Yeah, I know, we haven't written in a while. But hey, we've been busy, ok?...or maybe I'm just lazy…either way, here it is. Ian's PoV and stuff like that.
I watched out of the front viewport of the shuttle as we descended into the jungle. Our craft sank down into the trees, and became enmeshed in the twisting vines of the dense forest of Onderon. I pulled my dark brown cloak tight around my shoulders and turned away from the viewport. I felt a small rumble in my boots as the ship set down on the jungle floor. We had landed.
* * *
"Where are we going?" asked Gimli. "I haven't seen a cave in a long time. I'm getting Miners withdrawal."
"What?" asked a surprised Merry.
"Miners withdrawal. I believe you equivalent would be-"
"Gardening withdrawal." Chimed in Sam.
"Sure." Gimli said.
"I don't garden." Merry said.
"Well then whatever it is that you love dearly."
"Krissie…" Peregrin said with stars in his eyes.
"Yes?" Krissie, who had been involved in a conversation with Bail asked upon hearing her name.
"Oh nothing…" Pippin replied, blood rushing to his face.
"We have arrived at the Jedi Temple." Bail said.
"What's that?" Frodo asked.
"Nevermind," an already-past-his-breaking-point-annoyed Bail Organa replied.
* * *
"Let's go." I said.
"Where?" De asked.
"To rescue princess and Jedi we must." Yoda said, hobbling onto the scene.
"Stand back." Ian said as the lift began to descent.
"Ooooh." De said.
"What now?"
"Aragorn says that when he takes his sword out."
"It's good to be the king." I muttered under my breath.
"Uhhhh."
"What now?"
"That made me horny." De replied.
"That's not what I wanted to hear." I said, then adding, "On second thought, hold that thought, we can take care of it later."
"We?"
"Leave now, we must." Yoda said, interrupting our bickering.
* * *
"Where are they right now?" Aragorn asked.
"We do not know."
"Yes you do." Legolas said, reaching for his bow.
"You are valiant young warrior." One of the Jedi replied, "But you are no match for us."
"I'm over 3000."
"What?"
"I'm not young."
"Well you look…"
At the mention of Legolas's looks, Jess fell over. Fortunately, Legolas decided it would be a good idea to catch her before she hit the floor.
"Can we get on with this already?" Gandalf asked. "In the name of Iluvitar, you remind me of the Mahanaxar! You sit around in a circle, and take FOREVER to make a decision."
(Note: The Mahanaxar also known as the Ring of Doom refers to when all the Valar are gathered together and sit in a circle to make an important decision.)
"They have gone to the planet Onderon." One of the Jedi decided to come out with it.
"Then we shall go there too." Legolas said.
"Right. You need people with brains on this mission." Pippin said proudly, as if he had any.
"That's why I'm here you Fool of a Took!" Gandalf replied.
"Twelve." Another of the Jedi said.
"What?" asked Sam, utterly confused at this point.
"I don't know. I'm not the one writing the story. Ian is. He made me say it."
"Let us go to Onderon!" Aragorn said.
"How do we get there?" Asked Frodo.
"You must travel through many distant lands, face inevitable danger, then, when you think all hope is lost, you will come to a big volcano and have to climb all the way to the top, only to realize that…"
"We will give you a ship if you promise to leave out presence immediately. You have disrupted the force, and now we're getting stories confused."
"Even though yours is a complete rip-off of ours." Sam said.
"What? How did you know that?"
"Did you ever consider that our story was a little bit biased because Frodo and Sam wrote it? I mean, they completely got me wrong-" said Boromir.
"Let's get out of here." Krissie said.
* * *
I followed Mace through the dense forest of Onderon, checking periodically to make sure De and the rest of the group was still behind me. Suddenly, the forest opened to a vast clearing. I stopped for a minute to catch my breath. We had been walking for over two hours. De stopped beside me.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I am used to walks, but not walks in the jungle. How is it that you aren't out of breath?"
"Dunedain sex builds stamina."
"Riiight" I said in a Dr. Evil voice.
"Rest here, for a few minutes, we will." Yoda said, taking a seat on a nearby rock.
I watched out of the front viewport of the shuttle as we descended into the jungle. Our craft sank down into the trees, and became enmeshed in the twisting vines of the dense forest of Onderon. I pulled my dark brown cloak tight around my shoulders and turned away from the viewport. I felt a small rumble in my boots as the ship set down on the jungle floor. We had landed.
* * *
"Where are we going?" asked Gimli. "I haven't seen a cave in a long time. I'm getting Miners withdrawal."
"What?" asked a surprised Merry.
"Miners withdrawal. I believe you equivalent would be-"
"Gardening withdrawal." Chimed in Sam.
"Sure." Gimli said.
"I don't garden." Merry said.
"Well then whatever it is that you love dearly."
"Krissie…" Peregrin said with stars in his eyes.
"Yes?" Krissie, who had been involved in a conversation with Bail asked upon hearing her name.
"Oh nothing…" Pippin replied, blood rushing to his face.
"We have arrived at the Jedi Temple." Bail said.
"What's that?" Frodo asked.
"Nevermind," an already-past-his-breaking-point-annoyed Bail Organa replied.
* * *
"Let's go." I said.
"Where?" De asked.
"To rescue princess and Jedi we must." Yoda said, hobbling onto the scene.
"Stand back." Ian said as the lift began to descent.
"Ooooh." De said.
"What now?"
"Aragorn says that when he takes his sword out."
"It's good to be the king." I muttered under my breath.
"Uhhhh."
"What now?"
"That made me horny." De replied.
"That's not what I wanted to hear." I said, then adding, "On second thought, hold that thought, we can take care of it later."
"We?"
"Leave now, we must." Yoda said, interrupting our bickering.
* * *
"Where are they right now?" Aragorn asked.
"We do not know."
"Yes you do." Legolas said, reaching for his bow.
"You are valiant young warrior." One of the Jedi replied, "But you are no match for us."
"I'm over 3000."
"What?"
"I'm not young."
"Well you look…"
At the mention of Legolas's looks, Jess fell over. Fortunately, Legolas decided it would be a good idea to catch her before she hit the floor.
"Can we get on with this already?" Gandalf asked. "In the name of Iluvitar, you remind me of the Mahanaxar! You sit around in a circle, and take FOREVER to make a decision."
(Note: The Mahanaxar also known as the Ring of Doom refers to when all the Valar are gathered together and sit in a circle to make an important decision.)
"They have gone to the planet Onderon." One of the Jedi decided to come out with it.
"Then we shall go there too." Legolas said.
"Right. You need people with brains on this mission." Pippin said proudly, as if he had any.
"That's why I'm here you Fool of a Took!" Gandalf replied.
"Twelve." Another of the Jedi said.
"What?" asked Sam, utterly confused at this point.
"I don't know. I'm not the one writing the story. Ian is. He made me say it."
"Let us go to Onderon!" Aragorn said.
"How do we get there?" Asked Frodo.
"You must travel through many distant lands, face inevitable danger, then, when you think all hope is lost, you will come to a big volcano and have to climb all the way to the top, only to realize that…"
"We will give you a ship if you promise to leave out presence immediately. You have disrupted the force, and now we're getting stories confused."
"Even though yours is a complete rip-off of ours." Sam said.
"What? How did you know that?"
"Did you ever consider that our story was a little bit biased because Frodo and Sam wrote it? I mean, they completely got me wrong-" said Boromir.
"Let's get out of here." Krissie said.
* * *
I followed Mace through the dense forest of Onderon, checking periodically to make sure De and the rest of the group was still behind me. Suddenly, the forest opened to a vast clearing. I stopped for a minute to catch my breath. We had been walking for over two hours. De stopped beside me.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I am used to walks, but not walks in the jungle. How is it that you aren't out of breath?"
"Dunedain sex builds stamina."
"Riiight" I said in a Dr. Evil voice.
"Rest here, for a few minutes, we will." Yoda said, taking a seat on a nearby rock.