Standard disclaimers apply.

Xander knocked on the door for the third time, with about the most force he thought he could use without kicking. Hopefully it would be answered this time, because there was only so much volume escalation a guy could use before people threatened to call the cops. Luckily the door opened just as he was trying to calculate the right strength to not hurt his toes through the sneakers.

(Wonder if Spike would buy me some boots like his if I asked. Of course, I use the word 'buy' loosely.)

"Harris?"

"Hey, Deadboy."

The vamp looked at him with a mixture of curiosity and dread - or maybe constipation again. "Is there another immutable prophecy you wanted to harass me into helping you stop?"

He couldn't help it, he grinned. "Naw, it's just, well, can I come in? You see, I hit my head earlier and decided to try to talk you out of leaving town instead of painting a yellow brick road to the city limits."

Ah, confusion, one of the few emotions Angel's face expressed well. But he stepped back out of the doorway and waved Xander in, so a win was a win.

"You don't want me to leave?"

"Want is a tricky word in this situation, Deadboy. I mean I want Snyder to fall down an open manhole and get eaten by giant hellmouthy sewer rats, but it could still have bad consequences down the road, ya know?" Taking in the look of total bewilderment, he changed tacks. "Buff and Wills are upset. And you are a really strong fighter - Buffy might not have been able to get everyone away from the Master-raising ceremony without you as backup."

Angel looked down at his hands for a long moment. "You heard Giles and Miss Calendar - my soul could disappear if I experienced a moment of pure happiness. Buffy is the best thing that's happened to me in 250 years, Harris. I'm surprised the curse wasn't broken in the Master's lair when she started breathing on her own again." He made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. "If I hadn't been selfish enough to have been cursing my lack of breath that didn't allow me to save her myself, I could have killed you both right then and let the Master finish opening the Hellmouth."

"Would you have?" (Deadboy's opening up to me. Too bad this conversation is too important to detour towards blackmail-worthy topics.) "I mean, me yeah, of course, but if you love the Buffster enough to get the whole 'perfect bliss' condition, surely you wouldn't kill her even if you lost your soul."

"I love her because I have a soul. Demons can't love, nothing without a soul is capable of it, they certainly can't feel anything for a human but hunger or hate." Xander didn't even bother to speak, just pulled his shirt back slightly, revealing Spike's mark, and looked steadily into the other man's eyes. "Harris, that's not... They aren't normal vampires, okay? Dru is insane, and from what I can tell had some sort of vision of what you could be like in the future that she wants to come true. Spike is just... Spike."

"Very articulate."

"It's hard to explain to a human. There's this air of humanity that clings to him, always has. Before my soul, I hated it because I thought it made him weak. Now it scares me because I can see the ways it makes him stronger." He sat heavily on the bed and seemed to grasp for a way to explain. "Buffy and I were out on patrol once and I spotted Drusilla ahead of us. I pretended to hear something and led Buffy away. Do you know why?"

"Um, you care a tiny bit about her as your childe?" Angel shook his head sadly. "Jerk... then, I dunno, you were scared she would pull the scary thrall thing and get one over on Buff?" Another shake. "Okay, fine, I give up, if you didn't want to protect Dru and you weren't protecting Buffy, then why keep them apart?"

"Because I honestly have no idea what level of carnage Spike would unleash on this town if Drusilla was killed." (Ooh, scary images there.) "Humans say things like 'he fought like a demon' or 'he fought like he was possessed' but we are possessed by demons and I can honestly say that the times Dru has been in danger, Spike scared me because he fought like a man. A man protecting someone he loves more than his own life. That's just not... normal for vampires, even when it comes to our sires, okay?"

Xander nodded. He knew that Spike wasn't like the fledges they fought, but to hear Angel describe the differences from another vampire's perspective was a whole new world. Still, back on topic. "Okay, I can't use Spike and Dru as a guide to what you'd be like without a soul. I mean, Dru said once that Spike always liked a tough fight, and you liked torture as performance art." (Guilty look! Score!) "But that's not my main point here. Even if we agree no soul Deadboy is bad, I'm not sure that means you should leave."

"But if I'm with Buffy, the danger-"

"Okay, I need you to channel a little of the crude asshole from St Vig's night to get through this conversation. You've been 'with' Buffy in the confirmed couple, smooching on patrol way for a while now without soul slippage. At what base are you worried about perfect bliss?"

Spluttering vampire. Pretty cool. "Are you sure you aren't possessed again? And I barely know what the 'bases' are!" After glowering under the teen's grin for a moment, Angel sat back with a sigh. "I don't know that it's a physical issue - Buffy is trusting me more, accepting me more, making me feel like I could be redeemed, be... a man again." A pause and roll of the eyes. "But if she were to express that trust by letting me sleep with her, that would probably do it."

Once he controlled the snickers, Xander gave the other man a stern look. "Well, as a friend of the Buffster, I gotta say I'm okay with that doomsday scenario being put off until at least Senior Prom. I mean, I know girls got married at 14 or whatever when you grew up, but Buffy's won't be pushing old maid status if you hold off on the naked fun a couple of years. Not to mention you're like 200 years older than her and waiting until she's legal in all 50 states is not unreasonable."

"And the sexual frustration on my part is just a bonus to you?"

"Not just because it would stop you from being happy enough to go evil." The grin faded quickly though, and he sat beside the vampire. "Angel, that other night I came here, about the Master... The day before, I'd asked Buffy to the Spring Dance. Not with me and Willow, flat out saying I wanted to date her. She turned me down. She didn't do it because of mystical dangers, or to protect me, she just didn't want that from me and told me so in so many words. I didn't drag you down there to help her because I thought it would change her mind about me, I just really didn't want her to die or for the Hellmouth to open."

"Harris..."

"No, listen. This year, she pulls that cocktease at the Bronze then wanders off to let me be killed by vamps because she's having 'issues', which she still hasn't apologized for, by the way. And while I'm back in the friend zone, I gotta say the Naked Buffy Show hasn't exactly come back into the Xander Fantasy Hit Parade. But I'm still here, because I still don't want the Hellmouth to open, and I'd like to think that I stake a fledge or two that might have gotten away that patrol and killed more people if I hadn't."

Angel nodded but couldn't quite meet his eyes. "So why am I skipping town on my shot at redemption just because I might not get the girl either, is that the question?"

"More or less." He placed his hand on the other man's shoulder. "Buffy is special, I'm not gonna deny you that, but you didn't come here to fall in love with Buffy, you came to help the Slayer protect the Hellmouth. The current Slayer's... Buffy-ness should just be a bonus."

Xander decided to leave it at that and started for the door, but paused with a small smile. "And if you stay and annoy Giles and Miss C with the star crossed mutually unrequited love enough, maybe they can figure a loophole."

Angel looked away, but he caught a glimpse of a grin. "Go away, Harris."

"Later, Deadboy."

"That was weird. I'm wigging. Are you wigging, Willow?"

The redhead nodded enthusiastically while not releasing the death grip she'd kept on Xander's bicep since the three of them had left the cemetery. "Definite wig. Xan, why aren't you wigging?"

"I'll probably wig a little later, but right now I've got that 'pleasantly surprised to be alive' glow holding it off." And he was pretty sure he knew where to turn for easy answers, but wasn't bringing that up in front of the girls. (Yeah, 'Hey Buff, give me a sec while I call my evil undead phone buddy and check.' That would go over well.) "I mean, Team Slayer : three, Vamp Crumbs : zero, what's to wig? You can tell G-Man about it tomorrow and he'll obsess on my neck a little more."

Buffy shook her head. "Sure, I'm glad nobody was hurt and does anyone else flash on Thomas and Friends when I say that, but let's face it - vamps rising from the grave, lunging for the nearest human throat, then saying 'sorry, I thought you were someone else' and trying to run away is not normal."

"Luckily, no one was hurt!" The other two chorused but Xander recovered from the giggles first. "I dunno, if it was an older one, I'd assume he recognized Spike's mark, but do baby vamps come with heraldic knowledge when they rise?"

A circle of shrugs and mumbled 'Giles will know's tabled the discussion. "Anyway, it's my stop ladies, you two better get home and tuck yourselves in. And if there's anyone of a non parental nature to do the tucking in, please don't ever tell me." His sprint for the porch made the retaliatory strikes glancing, and he was smiling as he shut the front door behind him.

"Damnit, Alex, do you know what time it is?" (Happy to zero in 1.5 seconds, my home is a reverse car commercial.)

"I've got five minutes to ten, Dad." He walked quickly into the living room rather than yell it.

"Don't sound so smug, curfew was at nine, you fucking idiot."

Apparently, tonight was the blowup night. Giles was gonna be mad he didn't tell him like they agreed. (It's not an exact science, Mr Told Ya So Brain.) "I'm sorry, Dad, I thought it was ten on the weekends like over the Summer, I didn't mean to be late." He hunched down a little and tried to look as ashamed as possible. A month ago he would have argued on the basis that bruises fade but cowardice lasts forever.

(A month ago it wouldn't have been about saving his life.)

"Huh, you trying to think was the first mistake. Get me a beer and get your ass to bed before I beat some sense into you." Xander scurried to the kitchen, hating himself for scurrying but trying to keep his thoughts on overprotective vampires. Cordy had attended a sporting event where no one was watching her cheer to get Larry protection for him, he could play beta-male to his dad.

"What the hell, I asked you for more bourbon!"

"I heard..."

"Don't you see the glass in my hand?" He saw it well enough to duck when it came at his head, and felt the splatter on his back as it shattered against the wall. "You are the most useless fuck in the world, get the hell out of here before you screw anything else up!"

(I don't want him to die, I don't want him to die, I don't want it to be my fault that he dies at the very least...) Xander made it up to his room to the accompaniment of a loud monolog on how he had ruined his parents' happy and comfortable lives and was relieved to hear the beer can opening. (Hope that's enough to put him out in front of the TV cause if he steps on glass getting more, I'm in for a world of pain.)

Opening his door, he briefly wondered why he'd left the light on before the sight of a blond vampire relaxing bootless on his bed answered that question.

A/N : I live! Mostly.