Hello Nintendoes Gamer Here thank you for all that have read so far

now on with the chapter

'Thinking,flashbacks'

"Talking"

Titles

Chapter 10: the rambling thoughts of a confused teenager

Walking out to my favorite eating spot I sat down on the small stairs that occupy the area, looking out towards the brick wall that was in front of me I sighed ' today has been weird' I said to myself as the breeze blew lightly over me making me feel refreshed from all my sweat that had been built up from my perverted thoughts, it felt strange to say that 'perverted thoughts' I chuckled internally thinking about the phrase, it wasn't in my nature in fact I protest the fact that males are only filled with perverse thoughts but here I am contradicting myself by having them right now. Maybe the that I am having them is a biological thing, maybe it is a sign that is trying to tell me I am a male and what I should do is sexual relations with someone. Dam Freud thinking that we just need to have sex, although he is what started psychology so maybe he was onto something.

Sitting down I silently ate my lunch that I made for myself and my darling little sister Komachi, feeling this breeze it was nice it was helping me clear my head and make sense of what was happing, the question was though in my mind that kept repeating over and over was 'is this a joke, why would like you' a question that was told to me after the first girl I loved told me after I asked her out, funnily enough this yeah I met her again she was still a bitch but with my new talents for reading most situations I could see that she felt guilt for what she done, and with that I was sad again as I was unsure what I should of felt and what I wasn't think as I that moment.

Looking back at my year I pulled a few social suicides in order to maintain the balance of the school and the relationships and clients around me, although I knew it was going to destroy my own relationships I kept at it anyway at first it was with Rumi and those girls when we were at the summer camp helping the grade schoolers, I knew how she felt I was in the same boat when I was her age always laughed at and always alone, it probably why I instinctively help her I felt a bit myself inside her, after the event the people around me looked at me funny like I was some evil monster who looked for the most efficient and logical way to find the answer that disregards all human emotion. Maybe it was true but I did do what we were required to do even if I had to have every one hate me.

Thinking about everyone around me, Mura's group, Yuighama, Yukinoshita, Kawasaki, Toska and Zaimokuza, just everyone one around me I have never understood why they were around me sometimes I even question my own family except my sister but she will always be with me, I just never understood this, I can understand my club as they were there because they have to be, I was there because I was forced to by professor Hiratsuka ordered me too, and Zaimokuza well he was just there because he needed a gym partner.

After my second and third social suicides, I thought I could be in calming silence, thinking back to my second and third social suicides, that was during the culture festival were I was tricked into helping out by professor Hiratsuka during that time an idiot was elected leader and all the power went to her head as she was lazy and irresponsible and so I took it was a chance to get some quite by playing the bad guy saying about how I felt about the management by using the symbol of human to illustrate the bullshit management that was run by Minami Sagami but again It wasn't enough so I stayed in the shadows until the proper time for me to reappear arrived.

It was during the final section of the culture festival where I confronted the bitch on the roof when she refused to come out of her hiding and return to her duty as a chairwoman of the cultural festival leaving it all to Yukinoshita, even after being coaxed by the Hayato and her two friends, I could tell that she felt like she was worthless, so I use reverse psychology and assaulted her with arrays of harsh words and sneered at her unworthiness, causing Hayato to slam me on the wall and warning me to stop talking, the bitch was happy and she returned with me and him still up there on that roof making him comment on how I was a vile person and I remember smiling before he commented on why I was such an evil way of thinking.

Looking back this incident I just should have had my wish but people still kept around me, and I felt angry but at the same time happy I wasn't sure how I felt but I knew being alone and being the scape goat was my only choice in every situation, I had accepted that and still I had this pain in my chest, but I lock that away residing in myself that this was the way it was meant to be.

Looking at the clock on my iPod I saw that the classes had started back up again and were already half an hour in already. Lying down on the stairs that I was sitting on I played some lightly sad music, I wasn't sure why but I just had to I wanted to complete my train of thought in the same music as my thoughts were going through. Thinking about again why did I even have to take my guitar to school that day, why did play those songs, why did I say those things, and why didn't I say It was all a joke and maybe then everything that happen would of not have happen and I wouldn't have thoughts like this and be here right now. Maybe after the fourth social suicide people would have got it that I wanted to be just left alone.

Thinking about that attempt it was the most impactful for the people around me, it almost made me escape the façade of the shallow relationships I had with Yuigahama and Yukinoshita, but for unknown reasons they still wanted to be acquaintances with me which led to me coming back later in the year about a month or so to be exact to look at them and ask for 'something genuine'. I pulled myself out of my thoughts and looked at the sky 'something genuine huh' I muttered as I checked the time again it was getting close to three, but my questions and thoughts were still plaguing my mind, I walked back to my classroom I knew I would be in this particular one as my room doesn't change.

Using one of my skills I silently opened the door to see who it was, good it wasn't professor Hiratsuka it was the history teacher so I was in the clear, sneaking inside I quietly put my lunch box in my bad and I pulled out my books so I don't look I wasn't doing anything even though I was skipping class, something I'm not proud of, I think I need a shrink I'm bonkers, haa English jokes, focusing on the last I finally learned a few things about English root words and how they connected to curses like bastard and shit but other than that it was a boring class.

The class finished up and everyone was let out and as per usual I waited around the corner for Yuighama as she requested lest she yell at me or hit me so I waited, a few minutes passed and Yuighama hadn't come out yet getting fed up with her I left towards the club room.

I knew going there was going to be an awkward time after what had happened earlier this week but I had to go back in fear of the second bullet but hey I had some good books with me, one was relatable called no game no life and the other was a fun book about girls that came from a alternate plane of existence called date a live, it was strange for my character to have these books or so says my sister, but at heart I like these stories with great plots and interesting character development and it was upbeat compared to reality, although one I took a recommendation from my sister, I was a visual novel so it was still counted as reading but the entire second half of the story was just depressing and sad, so I immediately stopped it and never took a recommendation from her again.

Nearing the door to service club I started to walk slow trying my hardest to must turn around but with fear of her if I turn around, I continued on my path towards the door stopping just outside, peering in the little glass hole I saw Yukinoshita inside sipping some tea and reading a book, no doubt waiting for Yuighama so they could talk or as she calls it communicate to one another in a friendly manner, but that her way of speaking using over complicated words, I continued looking at her for a bit through the glass hole not noticing how long I was going for now or if I was being creep or not, the only thing that came to mind when I was looking at her was the scene at the infirmary with her sleeping and look very cute and within my eyes sexy.

"Hiki" I heard someone call out to me and only one person uses that nickname for me I turned to see Yuighama but along with her I see Mura and Kawasaki, shit they caught me staring at her I am dead "Hiki what are you doing?" Yuighama called out to me, shit they did notice what I was doing.

'I wasn't doing anything' was the first thing that came to mind when she said that but I knew that they wouldn't believe it so I came up with second thing that popped into my head "I was checking if anyone was in there" I said nervously trying to seem as if I just got here.

"ok" she said nervously and walked passed me and opened the door and greeted Yukinoshita as the other two followed her in and Kawasaki apologized for the intrusion in which Yukinoshita said it wasn't necessary, following in after them I sat in my normal chair looking at the layout I seams I wasn't alone any more as right next to me on the corner was Mura and next to her was Kawasaki and then next to her was Yuighama and then Yukinoshita so who's chair was next to mine.

"So who is next to mine?" I asked sort of knowing whose it is from my powers of deduction but I want to hear it from them, the girls looked at each other than at me as before looking at Yukinoshita "ok so it's hers, got it" they just confirmed whose it was it was Iroha Isshiki the youngest of us. The moments pass as I reading my book in which I've chosen no game no life with my one head phone on listing to my favourite song, while I heard conversation from Yuighama and Yukinoshita with hints of Kawasaki in them, still sure what she was doing but I know Mura was reading as I could see her book and it was a good one I might add, returning to my book some time passes before I looked up at the table and the question sprang to my mind 'what are they here for?' it puzzled me for a few moments at first I thought it was so they could chat as I thought they were all friends now as when they were at my house they were using each other's first names but Mura is just sitting next to me reading not caring about the outside world and the other two plus Kawasaki were making small talk, I kept staring for a bit which was harder then I though as the image of Yukinoshita sleeping kept playing in my mind.

"Hiki you ok?" I heard as I was snapped out of my thoughts by the voice.

"Yeah I'm just fine why?" I replied nonchalantly this perked everyone up after hearing me reply now I'm concerned.

"Well it's just your face is red Hiki, you're not coming down with something?" She said worriedly thinking I'm sick or something in the physical sense. Pulling out my IPhone to use the camera on it I checked my face and it was red must have been from the images in my head playing over and over.

"yeah I'm fine just it's just because of an image that I saw today in the infirmary" I replied 'Fuck I can't believe I just blurted that out now I am done, my human life and dignity are over because they're going to think I'm some creep and pervert, now I know how Ayumu feels at the beginning of episode 2.

"Well what happen" Mura asked me looking at my face.

"Nothing to significant, I just saw something there" I lied to her face crumpled up like she didn't believe me but she didn't press any further.

"What time was this" Yukinoshita asked me pressing for answers, oh no she on to me, well cant back out now.

"This was during the first class after home room" I said every looked at me wondering what I meant till Kawasaki spoke up.

"So this was during Physical education" she asked and I nodded look out the group of girls I saw Yukinoshita eyes open wide like she knew the answer.

"So let me get this straight you wondering what was behind the curtain that was closed in the infirmary and had to open it and when you did you couldn't help but stare at the beautiful and cute woman sleeping the bed, correct?" she said to me with a gotcha smile on her face, the others on the other hand were confused on how she knew so much before it clicked to them as I nodded.

"Pervigaya" she said smiling lightly as everyone looked at me and I hung my head in shame.

"I'm sorry" I said "I did call out to see if someone was there but no one answered" I tried to defend myself but there was no escape.

"So please Pervigaya what was going through your head when you saw me" she said making a game out of my pain dam you woman but because every one look at me my will folded and I answered the question.

"I thought about lying down in the same bed as you and just sleeping together peacefully" I said as all the girls had the mouths agape before Yuighama spoke up.

"Wow Hiki, that's really creepy but kinda Romantic" she said now I was the one with the gape mouth and so was everyone else.

"Yui, remember think before saying" Yukinoshita said to her before everyone giggled and went back to what they were doing before the door opened.

Thanks for reading this chapter

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