying our lunch." Noah had squared his shoulders and straightened his back, taking a defensive stance between you and the tall oaf.

"Its fine Noah," you tell him gently tugging on his arm. He looked to you for one last reassurance before walking over to where Artie sat with Mercedes and Kurt.

"I don't understand," Finn started, sitting right where Noah once had, which if you were being honest was a bit too close when it was Finn. Noah made it more comfortable, but the way Finn was looking at you, it felt like and invasion of space. "I thought with you and Quinn as friends it meant that this was okay. You told me you weren't even interested in me anymore!"

"Finn, I don't want to talk about this." You say looking around the bustling cafeteria for back up.

"No, you're not going to just brush this off Rachel. I love you, I'm in love with you and I hate seeing you sad because I'm with Quinn, but you can't expect me to stay single when there's a girl that actually wants to be with me and is practically throwing herself at me."

What? What did this idiot just…what he serious? Who the hell…he was not talking about Quinn. He wouldn't dare…You feel yourself open and close your mouth, trying to think of something to say. But all of the words once again escaped you, and not in the cute way they had this morning. You stood abruptly, stomping one foot on the ground in frustration and anger. Why couldn't you speak? Why weren't you able to defend Quinn? Why was your mouth failing to make any sound?

You don't even bother trying to speak anymore, you just turn and storm your way out leaving a confused Finn behind you. Footsteps follow you out the cafeteria doors and into a deserted hallway where you start pacing. "Stupid idiot prick, doesn't even, UGH, he doesn't even deserve her!" Great now you found words. When he wasn't here to listen you had found words.

"Rachel, what happened? Do I need to go kick his ass?"

"She doesn't even want to be with him! He's such an ass! How could he talk about her like that?" Tears star flowing freely down your face. It wasn't in pain though; it was in pure hatred for the boys words.

You spend the next few minutes pacing and explaining everything to the Mo hawked boy as he stood and watched. When you finish he just takes a breath in through his nose, closes his eyes, and releases it through his mouth. "She picked you up?" You nod at him confused. "I'll take you home today okay?"

"No, you don't have to."

"What are you gonna do? Let her take you home? You'd just be hurting yourself."

You look to the floor, feeling slightly ashamed that half of you didn't really care. "I could walk." But Noah shakes his head at this.

"You're due for a slushie; I don't think you want to walk home in that." Now he looked a little ashamed, no doubt feeling a little guilty about not warning you of the slushie earlier.