Finding What's Eternal

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Chapter 14

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A/N: As promised here it is! Hopefully the end up this chapter will leave you with more charitable feelings towards me :) Though that being said... I did sort of leave you on ANOTHER cliff hanger... :D As always thank you for reading and more to come hopefully soon-or at least sooner than it took these last two chapters to come out. Happy memorial day weekend!

Selendrile's eyes locked with hers and Alys returned the stare with a slight shake of the head. He was going to kill him. It was as simple as that. Did he deserve it? No, definitely not. Did she want to see Selendrile kill another person again? Not in the least. But it didn't matter. Selendrile wasn't going to listen to her, not when he looked as mad as he did. Feeling pained by the situation Alys briefly closed her eyes.

But when she opened them Selendrile just viciously threw Ailwin aside so that his body slammed into the squat dresser beside them. Ailwin's head hit the wood with a thunk, but she could tell from his limp, though breathing form, that thankfully he had just been knocked unconscious. Alys lifted her gaze up to Selendrile once more just long enough to see that he had never taken his eyes off of her before suddenly feeling weary and slowly sliding down the wall to a crouch and dropping her forehead to her knees. She needed a couple of minutes to sort through everything. There suddenly seemed to be a lot of everything.

She heard rather than saw Selendrile stride over to where she was. As he squatted down Alys could sense him reaching towards her but she preemptively moved to shrug him away, not particularly feeling like being touched by anyone at the moment. While Selendrile apparently decided not to touch her, he didn't move away either. Alys ignored him and pressed her forehead harder into her knees. She needed to get her scattered thoughts together before she could face Selendrile—and her thoughts were doing a pretty good job at staying scattered. How had the situation with Ailwin gone so wrong? How in the world did she feel about what just happened? Why was Selendrile here? Why didn't he kill Ailwin—was it because of himself, or her? Did she want to see him again? Could she salvage the life she had here? Did she want to? If not, then what? Her mind didn't have the answers to anything.

Selendrile took the hint and moved away. This was followed by a series of clatterings and thuds. Alys winced at each noise, but didn't bother to figure out what Selendrile was doing just yet—there was no way with all that noise that it wouldn't be immediately apparent as soon as she took an interest anyways. She heard the approach of his footsteps again, only this time slower, and she sensed him lower himself in front of her.

"Did he hurt you?" he asked quietly.

When she didn't reply at first, Selendrile reached forward and tucked some hair behind her ear, in efforts to peer into her face. Alys shook her head no to answer the question, releasing the curtain of hair that Selendrile had just tried moving out of the way.

There was a brief pause again, and then Alys felt something thick and heavy get draped around her. Deciding it was about time, Alys finally lifted her head and looked down to see what he had stuck on her—her own cloak it turned out. Selendrile pulled away a bit and rocked back on his heels, studying her. Finally he said, "Alys, I think we should leave soon."

Alys glanced up at his face and surprisingly found him wearing a foreign expression. He looked… unsure, and maybe a bit tense. She wondered what exactly Selendrile knew or thought he knew. Perhaps she should explain things some? "We were to be wed in a little over a week, but I…." Alys tried to explain but broke off feeling flustered. What was the best way to explain?

Something flashed across Selendrile's face so quickly that Alys couldn't catch it before the previous somewhat uncertain expression returned, this time with his lips slightly open on one side, in a way that suggested he might be chewing the side of one his cheeks. It was an oddly human expression for him—she couldn't recall him ever making it before. Then his expression changed once more, his face hardening in cool anger as he shook his head slowly. "It doesn't matter, he should not have bothered you. He doesn't deserve you. We should leave."

"Doesn't deserve me?" Alys echoed finding the statement somewhat amusing. "Selendrile, I'm not sure you've quite figured out the whole human marriage thing yet."

Selendrile's eyes flashed at that, but he simply shook his head once again. "He doesn't deserve you," he said repeated, in a low, firm voice.

Alys shook her head back at him and looked away. This situation was too bizarre for her. She had no idea what do in it anymore.

"Did you not say that you had little desire for marriage? That you wanted more than to be stuck with a boy whose only ambition was to fill his father's shoes?"

Alys opened her mouth and shut it again. So he had been listening that first night when she had babbled on about everything. It was touching to know he had listened, but she wasn't sure what he was angling at and it was a bit of a sore subject for her right now. "That wasn't my most realistic declaration," she replied, wondering if her grumpy tone would be enough to deter him from further pursuing the subject.

Selendrile cocked his head to the side thoughtfully, but instead of replying he just stated, "He won't stay unconscious forever, we need to go."

Alys felt a pang at seeing the familiar and endearing considering gesture that belonged so uniquely to him. Alys quickly looked away, finally taking in the state of the room, or more accurately, at all the things which Selendrile had apparently strewn around. There was a small bag laying in the middle of the floor, and Alys could see a few things, valuables, poking out of its open top. "You made it look like a robbery gone wrong. So I have an alibi."

Selendrile tilted his head again at this, this time the other way. He apparently picked up on the hopeful tone in her voice though because he replied again, more firmly, "We need to go."

So trying to salvage the pieces apparently wasn't an option as far as Selendrile was concerned. "Go where?"

"Away from him and his town," Selendrile replied quickly, spitting the word 'him' out like it tasted bad. Alys opened her mouth to reply but couldn't think of anything to say. She couldn't figure out what she wanted to do in the first place. She glanced back at Ailwin's limp body.

"I…" she began hesitantly before trailing off and then biting her lip. Selendrile dropped his knees down, the switch in position bringing him closer. He placed one hand atop of hers, and as Alys sent a startled glance at him he reached the other forward, placing it on her shoulder. Alys dropped her gaze down to the hand on her shoulder. He hadn't touched her face as she had initially thought he might but it was still an unusually…comforting gesture from Selendrile. Oh he had no problem touching her if he deemed it the efficient way to achieve what he wanted, that had actually been one of the alarming things about him at first, but he still had for the most part avoided anything solely affectionate, with the glaring exception of the kissing incident. She had assumed he hadn't known how to be affectionate by human standards or what was considered acceptable. Had he actually known all along or was he picking these things up from somewhere without her? "You'll be safe again. Come with me."

His choice of words startled Alys a bit but before she could ponder them much Selendrile leaned forward to peer into her face again. Alys met his searching eyes as best she could, uncertain what it was he was seeking or for that matter finding. Whatever it was after half a minute or so he apparently either found it or gave because he squeezed her shoulder lightly and then stood up. He then extended his hand out to her. Alys glanced up at his eyes and to her surprise, they were questioning. Despite his rather forceful urging, he was asking her to go with him.

Alys glanced at Ailwin one more time before grabbing both edges of the cloak in one hand and reaching the other up to Selendrile. He grasped it and pulled her up but didn't immediately let go of her hand, instead surveying her with those searching eyes again before a slight smile appeared on his face. Alys gave him a little smile in return and with a nod he let go of her hand and bent back down to retrieve the bag, and a second cloak. He threw the cloak around himself, apparently unconcerned with the fact he wasn't wearing anything else underneath it. Then, without sparing the room or Ailwin a moments more attention Selendrile took her hand again and left.

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Selendrile ended up taking her back to the cave, which still had several of her possessions left in it. He turned back human once they entered, long enough to give her an assessing look once more, and bid her goodnight. Alys gave him a weak smile before heading into her room. None of the dresses she typically wore were there, seeing as they were either left in the cottage or in her room at the inn, so Alys ended up changing into the fancy nightgown and dressing robe which she had previously avoided. Alys felt absolutely ridiculous in it but she was too tired to really care. Why in the world did nobles or whoever it was who wore these things feel the need to wear something so fancy to bed? What was wrong with whatever they wore during the day? Then again, maybe what they wore during the day was ridiculously fancy as well. Alys glanced at her dress which she had left lying on the floor. The tear was relatively minor and wouldn't take long to fix. If it had been a different night she might have put forth the effort to sew it up and wear it to bed. But she was already in the nightgown and sewing the dress up seemed like an awful lot of work at the moment.

With a sigh Alys flopped on what remained of her bed. There appeared to be enough left of it here that she should be fine for the night. And the dressing robe was made from a surprisingly heavy cloth. Still, having her cloak on as well couldn't hurt. Alys fumbled around to grab her cloak which was lying nearby and shrugged it on before trying to squirm under the blankets. It was only then that she noticed the misshapen knitted pig, which she had given Selendrile as a mock Christmas present when he had insulted it, sitting on her bed, something which had definitely not been left there. She reached forward tentatively and picked it up staring at it. It was definitely the same knitted pig. After a long moment of staring at it in disbelief Alys hugged the little thing against her chest, feeling an uncomfortable surge of emotions surging up. She wasn't sure exactly why she started crying—whether it was from joy, anger, sadness, frustration, relief, exhaustion, or even whether it was for the events of that day, everything that had happened prior to it, or for finding that stupid pig—but whatever the reason she did, and found it annoyingly hard to stop the tears once they started.

Alys tried to be quiet but apparently Selendrile heard her anyways because he suddenly appeared beside her bed. Alys instantly rolled partially over the pig trying to hide it; the last thing she needed was Selendrile realizing that the toy had triggered her silly crying fit. Whether or not Selendrile noticed it though, he didn't comment. In fact, he didn't say anything at all. He simply pulled her hair away from her face where it was sticking to her tears and began to absent mindedly stroke her hair as she set to quickly regaining control of herself. Thankfully she managed to stop the tears as quickly as they had come on. She turned a little so that she could see Selendrile, who was once again wearing only the cloak. He cocked his head to the side as she looked at him. Was that an invitation for her to explain herself?

"You look stupid," she mumbled instead, poking the cloak just in case he wasn't sure what she was referring to. Selendrile looked down at himself before narrowing his eyes at her and pushing her hair back into her face. As she squawked and tried to reorganize her hair he stood up, presumably deeming her well enough to leave alone again.

"Selendrile?" Alys called hesitantly after him.

"Yes?" he replied, thankfully sounding un-annoyed, though it was too dark for her to make him out at all anymore.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight Alys."

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Alys sat in front of the fire thinking. It had been a couple days since she had been back in the cave and those days had been surprisingly uneventful. Still mostly accustomed to a human schedule Alys hadn't stayed up too late after nightfall those days, thus hadn't actually spent that much time with Selendrile. The time that they had spent together hadn't involved all that much talking either; though Alys did manage a rather awkward thank you for his taking an interest in her well being, which she felt he deserved even if in her opinion the majority of his concern was un-warranted. The majority of those few days had been spent thinking actually, rather like she was doing right now. The incident was rather distracting of course, but wasn't really an issue—whatever it was that occurred, for what reasons, and how she felt about it all didn't really matter because it was for all intensive purposes, over. There was nothing at this point she could do to so much as be able to return to that town so thinking on any of it was useless; not that that made it easy to not think about her life there. No, the current issue was what to do now, and that was something that Alys didn't quite have an answer to yet. Granted, she had been somewhat lazy about any attempts to actually formulate a plan. She had already formulated a plan and nearly successfully carried it out—surely she had an excuse to not rush into another one? Especially since she figured her next one would end up being nearly identical to the previous one, and if that was so, Alys felt like a little break was warranted. Alys sighed and poked the fire with a stick.

At that point Selendrile strode into the room and sat down next to Alys, facing the fire as well. Alys glanced over at him, but Selendrile didn't grace her with a comment, so she simply went back to staring at the flames.

"I am willing to listen if you would like to speak," he announced so suddenly that it startled Alys.

"Pardon?" Alys asked, not quite sure she knew what Selendrile was getting at.

"Last time you were upset, you talked a lot, and then seemed to return to normal."

Alys eyed him sideways. "Why Selendrile, are you offering to comfort me?"

"You may call it that," he replied nonchalantly, still sitting absolutely motionless, back perfectly straight, hands on knees, staring at the flames, a position he somehow managed to make look casual.

Alys dropped her head down sideways on her folded up knees while she studied him. Like usual, he gave very little away. "Are you hinting that I'm being a bore right now and that that's more bothersome to you than sitting listening to me babble?"

She couldn't be sure, but she thought he might have eyed her sideways for a second or two. After a pause Selendrile simply replied in his give-nothing-away voice, "You currently seem upset."

Ah. Ever so direct and forthcoming in his answers. With a slight smile Alys said, "No offense, but I'm not sure comforting is really a strength of yours Sel. Usually it involves, I don't know, a certain level of warmth and responsiveness. And one is supposed to offer sympathy or advice."

"I listened. And then offered advice."

"I recall you walking away the second I finished talking," Alys said flatly.

"You said a lot. I offered advice on the relevant parts later."

"Do Gower last?"

"Yes."

"That's not-" Alys broke off and bit her lip, not sure whether to laugh or scream at him. "You're going to offer me advice about what happened? On feelings?"

Selendrile would never stoop so low as to squirm with discomfort but her trained ears detected a slight strain in his controlled and ever evasive response, "Perhaps."

Alys turned her face the opposite way to hide her smile before placing her chin back on her knees and rocking slightly as she pondered what exactly to do. "What do you know of human marriages?" she asked settling on an approach.

"It's an arrangement between a man and a woman that typically involves them sharing shelter, resources and the production of offspring," Selendrile answered smoothly.

Well he certainly made the notion of marriage seem romantic. "Er, yes I suppose that's one way of putting it. What else do you know about the… arrangement?"

Selendrile sent her another sideways glance but he pondered the question without objection. "The arrangement is marked by rings, is life long, and limits mating to just the married pair. Although oddly that part seems somewhat flexible. The man typically has some form of profession, from which he obtains money. The men also seem more inclined to travel and drink. The woman…."

Alys sighed. "You don't see as much of them because they take care of the home. They cook, and clean, and do any other domestic task that needs to be done. They take care of the children and they do whatever else their husband asks or demands of them. They largely stay out of the way."

"Ah," Selendrile said and then after a pause added perhaps a little too thoughtfully, "I can see how that role might be challenging for you."

Alys turned her head to rest sideways on her knees again. "Was that a comment on my domestic abilities or docile behavior?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm," Alys allowed, once again biting her lip to avoid rewarding his mischievous eye twinkle with a smile. "Well that's got to be some sort of new record. Even the dragon thinks I'm bad wife material."

"Dragons don't have wives," Selendrile returned, tone curiously light.

Was that a warning or a dismissal of her self-aimed insult? Either way it knocked her back out of the joking mood he had managed to trick her into. Alys fingered a nearby rock and finding that it left a powdery residue on the darker rock floor, picked it up and experimentally dragged it along. Feeling surprisingly pleased by the trail left behind Alys began drawing patterns across the floor beside her.

"He had two children already. That was why he was looking to remarry so quickly and didn't care that I had little money and belongings, and had no respectable family with whom to make arrangements with. I was so…wary of suddenly becoming the mother to two children I didn't know that I didn't even think about … well about the other… things marriage entails. Stupid right?" Alys sent a self-deprecating smile in Selendrile's direction, but he had returned to his impersonation of a statue staring at the fire, only this time, slightly more turned in her direction.

Was it just her imagination or did Selendrile seem to go a little…well, stiff, whenever Ailwin came up in conversation? Alys thought back to how Selendrile had reacted after his confrontation to the man. As well known hoarders, and she had gotten the impression territorial creatures as well, it could be assumed that dragons had a somewhat possessive streak in them. And Selendrile had for all intensive purposes taken care of her for several months—perhaps he viewed Ailwin as a bit of a thief, someone who had not only taken something of 'his' but also treated it in a way Selendrile didn't approve of? The theory did seem to fit in line with some of his previous comments the past several days unnervingly well. Alys didn't really know how to feel about that thought, so she decided to just ignore it for the moment.

"I'm not upset about what he did. Not really. I'm just... annoyed with myself for finally getting myself into a good situation and messing it up."

"Good situation?"

Alys eyed him again. The question sounded more like he was challenging her judgment on the matter than asking clarification, but it was hard to tell and one of them was much easier to respond to. "Yeah, that'd be the finding a husband despite not having any wealth or family or possessions and having a mysterious past bit," she replied in a purposely light tone, hoping to direct the conversation in a similar direction.

"And having a husband is what you'd consider a good situation?"

Alys opened her mouth to reply but paused trying to sort her thoughts out. He was doing it again—questioning things that most humans wouldn't and forcing her to struggle to explain it. It wouldn't have been so bad if she could figure out what he expected from her whenever he did this. Did he want to be convinced of the logic behind these human things? Did he just want to point out things might not be as simple as she grew up believing? Did he want her to agree with his viewpoint? Did he have a viewpoint? Given how he was acting she suspected it wasn't as innocent of a question as it sounded. But if he was trying to prove a point, specifically that the answer should be no, then he really was terrible at comforting. But then again maybe not.

"I… it's not that. It's that having a husband means I will have an income, food and shelter. A place to belong and grow old. And those are good things," Alys finally explained, the argument sounding not quite as strong as she would have liked.

"Is that all you want?"

"Yes. No. It's complicated."

"Ah," Selendrile said, sounding a tad bit pleased.

"Well, what do you want in life? What's 'good' for you?" Alys challenged back, feeling a tad flustered.

"Many things," Selendrile replied amiably, still not quite looking at her and still sounding a bit pleased. What was it that was tickling his fancy at the moment? Alys squinted at him.

"You're being vague," she accused.

"Probably."

Alys dragged her hands down her face and groaned, but didn't exactly bother to hide her smile this time. Alys glanced over at Selendrile again but since he still wasn't quite looking at her she couldn't really make out his expression. With a shake of the head Alys picked up her rock again and went back to drawing her doodles across the cave floor. Yes, she told herself, it had been a good situation—maybe not ideal, but still good, she decided. She fancied herself pretty good at being practical, she had after all proven multiple times in her life that she was willing to do whatever it was that needed to be done regardless of how hard or unconventional it may be, but she did struggle some with being realistic. Ailwin, the children, and Camilla had been realistic. Selendrile was decidedly not. And she had been reasonably happy there. Yes, there had been bits she was uncomfortable with, and things she missed while she had been there, but if she had just stuck with it through all that she was sure it would have been a life she would have been happy with overall. If only she hadn't panicked when Ailwin tried kissing her. Alys's chalky rock snapped in half, the two parts now too small to hold properly.

Alys made a frustrated noise and dropped her head into her knees. "It was just a stupid kiss. We were going to be married in a week or so and all Ailwin tried doing was kissing me and I panicked. What's wrong with me? I messed everything up because of kissing," Alys groaned into legs. She ran her hands through her hair in frustration before sighing and lifting her face back up. She turned her head away from the fire a little to notice that Selendrile was staring at her. Immediately she felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment and looked away again.

Selendrile suddenly moved, reaching over across her and grabbing her leg with one arm and wrapping his other around her back. In one fluid movement that left her squawking he pulled her over onto his lap facing him.

"What are you doing?" Alys squeaked. Selendrile didn't reply, just stared at her now very close face. Alys glanced down at her legs which were folded up underneath her on either side of Selendrile's thighs and hips, and to her horror noticed that her new position in addition to being far, far more intimate than she was comfortable with had caused her skirts to rid up to her just above her knees. Another squeak escaped Alys's lips as she simultaneously tried to tumble off of Selendrile's lap and pull her skirts down. That apparently, wasn't in Selendrile's plans though. His arms which had been resting at her sides tightened when she tried bailing off him, fairly easily preventing any success on her part.

"Selendrile!" Alys exclaimed in a half pleading, half scolding voice, raising her face to glare at him. Selendrile had apparently been waiting for her to look back up at him though because as soon as she did he leaned in closer. "What are you doing?" Alys demanded again in an amazingly squeaky voice as she leaned back away from him. Selendrile though had managed to pull his knees up just enough that Alys simply ended up leaning back until she hit them. Selendrile paused with his face a mere inch or so from her own and Alys stared back at him wide eyed. Curiously the only coherent thought that managed to form in her mind was that it seemed like an awfully difficult position for him to maintain. But even that thought slipped away when Selendrile leaned in to brush a light kiss across her lips. In her shock Alys didn't exactly return the kiss, but then again, she didn't exactly move at all.

Selendrile pulled away slightly afterwards. Alys continued to stare at him completely frozen, heart hammering in her chest. And then after a short pause, Selendrile leaned in again to slowly kiss her again, and this time, Alys found herself, somewhat to her own surprise, despite not exactly knowing what she was doing, or what exactly was going on, tentatively kissing him back. Selendrile's arms tightened around her gently as he kissed her again and Alys found herself letting him pull her a little closer. Her mind felt like it was in sensory overload—the warmth and closeness of his body, the tightness of his arms around her, the feeling of his mouth against hers, the fact that she could feel his breath as she struggled to catch her own—it all scared her, and at the same time she found she wanted them all very, very much. Perhaps sensing this Selendrile's kisses grew less gentle to more impassioned. Alys's felt her body lean in against him, scandalous position forgotten as her arm raised up to his sides to join in trying to pull him closer to her. She felt one of his hands trail down her back causing her to shiver despite the fact she was suddenly feeling very warm before he shifted her position slightly. Then his hands trailed back up until they were cupping her neck, thumbs resting lightly on her cheeks as he kissed her for a few more blissful moments.

Then as quickly as it had started he suddenly wasn't kissing her anymore. Alys blinked at him in mind-numbed confusion, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Selendrile's arms slipped back down to loosely rest partially wrapped around her sides as he stared back at her, slight smile on his face and mischievous twinkle present in his eye. "Seems to me your problem wasn't the kissing," he said softly, clearly amused as he raised his eyebrows slightly.

Alys was saved from having to come up with a coherent, let alone suitably rude response by the fact almost at the same time a very familiar voice of an eight year old from the front of the cave said, "Ewwww! Could you two not do that again?"