Chapter 14

My heart stopped in my chest. I was so confused. When had she seen Sam? Why had she said anything about Sam? Seeing the confused look on my face, Kaitlyn explained herself.

"When we got there, Sam was in the room with Emily. Apparently he had been the one to find her after the attack. He said that he hadn't left her side since she checked in to the hospital." My jaw dropped. My heart went out to Leah. I know it must've been hard for her to see Sam with Emily. She had barely gotten over the initial heartbreak.

It was silent between us. I wanted to ask so many questions but I didn't know how to word them. The questions I did know how to word, I'm pretty sure that Kaitlyn wouldn't have the answers to. For example, how did Leah feel about the whole situation? How did Emily feel about Sam? Would Emily be okay? Kaitlyn wouldn't be able to answer those questions.

"I think that Sam and Emily are going to be together," Kaitlyn said blatantly while she stared down at her hands. I stared at her wide-eyed. I couldn't believe that Emily would actually date Sam. What about Leah? Also, after Emily slapped Sam silly at the Clearwater's house, I was sure that his little crush would have diminished. I guess that if I were Leah, I would nothing to do with Sam, but still, I would never date my cousin's ex.

"Why do you think that?" I questioned, still in confusion as to how Emily could betray Leah like that. Kaitlyn shrugged, still not making eye contact with me. "The way that they were looking at each other… I don't know. Maybe it was just me, but I could tell that Leah was thinking the same thing. They looked like they were in love or something. They couldn't keep their eyes off of each other."

"Maybe she was just really thankful to Sam for saving her. You know, maybe she's playing the whole Damsel in Distress role," I said, trying to make an excuse for Emily. Kaitlyn looked at me, her eyes sad. "Maybe," she said, not sounding at all hopeful. I knew that it was unlikely. If what Kaitlyn said was true, then Emily and Sam liked each other. Kaitlyn is pretty dense when it comes to her surroundings so I know that if she noticed something like that, it must have been blatantly obvious.

"I just can't believe that she would do that though," Kaitlyn continued. "The way that Leah talked about her, you'd think that she was an Angel. I mean, Leah and Emily were so close, they made us look like cousins." I gulped down the rest of my water as she continued to vent to me. I felt good that I could be the ears for Kaitlyn to vent to. She was always there for everyone else.

"Promise me one thing," she started, staring at me with pleading eyes. "Promise me that you won't ever date any of my exes." I gave her a very bored and dull look. "I thought that was implied. We shared a womb for 9 months, and since then I haven't been able to get rid of you." She laughed at my sarcasm but she knew that I was genuine. I would never treat Kaitlyn like a stranger.

"I promise to never let a guy come between us," Kaitlyn said hugging me tightly, despite my sweat drenched clothes. I awkwardly hugged her back. I didn't hug. At least I thought I didn't. I'd been hugging Seth lately, but I considered him a special case.

I hadn't even told Kaitlyn about Seth yet. I didn't know how she'd respond. It would go one of two ways; either she'd be completely against the idea, or she would be completely in love with the idea. I wasn't ballsy enough to find out which one yet.

Kaitlyn sighed loudly and stood up from my bed. "Do you think you'll be okay to go back to sleep?" I nodded my head even though I knew that sleep wasn't an option. "Good. I'm going to try to get some shut eye. Goodnight Baby Doll." She walked out of my room, leaving me alone in complete silence.

I lied back on the bed, trying to think of anything other than my nightmare. Shortly after, I fell into a deep sleep, the events of the day finally catching up to me. This sleep was dreamless.

I awoke the next morning, still very tired. I thought about skipping school, but decided against it. I needed to get out of this suffocating house and all of its nasty tension. I took a quick shower, dressed in my normal dark attire, put on my normal dark makeup, and sat in the car waiting for Kaitlyn to get in.

I sat in the car with my head lying on the steering wheel. I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. "Are you okay?" Kaitlyn asked getting into the car. I nodded my head. "Just a little tired. I think you should drive to school today." She nodded her head in agreement and we switched seats. I knocked out before she even started the car.

I felt Kaitlyn shaking me awake when we got to school. That had to be the quickest ride to school in my life. I jumped out of our jeep and reluctantly walked to the small school building, barely staying awake in the process.

"Hey, Sammy, you don't look so good." Bella was walking beside me, with Alice and Edward right behind her. I heard her but was too tired to think of a witty comeback, so I just settled for a "Yeah."

"Rough night?" Edward asked. "Yeah," I repeated in the same voice. "It's Bella's birthday, you know?" Alice told me. My eyes finally shot open as I looked at Bella with wide eyes.

"Happy Birthday, Bella! Oh my gosh, I'm a terrible friend! How could I forget your birthday?" I asked, still feeling like crap.

"It might have something to do with the fact that I didn't tell anyone," Bella said sheepishly. I laughed a little at her expense. So, it was obvious that she wasn't into birthdays. I had to keep that in mind. "So how did Alice find out?" I asked, giving Alice a playfully questioning glance. "Oh, I have my ways." She skipped off to her class. I mean, she literally skipped off to her class. That girl was beyond weird.

"So, what are you going to do for your birthday?" I asked her. "We were going to have a small get-together at my house later on today," Edward offered. "You can come if you like."

I felt really bad about thinking that I didn't want to. I really didn't want to go. With everything that's been going on in my life lately, I wasn't really in a partying mood. I was more inclined to go home, sleep for a few days, and wake up on my 50th birthday.

It would've been rude to decline when they offered. Also, I'd never been to the Cullen's house before. I'm pretty sure that it had to be nice. I mean, the way they dress and the cars they drive had to show that they were pretty wealthy. Not to mention that Dr. Cullen was the most noted doctor in the hospital. The house had to be badass.

On another hand, I might be needed at home. What if Kaitlyn breaks down and her slightly younger sister needs to console her… let's face it; I'd probably avoid a highly emotional Kaitlyn. This could be a good chance to forget everything that's been going on.

"Sure, sounds like fun." I said it without giving it another thought. I didn't want to be home any longer. If I could avoid that house for a few hours, then why not?

"We'll pick you up at 6," Edward said before we actually walked in to class.

My school day was pretty uneventful. I kept checking my phone, wondering if I would ever get a text message from Seth. I didn't, by the way. So, then I wondered if my phone was broken. Stupid smart phones nowadays were getting really unconventional. Then, Amber sent me a text message asking me where her new boots were, as If I would know anything about boots, and my thoughts about a broken phone were thrown out of the window.

So, during lunch, I decided to bite the bullet and text Clearwater. I didn't want to text him because I thought that he might be busy, but I needed to know what was going on. I needed to know that he was okay.

Hey.

He never texted back. So, I was now in my last period of the day, listening to Alice talk about Bella's party and trying not to think about how rejected I felt.

"So, I was thinking that purple and silver would be a good color combo for you. That's your favorite color right? Purple?" Alice asked a very bored Bella. "Go with what you feel is best, Alice," she replied with as much enthusiasm as a depression victim. "See, that's your problem. You're not as enthusiastic as you should be," Alice commented with a small pout on her face.

They kept bickering about the party and I kept trying to focus on their conversation. However, every so often, my nightmare would resurface in my memory and I would have a titi attack.

I sat like that for fifty minutes, until the bell rang, dismissing us from school. I've never been so relieved and yet so disappointed in my life. I didn't want to go home, but I really felt like I needed to. I was extremely tired, but I scared to death of closing my eyes. Maybe, a small nap wouldn't kill me.

When I got to the car, Kaitlyn was already inside, sitting in the driver's seat. "How was your day today?" she asked, trying to make conversation. I shrugged. I didn't know how it was. "How about you?" I asked her. She went into explicit detail on how Mike Newton and Jessica were now exclusive all thanks to her master plan. She talked about how she was a master match maker and how I should let her hook me up with Conner because he was dying to get to know me better. I tried to smile, but I don't think it came off that way. I think it looked more like a grimace.

I shook my head. "I don't think that would be a good idea, considering that I don't want to get to know Conner better. In fact, I'm sorry that I met him at all." I know it sounded harsh, but he was the next worse thing compared to Mike Newton. He was the witch and Mike was the devil. I didn't want to be around either if I didn't have to be.

"I was invited to Bella's party," I said, trying to change the subject. Kaitlyn's face lit up. "Are you going to go? What do you plan on wearing? Where is it going to be?" I was bombarded with too many questions in too little time.

"Uhm, let me try to answer these in the way you asked them. Yes, I'm going to go. What's wrong with what I'm wearing now? It's going to be at the Cullen's house."

Kaitlyn gasped so loudly that I thought she might've been choking. "What's wrong with what you're wearing now? Everything! You look like you just walked out of your own funeral." I shrugged it off. I get enough about my wardrobe from my mom and it never changed anything about my clothing choices. Kaitlyn didn't stand a chance with trying to change my style.

When we got home, finally, I went straight to my room. I took my book bag off, placed it in its right place, and laid down on my bed, face down. I set my iHome to wake me up at 5 so I could be ready for Bella's party.

When I was on the brink of sleep, Amber came bursting through my door. "You don't have to worry anymore, Baby Doll. I found the boots. They were in my closet. Who would've thought that I actually put them up this time?"

I gave her the most evil glare that I could muster. I was finally about to get some shut eye and she came to me about stupid shoes. I had a good mind to burn them.

Noticing the look that I was giving her, she finally left my room with a "sweet dreams". I laid my head back down on the pillow and welcomed sleep with open arms.

Thankfully my sleep was dreamless. I would rather have no dreams than bad dreams.

I was awoken by someone gently shaking me. I looked up to see Seth standing over me. I couldn't believe my eyes, so I rubbed my eyes for good measure. Nope, he was still there, with a bright smile on his face.

I looked at my iHome to see that it was 7:30. I had a mini heart attack, and sat up. "I have to go!" I said, standing up. "Wait a second, you just woke up. Where do you have to be?" Seth asked, with a small frown on his face. "I was invited to a birthday party today and I'm super fucking late." I reached for my shoes and started yanking them on my feet.

"I just got here and you're leaving?" Seth asked, sadness dripping from his tone. "I promised that I would go. I just need to go somewhere," I said, speaking my thoughts more so than answering Seth.

I grabbed my phone and saw that I had gotten a text message from Bella.

Your sister Amber told me you were sleeping and we decided to let you sleep. She said that you didn't get a good night's rest. Don't worry. Rest up and we'll do something another time.

I sat down on my bed, finally relaxing after my little freak out session. "You okay?" Seth asked, sitting down next to me. I nodded, knowing that if I spoke, my voice would betray me.

"You don't look like it. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked wrapping his arms around me. I shook my head. I didn't want to talk to him about it. I didn't want to talk to a shrink about it. I didn't want to talk to anyone about anything.

We sat like that for a few minutes in complete silence. Seth with his arms wrapped around me and me trying not to think. The silence was deafening and I couldn't take it anymore.

"How was your day?" I asked him, trying desperately to break the silence. "It could've been better. I was with Emily at the hospital all day. Or should I say, Emily and Sam? My phone broke, too which sucks."

I started to laugh until I saw how Seth was looking at me. He looked as if I was the craziest person on the planet. The look on his face made me laugh harder. I explained myself.

"I thought that you were mad or something with me. I thought that you didn't want to be with me anymore, so I figured that you not talking to me was a sign of you breaking us up."

Seth raised an eyebrow and I kept laughing and talking. "I know. It's very stupid of me. I shouldn't have thought that way. I mean, you don't have to talk to me all day and every day. I just, after what happened yesterday, I've been really twitchy."

Seth started laughing with me and before we knew it, we were both holding our sides in laughter. Now that I think about it, it wasn't really funny. However, the unnecessary laughter did make me feel a lot better.

Seth gave me a quick peck on the lips and kept laughing. "I'm not much better than you. After my phone broke, I panicked. That's why I'm here right now. You should've seen the look that Amber gave me after I showed up un-announced asking to see you. I honestly don't know how long we're going to be able to hold up this charade. I find myself caring less and less each time I'm around you."

My laughter was dying down and I honestly felt like a million bucks. Or, at least I felt like someone that wasn't crazy anymore.

"Hopefully you won't have to put up with the charade for much longer," I said before giving him a peck on the lips. Seth held me there though. He deepened the kiss and I started smiling into it. I was so happy that I had someone that could make me so happy.

"Are you happy, now?" Seth asked, breaking off from the kiss. I nodded my head, feeling a lot better. "Good. Do you want to talk about it now?" I sighed and rolled my eyes at his persistence. Why did he care? Why couldn't he be like other guys and not care about my feelings?

"You really want to know?" I asked, making sure that he knew what he was about to get himself into. He nodded his head slowly and I began unwrapping my life. I told him about Oscar and my fear of hospitals. I told him about my mother and her unattainable acceptance. I told him about my terrible nightmares. I told him about my bad streak as a young delinquent and I told him about my ever present depression.

Throughout my confession, I kept my eyes down. I would look up at Seth every so often to see if he was still paying attention, or to see if he was still there. He would only stare back at me with a blank expression and nod his head for me to continue.

By the time I was done explaining myself, I had tears forming in my eyes. I never shed a tear, but I could feel them forming. I looked up at Seth, waiting for him to comment. In the back of my head, I imagined him leaving me, never wanting to talk to the emotionally challenged emo girl again.

However, he was still there, sitting on my bed, and watching me. I ran a frustrated and shaky hand through my hair and took a deep breath. Airing out all of your dirty laundry can be pretty tiring, especially when said dirty laundry has never been aired before.

"I told you it would be bad," I told him, still trying not to cry. He took a deep breath and gave me a hug. "We all have our pasts." I guess that was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn't. "What's your past?" I questioned. He gave a small smile and averted his gaze. "One time when I was seven, I broke my leg riding my bike down a hill when it was raining."

I couldn't help but laugh. He joined me in the laughter. He knew that his past was ridiculously better than my own. "Okay, so my past hasn't been as turbulent as yours. Doesn't change anything." He gave me another hug. Did I ever mention that I loved Seth's hugs? That's a very vital piece of information.

"Do you know what you're getting yourself into, Mr. Clearwater?" I asked him softly. He shook his head in response. "Not the slightest idea." He kissed me on the forehead. I had never felt so good in my life. To go from being completely depressed to elated in one second was a great transition.

There was a knock on my door and I pushed Seth on the floor. He nearly landed on his face. "Come on in," I yelled to the person on the other side of the door. Amber walked in my room, quirking an eyebrow at Seth on the floor. "I fell," he quickly lied. I could barely stifle the laughs that were bubbling in my chest.

"You should be more careful," Amber chided. "Are you two hungry?" I watched Seth jump off of the floor and run out of my room. I guess he was hungry. Amber laughed at Seth's excitement at the thought of food. "What about you, Baby Doll? All of the sleeping and no food to balance it out can't be too good." I shook my head. I wasn't hungry. After listening to Amber bitch and moan about anorexia and bulimia and other eating disorders, I gave up and headed to the kitchen to eat something.

Nate came home with pizza. If you haven't guessed by now, Nate was a big fan of pizza and Chinese food. I ate a few slices of cheese pizza before I could eat no more. After all of the pizza was gone, everyone sat down in the living room to watch Grey's Anatomy. It was kind of unbelievable watching Seth and Nate watch it. It was even more unbelievable that they would shush anyone who interrupted their watching.

After Grey's Anatomy went off, Kaitlyn and I offered to drive Seth and Leah home. Leah felt like she was good enough to actually go back home after the traumatic experience she had. Secretly, I felt that Leah wanted to go home because she felt like she was losing her life and family to Emily. Either way, I couldn't blame her. I would've raised hell if I were in her shoes.

The ride to their house was extremely awkward. No one really felt like talking. I wanted to talk to Seth, but anything that I wanted to say to him would have to be said in private. It would be too weird if I talked to Seth like he was my boyfriend in front of my sister. We drove down the familiar road to the Clearwater household.

When we pulled into the driveway, Leah and Seth hopped out. Before Leah could get out of earshot, Kaitlyn stopped her. "The minute that you feel uncomfortable or just need an escape from everything, call me. I'm less than twenty minutes away." Leah gave a small smile and a small nod and continued towards her house.

The drive home was just as silent as the drive to the Clearwater's. However, unlike most silences, silence between Kaitlyn and I was probably the most peaceful. We never really needed to talk to one another to know what the other was thinking. Granted, sometimes we could be total blockheads, but we usually understood each other.

I decided to text Bella to see how the party was going and to apologize for not being able to make the shindig. She said that they had a great time and that she was already home. It was too early for a party to end, but I decided not to press the issue. Edward was a prude and if he thought that Bella's party should be ended early, far be it me to argue that.

When we got back home, everyone was still watching Grey's Anatomy. Kaitlyn joined them but I decided against that. I took a nice long shower instead. The feeling of the hot water beating down on my tense body was beyond relaxing. I even bothered to wash and condition my hair. I smelled like peaches and cream.

I left the bathroom after brushing my teeth, washing my face, and dressing in my pajamas. I decided that I would practice on Ghibli, my guitar, since no one was upstairs with me. With schoolwork, my drawings, and all of the recent drama lately, I'd been neglecting my music.

I played a few chords to try and test out if I still had the magic. It sounded horrible at first, but the more I played, the more I sounded like my old self. The more I played, the more I felt like singing. Before I knew it, I was writing down lyrics.

I was so wrapped up in my music that time was completely forgotten. I glanced at the clock to see that it was a quarter to midnight. Everyone had to be asleep by now. However, thanks to my too long nap, I knew that sleep would be difficult to obtain. Knowing that I had to go to school tomorrow, I decided to force sleep anyway.

That night, my dreams were pleasant. They were of deceased ancestors and loved ones. They were of candy coated rainbows and cotton candy sheep. I had never been so happy and yet completely disgusted in a dream before.

I awoke super early the next morning. I woke up in time to use the bathroom before Kaitlyn and I had enough time to spare. I decided to watch cartoons and eat Fruity Pebbles. I laughed at the ridiculous antics of Sponge Bob Squared Pants and tried to keep my giggles down.

When everyone else woke up and Kaitlyn was ready for school, we left the house. I volunteered to drive today and literally jumped in the driver's seat. Kaitlyn gave me a weird look on the way to school. She told me that I was whistling. I didn't even know that I knew how to whistle.

When we got to school, I was so happy that I didn't even notice the usual vulgar remarks by Mike Newton. Screw that guy. I didn't even notice that some random guy almost ran me over trying to get to class. Screw that guy, too. However, my good mood was short lived after I stepped into 1st period.

I could feel the tension emanating between Edward and Bella. They were usually hugged up, spooning. Now, they were not even looking at each other. I walked to my desk beside Bella and gave her a quizzical look. She shrugged and turned back to her notebook, just staring at it. I decided not to press the issue. If she wanted to talk to me, then I'd be there to listen, but I wasn't going to force her to express herself.

It was just so weird. Yesterday, they were a lovey dovey couple, and today, they looked like they were on the verge of a divorce. Something bad must have happened at the party. I regretted not going when I should've.

Bella was quiet the entire day. Like, she wouldn't talk to me at all. She wouldn't talk to anyone. Alice was even down in the dumps. She wasn't her normal, excited self. It put a damper down on my mood. Maybe I should've been more social. That way I wouldn't be forced to stick around gloomy people. Maybe this is how my friends usually felt about me.

Despite Bella and Edward's sour mood, I kept a relatively positive mood. I was more happy than not. When I got home, I decided to draw a few sketches for a new tattoo that I really wanted. I had this weird obsession with owls, so that's what I wanted. I wanted a colorful owl on my shoulder. It would probably hurt like hell, but I didn't care. I still wanted it.

While I was in the middle of drawing my 3rd sketch of the owl, I felt someone standing over me. I looked up to see Seth smiling down at me. I smirked up at him and told him to sit down in the chair next to me. "What are you doing?" he asked curiously. I shrugged. "Drawing my next tattoo?" It sounded more like a question than a response.

"You mean you're getting another tattoo?" he asked in total shock. I laughed at his reaction. He sounded like my mother. I nodded my head and continued sketching. "I like tattoos." "You don't say? All this time I thought you hated tattoos. You only have 35 of them." He said sarcastically. I stuck my tongue out at him and continued drawing. "You should let me give you a tattoo, Seth." I suggested playfully.

"You totally should. I want a tattoo of Abraham Lincoln on my back." I laughed at him again. Dammit! Every time that I laughed, my sketch would get messed up. I pushed the sketch away and stood up. "You hungry, Clearwater?" He nodded his head vehemently. "Why did you even ask?"

I was making him sandwiches when I felt Seth wrap his arms around my waist. I smiled a little to myself, feeling total content at that moment. "Kaitlyn is upstairs," I warned him. He shrugged and leaned down to give my cheek a kiss. "You're going to get us caught," I said, still smiling. He shrugged again. "No me importa."

I raised an eyebrow. "That means I don't care in Spanish." "I know what it means. I didn't know you spoke Spanish." "I don't. I only know the bare minimum that I learn from my Spanish class." I had to laugh at that. Kaitlyn was completely fluent in Spanish. Seth probably didn't even know a fraction of what she knew. So, Seth and I were in the same boat with regard to Espanol.

After I finished making us our sandwiches, we sat back down at the kitchen table. We just talked. The conversation mainly centered on our days at school. Apparently Seth was a nerd. He was talking to me about this ridiculous math equation that he figured out. I was happy for him, just confused. I nodded my head like I knew what he was talking about.

After our sandwiches, we sat in the living room and watched T.V. I think we were watching some cupcake show. I wasn't really paying attention. Honestly, who watches a show about cupcakes? I was too busy trying not to get caught kissing Seth. Yeah. I was a cradle robber.

When Amber and Nate walked into the house, we quickly pulled apart. We pretended to be interested in the show. I was really glad that I decided against wearing lipstick this morning. Otherwise, Seth would've had it on his face. That would've been hard to explain.