Sorry it's a bit short, but the night was coming to an end and I really wanted to right the next nights entry already.
(Part 3) 3.21
Bree and I arrive at my room and I feel like there's still more to discuss so I open my door inviting her in. She refuses at first, but I tell her that Stacie was visiting her sister and would be returning tomorrow night. Bree releases a sigh of relief and quickly shuffles into my room. Not having any real furniture to sit on I pat the space on my bed next to where I have situated myself. Since I'm not sure how to approach her pressing dilemma we end up sitting in silence for a while. After some time she lets out a cynical laugh and says she doesn't know why she's acting like it's such a big deal. I grab her hand to get her attention and looking her straight in the eye I sincerely tell her "it is a big deal; the confusion and self-doubt are the hardest parts. Sure the reality that some people close to you might reject you is pretty scary, but really you rejecting yourself is a way worse feeling." She gives me a small smile before leaning slightly towards me and resting her head on my shoulder. I begin to tell her about Jesse, how I lost him and how around that time I also started to question myself. At first I thought I was just trying to distract myself from the loss of my best friend, but eventually my emotions settled on both. I've never been in a relationship I find myself admitting to her. Usually when I tell people that fact I feel embarrassed, but with Bree I'm not feeling that way. When I look down at her she is staring up at me with a surprised face. Rolling my eyes I laugh and tell her how although I never had a relationship it doesn't mean I didn't have any experience. Now she looks intrigued so I ask her to please not look at me differently or be too upset. She nods and holds out her pinky for me to lock with. How she knew pinky promises were my favorite type of promises I will never know, but I find it all so comforting. I confess that I had kissed Stacie once, but I reassure Bree that she wasn't my first. I'm not exactly sure why I'm telling her all this, but I feel like it's important that I do so. Her eyes widen at first, but relax a second later when she asks how it happened. I explain how about a month after being roommates Stacie dragged me to a small party at a friends' house. Alcohol was involved and when Stacie and I were outside with one of the guys he asked us to kiss each other and we did. I wince at realizing how easily I had agreed to do it without much prompting. I avoid looking down at Aubrey now, well that is until she reaches out the hand I wasn't holding and gently directs my attention to her. She's smiling and asks me how it feels. I'm confused. She expands on what she meant by saying she never kissed a girl before and was wondering how it feels. Instead of explaining I slowly lean down giving her the opportunity to stop me and when she doesn't I place a chaste kiss on her lips. When I pull back I simply ask her "so?" She chuckles lightly and we're both now sporting light blushes. She smiles before looking forward again at the wall and says "I thought you liked Chloe?" "I do, but I thought I'd help you out with some of the confusion instead of someone else who might force their own agenda onto you." I tell her. I feel her nod her head in understanding and squeeze my hand silently thanking me. We stare at my wall in silence eventually deciding to lie down on my bed and stare at my ceiling instead. Bree tells me how she grew up in a very structured home and when she met you in second grade you basically barged into her life and forced her to be friends with you throwing her life into a whirlwind. I laugh because it's not much different from my own experience except you didn't force me, but you sure were pretty persistent in trying to get my attention. I guess you learned some self-control since second grade. I feel myself slowly falling asleep when suddenly there's a knock on my door. In walks Ms. Kelly who was doing her nightly checks. We both sit up all of sudden realizing that we were breaking the rules. Ms. Kelly gives us a questioning look. We both just stare at her not exactly having an excuse. She reminds us that by breaking this rule she would have to report it and one of us will have to move to another dorm building. I pipe in and plead with her to please just ignore it this once and I promise not to let it happen again. I try to give her the best puppy dog eyes I could do trying to look very resentful. She ends up just laughing and shaking her head telling me again how lucky I am she likes me. I give her a Cheshire-like grin in return. She says Aubrey needs to leave soon though and right before leaving herself tells me I need to stop convincing her to allow me to break rules especially since I was a dorm leader. Once she's gone I turn to Bree and she looks surprised. "I didn't know you were a dorm leader" She says. I shrug my shoulders and tell her how I only went for the position because I already spent so much time in the dorm I figured I should do something productive and luckily Ms. Kelly accepted. She smiles and shakes her head at me while getting up off my bed. She extends her hand out to me and once we're both standing she wraps me up into her arms. She thanks me for listening and that she was glad we were now friends. I lightly squeeze her and tell her "I'm here always if needed." When we release each other she kisses my cheek and shyly waves goodbye as she exits my room. Today sure was a long day, but I had a great time. I just realized Bree never told me how it felt to kiss a girl. Oh well, guess I'll find out another time. I just hope you don't question her too much when she gets to your room. I know she doesn't want to keep things from you, but she's still trying to figure everything out and wants to be 100% sure before telling you. I'm surprised she knew I was gay since I haven't told anyone here so she couldn't have heard it from you. Maybe she just felt more comfortable talking to someone about it that wasn't as closely tied to her. I definitely know how that can be. It's usually easier to open up about this to a random someone than those close to us. Longtime friends and family just have higher expectations for us and we feel like we're letting them down somehow.