Author's Note: I have some authorial issues with this chapter. I'm still not entirely convinced that it does what I wanted it to do. So anyone who feels motivated is invited to drop me a line and let me know how it works for them. And yes, I am using the gender-neutral plural pronoun. Deal with it, English nerds. :)

Disclaimer: Star Wars is still not mine. Thank goodness. I'd hate to have the weight of an entire galaxy resting on my shoulders. My OCs and this story are quite enough.

Chapter Playlist:

Moments that Define Us (Kerry Muzzey)

Samson (Regina Spektor)

Fix You (Coldplay)

Now We Are Free (Lisa Gerrard, et al)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Master Windu had fortunately told Ferus where the new quarters would be, so he led the way and the two Lorethans followed him.

"Tell me again why I'm moving in with you?" Evinne said as they headed up the stairs.

"It's convenient," Ryn said. "Also, the Jedi don't trust you as far as they could throw you."

"Why do I suspect I have you to thank for that?"

"Because you do?" Ryn suggested. "Look, you knew where my loyalties were before you came here. Don't act all surprised now. Plus, you haven't entirely convinced me of your good intentions. Or have you forgotten the fight in the bar?"

"That wasn't my fault!" Evinne protested, struggling along beside her. "Ziro's men traced us somehow -- but I didn't know that, I swear!"

"You could have avoided the situation altogether if you'd been up front about things from the beginning," Ryn said, uncompromising where her friends' safety was concerned. "Someone could have gotten hurt." She wanted to point out that the Chosen One could have gotten hurt, but she didn't see any need to give Evinne any clues. Anakin could do that on his own if he wanted to. Ryn wasn't going to make any decisions for him.

Evinne hesitated just briefly before nodding. "You're right. I apologize. I wasn't being fair."

"Just don't forget," Ryn warned her. "We're in this together because we both want to protect the Chosen One. It doesn't mean we're on the same side."

"I remember when you were friendly," Evinne groused.

Me too. Ryn swallowed that thought. "That was a long time ago."

Evinne snorted. "You haven't been alive a long time."

"Keeps getting longer," Ryn said, and heard Ferus chuckle.

The new quarters, gleaming white walls with big windows that let in the Coruscanti sunlight, were a considerable improvement over Ryn's old digs, and Ryn was inclined to be cheerful about the change, until she spotted Anakin, kneeling in the middle of the living area and trying to reassemble one of those low tables that were de rigeuer for Coruscanti apartments. He looked up and met her eyes, and then his gaze slid away, but not before Ryn caught the betrayal in his eyes and felt the world fall out from under her, the loss as vital as her heartbeat.

"Anakin, you've met Evinne," she heard herself saying, as though this were any ordinary encounter. As though they were all friends and his life were not at stake and he hadn't just uncovered all her dirty laundry.

"Of course," Anakin said, getting to his feet and bowing. "Could I speak with you alone?"

At least he's still talking to me, Ryn thought, gloomy through the haze in her mind.

"Of course," she said, unconsciously echoing him. Her voice sounded almost normal, but she felt the words strangling in her throat. "Evinne, why don't you go choose a room --"

"I already chose," Anakin interrupted her. "I put your things in the room with a window over the city."

"Okay," Ryn said, regrouping. "Evinne, why don't you go get settled. Ferus--"

"I'll finish the table," Ferus said, glaring at Anakin. "Take your time."

Anakin grabbed Ryn by the arm and hustled her out into the hallway, where the door fell shut behind them with a hiss.

He dropped her arm and stood looking at her, a look that wasn't quite a glare because it was too wounded. "What do you think you're doing?"

There was no cover story that could explain the transmitter equipment. The lightsaber wasn't such a secret any more, anyway -- since the incident in the bar, she'd come clean to Yoda about that -- but the transmitter was illegal. There was no lie that could get her out of that one.

She couldn't imagine lying to Anakin, anyway.

He stood there, staring down at her, waiting for her to deny it, to explain herself, to make sense of it for him, the hurt leaking through the anger, and Ryn finally cracked under the pressure.

"I don't know where to start," she said helplessly. "I can't -- Anakin, there's no way I can explain this that will make it all right. I've been trying to keep faith with all sides. I've been trying to serve the Jedi without betraying my people -- but there's so much the Council isn't ready to know, and what they need to know they don't want to hear, and I swear, Anakin, I swear to you, that the hidden equipment was for emergencies only, in case things went horribly wrong, and I've only used it once, when we were afraid Evinne was gunning for you, that's the only time, and I wanted to tell you, so bad, but the secrets weren't mine to tell, and you're a Jedi--"

Anakin took her by the shoulders, concern now mingling with the hurt and anger in his eyes. "Shh," he said, halting her babble. "Start at the beginning. Tell me everything."

"I can't," Ryn said, miserable. "I'd tell you all my own secrets, but there are things happening on Loreth that the Jedi can't know, not yet. Our families would never be safe again if they knew. I can't betray all those people. I have to figure out what I'm going to tell the Council. Did you turn my stuff over already?"

"No," Anakin said, frowning. "I hid it in my room. Ryn, what's going on?"

Ryn scowled, trying to backtrack through that statement. "Wait a minute. In your room? What the kriff are my things doing in your room?"

"I wasn't sure how much you trusted Evinne," Anakin said, looking worried. "And you've got a bad relay in that transmitter. Look, I'm trying to help you, and you're not making it easy." He tucked in his lower lip, a sign that he was concentrating, hard. "You've been keeping a lot of secrets."

"I know," Ryn said, refusing to blink even though her vision was blurred with tears, held by some unreasoning fear that if she looked away, even for a second, he would somehow disappear. "And I know you have every right to be made at me. But I'm trying to do the right thing here, you know? I'm trying to protect my people from the Jedi and the Jedi from themselves and you from Force knows who, and it's a lot to keep track of. The best I can do is to promise that I'll never lie to you. Anything I tell you is the truth, straight up. But there may be a lot of things I don't tell you." She swallowed hard, finally closing her eyes against the tears until Anakin spoke.

"You're asking me to trust you," he said, shifting closer, his voice going soft.

He didn't sound happy about it, and he felt ... confused.

"Not blindly," Ryn said, reaching out to touch him and fisting her hands in his tunic, clinging to him desperately. "Search your feelings. For stars' sake, search my feelings. See for yourself."

Anakin's eyes burned into hers, and she felt the Force stir and stood still, quiescent under his probe, letting him in.

Finally his grip relaxed on her shoulders and she felt him disentangle himself from her mind, leaving with a soft brush of his mind against hers that was almost a caress, and Ryn sighed, missing him already.

"I trust you," Anakin said. "You're a good person, Ryn. The real question is: do you trust me?"

"What?" Ryn said, pulling back a little without letting go. It felt unreasonably good to hold on to Anakin; there was something comforting about him, even now, as though his strength were a solid, physical thing she could lean into and depend on. As though, with him, she could finally rest after years of war and responsibility. She forced herself to refocus. "What do you mean?"

"Do you trust me enough to tell me the truth?" Anakin asked her, his voice quieter than usual, looking into her soul with gentle eyes. "Do you trust me enough to let me help you?"

"I'm fine," Ryn insisted. "I don't need any help."

"You're hiding illegal transmitters in the Jedi Temple," Anakin pointed out. "You need all the help you can get."

Good point. She looked up at him and thought, If I can't trust you, I can't trust anybody, ever again.

Telling Anakin would change everything. If she told him ... they were in this together, forever. She'd be blurring the line again, between duty and friendship, stepping off a cliff into a future neither of them could see clearly.

She met his sure blue eyes, so concerned for her, and stepped off the cliff, into freefall again.

"Okay," she said, and moved closer to breathe her next words for his ears only. "There are more Force-sensitives on Loreth than anyone realizes, and we have our own ways of training. Different than the Jedi Temple, but effective for our needs. I made that lightsaber when I was a child, and it was in the package my brother sent through Ziro. Yoda knows I've had some training, especially since the fight in the club, but that's it. He let me build a lightsaber here and I never told anybody about the first one. And the transmitter was in case our worst fears were realized and the Jedi proved corrupt. They weren't, and so I've only used it the one time. And there's more, worlds more, but isn't that enough for now?"

"I guess so," Anakin said. "But I want you to tell me everything eventually."

"I can't tell you everything," Ryn said. "Some things you have to experience for yourself. But I'm not keeping secrets from you, either." She stopped and cleared her throat self-consciously. "And you can ... you know ... search me again, whenever you feel like it."

"You --" Anakin broke off, frowning down at her as though she were a droid with a malfunction he hadn't seen before. "You liked that."

He sounded shocked, and Ryn felt herself blushing, mentally kicking herself for revealing too much, even though she'd just promised to let him see everything. She swallowed hard. "Yes. I mean, I feel you all the time, but you don't touch my mind on purpose that often."

"The other night on the couch," Anakin began, and Ryn winced. "What?"

"That time ... you were a little rough," Ryn said reluctantly, remembering the stomach-churning sensation of having her memories shoved and pulled one way and another, tossed about inside her head. "I didn't mind," she added quickly, sensing Anakin's immediate distress. "This time felt different, that's all."

"Better?" Anakin asked her, and Ryn felt the smile steal across her face, cutting through the worry.

"Yeah."

But Anakin was looking at her nose, and then he reached up and touched the tiny cut where one of his beads had smacked her earlier, a freak accident. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he said softly, his voice thick with regret. "I hurt you all the time without even trying."

Ryn reached up and took his hand from her nose, threading her fingers through his. "You make me feel really good, too," she reminded him. "I wouldn't trade your friendship for anything, Anakin. Not even if it meant I would never hurt again."

He probed her then, very gently, seeking the truth in her words, and for a long minute, Ryn just stood there and let him test her feelings out for himself. Then she reached out and touched him back, a light stroke along the surface of his mind.

Anakin shuddered, breathing in sharply, and broke contact, but he didn't seem upset.

"Good?" she asked him, eyes intent on his face.

Anakin nodded. "Is that -- is that what it feels like, for you?"

"Something similar," Ryn said. "I would imagine that my mind is ... quieter ... than yours. Less intense."

Anakin's cheeks reddened slightly. "Master Obi-Wan says I must learn to quiet my mind."

"Sounds like good advice," Ryn said, still holding on to his hand. "But I like your mind the way it is."

"I like yours, too," Anakin said decisively. "You feel ... steady."

Steady? Ryn thought. How not romantic. She pushed the twinge that brought her away and tugged at Anakin's hand, jerking her head toward the door. "You ready to go face the dragons?"

Anakin took a deep breath and settled his features into what he must have thought was a mask of Jedi calm.

Force help you if you ever play sabbac, Ryn thought, and opened the door.

Ferus looked up as Skywalker and Ryn entered, and tried not to think about the emotions he'd felt radiating from the other side of the door. He hadn't always been able to keep them separated, and he hadn't wanted to invade their privacy by actively seeking, but he had a good guess, from Orun's face, of which one had been to the heights and back. She had that wrung-out, bright-eyed look that he had come to associate with intimate pleasures. Not that he would know for himself, but he'd had the misfortune of interrupting a few couples in the line of duty, and Ryn looked like a woman who'd just gone up against the wall.

He cast a glower at Skywalker -- willing or not, Ryn was still clearly too young to be engaging in that kind of activity. How could she possibly have the discipline to keep her emotions uninvolved? Another quick glance at her face proved that she hadn't; she was utterly smitten with Skywalker.

All right, Ferus thought, trying to be reasonable, be fair. Women come to Skywalker like Toydarians to credits. She probably made the first move. He looked back at Skywalker, ducking his head and blushing at something Ryn had said, taunting her with that damn smile.

Ferus had heard all about that smile: quite a bit more than he wanted, in fact.

That smile was dangerous.

Ryn looked up at him, smiling back, clearly ready to give him everything she had, and Evinne, who'd come back out of her room, wasn't exactly looking disinterested, either.

Anakin, you're a nuisance.

Skywalker must have caught at least part of that, because he suddenly jerked and turned to look at Ferus.

"What?" Ferus said, trying to look blank and not to scowl.

"Nothing." Skywalker shook his head, stripped off his tunic, and put his back into moving furniture under Ryn's direction.

Ferus threw off his cloak and moved to help him.

A minute later, Ferus decided it was too warm in the room and stripped to the waist, matching Skywalker.

Evinne wandered in from the kitchen, sipping a glass of water, elaborately casual, and nudged Ryn with a hip. "Our first day living together, and already we have two shirtless men in our apartment. I foresee great things, Shorty."

Ferus didn't think Ryn was all that short, but he was busy trying to hold onto the couch, because Skywalker had just dropped his end.

"Sorry," Anakin murmured, his cheeks aflame, and Ferus remembered that, although women materialized wherever Skywalker went, he never seemed that interested. Skywalker was a lot of things Ferus didn't like, but he wasn't a flirt.

So what's going on here?

Ferus thought it over as they nudged the couch into place. It was possible that Skywalker did really like Ryn, in which case opposites really did attract. It was also possible, although distasteful, that Anakin knew how Ryn felt and was using her. Ferus didn't think it was possible that Skywalker hadn't noticed. He'd have to be completely oblivious.

Anyway, Orun was too young. For either of us.

That line of thinking was dangerous.

He almost missed Ryn's sigh. "You can't say things like that around Jedi," she was saying to Evinne, sounding exasperated. "They're mostly celibate. They like it that way."

Ferus straightened sharply, causing Anakin to grunt as he suddenly found himself with the full weight of the couch. Serves you right, Ferus thought, although Skywalker's crime was yet to be determined. "We're not celibate," he said, and knew he'd spoken too quickly when he saw Ryn's eyebrows shoot up. "I mean, we don't have to be. We just can't form attachments."

Anakin stopped adjusting the couch to stare at him, patently disbelieving. Ryn looked confused. Only Evinne appeared at ease with this information.

"Of course not," she said, meeting Ferus' eyes. "We all need to release a little tension now and then. Nothing wrong with lending a friendly hand."

Skywalker gave her a puzzled frown, clearly missing the double entendre. Ryn just as clearly got it. Ferus saw her jaw tighten as she wrapped one hand around Evinne's upper arm. "Excuse us, gentlemen," she said, and marched Evinne out in the direction of their bedrooms.

Ferus looked back at Anakin, standing in the light from the window, golden as the Coruscant sun. "Stop flaunting," he said, and ignored Anakin's outraged "What?!" because he didn't have the answer.

I must be losing my mind, he thought, glaring at the couch as though it were responsible.

That's going to be a problem.