A/N Hi, there! So first of all...huge, huge thank you for the reviews and following/favoriting this story. Reading all you responses really is the best.
Disclaimer - I don't own HTTYD universe.
Chapter 14 - Family, friends and panic attacks.
Astrid couldn't stop staring. Actually she doubted anyone could. She didn't know where Hiccup was taking them, but he seemed rather certain of the route they were taking. She wanted to say something, but she didn't know where to start. Should she kiss him for coming or should she smack him for not staying in bed and healing? As the time passed she started to consider the second option more and more. Odin above, what was Hiccup thinking? He was sick.
It wasn't like she could start a conversation anyway. The Night Fury flew a good distance ahead of them. Any conversation attepted over such distance would be futile and only for the wind to hear.
They had flown a good couple of minutes when an angry shout from above disrupted her from starring at Hiccup's back.
"HICCUP HORRENDOUS HADDOCK THE THIRD!" Gobber emerged from the clouds and flew right in front of the black dragon. "I will skin you and that dragon alive!"
They were forced to stop and hover as Gobber vented out. Astrid noticed Grump barely flapping his wings. He was the laziest dragon on Berk, for him to fly such large distances must have been exhausting.
"You take off like that the third time and I don't care if you have a Night Fury stuck to your ass. I'll chain you to Grump for the rest of your life." The blacksmit threatened the rider, not even regarding the rest of them.
"Let me guess. Gobber?" Calder spoke in Astrid's ear.
"The one and only." Astrid nodded without looking back at her passanger. She decided she would ask later - how was it that he appeared to know all of them?
"Gobber, it's not the right time." Stoick interrupted the older man, when his shouting marathon left him gasping for air.
"Oh, Stoick, I have something to say to you too." Gobber stared at the Chief. "Just you wait."
Before Stoick could respond what would certainly be a start of a heated discussion, Hiccup interrupted, gesturing at the dragon, Gobber was riding.
"We can deal with this later. Grump's wings are about to fall off."
"He's right." Stoick took a moment to stifle his previous response and agreed with his son. He gave a stern look to his friend, who grumbled something under his nose.
"Great." Hiccup answered and, before anyone could say anything else, he patted Toothless encouragingly. The dragon swiftly evaded Grump and resumed flying.
"Drama!" The Twins snickered.
They all followed Hiccup's exhample though this time the silance was like a heavy weight on their shoulders. Astrid carefully watched Hiccup, half-afraid that if she averted her eyes he would disappear again. She saw him shuffling on Toothless' back and threw a confused look to Fishlegs.
"What he's doing?"
"I don't…" Fishlegs squinted to see better. "It looks like he's sleeping on Toothless."
"What?" She glanced back at Hiccup in time to see Toothless tipping sideways and spiraling down towards the ocean. "HICCUP!" She raised up in the saddle and Stormfly let out a confused roar.
"Don't worry, lass!" Gobber raised his arm, when Astrid wanted to follow. "He does that every once in a while."
"Why?" Astrid glanced down where Toothless was barely gliding above the water. They were so high above them, she couldn't even see Hiccup with his new clothing.
"Don't know, but better let them be." Gobber answered, his eyes lingering on the dragon below.
Hiccup let out s shuddering breath. He didn't want to show it, but his abdomen was a ball of unbearable pain. He knew he wasn't healed, that it would probably take him a couple more weaks before he didn't feel like his organs were giving out on him. The worst, however, was his limitations to flying.
Being a dragon rider, he had gotten accustomed to the thinner air while flying, however his latest injuries included bruised ribs and difficult breathing. Which combined led him to realise he couldn't stand high altitude for a long period of time.
Toothless didn't seem to mind flying low, though Hiccup knew - they both felt at their best between the clouds. Even if his new position - laying across Toothless' back - made flying easier than being hunched over, what was once like breathing to him, now became a chore. Hiccup couldn't stop the shame from being so crippled.
Toothless grumbled asking for his attention and Hiccup snapped back to reality. They were almost at their destination. Well, more like they hadn't left. They were back at the Black Pit.
The closest island was a good hour flight away and Hiccup didn't want to leave yet anyways. It was almost dark, a perfect cover for flying unnoticed. He shifted a bit to relieve the pressure in his stomach and patted Toothless who let out a worried whine.
"I'll be fine, bud!"
He closed in on the island, gliding along the cliffs. They were on the other side of where Hiccup had found his friends, but Hiccup still didn't regret his decision to take a rather large detour. Better safe than sorry.
He noticed the gap between two large cliffs in the last moment and took a sharp turn left. The cliffs formed a small cove and hid the small beach. It was too dangerous for ships to attempt sailing in, without getting smashed against the cliffs and it wasn't accessible from the land either. The cliffs had started to deteriorate and form small, but deep crevices. Hiccup was sure that in the near future, the small cove would separate from the island.
He landed on the rocky beach, hearing the familar sound of dragons landing behind him. He didn't climb off of Toothless and allowed the friend to lead them in an open cave. It still looked like the last time he had been here. A wooden plate was functioning as a replacement for door and though it looked small from the outside, inside was plenty big. They stepped inside and Toothless immediately lit the fireplace in the middle of the cave.
"Home, sweet home!" Calder laughed behind him.
"Wow, nice place!" He heard Tuffnut admiring the cave. He had to agree - it really was welcoming. There was a pile of furs for sleeping at the opposite wall and an a chest with papers not far from it. Without it, there were still numerous boxes and chests with containers. Some empty, some containing liquid or powders. One wall was covered in dried plants.
"You live here?" Astrid gasped and Calder must have nodded, because Hiccup didn't hear him answer.
A silence fell and Hiccup finally stopped supresing the annoyance and anger he felt.
"Hiccup." Somebody breathed out, but he didn't answer. He climbed off of Toothless, making sure to not let out any noise.
"Hiccup." Calder came forward and Hiccup was half glad. It made his job so much more easier.
He reeled back and before anyone could stop him, let the fist connect with Calder's jaw.
"That's for the stunt you pulled!" He growled. Hiccup had waited so long to do this. For a second it didn't even matter that it felt like someone had sliced up his abdomen. Again.
"Hiccup!" Astrid shrieked in surprise, but Hiccup focused on the man spitting out his blood. He must have bitten the inside of his mouth.
"What stu…" Calder turned to ask bewildered, but stopped like he thought of something. "That stunt? The stunt which saved your life?"
"Exactly." Hiccup growled though it wasn't as strong as he would have liked it.
"You could have died!" Calder shouted in disbelief.
"What are you…" Astrid tried to ask, but Hiccup couldn't stop. He needed to let it out.
"So could you." He didn't shout or growl this time. The heavy feeling in his chest had suddenly returned. He wasn't in the air, but Hiccup found it troubling to take a deep breath. He took a quick glance around to see his friends and family, but instead of feeling reassured, he felt something snap inside of him.
"I didn't!" Calder took a step forward as he yelled and Toothless was immediately between them, letting out a growl.
Hiccup didn't say anything. The Night Futy's sudden movement had made his vision spin.
"Okay, let's not fight!" Gobber spoke up. "We're all here, that's what matters."
"Is it?" This time it was Stoick who growled. "I left you to look after my son, not drag him halfway across the sea."
There was a pregnant pause, but Hiccup didn't have the strenght to interfere. The cave was lacking air. Something was wrong.
"Excuse me?" Gobber growled back though it quickly turned into a shout. "Drag him? Have you met your son? I was out doing your job, when he decided to take a little trip!" Gobber stared daggers at Stoick, but that only fueled the other man.
"Well? You should have stopped him!" Stoick crossed his arms over the chest.
"I should have stopped a Night Fury? A Thor-damned Night Fury?" Gobber looked stunned. "On Grump? I was lucky we didn't fell out of the damn sky chasing your son." He looked apologetically at his dragon. "Sorry, Grump!"
"Dad, Gobber, stop it." He said trying to sound like he wasn't close to suffocating. Where was the air?
"Oh, young man, we will have a conversation!" Stoick shot him a disproving look. "You were supposed to stay home and get better." He looked back at Gobber. "And you were supposed to watch him."
"Oh, dear Odin, don't start, Stoick!" Gobber defended. "Like you could have done better."
Hiccup didn't have the strength to follow the conversation anymore. His palms were sweaty and he felt like throwing up. Why couldn't he breathe?
The world turned black for a moment and he felt his trembling knees give out. Toothless cought him before he ended up on the floor.
"This was a stupid plan." Gobber grumbled, but Astrid was too tired to listen anymore. Twins however seemed to enjoy the show, while Fishlegs fought to get the still knocked out Snotlout comfortable against the wall.
"Hiccup?" Calder's confused question got her attention. She turned just in time to see Hiccup fall to his knees.
"HICCUP!" She shouted at the same time with Calder. The man was already kneeling next to the auburn-haired boy. He gently laid arms on Hiccup's shoulders and asked.
"Hiccup, what's wrong?" Astrid felt like earth had fallen out beneath her feet. She felt dread was over her as she watched Hiccup crunched over with a hand over his chest anf gasping.
"What's wrong with him?" Astrid was pushed aside as Stoick approached them, his fight with Gobber completely forgotten.
"Air...the...there's...no air." Hiccup squeezed his eyes shut, his own hand trembling over his heart.
"What's he speaking about?" Tuffnut asked, remaining in place behind everyone else and for once not trying to get a better look. "There's plenty of air." He demonstrated by taking in a lungful of the crisp evening air.
"Someone tell me what's going on!" Stoick bellowed and reached for Hiccup. His actions were led by love and worry, but even Astrid could see it wasn't the right thing to do.
Hiccup flinched at the suddenly raised voice and messed up an intake of air. He started sputtering, tears starting to leak from his eyes.
"Okay, enough!" Calder announced finally recognizing what was happening. "Back off everyone."
That was the wrong thing to say.
"Back off?" Stoick growled at him. "And leave my son in your hands? When your brother is the one who did this to him?" He gestured in Hiccup's direction. "Don't think so."
"I...I...Oh..Gods...I…" Hiccup was still fighting to breathe. Toothless was an ever-constant presence of warmth and comfort but thinking about the dragon hurt for some reason. He could have lost him. He could have lost everyone.
"Do you know how to deal with this?" Calder asked back calmly.
Before Stoick could answer, that he'd figure it out, Toothless growled. It took one look to see that he was urging Calder to help.
It took a great effort from him, but Stoick forced himself to back off. If Toothless trusted the man with Hiccup, he would need to find fate to believe him. If only for a while longer.
Astrid finally interfered. She put a hand on Chief's shoulder and gave a small push, which, if ignored, wouldn't have done anything, but Stoick relented and took a step back.
She stood with Gobber and Stoick a couple of paces back, watching as Calder once again took hold of Hiccup's shoulders.
"Hiccup, look at me."
The man didn't respond. He continued to heave, one hand clenching over his heart and the other grasping Toothless' saddle in a tight hold.
"Hiccup, I'm gonna help you sit." Calder said as he practically manhandled him into leaning his back against Toothless' side, the dragon immediately wrapping himself around the man, but Hiccup didn't get better.
"Hiccup, listen to me." Calder didn't stop coaxing the rider and Astrid, watching it from the side, was amaized at how patient he sounded. Like he had all the time in the world. "You're having a panic attack. You need to calm down."
"Darn it!" Grober grumbled, clenching his fists.
"Hiccup?" Calder was growing slightly worried that he won't be able to get through the haze that was the man's mind. He looked around for options.
Stoick was his father, he could, would and wanted to help, but he was too rough. When dealing with a panic attack, you needed someone gentle and someone dear. Stoick was definitely dear to Hiccup, but he was also deffinetly not gentle. His eyes fell on the blond Viking - Astrid. He remembered how fondly Hiccup had spoken of her and now, seeing the shocked and pained expression on the young woman's face, he was willing to bet his favorite book of herbs, they were a couple.
"Astrid? Help?" He asked and she was at his side before the last echo of the words bounced back from the walls of the cave.
That's how quiet it had gotten with Hiccup's gasps being the only sound in the cave.
"What do you…?" She whispered, her eyes never leaving Hiccup, but Calder shook his head.
"I need you to be calm, okay?" He asked and seeing Astrid's confused expression sighed. "Breathe steadily and don't panic. Slow your heartbeat."
Astrid looked utterly confused but did as she was told. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Hiccup, listen to me." He looked at Hiccup's wide-blown eyes, still hearing as Astrid was taking deep breaths next to him. "You're okay. You're safe." He gently pried open the fingers around the saddle, a bit startled by how clamy his skin felt.
Without warning either of them he took his hand and laid it on Astrid's chest. The woman's breath hitched but he needed to only glance shorty before she took another deep breath, grasped Hiccup's hand in her own and scooted closer.
A fine woman, Calder thought, before reminding himself what he was supposed to do.
"Hiccup, you feel that?" Calder asked relentlessly. "That's Astrid. She's here. Alive and breathing." He saw a flicker of recognition in Hiccup's eyes and silently thanked whoever God was listening for the success. "And so is your father and the rest of your friends. Toothless is alive, you're alive."
Hiccup stiffened under his words, but at least his shivering had decreased.
"I want you to listen to Astrid." Calder tried to ignore how intimate it suddenly felt between the two lovers and how out of place he felt. He also tried to not linger on the pang of pain the feeling brought. Instead he focused on his friend. "Take a deep breath. See? Like Astrid."
It took a couple of tries, but Hiccup finally managed to inhale more steadily.
"Keep going. Just like Astrid." He coaxed and saw how under his bangs Hiccup's eyes fixated on his hand layed on Astrid's chest. He took a deeper breath.
Calder glanced at Astrid, who seemed so focused like she was doing the most important job in the world. Huh...maybe she was. Their eyes connected and the message was delivered and received.
Calder gave Hiccup's shoulders one last reassuring squezze before stepping back. His job was done. He had lead Hiccup away from the edge. Astrid will do the rest of the job and put the pieces back together.
"You're a healer." The old Viking said as he approached them. Gobber. It wasn't a question, more like a conclusion.
"Yeah." He shrugged and stepped out of the cave, the riders followed him out, but the two older men stayed behind.
Astrid couldn't avert her gaze. She felt obliged to notice every tiny possible change on Hiccup's face. The hand over her heart felt like both the most precious thing in the world and the most heaviest boulder.
She kept staring at Hiccup's downcast eyes, a bit disappointed that she couldn't catch the green color in them. She was worried. No, Astrid was terrified. So many things could go wrong, so many already had and she felt dread pool in her stomach at the thought that she could never be sure about the future.
The little tremors that shook Hiccup's frame kept her from speaking. Instead she focused on chaneling all her comfort and love through where their hands were joined. Skin above skin, both their hands raising and falling with every breath she took. One which Hiccup mimicked not a second later. She didn't even bother with the fact that hrr hands were muddy and her clothes full of dirt and dust.
Astrid felt the hand pull into a fist, grabbing her clothes and looked questioningly at Hiccup. He was looking at her and the sight broke her heart over and over again. He was all small smiles and tired eyes. Odin, Hiccup looked so very tired, like he had the whole world on his shoulders. But as his eyes flickered from her to somewhere behind her, Astrid could see his shoulders drop a bit in relief, something warm flashed in his eyes and Astrid noticed he wasn't focusing on breathing anymore.
Hiccup moved his hand away and Astrid couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. It didn't last long, because he slid his hand up her body, over her neck and allowed to linger it her cheek, before he cupped the back of her neck. Her breath hitched as he pulled her closer till their foreheads touched.
"Thank you!" He whispered, the words ghosting across her lips. Astrid looked up hesitantly and was met with two stunning deep green eyes. They stared right at her and she could feel an iron fist finally letting go of her heart as she noticed that nothing in them had changed. Yes, there was exhaustion clearly visible in them, but so was the usual tenacity and and the mystery, like Hiccup was holding back a secret only he knew. She could see tenderness and love and it was all that mattered. She hadn't lost Hiccup. She had gotten him back. Yes, he was bruised and injured and clearly hurt, but healing was a slow process. What was important that Hiccup wasn't broken, he was still the same cheeky, brave and sarcastic man she fell in love with.
"My pleasure." She smilled and took a deep breath, calming her nerves and breathing in Hiccup's scent. For the first time since they had taken the next step and become more then friends Astrid felt something so deep in her chest. Home. She felt like home. And that was it. It took her five years, some near death experiences and the scare of a lifetime for her to understand - this man was it for her, he was her home, place to return and feel safe.
Hiccup chuckled weakly, but it still pulled a smile from Astrid. With a sigh she forced herself away from him and pulled back. Though she
didn't want to leave his side, the blond could think of few other people who wanted to speak with Hiccup.
Hiccup watched Astrid leave with warm feeling in his chest. It was nothing like the freezing cold he had experienced just minutes before. He was careful. He could still feel the blunt pain in his chest and he still felt raw, but he could breathe more or less normaly.
"Am I gonna get a shouting match?" Hiccup smiled up at his father and Gobber. He knew from their pale faces, he wouldn't, but couldn't help but ask.
"Son." Stoick sighed and before Hiccup could process what was happening, his father was on his knees and gathering him in his arms. "You scared us, son."
Hiccup didn't answer. He burried his head in his fathers shoulder and let out a whimper. It could be because of the tears soaking in the fur of Stock's cloak or because of the sharp pain in his stomach. Hiccup didn't care, because at that moment he couldn't decide which pain was worse - emotional or physical.
"Sorry." He let out a shuddering laugh and felt his father give him one last squeeze before letting him go. Just barely. Stoick still kept him in arm's reach.
"Hiccup." His dad spoke up, when Hiccup had averted his gaze. "We will be fine." His father squeezed his shoulders and Hiccup felt another wave of relief. "Just fine."
"Well, after we deal with all the crazy people in the island!" Gobber shrugged and when Stoick gave him a pointed look, he shrugged. "Don't look at me like that. It gives me the willies."
"Dad?" Hiccup asked before the two friends could start another discussion. "Can you get Calder for me?" Hiccup was pretty sure he had popped his stiches. The blinding pain couldn't be ignored and neither the feel of blood soaking his shirt. He just needed to take care of it. If his dad found out what state he was in, Hiccup doubted he would ever be allowed to leave Berk again.
"What's wrong?" Came the immediate answer and Hiccup cursed his luck - not that it seemed to be doing any good lately - of course his dad would ask.
"Just need to catch up." He tried to lie, but immediately knew as the words left his lips that neither of the men would actually buy it. The all-knowing look from Gobber was a proof to that.
He sighed.
"Just...can you get him for me?" He asked, not bothering to hide the fact that he wasn't telling them something.
His father gave him a reluctant look, though he seemed to consider it. Flnally he raised to his feet and shook his head.
"Yup, Stoick, don't bother...do what the lad asks!" Gobber snickered and earned himself another glare.
"We are still gonna have that talk, old friend." He threatened. "And if I find even one house on Berk in worse condition than when I left, I'm taking you responsible."
"You can't hold that over my head!" Gobber shouted as Stoick left the cave. "We are Vikings. We are meant to destroy things once in a while."
Hiccup smiled through his pain at the grumbling blacksmith.
"Who did you leave in charge anyway?" He asked. Gobber seemed to hesitate a moment before quietly answering, like he knew it was the wrong thing to say.
"Mulch and Spitelout."
"Oh, Odins's ghost...we can start looking for a new island where to rebuild Berk." He brushed a hand over his face and accidentally leaned forward more than it would be advisable. He couldn't surpress the sharp hiss escaping his lips, but suprised found out that Toothless let out a small laugh to hide it.
"Yeah, laugh it off, Toothless." Gobber grumbled. "Not like you bothered to help. You were busy kidnapping Hiccup!"
"Hey! I left on my own accord." Hiccup defended his best friend.
"Oh, so he didn't help you?" Gobber snickered and turned to Toothless. "You were supposed to watch him."
Toothless in return growled at Hiccup and the man rolled his eyes.
"How is it my fault you couldn't keep a sick person in bed?"
Toothless grumbled, but wrapped his tail tighter aaround them.
"Hiccup?" A voice interupted their little conversation and Hiccup was glad to see Calder, leaning against the wall. He gave a pointed look in Gobber's direction and the man sighed.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm in the way. Don't mind my old Viking self."
Only when the wooden plate fell back into place after Gobber exited the cave did Calder speak.
"What's wrong?" He spoke calmly, though Hiccup heard a bit of annoyance in his voice. "Your father said you wanted to speak with me."
"Not so much speak as I need you to do something." He spoke, slowly petting Toothless. The dragon was stiff at his side and clearly worried no matter how much his friend wanted to keep it hidden.
"What?" Calder's eyes narrowed.
"Have you ever stiched someone up?"
Hiccup saw the understanding dawning on him and smiled. Calder wasn't stupid, he made the conection pretty soon.
"What did you do?" Calder asked as he moved to his many chests and boxes. He started pulling out stuff Hiccup didn't recognize, but couldn't wait to ask about.
"Was being a reckless, moronic idiot?" He offered, remembering the name Calder had given him the first time they met.
"No doubt." The man shook his head and looked up. "Where?"
Hiccup pointed at his stomach and Calder's face frowned even more.
"Fine. Let me have a look." Hiccup didn't fight him as Calder walked over and started undoing his clips and buttons. Hiccup focused on stroking Toothless, who was watching them with cautious eyes.
Hiccup heard Calder's breath catch in his throat upon revealing the blood-soaked undershirt. He couldn't stop the whimper as Calder slowly pealed it off, the fabric sticking to his skin and pulling at it.
Once it was pulled over his head and Hiccup was naked from waist up, Calder jumped to his feet.
"Dammit, Hiccup!" He shouted loud enough for everyone outside to hear.
The wooden door plate rattled, but Calder shouted at whoever was there.
"You take a step inside and I'll pour my nastiest potion down your throat."
"Easy, Calder." Hiccup tried to appease him. "They are just worried."
"And they are right to be." The healer got back to gathering different objects and liquids, but stopped for a second to give him a long, stern look. "My family is broken, your is not."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Your actions won't affect you alone. Those people outside would be ready to die for you." Calder went back to his work, but Hiccup still heard him. "Don't make them prove it."
They stayed silent for the while it took Calder to gather everything and return to Hiccup's side.
"I used up all my reserves of aphrodisiacs in the sack bombs. Sorry, but you're gonna feel it." Calder said sadly and looked apologetically at Toothless, who let out a worried whine.
"It's okay, bud." Hiccup tried to ease him, but knew he probably wasn't hiding his own nervousness too well either. More pain. Great. He tried not to look at the needle and the thread laid out next to them on a clean cloth.
"You ready?" Calder asked. His voice was nervous, but Hiccup noticed in relief that his hands weren't trembling.
"No?" He tried to light up the mood and failed miserably. Toothless whimpered and whined at his shoulder, trying to comfort him.
Calder passed him a sturdy piece of leather. "Bite down on it. You start shouting and I'm pretty sure your father is gonna kill me this time."
"He wouldn't. You're a friend." Hiccup took the leather and put it between his teeth.
"I'm glad we are." Calder cleaned the wound and looked up at him one more time. Hiccup gave a nod and before he could reconsider felt something sharp pierce his sensitive skin.
He let out a muffled shout. It was so much worse than he had thought. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus and not anticipate the next puncture, but every stich was a series of blunt pains. The pain from the pierced skin and later the drag of the thread left him breathless and gasping through gritted teeth.
He heard Toothless growl loudly, but he couldn't focus.
When he felt the unconsciousness creeping towards him, he didn't fight it and allowed it to be a safe haven from his pain.
A/N I should probably stop torturing Hiccup. Don't worry, next chapter will finally clear some things out. Unfortunately I don't know how soon I'll be able to update. I'm moving to Scotland for university so I'll have a mountain of things to do. If anyone wants to beta for me and read the monster, which is this work before editing, please speak up. It would speed things up.
Anyway...how was it? Like it? Hate it? More? Less?
Till next time...