The Twisting Knife of Loving You
Chapter 14
Carl stood frozen in place with his gun raised, as Karen lay dead from a bullet to the head at his feet. The cell block erupted into chaos for the second time that day, as Hershel looked on in despair.
"I had to, she was gonna shoot my sister and Beth."
The boy angrily defended himself, although no one spoke to reproach him for his actions.
They were all too shocked by the turn of events, after what had already been a turbulent morning.
Maggie went to get a sheet to cover the body, as Glenn and Hershel appealed for calm from the rest of the group.
Beth took Judith out into the yard to get some air, and because she couldn't bear to look at Karen's body for a second longer.
Rick and Daryl had raced up from the grave site to investigate the gunshot noise. They saw the young blonde and began questioning her, but she wasn't making much sense.
"Karen's dead. You'd better go dig another grave," she said in an almost robotic way, as she struggled to process her mixed emotions.
Carl came stalking out of the cell block and he stilled at the sight of his father.
"I had to shoot her, dad. She got Beth's gun and she was gonna use it. She would've killed Judith if I hadn't taken her out," he argued.
Rick regarded the information with wide-eyed bewilderment, as the realisation of what his son had done, hit him. He looked first at Carl, and then his eyes flitted back to the young blonde, who was holding his daughter. He sighed, rubbed at his face, and then raked his hand through his hair, as he wondered what he should do next.
Glenn came bursting out of the cell block and then halted, as he saw the others standing there.
"Guys, things are starting to turn ugly again, and I need a hand to move Karen's body," he said as Daryl ran to assist him.
"We'll talk about this later, okay?" Rick promised his son.
He stole a quick glance at all of his loved ones, before heading inside to try and calm things down.
Beth walked over to Carl and they warily met each other's gaze.
"I'm sorry you had to do that, but I know you were thinking of Judith," she said as the baby gurgled happily in her arms.
"Yeah, well, if you learnt how to actually use your gun, instead of losing it, then maybe I wouldn't have had too," he was typically truculent in his response.
Carl fidgeted around, tracing patterns in the dirt with his boot. He had something else on his mind, and it wasn't just because of what he'd heard Karen say. He was already suspicious and he needed to get an answer, whether he liked it, or not.
"Is there something going on with you and my dad?" He asked as his eyes flitted from the young blonde and back to the floor.
Beth nervously shifted about, because he had put her on the spot. She didn't want to usurp Rick's place, by being the one to inform his son of their relationship. He looked at her expectantly, and it was clear that he wouldn't be brushed off. She realised she would have to tell him something.
"It's not like I'm trying to take your momma's place, or anything, but I love your dad," she explained.
"Like you ever could take mom's place," Carl sneered.
Beth reached out to him but he shrank away from her touch.
"Y'know if you hadn't been holding my sister at the time, then maybe I woulda just let Karen shoot you," he said.
"You don't mean that," she was stung by his harshness.
"You'd best hope that you never have to find out," Carl said menacingly.
"Hey, c'mon, we can still be friends, can't we? We've been through so much together," Beth pleaded with him.
"I'll tell you what, if my dad gets you pregnant, I'll promise to do for you what I did for my mom, how's that?" He said with contempt.
"Carl?" She tearfully called after him as he walked away.
The whole group except for Carl, who had stayed inside the cell block to watch over his sleeping sister, were gathered at the graves site. The four bodies had been buried and wooden crosses marked out the head of each mound. Hershel performed the funeral service and concluded with the Lord's Prayer. He looked to his youngest daughter who was standing mournfully at his side, and he appealed for her to sing something. She was reluctant for many reasons, not least, because she felt largely responsible for all four deaths. Rick had also been distant towards her since the events of that morning. Finding out about her revelation to Carl, regarding their relationship hadn't helped matters. Beth felt utterly miserable but to oblige her father, she sang one of his favourite hymns, Abide With Me.
Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O thou who changest not, abide with me.
Rick couldn't help but be moved by her singing, and he gave her a quick nod of acknowledgement as he prepared to address the group.
"To say that today has been a bad day, would be an understatement. But we've all had our fair share of bad days in the past, and I dare say we'll have to endure a few more before our time here is through. We gotta move past this, and keep on striving for the return of the good days, by continuing to rebuild our community. Because the only way we get to have those better days, is with each other's help," he spoke earnestly.
The assembled crowd graciously listened to Rick's speech, but their faces showed that they had a long way to go to be convinced of the truth of his words. They all began to disperse to resume their various duties, but they were downcast and solemn. Beth ran after their leader, as he returned to his watch post.
"Rick?" She called as he strode on ahead of her.
He stopped and waited for her to catch up to him. But he remained with his back to her until she came around to face him.
"I already said I was sorry for everything. Please don't be mad at me, I can't stand it."
Beth wanted so much for him to take her into his arms and make the rest of the world go away, but he didn't.
"I'm not mad; I just have other things that I gotta take care of. My son needs me, the group need me, and that's where my focus has to be right now," Rick said with resolve.
"So, what does that mean for us?" She questioned with sad confusion.
"I guess it means that you and I will have to put things on hold for a while. These people look to me, they need me, and I don't wanna let them down. I just ain't got the time or the energy for anything else."
He hated saying those words to her, but the day's happenings had served as a major wake up call for him. Carl had gunned down yet another person, which weighed heavy on his mind, even if there was just cause on this occasion. His son's anger over him being with another woman, after what happened with his mom, only made the situation even worse. His relationship with Beth was a distraction, and as a result, everything around him was falling apart. Rick realised that he needed to refocus on what was important, and if that meant putting his own happiness on hold indefinitely, then so be it. He couldn't justify indulging his desires, at a time when so many other more important things demanded his attention.
Beth was crestfallen, and it looked as if her heart was breaking in two before his very eyes.
"I need you," she said in a voice that was little more than a desperate whisper.
He reached out his hand, as if he was going to stroke her face, but then thought better of it, and drew back again.
"I'm sorry, really I am, but this is just the way it's gotta be, for a while at least. Let's just worry about getting the group back on track, and when things settle down, we'll see where we stand then, okay?" Rick promised.
Beth was too upset to formulate any kind of response, and instead she just watched him walk away, as the tears she'd been holding back began to flow.