Thank you for the get-well wishes, everyone. I'm actually worse, but I feel okay enough right now (at five-thirty in the morning...yikes) to update. We passed the fifty review mark - yay! Thanks, everybody, you're all so fantastic, it's ridiculous. I tip my hat to you. Well, I would, if I were wearing a hat…or owned one. So, this was partially inspired by No Air by Jordin Sparks feat. Chris Brown. I'm sure you can tell where that part came in. And the blonde boy? Made him up. He might exist, though. I'm sure that, somewhere on this planet, there exists a gay blonde British boy. Maybe not.

Warnings: Lily Evans is a consistent potty-mouth. I'm sure James enjoys that. (Ew. Mental image, go away, go away, go away) In case you didn't get it, there's swearing. And inappropriate-ness. But hey, is it really Remus/Sirius with inappropriate-ness? I think not.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or the song, or the house I live in. But I do own the books, the iPod which contains the song, and the house belongs to my sister, so hey, can't complain. Loudly.

tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

Setting: Hogwarts, seventh year

"It's not fair," Remus mumbled, pacing back and forth in front of the silent redhead, propped up against a tree with a textbook lying open on her lap. "Why does he have to be so good looking?! It's not fair."

"You've said that," Lily injected, not even blinking at the glare he sent her way. Sighing, she closed the book with a snap and said, "Well, I can see that no work is to be done now. Let's go up to lunch."

Remus shook his head without pausing and began muttering to himself again, "Honestly, this is driving me crazy. Who did I piss off in a previous life that I deserve this? It's not fair…"

"If I'm going to be subjected to your ramblings, I need food."

He paused to glare at her again and she stood with a growl, lifting her bag and stuffing the book into it unceremoniously. "I'm serious. I had to skip breakfast this morning and my stomach is forming whole sentences at this point."

"But you know they're going to be there, and that means that he is going to be there," he mumbled. "Eating food. With his mouth."

Lily rolled her eyes for what had to be the twelfth time since they exited the castle half an hour earlier. What was the point of finding a quiet place to study if they weren't going to actually study? "Come on, Remus, it isn't all that bad. And I'm really hungry. Please?"

The pleading look on her face killed the protest on his lips and he sighed in resignation. "Alright," he growled grouchily, swinging the strap of his schoolbag up onto his shoulder and following as Lily eagerly took off for the castle, nearly stumbling in her haste.

They had just reached the doors when an unfamiliar blonde boy, a few steps ahead of them, did stumble, and as he began to fall, Remus' reflexes kicked in and he lunged forward, grabbing the boy's arm and helping him regain his balance. "Oh!" the boy gasped, his expression a mix between shocked and grateful. "Oh, thanks." He turned to face them, and his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Sorry, I'm a bit clumsy," he added a bit awkwardly.

"No problem," Remus said, releasing the boy's arm and giving him a reassuring smile. "I've tripped over flat surfaces before."

His words, far from putting the boy at ease, merely made his blush deepen, but he recovered after a moment and returned his smile with an amused grin. "Yeah, thanks. Uh, I'll see you around, then?" The last word had a slight lilt at the end that turned the statement into more of a question.

Lily watched this all unfold from her position just behind the pair, and she saw the not-at-all-subtle once-over the blonde gave her friend, not that Remus seemed to notice. It was quite obvious to her that the boy was interested, but Remus wouldn't catch on with anything less than a VACANCY sign flashing above the boy's head, so she stepped forward and gave him a megawatt smile. "He definitely will," she said in her most suggestive tone, then grabbed Remus' arm and dragged him in the direction of the Great Hall because, honestly, Remus might not get many admiring looks, but she was starving.

Remus stammered out a goodbye as he was pulled away in a manner that can only be described as an abduction, and once they were sufficiently out of sight, he snatched his arm back and gave her that affronted glare usually reserved for his fellow Marauders. "Lily dear, have you gone mad?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh honestly, Remus, you can't really be so obtuse. That boy was giving you the look."

"What do you mean?"

Sigh. "Remus, he was giving you the look. The one James has been giving me for seven years. The one you've been giving Sirius for three."

Both eyebrows disappeared into his fringe as he gaped at her in shock, eyes wide as her meaning sank in. "He was…you mean he was…?"

"Checking you out? Giving you the eye? Perusing the goods? Absolutely."

He dazedly sank down onto their usual bench without looking, almost placing his elbow in a bowl of soup. "Wow. I didn't even notice." Then he shook his head and let out his breath on a sigh. "Doesn't matter, though. Not like I'd ever go out with him."

"But Remus!" Lily whined, sitting next to him and immediately pulling two sandwiches from a plate to her left. "Come on, are you still hung up on…him? I'm not saying it could never happen, but if he's straight, you can't exactly wait around forever in case he changes his sexuality."

"Lily, I appreciate your concern, but I'm not ready to move on yet. Besides, he isn't my type."

"Honestly, Remus, why are you being so picky?" Lily asked, not even noticing when the rest of the Marauders joined them at the table. "There aren't many guys like you at Hogwarts, and that boy was cute!"

"Who was cute?!" James demanded immediately, his expression alarmed. "Are you cheating on me, Lilyflower?!"

"It's a miracle she got you, mate," Sirius scoffed, ducking James' fist.

Lily scowled. "Calm down, this boy wasn't interested in me," she said, glancing pointedly at Remus.

"Oh. Thank Merlin. But, er, are you sure, Lily?"

"Thanks, mate."

James grimaced. "That didn't come out right. But are you sure, Lily?"

"James, stop being a git. I'm sure. He was practically eye-fucking him."

"Lilyflower, if you never say 'eye-fucking' ever again…I'll be solely disappointed, because it's kind of hot."

She ignored her boyfriend and stared beseechingly at her stubborn best friend. "Come on, he was cute, Remus, won't you even consider it?"

He sighed. "Lily, he really isn't my type. He's blonde, and I like brunettes."

Sirius choked a bit on the pumpkin juice he had just poured himself and had to thump his chest a few times before his face turned back to its normal color. At their concerned gazes (except for James…he was more amused than anything), he flushed a bit and said, "Er, there was a fly. In my juice."

"You used to eat flies," Peter pointed out.

"Ew."

"That was different! Prongs dared me."

"Yeah. Once. You ate seven of them."

"Anyway," Lily said loudly to drown out the inevitable argument, "I still think you should give it a go, Remus. Just think about it, alright?"

Remus began to protest, then just sighed in defeat. "Alright, I'll think about it."

Later that night, as he was getting ready for bed, Remus couldn't stop thinking on what Lily had said. She had a point - he couldn't sit around pining after Sirius, when it was quite obvious that he was only interested in girls. And the blonde boy was cute. Kind of. In a subtle way. Not in the Sirius way - the too gorgeous for his own good way.

He was pulled rather abruptly from his thoughts when the dormitory door slammed and the object of his unrequited affections slogged into the room, throwing his wand down on the table next to his bed, then throwing himself face down on the bed itself. "You look exactly how I feel," Remus remarked, more than slightly bemused by his friend's behavior.

Sirius lifted his head and gave him a half-hearted attempt at a glare that had more the appearance of a pout. "Not in the mood," he growled before burying his face once more in the bedspread.

"Ah, this isn't like you. Did that girl refuse to put out?" Remus was very glad that Sirius couldn't see the revolted expression on his face as he asked the question.

"Who? Oh, that bird I had a date with tonight? Nah, I canceled. Had a lot to think about."

Snort. "Right. And they've just named me the new Minister of Magic. I'm making James Head Auror, and Pete is heading the janitorial committee."

"What about me?"

"Well, you're going to be my pretty secretary, of course. I'm sure you'll look lovely in a pencil skirt."

"I refuse to wear heels."

Remus chuckled and ran a comforting hand through Sirius' hair as if he were petting Padfoot, grinning when it prompted a contented groan from his friend. "Come on now, really, what's wrong? I can't fix the problem if you won't tell me what it is."

"It's nothing you can fix, Moony."

"Pads, let me help."

"I said it's nothing!" Sirius yelled, suddenly sitting up and knocking Remus' hand away.

Silence reigned for all of five seconds before Sirius groaned and dropped his head into his hands. "Sorry, Remus, it's…I just don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, Pads," Remus mumbled, hurt despite himself. He stood to walk back to his four-poster, but before he could, Sirius blurted, "I don't want you to go out with that boy."

Remus froze in place at the sudden outburst. His heart was practically tearing out of his chest in its excitement, and he had to give it a stern mental lecture before he could summon up the courage to turn back around. "Uh, I'm sorry, what?" he asked, clearing his throat when the words came out raspy. Sirius was staring down at the bedspread, and when it became clear after several moments that he wasn't going to reply, Remus threw his hands up into the air and growled in frustration. "Whatever-"

"Just don't go out with him, Moony, please," Sirius pleaded, finally looking up at him, and the expression on his face was so…lost.

Remus growled, "Why not, Sirius? Give me one good reason."

"I love you."

The cutting words on his tongue died at the admission and his breath stuttered in his throat. He tried to take a deep breath, but his lungs weren't cooperating and he wheezed out something that must have sounded alarming because Sirius immediately grasped his arm and asked, "Are you alright, Remus? Breathe, love, breathe!"

His lungs, which were just thinking of working again, heard the 'L' word and promptly deflated. He ended up with his face pressed against Sirius' chest (and really, how was that supposed to help him breathe?), gathered in his arms and sitting halfway on his lap. It was almost too good to be true and Remus' brain was racing to process what had happened as Sirius kept murmuring for him to just breathe and rubbing his back in a soothing motion.

After what seemed like hours, Remus' heart rate had slowed to a more normal level and he was taking long deep breaths. A few moments passed as he just soaked in the words, let them penetrate his skin and curl around his organs, easing the ache in his chest that he honestly had resigned himself to feeling for the rest of his life, because there was absolutely no way that Sirius could ever love him back. Of course, that was all moot now. He mumbled something against Sirius' chest and felt him shift slightly, pretty much confirming his suspicion that, yes, Sirius was ticklish.

"Pardon?"

Moving just slightly so that his mouth was free, Remus repeated, "That's a bloody good reason."

He heard the self-satisfied smirk in his voice when Sirius replied, "Cheers." He hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Uh, I think you're supposed to say it back. If you feel the same way, that is. If not, that's cool, but, um, it would definitely make me feel less awkward if you said something now and didn't just let me ramble on like-"

Remus cut him off with a sweet, shy kiss, and pulled back with flushed cheeks and a happy smile. "I love you, too."

Sirius' face split into a wide grin and he pressed another, longer kiss to his forehead. "So does this mean you won't go out with that bloke?"

"Didn't I say that I prefer brunettes?"

"You know, I think I remember you saying that, yeah."

"Would you two just get a room already?!" James' voice shouted through the dormitory door. "You've been in love forever, just shag and be done with it!"

Remus buried his face again in Sirius' chest as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Sirius, however, merely grinned and called back, "Lovely suggestion, mate, thanks. But we've already got a room, as you can see. I've heard your bed is just on this side of creaky, we'll start with that one."

"GET ANYTHING ON MY BED AND I'LL STRANGLE YOU!"

This could've been an actual one-shot. I was originally planning for it to be a full-fledged story. But, as we've learned in the past two months, I'm better at short, concise, and to the point. I am eventually going to post a longer story, though. I find that I'm more attracted to the AU sort. I've got a really killer AU story in my documents that I'm itching to release to the public, but first I need to flush out the plot and smooth out the rough edges. Wouldn't want my lovely reviewers to cut themselves. Is it vain to say that I've just read over my own collection of one-shots and laughed my ass off? I think I'm pretty damn funny. I should have my own show. Anyone want to make that happen? Hit me up.

Wow, I'm such a Chatty Cathy tonight. Well, I do talk a lot when I'm tired - nice to see it extends over the Internet, too.