(in which we get cold, and wet, and sad)
Tensions were high… with this Jack Stone-faced guy!
Seriously, this guy had hair and a face on him like one of those Jack Stone LEGO figures.
Clunk-unk! Clunk-unk! Clunk-unk!
Trash bins filled with toxic waste and fluffles bounced in from the edges around the on-ship structure.
"...Reimu, your orbs do a terrific job of cleaning up those plastic cans. Could you…?" I proposed.
"I was planning on it." Reimu took off for the incoming support, leaving me and Sanae to the Stormy Rainmaker.
"Now, I get to watch you die!" He pulls out a walkie-talkie, and flips it open.
"Fluff air battalion B-58, need a storm on my central. Over."
...Did he have air backup?
Vroom! Overhead a jet soared by, storm clouds following it, and it started raining heavily in that line, creating a weird sunny rainstorm atmosphere…
Fluffles run out of the back doors of the ship's control building thing, the one we kept running around but never called a noun because I dunno the name of it! It's that rectangle that separates the decks!
...By the way, yes, he had air support, apparently.
"Sanae, I need you to put pressure on him!" I yell out, and pull out an operating cross, filling it with magic. "London, hold your ground to the final bullet!"
London came from abso-freakin-lutely nowhere, and soared towards the Rainmaker.
The Rainmaker flew for London, face-tanking her danmaku.
"Screw numbers! Unless you have me outnumbered forty to one, this battle is mine!"
He slams down his large metal blaster on London, a hard dose of reality literally knocking the magic out of her. She wasn't destroyed, but the life left London as she clattered uselessly to the floor, the magic holding her together dispelled.
Sanae blanched. "T-that's some power for a strike…"
The Rainmaker put a hand to his back. "...That's not easy on the back, though…"
I shake my head. "You shoulda gotten a back massage prior to this. You had a succubus, didn't you?"
He tilted his head. "The hell's a 'suck-you-bus'? Is that a new kind of insult the hipsters use these days? It sounds retarded!"
I jerk my head back. "The hell're you doing in Gensokyo!?"
He aims his water-blaster. "None of your business, ignorant prat!"
Bubbles roared out as if from a machinegun, and I streamed along the side of them until he stopped. "You just gave a big ass monologue earlier about why you were here!"
Sanae pelted him with blue shots, but they didn't accomplish much.
"Waaal!" Poison and fluffles flew across the deck behind us, propelled by yin-yang orbs. A tower of flames was visible on the front deck as the ship slowly began tilting…
Flipping open his walkie-talkie, the Rainmaker apparently needed more backup. "B-58, need a net on the green bitch. Over."
Vrooom…
"What!?" Sanae looked offended by the comment, but a steel net quickly dropped from above, binding her.
"A-aaaaahh!" Sanae screamed, struggling against the metal wiring unsuccessfully.
I pocket Flame Dispenser- fire wasn't gonna be handy against water, but… I brandish Quake Maker, ready to kick some soggy, wet ass!
"I can make the Earth tremble!" I announce, pumping myself up.
"And I can make it drown!" The Rainmaker shoots canisters into the air, and they land and clatter across the deck.
Blash! Blam! Splosh!
The deck is covered in water, but I stood in it, unaffected for the most part as I slammed Quake Maker onto the deck.
Once the waves receded and washed off the deck, I ran for the him, and slammed him with Quake Maker.
"Gah!" He stumbled back slightly… and only that. Oh, shit! What the hell was this guy made of!?
"You'll die for that!" He leaps across the deck, and a stream of scalding water falls on me, and I'm slightly burned as I dash out of it.
"Pain!" I yell, and I hear the cold metal crack a bit from the sudden temperature change.
"H-he~lp!" Sanae yells out, stuck against the central wall.
"I'm coming!" Reimu shouts, making her way to her from the side deck.
The Rainmaker begins for them but I swing Quake Maker at him against his direction of progression, knocking him over and forcing him to fly into the air to ready himself again.
"You're starting to make me slightly angry!" he yells, aiming down at me and sending a stream of rocketing bubbles at me again, prompting me to stream them as best as I could.
Clii~ng!
The metal net is ripped apart by Reimu's yin-yang orbs, freeing Sanae.
"Ya~y!" Sanae yells out, hugging Reimu.
Pulling out the walkie-talkie, Rainmaker makes another call. "B-58, could use reinforcements!... Yes- yes I know! No, the blue ones! I'm not fire elemental, dammit! Just, put it on my card, whatever!" Click!
I grin. "...Customer service troubles?"
He glares back at me. "Shut up. You don't even know what a corporation is, I bet!"
I stare at him curiously. "...Alright, whatever makes you happy, son."
"I'm not your son, you asshole!" Struck a nerve, I did!
Vrooom…
Fluffle archers floated down, accompanied by fluffle mages, all in water gear.
BlamBlamBlamBlam!
Looking to the sea, I saw the Palanquin drawing nearer. Our own reinforcements would be arriving, shortly enough!
"abandon ship!" I hear fluffles yell from the deck, the unarmed fluffles making their ways to life rafts and other things to float on to escape the ship.
"That war's been lost, my fluffy friends, but I assure you, I will walk away from this fight!" Rainmaker shouts to them, still pleased for whatever reason.
He turns to the archers and mages. "Keep them safe until they've all made it away from the ship! This battle's mine!"
That's… surprisingly considerate, considering they're just fluffles.
The fluffles make their way to their brethren, helping them fly onto the life rafts.
I was pushed out of the way by Reimu as the Rainmaker attempted to crush me with his blaster, and it slammed against the deck, denting it with a horrible metal screeching sound to accompany it.
"Woah, shit!" I yelled, startled. I was focused on the fluffles!
"What're you doing!? Don't get careless!" Reimu shouts, glaring at me.
I nod clumsily. "A-ah, right…"
Splooosh!
Torrents of water were what Sanae had to weave through as she neared the Rainmaker, pelting him with danmaku.
"You'll never take me alive, you selfish youkai-enthusiasts!" shouted the Rainmaker, as he held his ground, firing pillars of water.
Quake Maker was okay, but it wasn't doing as much damage to him as I'd like… and I wasn't hurt enough for Sharper Than Darkness to be effective yet, I don't think…
I wonder, did Patchy's water stream spell work with fire…?
I held out my hand, and began focusing…
"...What, are you calling for a time out or something? Stupid!" he taunted me, chuckling.
Fwoomth!
A stream of fire shout out of my extended hand, washing over him.
"Motherfucker!" He shot pillars of water around erratically, one hitting me, sending me sliding across the deck.
"Aagh! Rugbu~rn…!" I whined. This metal deck was no slip-'n'-slide, to be certain!
He aimed his water-blaster again, and this time, a shockwave of wind sent Reimu and Sanae spiraling away. The rain in the air started to fade; it wasn't as heavy as the storms before, to begin with.
I stood up to find him extinguished again and Reimu and Sanae were forced to opposite sides of the deck.
"All those who've helped me to this point… your sacrifices will not be in vain!" That's an unfitting line coming from this Rainmaker guy!
He slammed his water blaster into the ground, and suddenly blue flowers bloomed from the metal, ripping it open.
What the hell?
I brandished Flame Dispenser- finally stuff I could burn, even if it was just mooks!
"I can do more than summon backup, fools!" gloated the Rainmaker. The flowers bobbed back and forth, blue petals flying off them and flying towards the three of us. Reimu and Sanae had little problem dodging them, and I had to use some mana to burn the razor-sharp leaves heading for me.
Fwooosh…!
The leaves burned quickly, their thin nature betraying them. Using this opportunity, I dashed towards one of the flowers and clotheslined it with my Flame Dispenser.
Fwoom…!
It quickly went up in flames, and as it died, it exploded into a splash of water, sending me soaring into the central wall.
"Fucking… I've had enough of water!" I yelled from the wall. At this rate, I wonder…
"A little water never killed anyone… except you! Hahahah!" The Rainmaker chortled, taking great pleasure in my pain.
It was time to take pleasure from my own pain… and not quite in the masochistic way! I pulled out Sharper Than Darkness. "Shit's 'bout to get real, you edgy bastard!" I yelled. This thing shoulda been called Edgier Than Darkness… but it's a little late for that now!
I ignored the flowers- Reimu and Sanae could take care of them, and instead sprinted towards the Rainmaker.
I swing Sharper Than Darkness, only for the Rainmaker to pull out a basic metal gunblade to parry me. He drops his water blaster as we have a sword duel in the midst of the two remaining flowers.
One of the flowers bobbed up and down, and storm clouds formed again, and it began raining.
BlamBlamBlamBlam!
Have fun with those mini-nukes, Hijiri!
The other flower bobbed moments later, and then a geyser shot out from under Reimu while she was changing directions, clipping her.
"Kyah!?" She spiralled away, soaked.
"I am an unholy retribution machine!" The Rainmaker maniacally declares, his grin becoming less and less sane as we duel.
Click! Clack! Woosh, woosh… Clank!
"Koa-chan, Kazami, Ten-chan… This world will be remade for you!"
...What did the last two have to do with anything!? Ten-chan… was that Tenshi, or that Tenma tengu person? ...Was it someone else entirely?
Swish! His blade soared past my face. I had to focus- I could think about his waifus later!
I leaped back, and he dashed for his water blaster, and in one smooth motion, lifted it up and shot a canister into the air at an arc. As it landed, bullets flew out, water trailing behind them. A mixture of real bullets, danmaku, and water made a beautifully terrifying concoction as I scrambled away from the blasts.
The flowers were dead, Reimu and Sanae having plucked them. A quick glance at the Palanquin told me it was nearly here…
The sun was beginning to set again. How long have we been fighting for!?
"Reimu, just use the yin-yang orbs on the guy already!"
"What do you think I've been trying to do!?" Reimu retorted at me, sending the orbs to the Rainmaker, but he parried and deflected some with heavy swings of his blaster. Those that hit him caused gloriously large streaks of blood to wash across the surface of the ship, but only made him stagger.
"I will never fall! I'm a master of the world!" exclaims the Rainmaker, his sense all but lost as he joyfully glared at us. He flipped open his walkie-talkie. "Hey, this is Stormy. Fuck'em!" He hung up.
I wonder if they'd respond to that…
He aimed his water blaster, flipping up an ironsight.
"Goose!" I shouted, ducking.
BLAM
Water droplets landed on me as a sniper bullet ripped the air. It hit the wall behind me, exploding into a blast of water.
I didn't expect a fucking sniper bullet! What the hell was his blaster!?
I ran up to him while he was taking aim on Sanae, but I was a tad too late.
BLAM
"Yaauugh!" Sanae spiraled back… but she wasn't bleeding, rather, she was completely soaked, the bullet exploding into a blast of water like it did against the wall.
Sanae felt herself. "...Huh."
I slammed the Rainmaker across the face with Sharper Than Darkness, sending him staggering.
"U-ugh…!" He grasps his face, and I double-jump over him, bringing the flat of Sharper Than Darkness down on his head again.
"Fuaachhk!" He clumsily swears, as I inflicted major head trauma on him.
Yin-yang orbs nailed him again, and his blood came out like a fountain, or a waterfall.
"Aaaaauugh!" He kneeled, pain overcoming him.
BlamBlamBlamBlam!
The mini-nukes overshot the Palanquin, it was so close!
KaBlam!
The ship we were on exploded in the mid section, metal raining across the ocean as a towering pillar of flames bisected the ship.
Reimu picked me up by the waist, and Sanae followed us, and we fled to the Palanquin.
"N-no! Come back, you cowards! This fight isn't over!" shouted the Stormy Rainmaker, desperately putting his arm out, but remaining kneeled.
Boom!
An explosion casted him aside, and his ship began imploding, the various complications becoming too much for it.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====
We landed on the Palanquin, being greeted by Byakuren.
"...I see you've cleared up the weather." The rain above the ship was beginning to dissipate again, the flower's spell wearing off.
Reimu nods. "...Yeah, we did."
We saw the fluffle life rafts sail into the distance, still being escorted by archers and mages. I wonder what he had for fluffles, anyway…
I look to the tilting half of the steampunk ship, and see the Rainmaker roll off the ship, and into the body of water below. Rest in pieces!
Sanae grimaced. "A-ahh... shouldn't we save him!?"
Reimu turned to her, but Byakuren dived in the moment Sanae proposed the idea.
"H-hey! Ah, whatever…" Reimu slouched on the railing, conceding.
Murasa ran up to us, Shou, Nazrin, and Ichirin behind her, among a few others. This reminded me that I had not met the whole temple cast during my stay on the boat, but I could do that later!
"Where's the steampunk pirates!? Did Byakuren already move to engage!?" Murasa shouted her question, ready for combat.
I shake my head. "They died, friend. Freakin' fluffy was what they were."
Murasa's face fell. "Aahhwww, dammit… I was itching to use this ladle again!" Murasa demonstrated, tipping it overboard and letting water pour into the sea.
I put up a hand. "I-I've seen enough water for one day, thank you very much…"
The other disciples, monks, and assorted holy people all groaned, making their ways back into the Palanquin.
Byakuren landed back on the deck, holding a waterlogged Stormy Rainmaker, his blaster and gunblade missing. She threw him on the floor, staring at him… just staring.
I look at her. "...Aren't you going to uh, do the CPR thing, or…"
"...He doesn't need CPR; his water resistant gear would have never let him drown, anyway."
What. "...How does that work?" I ask. Pretty sure if you've got a badass enchanted bikini, it's not gonna save your lungs from exploding.
Byakuren sighs, ready to give a lecture. "Well… do you really want to know the theoretical magic work behind that?"
...Maybe. Another day, perhaps. "...Maybe some other time." I settle with.
She raises her brow at that answer, but looks relieved regardless. "Very well."
"...I'm still conscious, you pricks…" muttered the Rainmaker.
"Oh, fuck!" I jump back. Woohohoaah!
"...When I get out of here, I'll try this again. When I do… Gensokyo will flood."
Byakuren smiled, and kneeled over him. Then, she grabbed him by the collar, lifting him up.
"What was that?" she asked, smiling.
"I said I will never rest until I've go- oof!" A powerful punch to the stomach took all the fight out of the Rainmaker.
Crack!
...I thought that was his bones at first, but a metal plating under his jacket cracked, pieces falling out.
"...Not good enough." Byakuren judged his enchantment. "You've got a long way to go as both a mage, and as an antagonist. Antagonism is never the way to go, you know…"
She began to walk into the Palanquin, carrying ol' Stormy with her…
"...Well… now what?" I asked.
Reimu shrugged. "...Everything's still flooded. Shit."
Sanae giggled nervously. "Well… ahah…"
I turn to Reimu. "Couldn't you get Yukari to fix this?"
"Oh~, but that would be… too easy." Speak of the devil.
Reimu glares at the gap opening behind us. "Eat shit, Yukari. We can do this ourselves."
Yukari peeks out of it, and looks at me. "Well, the master has spoken! Tootaloo!"
Thus, Yukari was gone… shiieeeut!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====
We were riding back towards the infamous Youkai Stranded Rock In The Middle Of The Ocean.
I sat at a tiny table, with a fluffle archer at one side and Stormy at the other. Nazrin was sitting across from me. We were playing Go Fish… again.
"...You're gonna get kicked out for card counting." Nazrin said out of nowhere.
"...Eheh…" I laughed awkwardly, looking up at her. "Say, you got any twos?"
"You're a fuckin' card counter who counts cards! Raaahhh!" Nazrin leaps at me, clinging to my shirt.
"Oh, shit! Jesus fuck, it's a mouse! Mouse in the house! Help!" I begin shouting, flailing around the room, tipping the little table over and startling the fluffle.
"...Kill me." Stormy curled up in the corner in the fetal position, now in monk robes instead of his steampunk attire.
I ran through the door ahead, flailing my arms.
"I hate meeces to peeces!" I yelled, desperately trying to rip Nazrin off me, but she held on ferociously.
Sanae and Reimu were eating rice crackers on the golden sofa, and watched me run in, flailing like a lunatic.
"...There we go, now that's entertainment." Reimu smiled, eating her food.
"You're scary sometimes, Reimu!" Sanae said that, but she still smiled with her, eating her rice crackers.
Shou walked in. "Nazrin, have you-"
"It pinches- ooouhh it pinches! Ouchie ouch ouch ouch!" I yelled, as Nazrin clung to me way too freakin' tightly!
"...Nevermind, I'll come back later." Shou decided, leaving the room.
I eventually gave up, and fell onto my back. "Graaaauugh!"
Nazrin continued to cling to me, but eventually got up when I stopped moving. "...Hey, card counter, you still up?"
I stared blankly into space, pretending to be dead. Maybe this would work…!
"...Card counter, get up!" She punted me but I didn't respond. I hardly felt it, anyway.
"...A-are you okay?" Nazrin suddenly gets frantic, trying to check my pulse by my wrist but from multiple attempts it didn't seem she knew how.
"...Get the fuck up! Don't you die on me!" Nazrin started shaking my head around, and slapped me a bit, but I didn't respond.
"...Oh, shit. I… K-killed a man…" Nazrin blanched, backing away from my body. "W-what will the mikos do to me?...What will… oh, fuck!"
I decide to end the joke here… "Ooga booga booga!" I sit up yelling.
"Kyaahh~!" Nazrin shouts, turning as white as a sheet.
"Get owned, noob, get owned!" I replied, pointing at her.
"Waahhh!?" Kogasa fell from behind a doorway, equally surprised as Nazrin.
"Wuh…?" I just noticed that pink girl in the corner of the- nowhere at all apparently. Hmm…
Nazrin glares at me. "...You're gonna get thrown overboard for card counting."
I throw my hands into the air. "I can't help it, dude, I count cards! It's what I do! I'm banned at tournaments!"
Nazrin blows a raspberry at me. "Yeah, you should be! Go fish… tournaments…"
She suddenly realized how silly that sounded.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENSOKYO SUBMERGED ====
We closed in on the freakin' crowded, tiny little rock that had just a few things on it: the Moriya Shrine, and like, all the tengu and kappa and generic youkai…
"..." I couldn't quote their angry murmur, but let me assure you: the salt was real.
The voice of Kanako echoed across the rock. "Everybody, be quiet!"
Instant silence… barring some tengu, but they quickly became a whisper instead of a murmur, at the very least.
Kanako floated up to us, looking pleased. "My weather abilities… have fully returned to me. I take it you had success, Sanae, and uh…"
Kanako took notice of me wearing Kaguya's shirt. "You sure that's appropriate?"
I nod. "Yeah… I'm sure it's not appropriate!"
She rolls her eyes. "Typical…"
Sanae decides to pipe in before I get railed on by Kanako anymore. "Yeah, we did it, Kanako-sama! We beat the steampunk pirates into submission!"
Kanako smiled. "Good… now just one little thing…"
I think I knew what the problem was. "Gee, aye dunno…" I said anyway.
"The entire goddamned mountain is on my front lawn!" Kanako roared, expression flaring at us.
I smile. "...Well, have you got any-"
"Do something!" Kanako yells at us less intensely than before.
Hold on… "Hey, Reimu…" I turned to Reimu.
She turned to me. "Hmm?"
I furrow my brows in realization. "...We need Suika. She's the way to deflood the world!"
Reimu widens her eyes. "Wha~t? What nonsense are you talking now?"
I grab her shoulders. "Yo, she can make black holes, right?...Or was it manipulate density, or the likes…?"
...Reimu's face beams. "...Brad, sometimes you've got a method to your madness that's absolute genius. When you're not completely stupid, that is."
I smiled. "Why, thank you!" As sincere of a compliment as I'll ever get from her!
Reimu turned to the goers of the Palanquin. "We're off to find an oni, everyone!..."
She turns to me, grimacing. "Where the hell'd Suika be in everything?"
I look around. "Any solid things still existing?"
...We see a small iceberg in the distance, more like a block of ice at the waves.
I point at it. "Thar she blows!"
Murasa walks up and looks at me crudely. "...I'm not sinkin' my ship, dumb-bell." It was only a block of ice, not the iceberg that sunk the… whatever!
I scowl at her. "Well, then someone needs to grab that block of ice, and bring it over here!"
Ichirin stops pushing crates in the background with Unzan. "Ooh, ooh, Unzan could do that! Show them, Unzan!"
Unzan's arm stretches all~ the way over to the ice platform, and drags it over towards us, water being ripped aside as it roars back. It stops, and friends are flung off it, onto the boat before us.
"Oof!" Hello, Cirno!... and Rumia, Wriggle, Mystia, Daiyousei, and a gaggle of other fairies… that'sa lotta fairies…
Suika is in the pile too! I walk up to her, ignoring the murmurs of protest and discomfort from the occupants of the ice rock.
"Good morning, Suika!" I call out, even though it was almost night now.
"...Wazah…" I'll take that as a good sign!
I point her at the water. "Are you a bad enough dude to sink the entire ocean beneath the ocean?"
Suika turns to me. "Baahh, easy… Child's play…"
Stumbling forward, she stomps so hard she accidentally falls through the Palanquin, and into the water below. The Palanquin begins to sink due to the hole cleaved in it… but in a moment, that ceases to be a problem.
The water begins to dissolve into mist, and rapidly, the entire ocean becomes white. A dense fog denies me from seeing a few feet in front of my hand, but the fog starts to raise into the air…
From the mountain, I see a giant Suika lifting the fog cloud, pushing it up into the sky, wind whirling on the edges of the horizon, before she gives it a stern uppercut, soaring into the air. Before she totally annihilated the surface of Gensokyo, she shrank back down to size, allowing herself to fall back to earth quite some distance away from the mountain; she had to be near the Hakurei shrine from how far she was…
The Palanquin ceased sinking, now floating by magic again. Couldn't we have used that to prevent sinking…?
Stormy walked out onto the deck, jaw dropping. "...W-what…"
...I had nothin'! "...Dayum. Couldn't she have just done that in the first place?"
Reimu turned to me, looking bored. "Well, she was probably too busy having a blast drunkenly navigating the waves…"
We all took a moment to process what just happened,
"...That works, I suppose." Kanako nodded, her face forming a 'seems legit' expression.
The mountain youkai, all angry at the world and at the water, were now somewhat placated by this turn of events, their murmur becoming soft as they began down the mountain.
"Ayayayaya! That was quite a turn of events!" Bird bullshit!
"Hello, Aya…" I replied, scowling. I didn't feel like paparazzi at the moment…!
She flies in front of me, grinning. "So, how's about that flood…?"
I stare back, exhausted. "I dunno, I didn't see anything. I was bound and gagged by Reimu and company the whole time…"
Reimu smacked me on the back of the head. "Don't go spreading rumors!"
Aya was already writing down on her notepad. "And what then, what then?"
I tilted my head. "...Didn't I just say-"
She interrupted me. "Yeah, that wasn't enough, more info please!"
...Well, alright then… "So I awoke one night, right? It was a dark night at sea, I assure you…" I began, starting to become dramatic.
Eyes lighting up, Aya readied her pen and notebook. "Ohhh, boy! This sounds juicy…!"
I look into the distance, as if reliving the moment. "When I awoke… I heard a sound. A horrible sound…"
"Go on, go on!" Aya was furiously scribbling.
"...It sounded like a garbage truck! Falling off the empire state building! Kabooosh, crackle, bwaash!" I began making hand gestures to illustrate the violence.
"..." Aya slowly stopped scribbling, transitioning to glaring at me. People here probably didn't know what a garbage truck or empire state building were, but I'll be damned if I couldn't use that quote at some point!
She turned to Reimu expectantly, and Reimu smiled. "What he said."
"When you see the man with a machinegun for a head, yo, tell'em Big Toy sen'cha!" I added, cackling at the end.
"...Jerks." Aya decided, floating away slowly, agitated.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Reimu and I sat around a ruined kotatsu, caked in mud and leaves, sitting inside a very waterlogged Hakurei Shrine, still dripping wet.
Sanae was to the left, still in my shirt and having nothing but a bikini bottom 'covering' her.
I still sat there in Kaguya's top, and in my camo pants.
Finally, to our right was the Stormy Rainmaker, in monk garb instead of his steampunk outfit. A soggy Koakuma stood behind him, smiling awkwardly. She woke up when she sunk with the ship into the water, and flew out; it's not that hard when it's not raining cats and dogs, apparently.
"...What's your name, anyway?" I asked. Stormy Rainmaker definitely wasn't his real name!
He scowled, turning to me. "...You don't need my name... but everyone calls me Stormy because I'm pissed off all the time. You don't need anything else from me."
I nodded… and then posed another question. "About that father thi-"
"You don't need anything else from me." he reiterated, glaring at me.
"Yooo-kay…" I replied, looking away awkwardly.
Reimu tiredly pulled out one of those 'incident resolved' slips.
==== INCIDENT COMPLETE: THE STORMY RAINMAKER'S RAINY-DAY DOWNPOUR ====
One day, it began raining in Gensokyo. Really hard. Like, really, really hard. It didn't stop raining, and Gensokyo began to flood. Water canisters were constantly distributed across Gensokyo, exploding into geysers of water when three moments of undefined length ticked down on their countdowns.
Reimu Hakurei, Sanae Kochiya, and Brad _ eventually assembled themselves on a raft together and traveled around Gensokyo, searching for clues and trying to survive the waves.
They were pointed in the right direction by the efforts of Eirin Yagokoro and Reisen Udonge Inaba, whose experimentation discovered the canisters all came from one source.
Meeting up with the Palanquin, Reimu and company recuperated before setting off to best the incident's antagonist, the Story Rainmaker. Aboard his steampunk vessel, he summoned storms, wrestled control of the weather using unknown devices and magics, and shot the canisters across Gensokyo.
Reimu and company boarded the ship and sank it, defeating the Stormy Rainmaker and shutting down his weather control devices.
The water was then all annihilated by Suika when asked to do so.
Incident resolved by: Reimu Hakurei, Sanae Kochiya, Brad _.
==== INCIDENT COMPLETE: THE STORMY RAINMAKER'S RAINY-DAY DOWNPOUR ====
Reimu nodded, satisfied with her work. "There we go…"
Sanae clapped her hands. "We did it~!"
Stormy brought his head to the dilapidated wooden top of the kotatsu. "I'm a failure…"
Koakuma patted his back. "There, there… at least you're not dead!"
Scowling, Reimu shot her eyes to Koakuma. "Just what the hell did you have to do with anything?"
"Ahah…" Koakuma began to back away… but I got up and ran towards the front door.
"Nope, not gettin' out of this one! Someone, bind her or something!" I shout out.
Sanae stands up, tipping the kotatsu over and causing Stormy to accidentally bend with the table into a very uncomfortable position. "Whah!? Fuck's sake, woman!"
Ignoring him, Sanae runs up to Koakuma excitedly. "Oooh, Kanako-sama was teaching me some new techniques the other day!"
I reach into my sack and pull out the comfy ropes…
Koakuma's eyes widen. "T-those are mine! You were the one who stole them!"
I nod, grinning. "That's what you get for being a troublemaker, missy! Yo, Sanae!"
I tossed the rope to Sanae, who grabbed it, and grinned. "Kanako-sama told me something like this would happen!"
Koakuma looked between the two of us as we approached, and began grinning. "...Nothing you tie me in with that rope will ever hold me! I'm a succubus, don't you- wah!"
And so we pounced.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
That's a funny-looking knot!
"...Okay, I've got to admit, this is impressive…" Koakuma looked around her body in satisfaction. "You should teach me this one sometime."
The ropes were smoothly and intricately woven across her in a pattern I could only describe as snake-like, and the way it was executed only makes me question what the physics behind it were…
Sanae smiled happily. "Nuh-uh… It's a goddess's secret!"
Koakuma rolled her eyes. "Well, no wonder I've never heard of it… Gods've never been my thing…" I figured, her being a succubus and all…
Reimu sat calmly drinking her tea, not bothering to watch the action unfold, instead tiredly running her eyes over the water damage inflicted upon the shrine. She sighed to herself, and put her arms on the kotatsu, before resting her head in her hands.
I lift Koakuma over my shoulders. "Alright, I need to get this naughty devil back to the Scarlet Devil Manor for proper happenings, yo."
Sanae nodded. "Alright!"
Stormy stood suddenly, tipping over the kotatsu again.
Reimu fell with the kotatsu, and Stormy stared at her awkwardly as she lazily lied there, bowled over.
...His gaze shot to us again. "If she's going, I'm going with you."
I nod. "Sure. I'm sure the mansion you kept locked within an undersea bubble for a few days is going to be happy to see the person responsible. We'll even give you the medal of honor!"
He looked at me in disbelief for a few moments… "...R-really?"
"Wadda'ya, fockin' stoopid!?" I shout at him, and start making for the door, Koakuma slung over my shoulder. She wasn't light, to be certain but… I reached into my pocket, and grasped the handle of Quake Maker, and started charging it for a buff…
There we go! My mana was abysmally low right now, but I could carry Koakuma like she was a fluffle!
...Fluffles seem to weigh like, less than a pound anyway.
I exit the front door of the Hakurei shrine, and Stormy walks out after me, intent on following me.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We were marching alongside the misty lake, mud and water caking my shoes as we traversed the water-raptured shore. I held a hand to my face to try and filter out the succubus pheromones, only to mild success...
"Look, if you let me go… I can make it worth your while…" Koakuma trailed off, her tone dropping into a more seductive one.
"You're a succubus. You'd probably eat me by the end of it, if anything." I argued. I knew my stuff!... also, those pheromones aren't gonna be brainwashing me any time soon!
"Ohhh, no no no, I would never do that! Trust me…" Koakuma's voice quickly got sultry again.
I roll my eyes. "Yes, I'll definitely trust you. With all my being, infact, let me untie you right now and we can have heartfelt missionary sex in a mud puddle somewhere."
"...You could at least actually humor me a little, you know. You don't have to be so rude…" Koakuma huffed, apparently offended. "Like, I don't know… tease me a bit? I'm tied up, so I could still give you a-"
"Koa-chan, please, even I'm starting to get sick of this crap!" Stormy replied, getting annoyed. "...I thought I was the only one you'd do those kinds of pervy things to!"
Koakuma smirked. "Honey, I'm a succubus."
Stormy looked irate. "I still don't know what the hell that is!"
"Who are you people?" I questioned, as we came up to the manor's gate…
Meiling stood there, warily looking around the mud-smeared remnants of the brick wall. She turned to see us…
"Hello, friend! I come back with epic dungeon loot!" ...All I had was that stupid orb and this slutty succubus!
"..." Stormy didn't say anything, opting to hide behind me a bit. I also had that idiot accompanying me…
Meiling motioned to the open gate, the metal part apparently entirely missing. "Go right on in. The mistresses are in the library, by the way. The mansion renovation project got a little, uh… sidetracked."
I looked inside to see a trashed pile of wood, carpets, wall fragments, and other things, all caked in mud and plantation.
"...I assume the weather's not been kind." I add.
Meiling chuckles, and turns back to the water-ravaged wall.
"hi friend" …I don't even have words for this thing anymore.
"Freakin'... waaugh!" I yell, running into the gates, heading for the library. Stormy followed behind me awkwardly.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Kicking the door open, all the magi nearby stopped and looked to me in surprise.
"Let me tell you all of a war, where Hell is six feet deep!" I began, storming in with Koakuma slung around my shoulder and Stormy McEdges trailing behind me, nervously glancing at the occupants ahead.
"...I see you found my naughty familiar. I was just about to start looking for her myself, too." Patchouli nodded appreciatively, curiously eying my new pink shirt.
Alice smiled awkwardly, taking note of my curious attire. "I see you made out well in the flooding…"
Marisa whistled. "Lookin' sharp! Is that one of that Kaguya girl's tops? I didn't know you were such a sly dog, ze!"
I chuckled. "It's a long story!... that doesn't involve relationship development, for any of you wondering!"
Giggling, Marisa turned away from me to her other magi friends. "Heheheh… I think he just doesn't want us to know, ze…"
The other two magi didn't bother to comment on the matter… but I can tell they looked vaguely interested, at the least. That better not be a thing!
I walk up to Patchouli. "Here's your freakin' noob, yo." I gently toss Koakuma to her, and she levitates Koakuma into the air before she lands on her.
I walk further into the library, Stormy trying his best to hump my ass to not be noticed by the magicians, to little avail.
"...And who might he be?" Alice inquires, curiously eying the man.
"He looks to be from the buddhists, ze." Marisa adds, noticing his clothes.
Stormy jumps, surprised at being noticed, but plays along… "Y-yeah, I'm one of that uh… that monk's new apprentices! I came from lands afar, willing to train, yes!"
I turn to him, smiling, before looking back at the magic friends. "...This guy is the one who was flooding Gensokyo. No, he's not a buddhist; he doesn't even seem religious, this guy had a big metal ship and was launching those canisters from it."
Instant glares from the magi pierced his soul!
"...You asshole, they didn't need to know!" Stormy glared at me.
I shrugged. "I dunno, yo. I'm friendly."
"...Can I kick his ass, ze? Oh- by the way, how's my house fairing, if you know?" Marisa's suddenly curious as to the state of her stuff-horde.
I paused, thinking of how to break the news to her. "...Wet. We tried saving some of the books, but they're probably in fifty different places around Gensokyo now, and others are at the bottom of the blimey brown… and once it turns to dirt, they'll become literal buried treasure."
Marisa blanched. "...Oh, boy…"
She made for Stormy, cracking her knuckles, when I put a hand up. "Yo, don't kill ol' stormy just yet, I've got funner people to show him to!"
Pausing, Marisa glowered at me impatiently, before grinning. "You're right, ze! Let's go, go go!"
I turned to Alice. "Your home's missing a wall, by the way. Expect leaves and mud."
It was now Alice's turn for her jaw to drop, eyes widening. "W-what… damn. I-I'll tidy it up later, then…" Alice reached for her hair, stroking it, composing herself.
We walked further into the library to find Flandre and Remilia playing a high-speed game of Go Fish.
"Match 3!" Remilia shouted.
"Have a 2!?" Flandre shot a three over to her, Remilia catching it in a blink of an eye.
Remilia shot a two across the table, with enough velocity I'm sure it could have beheaded someone, but Flandre caught it without missing a beat. Remilia didn't even pause to think, either. "Any fours!?"
Flandre nodded, shooting a four back to Remilia, who caught it with ease. "I need a seven!"
Swish! Flandre caught the card.
"Six for a pair!"
Swish! Remilia caught the card.
"Nine!"
Swish! Flandre caught another card.
"Eight for a pair!"
Flandre didn't throw a card. Remilia looked up at her impatiently. "I said… I need that eight to complete my pair!"
Grinning, Flandre looked up from her cards. "Go fish."
"..." Remilia glared daggers at her sister, reaching for a card. "...This isn't even the one I wanted."
I walk up to the table with my buddy Stormy behind me. "Oi, pisanos! It's the Super Mario Brothers Super Show!"
Remilia glances at me. "One good reason why you don't deserve to die right now."
I point to Stormy. "I found the guy behind the incident! With the rain, and things!"
She turns to him. "One good reason why he doesn't deserve to die right now."
I shrug. "I got nothin'!"
Stormy glares at her. "I am a force more powerful than you could ever believe, child... just not at this moment."
...Remilia sat her cards face down on the table. "Come along, you, we're going out back so I can shoot you."
Stormy grinned. "What will a child like you d-oooo~hhh…!" He wheezed out his pain as Remilia retracted her fist from his stomach.
She grabbed him by the back of his collar and started dragging him, sighing. "It's a shame when you have to put a dog down, isn't it, Flandre?"
Flandre nodded. "Sometimes, you have to, though… isn't that right, sis?"
Before Remilia actually made good on killing him, I decided to save his sorry ass! "Before you kill him, be aware that you'd probably piss off the buddhist monks!"
Remilia paused, then dropped him. "Too much work, must play Go Fish." She then returned to the table, and picked her cards back up.
Patchouli floated up to the table, holding Koakuma. "Brad found the pest, by the way."
She turned to Patchouli, then looked at Koakuma. "Go fish, one reason why she doesn't deserve to die right now."
"She's my familiar." Patchouli explained.
"Good." Remilia nodded, looking back to her cards.
"...Ace?" Flandre asked, brow raised.
"Yes."
Swish! Flandre caught the card.
Flandre then put her hand down on the table, having two of every card. "I win!" She stood up and did a little hop.
"..." Remilia closed her eyes and sighed. "...I blame everyone involved."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Marisa and Alice watched curiously as Remilia, Flandre, Stormy, and I all played a game of Go Fish, talking quietly amongst themselves as the action unfolded. As quiet as Marisa could get, anyway, but I didn't focus on what she was saying… because this game of Go Fish was freakin' competitive league shit here!
"Ace for a pair!" Swish! Remilia got it!
"First three." Swish! Flandre caught it, twirling it into her hand.
I looked at my hand warily. "Uhh… fi-"
"Go fish." announced both sisters.
"G-go fish…" Stormy added, delayed.
I reach for the deck, and take a card. A six, huh…
Stormy looks to me. "...Have a four?"
Remilia nods, and shoots the card towards him.
"Oh, shit!" He jumps, knees hitting the table, before landing back into his chair and falling over backwards, the card colliding with his shoulder.
She sighs. "Look, I know you're a human, but this game's not that hard!"
He clumsily gets up and tries to reposition his seat while holding his cards in one hand. Eventually, he sits back down.
…
Flandre resumed. "First six." ...why did they announce their 'first' of a pair anyway? That kinda just made things more predictable…
...Both vampires looked at me.
"Go...fish…?" Stormy added, but they ignored him.
...I suddenly jumped, realizing I had a six, but before I could act, the sisters called me out on it.
"Brad, I know you have a six, give it to me." Flandre demanded.
"Give her the six already!" Remilia yelled.
"Jesus fuck, here!" I tried to toss the card like they did, only for it to spiral away at a ninety degree angle half way.
"...Brad, I know you're a human… but that sucked." Flandre said, getting up to go get the card.
"Indeed." Remilia added.
...Why were vampires such assholes when it came to Go Fish!?
Sakuya popped in. "Your t-"
Remilia grabbed the teacup, downed it in one gulp, and slammed it back on the platter, shattering it.
"Thanks." Remilia replied, intensely shuffling through her cards.
"-ea…" Sakuya finished, staring down at the shattered teacup, sighing, before vanishing again.
"...Seven." Remilia asked.
Flandre rose a brow. "...First or second?"
"Does it matter?" Remilia glared at her.
Flandre shrugged. "That guy has a seven."
"I know that. I'll take his, then." Remilia's glare shifted to him.
"Fine then." Flandre dismissively returned to her cards. I guess Remilia already had two sevens already, then, so…
"J-just take it, here!" Stormy tossed the card franticly, and it fluttered back to him, sliding under the table.
Remilia facepalmed. "Holy...hell… you amateur!" She got up, crawled under the table, claimed the card, and returned before Stormy could even think of reaching for it.
He shrugged, figuring she got it, looking through his cards again…
"...Nine, last." Flandre requested, and Remilia sent a card rocketing towards her, which she caught with ease.
My turn! "Hey Remilia, you got a seven?" I grinned.
She froze. "...Why me, specifically?"
"Because you have two sevens and tried to take a third from Flandre earlier." I argued.
Flandre rose a brow, locking her gaze on me, and Remilia was getting pissed.
"H-how would you know that!? You're only a human!" She stood up on her chair, incredulous.
My grin widened. "Because you guys got into a thing of announcing your firsts and lasts, and when you tried getting deceptive with Flandre it made it clear you tried taking a third!"
Fed up, Remilia rose her cards into the air, and slammed them down on the table, causing it to explode into a shrapnel of wood.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We all bowed apologetically in front of Patchouli.
"That table was custom-made, you know…" she sighed.
"Sorry, Patchy…" Remilia huffed.
"S-sorry, Patchy…" Flandre apologized, hands on her tablecloth hat thing.
"I-I wasn't even involved!" Stormy protested, hands in the air.
"I'm fluffy." I added, while still bowing.
We all got up, and Patchouli lightly clunked the two vampires on the head with her tome. "I know you two really get into your Go Fish… but you really shouldn't get so into your Go Fish."
Remilia folded her arms. "Well… a vampire's always got to be on top of their game."
Flandre grinned at her sister. "Sis, you lost last time."
"I-It's luck based, anyway!" Remilia stuttered.
... I really wish I could beat one of them at Go Fish just so I could quote Luxord from Kingdom Hearts 2, and be all like "look who's on top of the game!". That'd be awesome…
Flandre giggled. "You're funny, sis!"
...but I knew I never had a chance of beating these two; they always knew what cards you had!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Now that everyone had calmed down, Remilia was ready to do the questioning and things!
She sat at the table from before, which was lazily repaired with some sort of duct-tape.
"...Koakuma, what the hell has gotten into you?" she began, abruptly eying her incredulously.
"W-well, you see, uhm… He's lying to you! Everything I said is true!" Koakuma stands up, arms on the table.
"Then show me… definitive evidence." Remilia's gaze coldly locked onto Koakuma's
"U-um… well…" Koakuma dug into her pockets…
…
She pulled out a sand-red plant hanger. "This-"
Remilia interjected, "Is like many others in my manor. If I remember correctly, Brad's has been customized since, isn't that true?"
I pull out Swift Brand. "Yo."
Remilia nodded. "There we go. Strike one."
"S-strikes…!?" Koakuma flinched back, looking wounded. "U-uhm…"
She dug into her pockets again…
…
She pulled out a pink potion. "H-he used this on me!"
I rubbed my chin. "...Why is it still unopened, then?" Not a swig was missing!
Koakuma's eyes dropped, and she began looking tired. "...Fuck."
"Strike two." Remilia began glaring.
Koakuma began shaking, reaching into her pockets again. I bet she was thinking something like 'I've gotta make this one count!'
…
Koakuma sighed, and pulled out a condom. "I've got nothing."
"... Well, then… you're going to be on personal errand duty for quite some time…" Remilia licks her lips, glaring down at the succubus.
Stepping back nervously, Koakuma clicks her tongue, looking pressured, and then her eyes flash purple for a moment at Remilia.
"...Do you feel… funny, mistress?" Koakuma grins.
Remilia looks unamused. "...I'm a vampire. That doesn't work on vampires, you twat. We're higher on the food chain."
Koakuma's face drops. "Well, now I know…"
She moved to sit back down, and Remilia looked to the next guest of the hour, Stormy!
"...Your wet antics nearly greatly affected me and my sister. What do you have to say that could possibly redeem yourself?" Remilia glared at him. I swore her eyes were glowing…
"...That I will return with more power and gusto than you could possibly imagine?" Stormy began grinning…
Remilia's expression didn't change. "Good thing you wouldn't be returning, then."
He gulped. "Well, then… I'm sorry?"
The words ringing through the air like sweet candy to her, Remilia slowly began smirking. "Louder."
"I-I'm sorry."
Remilia's smirk faltered. "With conviction."
"I'm sorry! What more do you want from me?"
I saw Sakuya appear from behind the bookshelves to my right, gazing at the scene with a grin of her own.
Remilia's smirk faltered further. "Apologize to your mistress."
He froze. "W-what…?"
Before Remilia could go any further, I stepped in. "Yo, Remilia, this whole induction to servitude thing is cool and all…"
She snapped to me, expression flaring. "What do you want from me at this very moment!?"
I jumped back a bit as her eyes glowed brightly, her anger palpable. "...He's already kinda been claimed by that nun, yo- indicated by those rags of his."
"...Oh, right. Damn." Remilia put her arms on the duct-taped table… which began breaking from the force with which she did so. "...Well, I'll just make him run some errands for me as a temporary servant, then, or something."
Stormy shrugged, satisfied. "Guess I can live with that."
Sighing, Remilia got up and began floating away. "...Why is finding new workers so bloody complicated these days? Claimed by nuns, the very nerve…" she trailed off, vanishing behind the bookshelves.
Me and the two whelps just sat there dumbly. Why was I even here, again? I'm pretty sure she had a question for me, but forgot it in that exchange… I'll just ask her about it later.
Sakuya walked up to me, looking vaguely disappointed. "...I don't think the buddhists would have minded, you know. Maybe it's not too late to change the mistress's mind? You were kidding about them, right? Oh, Brad, you're such a kidder, you…"
My awkward grin becomes slowly more awkward as her little proposal goes on… "You really wanted someone to bully, didn't you?"
She slouched. "Does that make me a bad person?"
I nod. "Yeah, probably."
Sighing, Sakuya vanished.
I turned around to see an uncomfortable Stormy standing behind me.
"...Does anyone care I'm around when they say these things?" he asked, looking at me expectantly.
"Nope." I reply without hesitation.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Marisa was sitting on a pile of books next to Patchouli, who looked at the three of us from across her study desk.
"Alright, now that the mansion renovations have begun again, nobody fit for this task is free…" Patchouli began.
I pointed to Marisa. "She's sitting on books! Is that not free enough?"
Patchouli shakes her head. "She's helping me research these dust devil's affinities and possible origins, among other things. We're doing research to find out more about them, basically."
I nod, satisfied. "Well, alrighty then…"
Sensing no more questions, Patchouli continues, "This task is related, actually. Dusty warriors have set up shop amongst the shelves. It is your job to clear them out, and Brad, you will not go unrewarded for this endeavor. The other two will, however."
I'm sold!
"Really? But what about-" Stormy was denied.
"You are fortunate you were not turned into Remilia's bloodbag, human. Now show your gratitude and serve." Patchouli coldly finished.
"Y-yes…" Stormy refused to fight anymore.
Patchouli turned to me. "You get the map, I don't trust the other two not to use it as a condom or something."
"I'm not that bad!" Koakuma shouts indignantly.
"...Well, that's your opinion…" Stormy mutters to himself.
"...He's right, I kinda am…" Koakuma relents, grinning pervertedly.
Patchouli sighs. "Point in case."
I take the map, looking at it with a critical eye!... it was pretty blatant, from this study to somewhere in the upper-right corner of this map, which was to the left of the front door…
I salute. "We'll charge and attack! We'll go to hell and back!"
Patchouli shakes her head. "Please don't. We don't need a tunnel to hell in the corner of the library; I don't have any business down there, anyway…"
I march off, the two chucklefucks reluctantly following behind me…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We were nearing the location on the map… but nothing indicated fluffy activity. Like, at all. The shelves were pretty much same old, same old. Shelfy.
"...We should just double-back and tell mistress we found nothing." Koakuma proposes.
"No." I deny.
"...Can we take a break? My shoes are untied." Stormy proposes.
"You're wearing those buddhist sandal things." I retort.
"Damn it."
We neared the market on the map, and came to a generic clearing, some tables in the area. We actually saw one of the edge walls of the library, which was a shocker. Some water was pooled around due to the previous leakages, but everything seemed generally fine.
"...I think you may have actually been right, Koakuma." I state, looking around. This was the spot on the map, I was dead sure.
"I-I was…?" Koakuma poses, bringing an arm behind her head. "I mean, yeah, I was! I know this library like the back of my-"
Thud, thud thud. The sound of books dropping audibly reached our corner- and it was near.
"...hand." Koakuma reluctantly finished, looking around.
...And suddenly, fluffles popped out!
"Egads!" I exclaimed, readying Swift Brand.
Out from behind shelves popped lines of fluffles, all with random and varied gear equipped. Some seemed to hold magical tomes, and others held bows of wildly different colors. Others had staves, and others had swords!
From under the tables we weren't looking at, swarms of boxing-glove toting fluffles charged out. Those tables were like clown cars- everywhere we looked, fluffles came from out of nowhere!
From over the tops of bookshelves, unarmed fluffles peeped over them, sighting us.
Ropes dropped down from the upper catwalks, fluffles with little splintercell getups dropping down from the ceiling.
The books from the bookshelves started popping out, fluffles crawling out of the gaps.
"...Holy shit." I finished. That's… a metric fuckton of fluffles!
"...Uhm…" Koakuma started to back behind me…
"...Why weren't you assholes this vigorous when I led you!?" Stormy readied his fists for good ol' fisticuffs.
The fluffles all gathered around us, staring… and then all hell broke lose, and it was a complete free-for-all, for whatever reason.
"Oh, crap!" I ducked a barrage of ice-arrows that soared past me. They struck Koakuma, and she froze solid.
"K-Koa-chan!" Stormy exclaimed, beginning to push her ice block to little avail.
"Waaal!" The wails of fluffle boxers were heard as they began beating the everloving shit out of each other, only for more to pop out from under the tables as others died…!
"It's a monster house!" I yelled, desperately swinging Swift Brand at the fluffles that neared me.
I ducked behind Koakuma's frozen figure, and Stormy joined me, a barrage of electric arrows bouncing off it. Rainbow danmaku soared down upon the ice from above, fizzling as it collided with the ice. Boxers started to gradually worked their way behind the ice…
Woosh!
A brief gust of wind from Swift Brand sent the nearing ones soaring into the crowd of boxers, slaying them.
...Wulululululululu…!
I ducked as a flying kick from one of the geared up fluffles soared past me, striking Stormy and bowling him over.
"Aagh, no!" he yelled, rolling onto the floor and desperately trying to defend himself as the splintercell fluffle began wailing on him, its finns berating his face.
"now go to the forums, and cry like the little bitch you are!" the fluffle exclaimed, continuing its assault.
I pulled the fluffle off him, and tossed it to the horde of boxers, watching them devour it whole with their fists. On closer inspection, every kill a fluffle got, it's boxing gloves lit up, and began crackling as they were charged with magical energy, which visibly jolted around the exterior of the gloves…
These were the Killing Gloves of Boxing, and every kill they got charged them with guaranteed critical hits for eight seconds! Oh, crap!
"Get the fuck up!" I shouted at Stormy…
"Thanks, dude…" Stormy thanked me, miraculously recovering and standing up again. Huh…
Woosh! Back you go, boxermania!
We ducked as a wave of green danmaku soared over us.
"Jesus fuck…" I continued to crouch below the ice block. "Stormy, get a table or something, hurry!"
A table pulled up behind us, covering the other edge Stormy couldn't manage. Thumps were heard, fluffles making their lovable assault on it.
I looked at the horde before us, somewhat overwhelmed…
"We're gonna be here awhile." I stated, arrows and danmaku bullets nailing the ice and the table as we huddled in the corner we created, boxers massacring each other around us.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: HANA'S PERSPECTIVE ====
My three new friends and I entered the library! It was apparently a special request by Patchouli-sama, so we had to take this seriously…
"That purple fop better not be driving a hard bargain today… we've been overworked recently." Komi-chan irately stated, stomping along with us.
"On the up side, we could see if that succubus has been up to anything recently…" Koi-chan elbowed Komi-chan pervertedly…
"Shut up, Koi." Komi-chan dismissively replied, agitated.
"G-guys… Patchouli-sama's desk is only ten feet away…" Namori-chan was right! If we kept walking, we'd plow right into it!
"Make me, Komi-chan!" Koi-chan shot back, grinning.
"I'm gonna do more than make you, you sodding orange mist- aaayyy~!" Komi and Koi walked forward into the desk, tipping it over, spilling writing utensils and books on the floor, and falling into Patchouli, who fell backwards as the two fairies landed on her.
Namori and I could only watch awkwardly…
"...You sure you requested the right fairies, ze?" Marisa curiously looked down at the mess.
"...No…" Patchouli-sama wheezed from the floor.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"...The last team I sent hasn't returned due to likely slacking. It's now your job to clear out this section of the library. There will be rewards for the four of you in the end. Good luck in your future endeavors. Have a map." Patchouli ranted off all the facets we needed to know, and handed me a map!
"Why does she get the map!?" Komi-chan roared! So scary…!
"...Because you touch yourself at night." ...D-does she really…?
"...How would you know that?" Komi-chan narrowed her eyes.
Patchouli-sama giggled. "Because pretty much every fairy in this manor does it." ...although she quickly became monotone again. "No, the real reason you don't get the map is because I don't like you, and the four of you are pretty much equally inept anyway."
That was mean, even if it was to Komi-chan!... although I dunno what the last part meant...
"You'd better watch yourself, you purple fop." Komi-chan exchanged a verbal blow with Patchouli.
Koi-chan brought her hands to her mouth. "Oooh~! Shots fired, shots fired!"
Raising a brow, Patchouli had an awkward grin on her face as she stared at Koi-chan. "Where did you even learn such a saying…?"
I don't even know what shots were fired, but I got excited too! I started hopping in place…
Komi-chan turned to me. "Hana, I swear, if you start attacking people after an exact minute and thirty seconds like you did the last time you got that excited, you're being hung on the front gate by your britches. Again."
Suddenly I wasn't so excited anymore…
"Auuu…" I pouted…
…
Komi-chan began to look increasingly frustrated, before she snapped on me. "You have the map! Do the map things already!"
"W-whah!?" I yelped, hastily folding the map open and walking off in a random direction, the others following me. I ended up opening it upside down, but no one will yell at me if I just keep walking somewhere...
Like so, we began to walk forward aimlessly until I worked up the courage to flip the map around and actually read it…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Upper-right corner, upper-right corner…
"Do you even know where the hell we're going!?" Komi-chan hollered behind me, irate.
"Y-yes! At least, now I do!" I reply hastily. Komi-chan is so sca~ry!
Namori comes to my defense! "I-if you scare her, we're g-going to be even more lost!"
… I didn't see what happened behind me, but uhm…
"I will eat you." Komi-chan was angrier than before!
"Oooh~! Nam-chan, Komi-chan has a thing for you~!" Koi-chan giggled, dancing around them.
We continued our eventful bickering, until…
Crreeaaak…
All four of us paused at the sound, slowly ceasing our respective forms of fooling around…
Slam!
"K-Kyeaah!" We all collectively screamed, clinging to each other. Dust bellowed from nearby- a bookshelf had entirely fallen over!
"Waaal!"
The fluffles were here, too! They were enraged!
Up ahead we saw a crowd of fluffles with weapons, all letting loose at something opposite our location. We were surrounded by unarmed, fluffy friends who were tipping bookshelves over in excited tussles!
Slam!
"...Waahh…" Namori-chan let out a half-hearted, delayed yell.
Oh, yeah! "Guys, this is the disturbance Patchouli-sama was talking about! We've gotta stop them!" I exclaimed, bracing my fists…
Fluffle archers and magi turned towards us, and I could almost sense the hostility on their unchanging faces! Kyaaaah!
Komi-chan dove behind a fallen bookshelf, pulling Koi-chan with her. "Idiots, get behind cover, now!"
Snapping out of my shocked state, I grabbed a frozen Namori-chan and proceeded behind one of the standing bookshelves, taking her with me.
A wall of danmaku washed towards us, but the cover forced it all to fizzle out. Arrows of light, ice, and electricity marred the other side of the bookshelf, and a barrage of technicolor bullets of all different sorts of elemental affinities whirled across the room. W-wow…
"Holy shit!" Komi-chan yelled, eyes widening at the display of power.
"D-du~de…" Koi-chan's eyes were wide with awe, her fear dissipating as she watched the messy lightshow erupt from the fluffle attack line.
"I-it's a monster house!" I cried, shivering with Namori-chan behind our bookshelf.
From behind the corners of our cover leapt fluffle with boxing gloves! And out leapt more!... and more!... and more…
They wouldn't stop leaping out from behind cover!
"H-heeelp…!" I weakly wailed, edging near the ending of my own cover as ten boxing glove fluffles filed out single-file towards me…!
"G-get away!" Namori-chan shot a pale blue laser forward, making a gun with her fingers. It bisected all the fluffles, who were skewered by the beam due to their single fire line. They all collapsed into dust as their torsos became one with the laser. Fluffles kept piling out from the cover and into the laser, meeting very prompt ends.
Namori-chan's laser ran out, and they kept coming… how!?
"S-stay back!" Namori-chan fired the pale blue laser forth again, and the process repeated itself…
I looked out of cover for a moment, only to duck behind it again as a barrage of green arrows flew past my head, sickly bubbles left behind that I managed to avoid.
Boxing glove fluffles piled out into the central clearing we had hid from earlier, and started getting mowed down by their archer and magi kin.
Wulululululululu!
"What the fuuu~ck!" I heard Komi-chan roar, dashing across the bookshelves above us, being chased by a legion of fluffles in little hats that lit up with lots of little green circles…
Koi-chan was sending exploding torrents of orange danmaku forward, blowing away legions of the incoming boxers.
Namori-chan began dashing behind other bookshelves, and before I could follow, I got pincered on the way there! In front of me was a boxing glove fluffle, ready to lay down the hurt! "W-waahh…!"
Boosh!
...one of its kin punched it in the face, and destroyed it!...And then its friend destroyed it!... and then…
"Get me the heck outta here!" I yelled, dashing past the violent fluffles, trying to find Namori-chan again...
Vzooom!
A pale blue laser gave away her position, and she saved Komi-chan from the horde of the technical-looking fluffles. The fluffles ended up running into the laser, getting bisected.
One dashed over the laser with a mighty flying kick, and nailed Komi-chan right in the face when she had stood to taunt them.
"Gufah!" Komi-chan! Nooo~!
Namori-chan leapt back, surprised. "K...Komi's in a pickle!"
...What does that even mean!?
...Oh, yeah! I shot forward a spread of cyan bullets, catching the fluffle as it wailed on Komi-chan, destroying it, its hat and gear flying off.
"G-get up…!" I shouted to Komi-chan.
"If I could, I would, you fucking…" Stop being mean, Komi-chan!
Koi-chan dove in, explosions resounding behind her as some bows and staves flew past us. She kneeled next to Komi-chan for a moment. "You don't look too good, buddy…"
"I got kicked in the face! What did you expect!?" Komi-chan yelled from the floor.
"Here, get up!" Koi-chan pulled on her hand, and she was up pretty quickly.
Komi-chan patted her arms a bit, and dusted off her shoulder. "...For some reason that helped more than it should have. Not that I'm complaining."
More boxing glove fluffles trailed after us, and we turned to face them. We were ready for anything, now! Nothing could surprise us anymore!
Slam!
"Kyeaahh!" I screamed!
M-maybe not so much…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: SAKUYA IZAYOI'S PERSPECTIVE ====
...Hahhh…
Finally…
I leaned against the wall in the front foyer of the manor, which we had finally rebuilt… again.
"...Hopefully this one doesn't fall as fast, hmm?" Meiling put her arms on her hips, smirking as she looked around the foyer. I said "we", but mistress had different plans for me during the reconstruction period…
Speaking of, mistress was right in the door to the foyer, grinning widely at me in expectant glee for my demonstration. I'll be sure not to disappoint… "Sakuya, do you have the new maids ready? I've grown… restless."
I smiled. "Indeed, milady." I turned to the double door behind me, and slowly swung it open…
I've recognized these maids as cunning, diligent, and hardworking… as far as fairy maids get, anyway. They were skilled, they were efficient, and they were…
"Just call me lightningbolt!"
"It's time to break some shit!"
"Hey, I've been working on my new drum solo recently…"
...batshit insane.
I stepped up to the one in navy blue armoring, a yellow and navy blue helmet covering her face. Metallic armor covered her, and she had two gloves that sparked and crackled idly, electricity buzzing through her hands.
I felt kind of embarrassed doing this, all of a sudden… "It is a great honor for me, as head maid of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, to promote Hotaru to the position of Chief Tolerance and Systematic Elemental Readjusting Officer, otherwise known as Chief Taser."
The other two clapped half-heartedly, while Meiling whistled and mistress clapped along.
"I'm amped!" Chief Taser held up her gloves, a line of electricity sparking between them. It appears Lady Patchouli's experiments in lightning magic paid off for once… which was quite a surprise to me, all things considered...
I walked over to the next fairy, who wore a hat with piercing emerald lights shining straight forth from where there would normally be eyes, black equipment adorning her entire body. Mistress requested this design after seeing some fluffles use it to attack her back at the fortress she raided, so I did my very best to find the materials to re-create it. It was a blessing that Alice was in the library at that time, or I don't think most of this suit would have been possible…
"Next, we have our new Chief Close Laser Oriented Altercations Officer, with equipment powered by Kappa Energy Reserves. Please welcome Miyako to the team, who we will now refer to as Chief Cloaker for short."
...The clapping was even more lackluster than last time, although Chief Taser's claps produced bright flashes which forced the mistress to shield her eyes...
"Sometimes wishes do come true!" Chief Cloaker cheered, posing with her hands on her hips. Mistress had me train this one particularly intensively in the art of flip-kicking and stealth. She did… alright when it came to stealth, I guess, but she had real talent in acrobatics and flip-kicking things in the teeth, so I passed her. She did far better than the rest of the fairy maids, for certain…
I walked up to the final fairy, whom one might have mistaken for a pile of junk, or one of Lady Patchouli's golem experiments gone awry…
"Who wants a piece of me!?"
...She was covered head-to-toe in mismatched armor parts, black and scarlet paint sloppily slapped on by the little mistress when she wanted to aid in the creation of the design of this one.
Obscuring her face was a solid metal visor with tiny, almost unnoticeable eyeholes only made prominent by the etchings of an X around each eye. A rather crude skull was drawn on the cast-iron visor, giving the fairy a very imposing, towering posture.
"...Last but not least, we have operation Bulky Ultimate Last Line, a new tactic proposed by the mistress herself…" I thought that was a crude name for a tactic, to be honest… but mistress knows best.
Speaking of, mistress laughed haughtily. "This new tactic is going to be the dawn of a new era for this manor, and will discourage further treason against my authority. Only through fear can respect be planted into the hearts of my subjects, as I have learned."
...She says that, but what that little succubus did all but bypassed any physical measures, so I don't think more powerful maids would help regardless.
Mistress stopped speaking, so I continued. "Operation Bulky Ultimate Last Line will be lead by our new Direct Operator of Zaibatsu-Esque Reinforcement. In review: operation B.U.L.L. will be lead by Dozer… and to get this point across to everyone in a timely and efficient manner every time henceforth I wish to name this operation and its leading officer, I will call upon Ganpeki by Bulldozer from now on."
"They'll be up against the wall, and I will be the fucking wall!" Bulldozer banged on her chest. On her back was a scarlet musket with a box attached to it. The box was filled with the mistress's own red magic, allowing Bulldozer to mow down our enemies with extreme prejudice using the mistress's very own power. Lady Patchouli even contributed to make it have its own mana pool so that it could be semi-renewable, but a maid's own mana could refill it too. You'd need way too many fairy maids to make it worth it, though…
Mistress clapped excitedly, but the three pretty much gave up clapping for themselves.
Suddenly, that black-white witch shot in here. I'd have her be target practice, were she not here on business with Lady Patchouli…
"Hey, Sakuya~! Patchy needs you, da ze. Something's up with the dusty freaks in the library, and two strike teams sent to deal with them haven't returned since. We think something funny's up…" Marisa trailed off, looking somewhat perturbed by the prospect of fluffy menaces.
I smirked, and my three new fairy commanders walked up behind me. We began making for the library…
"...Those some new pimped out fairy maids, ze? Lookin' good!" Marisa gave a grin and a big thumbs up…
Bulldozer looks at Marisa, then points at her, and begins yelling. "You can't do anything to me!"
Marisa jumps back, eyes wide from the volume of Bulldozer's voice. "H-holy crap, ze! Could you get any louder…?"
Walking away, Bulldozer does infact increase her volume, forcing me to shield my own ears…
"Don't kill yourself in the meantime, black-white! That honor's mine!"
Bulldozer stomped out the door ahead of us, ripping it open.
"H-hey, I built that!" Meiling rose a hand, protesting, but Bulldozer ignored her.
Taser and Cloaker followed her out, and I trailed behind them. This was going to be interesting…
Marisa rubbed her ears. "W-what the hell's her problem, ze…?"
Sighing, Meiling approached the door, preparing to fix it again...
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Make way! Bulldozer in the house!"
"Mukyuu~!" Lady Patchouli jumped at the sudden shout, not noticing the armored wall approaching her desk.
I teleported next to her and sat my hands on her shoulders to calm her down, only to make her jump again.
"M-mukyuu~!" Lady Patchouli turned to me, blanching.
"You wear that shit in your pants proudly, like a badge of honor!" Cloaker shot out from under Lady Patchouli's desk.
"H-hah…" Her jaw twitched and mouth opened, but no words came out.
"Hubabadu! Hababada! Waahhh!" Taser roared, running out from behind a bookshelf, electricity lighting up her entire suit of armor as her voice went wild.
"..." Patchouli's fear of lightning struck the final blow, and she fainted, an alarmed look locked on her face.
I sighed. "...Whoops." Hopefully Lady Patchouli wouldn't be too sore about that one… I bended down and picked up the paper she was holding, presumably for us. It was a map to the upper-right corner of the library, not like I needed it myself… but that's probably where the fluffy disturbance resided.
"I know where to go, follow me, everybody." I announced to my fairy officers, and we began to delve deeper into the library.
...Cloaker paused for a moment, and turned to Lady Patchouli. "...Next time, check your quarters!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 13
PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Plant Hanger Master, Scarlet Liberator, Sinker of the Flufftanic
… but we're not currently following Brad's perspective right now at chapter's end!
PERSPECTIVE HOLDER: Sakuya Izayoi, the Perfect and Elegant Maid.
PRIMARY WEAPON: Silver knives: My stock-standard knives, especially effective against youkai and undead. Holy in nature.
INVENTORY: Crimson Jazz knives: Jagged, incendiary knives made of red and crimson. Mostly identical aside from design, but not as effective against youkai. I think they hate burning alive more than silver, though…
Blue Rhapsody knives: Blue and silver metal are the materials of these knives. They constantly drip, and get everything wet. Fairly useless…
PARTY:
Hotaru, the Taser - Slightly masochistic, yet still sadistic fairy maid who was chosen to take the position of Chief Tolerance and Systematic Elemental Readjusting Officer. Likes to electrocute herself, which was originally a flaw of her suit, but considering she likes it we left it in.
PRIMARY WEAPON: Lightning gloves, developed reluctantly by Lady Patchouli. Wasteful, inefficient and messy enchanted gloves that toss lightning around haphazardly, although it's not like Hotaru minds one bit.
Miyako, the Cloaker - Chief Close Laser Oriented Altercations Officer, with equipment powered by Kappa Energy Reserves. Has a sadistic streak like her sisters-in-arms, but prefers to do things lone-wolf style. Trained by me in stealth and minor take-down martial arts. Meiling probably would have been a better choice for that, but flip-kicking people in the teeth suits Miyako just fine. Known for disappearing and reappearing out of the blue, even without actual cloaking technology- she's just generally elusive in nature.
PRIMARY WEAPON: Flip-kicks to the teeth. They look like they'd hurt.
Ganpeki, the Bulldozer - Operation Bulky Ultimate Last Line is lead by our new Direct Operator of Zaibatsu-Esque Reinforcement, Ganpeki. Violent, sadistic, and cruel to her sisters, she's quite an odd specimen for a fairy maid, to be sure. Often I've had to restrain her for her outcries against the mistress, which she persisted to do even after the crazed fairy incident was over- maybe she just never quite returned to normal… or never was normal to begin with. She's not afraid to crack a few skulls, and seems desensitized to cruelty or violence as a whole. Likes shouting. Really enjoys her new job.
PRIMARY WEAPON: Light Machine Musket, as mistress dubbed it. Distributes harsh bursts of the mistress's own red magic in danmaku form, potent enough to wipe out a wide variety of enemies. Eats mana like no tomorrow, so thankfully Patchouli made it passively absorb ambient mana. Be it fed by fairy life force or charged by time, this thing takes at least a day to fully recharge- although it thankfully has an hour's worth of firing power in it. Mistress herself can charge it instantly, as well- and presumably Lady Patchouli has enough mana to do so too.
INVENTORY: As a backup weapon, Ganpeki brings a bundle of straw with an enchanted sash wrapped around it. When slammed on one's hand, it can act as an impromptu danmaku shotgun. Used to be her primary weapon back when she rebelled against the mistress.
ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:
hello friends
this was a fluffy chapter- and guess what, i didn't go into a coma and/or die!
...the amount of chapters i had on the backburner eventually exceeded the amount of chapters currently published so i was like "uh maybe i should DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT…"
i settled for publishing at the end of chapter 13- and is it me or are cliffhangers almost unavoidable sometimes
hotaru means lightning bug if memory serves correct
ganpeki means rock, so says google translate
miyako means beautiful night child!... kinda fits, i think!
inner details are excluded for now about them! possible rivals to the chucklefucks but i dunno; they serve as the next tier of friks to beat up, although not necessarily will they serve as walls for me all things considered, they'll moreso be opposition for other future prospects… (and incase the reference goes over your head, the three new friks are based off of the specials from PAYDAY 2- and yes i know the recent updates are rubbish... doesn't mean i can't appreciate the mooks!)
the stormy rainmaker wasn't killed like the last space fleas i introduced so he now becomes less of a space flea and more like something relevant to gensokyo! (although i plan for the FLEAS OF FANFIC'S PAST to recur at some point… just don't get your hopes up for anything- this is moreso brainstorming)
more opportunities exist across gensokyo!... also, at some point after this i think i'll remember that one village… i think it was a village anyway- it began wth H, that's what i know for sure. it had like… people, and the man with a MACHINEGUN FOR A HEAD.
...or was that bento-box for a hat…
in any case, stuff!
see you guys in the next fifty hundred thousand hundred feet in the air when i finally make the next incident or so- yeah i made it one incident since i made the incident progression reaaaaalll sloooow and thought it'd be a crime to keep more chapters on the backburner than i have actually published
see everyone next time!
Thanks,
~ A FREAKIN SKOOLATOON