When I opened my eyes, all I could see were fuzzy blobs of colour and light. After a few moments of blinking and eye rubbing, my sight cleared and I found myself in an Asgardian bedchamber… the same chamber I had occupied before we left for Jotunheim. I stretched, cracking my joints and my spine, before pushing off the covers. I was dressed in the clothes I had travelled in, but they smelled as if they had been dunked in soapy water along with me. My skin felt clean, although there was a lingering numbness throughout my body. My throat was stinging and I realised that I was extremely thirsty. I clambered awkwardly out of the bed and flinched when my calf protested slightly. I limped over to the door and opened it, stepping out to find a familiar blonde figure seated in a chair beside the door. "Steve?" Steve looked up at me, wide-eyed, and jumped to his feet, pulling me into a tight embrace.
"Ellie, thank god you're alright," he sighed heavily, cupping the back of my head in his hand and rubbing my scalp. I blinked, startled by the uncharacteristically flamboyant display of affection, patting his back hesitantly.
"Um… yeah… I'm okay… Are you?" Steve pulled back from me with a warm smile, nodding.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Ellie."
"Ellie?" Steve stepped aside to reveal Bruce standing in the hallway behind him. I smiled at him with an awkward little wave.
"Hi, Bruce- Oh!" I gasped as the usually reserved doctor threw his arms around my shoulders, curling his fingers in my tangled hair.
"We thought we'd lost you," Bruce whispered. I thought about that, frowning as I petted Bruce's shoulder. I concentrated on the jumbled memories I had of recent events and sighed.
"It was the infection, wasn't it? I took a fever." Bruce pulled back from me and nodded, peering at me closely.
"What do you remember?" he asked seriously.
"I remember experiences more than actual events, but I think I can piece it together. I noticed that my leg was infected in the morning, when Loki was bickering with Clint, but there wasn't anything I could do about it, so I just put antiseptic on it and wrapped it up. Then there was the whole cliff debacle, and Steve let me ride with him into Muspelheim… I think that's when the fever set in; I remember being unbearably hot and you wouldn't leave me alone… Then you told Loki that I needed medical care, and I fell asleep while you all packed up the camp… I rode with Loki after that… He used his Jotun form for me, didn't he?" I blinked at the two Avengers curiously and they nodded solemnly. "I fell asleep while I was riding with him… And then I'm guessing we took the Bifrost here, and Loki carried me to the healers who put me in an ice bath and cleaned my leg again… They tranq'd me, didn't they?" I asked, rubbing the sore spot on the side of my neck.
"Yes, they put you under," Bruce confirmed.
"It was the best way to give you a deep sleep in order to facilitate healing." I glanced over my shoulder at the deep voice and smiled.
"Hello, Thor."
"Ellie," Thor greeted, striding forward and taking my hands in his, rubbing his thumbs across the backs gently. "You had us worried for you, Little Warrior." I shifted awkwardly, lowering my gaze to the floor.
"I'm sorry; I did not want anyone to worry over me."
"Why not?" I glanced up as Tony came walking down the corridor with his hands shoved into his pockets. "You never stop worrying about the rest of us; it seems only fair that we should take a turn."
Tony came to a stop beside me as Thor released my hands and smiled at me affectionately. "We've taken you for granted before, Kid. Not gonna happen again. How're you feeling?"
"Better," I replied, grinning.
"That's my girl," Tony drawled approvingly, ruffling my hair.
"Oh, good. You're awake." I blinked in surprise as Sif approached us with a kind smile, holding a tray in her hands.
"Hi, Sif," I greeted uncertainly.
"The healers told me that you would awaken soon; I thought you might be thirsty." Sif held out the tray towards me and I took the glass of water immediately, quickly sculling the drink.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," I sighed, refilling the glass from the pitcher on the tray and smiling at Sif gratefully before sipping the water.
"You are most welcome," Sif acknowledged, placing her hand on my shoulder and squeezing softly.
"So how long was I out for this time?" I inquired.
"A day and a half, or thereabouts," Steve told me.
"Right; I need a bath," I decided, finishing my water.
"It has been prepared for you," Sif told me, turning. "Come with me." I blinked in surprise again, nodding.
"Oh. Right; thank you." I followed Sif as she walked away, falling into step beside her with a final glance back at the Avengers outside my room. "So… are we good now?" I asked.
"I think we've always been good; isn't that the point of your Avengers?" Sif responded with a confused frown.
"No, I mean you and me," I explained. "Since we started off… Well, I suppose we started off with a strong dislike of each other."
"Because you are strong, for a Midgardian, and intelligent, and I couldn't understand why someone like you, with the moral compass I was sure you must have, could be so fond of… someone like Loki Laufeyson." Sif glanced at me from the corner of her eye hesitantly, gauging my reaction. I nodded slowly, chewing my lip pensively.
"Yes, I see your point," I acknowledged.
"Do you?" a low, soft voice inquired and Sif and I halted, turning to face Loki where he stood on a balcony overlooking the palace. Loki flicked his bright green gaze over Sif briefly before trailing them along me and fixing his eyes on mine. I sighed, rolling my eyes and pushing my hair back.
"Come on, Loki," I groaned tiredly. "We all know how dangerous you are; you have to understand how that looks."
"Oh, I do," Loki confirmed, stepping inside and standing in front of us with his hands folded before him, looking down on me with a mocking sympathy. "Of course I understand, Little Mouse. I'm sure everyone wonders what someone as good, kind and loyal as you are can see in someone as treacherous, manipulative and sinister as I." Loki started walking forward slowly, smirking at me with that predatory edge to his movements and expression that I had thought he no longer felt the need to use on me. "The answer is very simple, though." Loki halted right in front of me, towering over me, and wrapped his hand around my jaw, holding me tightly. "I am useful to you," Loki hissed sharply, flashing his teeth at me. He released me, stepping away with a condescending smirk when Sif tried to land a blow on him, and vanished.
There was a pause as I drew a deep breath through my nose before I put my hands over my eyes, shaking my head. "And now he hates me again," I grumbled.
"Oh, let him," Sif huffed dismissively. "Whatever else he may be, Loki is no fool. He knows better than to harm you when you have such powerful friends."
"That would be perfectly acceptable, apart from the fact that I like Loki, Sif," I contradicted, dropping my hands and tilting my head back. Sif sighed at me, giving me a look of bemused sympathy.
"Well… I daresay you will set everything to rights again. But after you take a bath." I smiled at Sif tiredly and she returned it genuinely, guiding me down the hallway again.
"Hi, Bucky," I greeted, smiling as I caught up to the Winter Soldier in the corridor after I had washed and dressed in a deep green Asgardian gown.
"Ellie, I'm glad you're alright," Bucky murmured softly. His brow furrowed slightly as he stared at me. "You seem troubled." I sighed tiredly, taking Bucky's metal arm in mine and walking along with him slowly. He rolled his wrist awkwardly, but I ignored it.
"Yes. Loki is upset with me, so I need to go and set things straight again… He's a lot of trouble, that boy."
"Then why bother?" Bucky asked simply. I blinked up at him, huffing an incredulous laugh.
"Because he's mine, Bucky! Loki is mine, same as the rest of you."
"What does it take to become one of 'yours'?" he wondered. I smiled, looking down and shrugging.
"I don't know. I suppose they just have to speak to my soul." We passed by the throne room and I heard Loki's voice growling at a servant. I sighed again, releasing Bucky's arm and smiling at him wistfully. "I have to go in. I'll see you later, Buck." I slipped inside the throne room and stood by the door as Loki paced in frustration in front of the throne steps. "Loki." Loki glanced up at me sharply and narrowed his eyes, looking back at the serving girl cowering before him.
"You are dismissed." The girl fled and I watched her go before turning reproachful eyes on Loki.
"What was that for?" I demanded. "You frightened the poor thing."
"I frighten many people, Mouse. I have a reputation," Loki drawled indifferently, stalking up the steps and lowering himself fluidly onto the throne.
"Yes; I know," I agreed lowly, striding forward into the middle of the room and crossing my arms. Loki stared down at me blankly.
"What do you want?" he demanded coolly.
"I want to talk to you," I said, stepping closer towards the throne. Loki tilted his head.
"About what?"
"You know what," I growled. "You're upset with me." Loki smirked again patronisingly.
"Now, why would I be upset with you, my dear?" he purred menacingly.
"Because you heard me agreeing with Sif about you." Loki nodded shortly, casting his eyes away from me disinterestedly.
"I will admit that I was… a little surprised to see you engaging so well with Sif, given your previous relationship."
"Seems she is grateful to me for saving her life," I hummed. Loki looked at me from the corner of his eye. I sighed heavily, rolling my eyes. "Loki, listen to me. Do I think you're dangerous? Yes, absolutely. I have the scars to prove you are, and you nearly succeeded in taking over my planet. But do I think you're evil? No; not even remotely. You've protected me far too well for me to believe that." Loki snorted dismissively, looking away again. "Loki, please. We've been through this before; you know how I feel about you."
"I thought I did; but you've played me before."
"Yeah, well I never know exactly where I stand with you either, Princeling; so I don't know what you're sulking about," I snapped impatiently.
Loki curled his lip, looking down at me harshly. "You needed help, Miss Carter, and you fought me," he hissed accusingly. I blinked in surprise, shaking my head.
"What are you talking about?"
"When we were travelling back from Jotunheim, and you contracted that infection. I was trying to help you, and you pushed me away." I quirked a brow at that.
"And how many times have you pushed me away, Loki? Both literally and figuratively," I challenged.
"You were Thor's friend; I didn't know that I could trust you… I thought you trusted me…" Loki's stare was bitter and resentful and I sighed again, shaking my head.
"I do trust you, Loki. I pushed everyone away… The truth is; I don't have your dangerous reputation. I constantly struggle to prove myself to everyone, including you! And you and the Avengers have so many troubles; I can't afford to show any weakness. I can't need anyone; I'm here to help you. So I'm sorry that I didn't cry out for you in my sickness, Loki … But I'm doing the best I can here." There was silence for a moment as Loki examined me from the corner of his eye, his fingers resting against his lips thoughtfully. Finally, he sighed, standing and descending the steps, passing by me to stop before the windows and look out over the kingdom. I hissed at his disregard of me, snarling. "What more do you want from me, Loki? I will not kneel to you."
"I do not want you to kneel, Miss Carter," Loki rumbled quietly, refusing to look at me. "If that is what you believe, then you cannot hold me in the same regard that you hold your Avengers. And you never have."
"Is that what you think?" I gasped, gobsmacked. "Loki, can you truly not see how fond I am of you?" Loki said nothing, staring out of the window, and I growled, stamping my foot. "Dammit, Loki!" I screeched, finally drawing his gaze. I shook my head at him, frowning sadly and breathing shakily. "How many more times must you break my heart before you are satisfied?" I asked softly. I turned on my heel and stalked towards the door with my head held high in defiance.
"There will be war." I halted just in front of the door and turned my head, listening to Loki's low voice. "The Jotuns, Chitauri, probably more besides," he continued. I turned to face him and found him looking out of the window again, standing tensely. "This… This is not what I wanted. Everything has fallen apart…"
"Well, that's what happens when you use lies and deceit to get your way," I drawled unsympathetically, pacing to the centre of the room and folding my arms again. Loki huffed a bitter laugh, shrugging.
"And now you are angry with me for being upset, but I don't know what you expect of me. It's not as if I've ever done this before…" That tugged at my bleeding heart and I sighed resignedly, closing the distance between us and slipping my arms around Loki, laying my cheek against his back as his hand folded over mine automatically, drawing my hand across his abdomen to his stomach.
"I expect you to accept my gestures of affection for what they are," I murmured. "I expect you to understand that I am not particularly demonstrative and I prefer to be left alone when unwell… I expect you to have a little faith in me, Loki. I deserve that."
"No," Loki mumbled. I tilted my head back to examine him curiously, but he continued to avoid eye contact. "You deserve more than that, Mouse. You deserve a hero." I laughed softly, shrugging.
"So be a hero." Loki swallowed, bowing his head.
"I don't know how," he breathed. I smiled at him warmly.
"Yes you do," I replied. "Use your infamous intellect to find a way out of this mess. I know you can." Loki sighed, turning and putting an arm around my shoulders, stroking my hair with the other hand.
"I will try, Mouse. But there will be war nonetheless…"