I'm so sorry this took so long! I've been busy with papers and such. I have part two to this chapter mostly but not yet done, so I decided to split it into two separate chapters. And thanks to the new followers and favorites!
Ness believed the "bad thing" that she and Alice had been predicting was the crash, so I was no longer staying on the reservation or with the Cullens. I was able to reside in my own house.
School was slow, but now I could look forward to another break. Everyone was suddenly stressing about their tests before we left on winter break, except for Renesmee and I. I shook my head as I wandered the halls to my next class, had they studied sooner, they wouldn't be worried. Nessie and I ate in relative silence at lunch for most of the week, mostly we talked about her family, or our classes. "Your family is full of talent, you know? I'm going to have to have training sessions with them. I think it would be interesting," I looked at Nessie with a small smile. She grinned, "Definitely. We can train together too!"
I felt like I was being watched, not necessarily an unfamiliar feeling when sitting with Nessie, but when I looked up and around, I couldn't find anyone looking at me. "Nessie, is someone staring at me? I can't seem to shake the feeling." She arched an eyebrow but nodded at me. I watched as her eyes scanned the room, but soon she closed her eyes and just leaned back in her chair like she was stretching, often what she did when she was feeling out the moods in the room. I picked up my orange and began to peel it while she did so. A shiver ran down my back, and the feeling stayed with me. She leaned forward, "For the most part the room feels pretty similar. But there is someone that is very…unhappy you could say. But the mood changes so swiftly that I can't quite figure it out." She shook her head, "Well come on. Lunch is almost over."
The days went on like that. I went home and cleaned, prepared food, did homework, tried to sleep, went to school all over again. All the while, the ache grew in my chest again. Sometimes I found myself struggling to breathe from the pain.
Ness would shake me from my dazing and try to convince me to talk to Embry, "I just don't understand. You clearly miss seeing him. What's the problem?" Really what was my problem? Embry doesn't know what he would be getting into with me. He isn't aware of what I want from him. And I don't want to be rejected by him. I suppose that's what this really boils down to. Fear of rejection. But how can I face him? If I was going to lose a friend, someone I cared about, I was going to do it my way. I sighed, "Ness. It's nothing. Really. Just drop it." Again and again we would have that conversation, and she would turn away with a grimace.
Sleep became my enemy. As the feeling of being watched persisted over the last week of school, the nightmares grew worse. Not only would I have trouble falling asleep because of the ache in my chest, but I would wake up breathless, crying, screaming. Dark circles were under my eyes again, and Ness would drive my Jeep when she rode with me.
My scars would ache would ache with a phantom pain when I would wake, and I would lose track of time in the showers. I would get in under the warm spray and I would zone out, suddenly lost in nothing, staring at the tiles on the wall with one hand on the wall supporting my leaning. I stared so long that the tiles became a blur and instead I would see smoke rising in the darkness. I would hear the one voice that haunted my nightmares. You deserve to be punished. It would whisper, shout, echo in my head. Only when the water turned icy would I realize what I had been doing.
Back to school again and again until finally the last day came. Tests were finished, we said goodbye, and with a sudden realization, my grandmother would be here in a few days.
Sorry it took so long but... What do you think?