Author's Notes: Thanks for all the lovely reviews! And especially to those who review anon – I'd love to reply to you in person! I'd like to remind you again that there will be a new one-shot prize for the 200th review...
Also, apologies for my absence. The story will not be abandoned, but I have other fandoms as well (GoT for one, it's going to be crazy come April 1st), and a rather demanding real life at times. Posted 27 March 2013.

Music: "The Silicone Veil" by Susanne Sundfør and "Sigh No More" by Mumford and Sons.

Chapter 13: Adjustments

I'm a larva wrapped in silk / I am dying in burning flesh
Let me out, let me ache and itch / Get me out of this suit

Beauty is poisonous / disruptive
Heaven must be an iron rose / unfolding
Oh, let me in / Let me out / Let me in /Let me out!

Let the stars be my eyes then
Unchain the knuckles and latches / Unbutton my wrists
My skin so thin you can see black holes within / My eyes so clear they light up the sky
And sometimes I'll bend into the silicone veil / And enter this world again as a ghost

- "The Silicone Veil" by Susanne Sundfør

Jane was sitting on a marble bench, on a built-in balcony, jotting down notes on a parchment she had been given. She would sometimes pause to watch the ever-impressive sun setting over the city of Åsgard. All the while listening to music on her beloved mp3-player she had accidentally brought with her through the worm-hole. In retrospect, she was immensely grateful for that – listening to some of her favourite songs made it all so much more bearable, though her pain and confusion lessened a little every day.

Jane rose from the bench and walked over to the edge of the balcony, leaning on her arms. Below her, the people of Åsgard moved around with a certainty and confidence she wished she could take more part in. The first few days after having been jolted from her apathy, she had moved like an old lady; slowly and stiffly, waiting for her body to adjust to being up and about again. Waking up to her new life and reality had at first felt like being stuck in her own skin – a skin that felt too tight for comfort, a suit or dress that was three sizes too small.
Now that suit had expanded a little, but she still didn't feel comfortable.

But Jane had always made a decision to make the best of it; she had just been overwhelmed and forgotten about that decision. She felt embarrassed about it, though she rationally knew that it could have happened to the best. The worst part of it – or maybe it was the best part, she couldn't tell – was that no one could get through to her except for Loki. She wished she knew what that meant. It was undeniably interesting; and it added to her list over strange encounters with the man she partly felt she should fear and hate, partly felt was an anchor in his silent understanding, however reluctant. As if she needed more conflicting feelings as it were, she thought ironically to herself.

She tried not to think about him too much – after seeing him by her bedside, with that strangely vulnerable and unguarded expression on his face, he had disappeared for days. When she next saw him, he was guarded once again. His mask of nonchalance and quiet hostility slammed firmly in place, making it abundantly clear that he didn't wish to talk about the obvious connection that had formed between them.

The rejection stung, she didn't deny that; but even if he hadn't, she wouldn't know how to interact with him anyway. Lately she had felt so drawn to him it had begun to scare her. The last thing she needed now was to develop a crush on an unattainable man of a different race. She wanted a suitable emotional distance between them. In the quiet of the night though, a little voice whispered that it might be a little too late for that.

Thus, she had silently agreed to their mutual distance, at least for the time being. Eventually she would have to interact with him again. He held too many answers and possible clues to her new mission: to help rebuild the Bifrost. In spite of what Loki had told her of her importance to help, she very well knew that she had little idea of what she was doing. She was encouraged to help with it because there was nothing else for her to do in her unfortunate situation. It was better to pretend to help than to sit and brood in any case.

Although... Thor had once told her that magic and science was the same on Åsgard – it seemed like a lifetime ago – but if it was true, she might be able to contribute, however little.

Jane turned her focus back to her attempt of organizing her thoughts into a game-plan for the next days. She was thinking of questions to ask Thor and Odin – and Loki, when she worked up the courage. Or when she found him. He moved around the city like a ghost, not even his mother knew where he spent his days. But somehow, he always turned up when they needed him. It didn't seem to bother anyone else; apparently they were used to him coming and going as he pleased. In any case, Thor had told her that Loki couldn't physically leave Åsgard – that was the main condition of his "parole", sort to speak. At first she had thought it a strange form of punishment; it wasn't similar to Earth, that was for sure. But after having lost her sense of direction and will power, Jane found she could sympathize more. Not having access to your full self, whether magic or ability to function as you were used to, no matter the reasons, was disruptive at best and paralyzing at worst.

"Jane?" a voice interrupted her reveries. She turned and saw Thor in the doorway.

"Hi Thor, what's up?" Jane replied, trying to muster up a smile for him. She felt bad about the distance she had enforced upon their relationship.

"I wanted to check on you. I know you said not to 'fuss' over you, but I do worry about you, now that you're spending a lot of time on your own. Especially now when..." Thor suddenly stopped talking, giving her a wary look. He tried to hide it with a big smile, but she had already seen it. "Anyway, I know you are working on your theory on how to repair the Bifrost-"

Jane cut him off. "What did you mean to say? 'Especially now when...'? When what?"

Thor cleared his throat and gestured towards the marble bench, and she moved to the side, beckoning him to sit down.

"I was going to say 'especially now that Loki is gone most of the time.'" he told her, looking steadily at her. Jane swallowed, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"Look, Jane... I am not going to pretend I know what is going on. What I know is that when you were gone, the only person who could find you – and you must believe that I looked for you – was Loki. When you were...asleep, the person who woke you was Loki. Surely that means something? Maybe you have an understanding of each other, or you speak the same language, in a sense. Lately, he has been...in a peculiar mood the few times we have seen him."

Jane listened to him as a feeling of uneasiness spread inside her chest. She had wondered about the same thing, but it made her uncomfortable to be confronted by it by Thor.

"How do you mean, he's been in a peculiar mood?" she asked him.

"He is ill-tempered, even for him. He does not always pay attention when we speak to him. He tried to hide it, but he is not paying attention to what is going on around him and that is uncharacteristic of him. If I ask about how he is, he barks back at me. It is the same with Father and... even Mother. Something is clearly troubling him." The fair-haired man leaned back and sighed.

"I haven't seen him since he helped me." Jane said, looking out at the sky. It was on fire; thousands nuances of red, yellow, blue and green. It was a peaceful kind of chaos, the slow death of a sunset.

"May I ask what you make of it? Of him?" Thor asked her, giving her a sideways glance.

Jane shifted, not wanting to think out loud. But she could tell he needed answers, and he could hardly be blamed for asking them of her.

"You know him better than I do, Thor." she said, even as she knew it would not satisfy him.

"Do I?" he countered. "I might have spent more time with him over the years, but I fear I no longer know my brother as I once did. He does not talk about what happened between us, before and during our dispute on Midgard."

"Dispute? Is that what you see it as?" Jane exclaimed. "People died, Thor. I think it was more than just a quarrel between brothers – at least for Loki."

"That is the point, Jane! He does not talk to me about it! He never shared his feelings openly, so when he schemed against me, it came as sudden as a falling star! I have considered petty jealousy, wanting power for himself, being controlled by Thanos from the start, hating us after he found out he was adopted...but unless he talks to me about it, how can I possibly know?" Thor said, frustration colouring his voice.

"I'm sorry, Thor. I know it's not easy for you either. And it was wrong of me to presume you don't take it as seriously as him. I can't speak for Loki. I don't really know him." Jane told him.

"But he must have told you something? How else did he get through to you when you were with the healers?"

"He did tell me something, but-" Jane stopped to search for words –"I don't think he meant to say what he did. If anything, it was a private 'conversation' and I don't think it's right to repeat what he said to me," she told him as softly as she could, but she could tell he was disappointed.

"I understand," he said, keeping his gaze on the sunset.

Jane sighed. "I'm sorry, Thor. I wish I could tell you something to ease your mind, but honestly I'm probably more confused than you are. When I first heard of Loki, he tried to kill us. When he came to Earth, he unleashed a deadly army of aliens on you. In my eyes, he was a dangerous criminal! I remember Darcy called him 'A calculating, manipulative killer with some serious family issues', and I had no reason to disagree with that. Until I met him in the maze a few days after coming here."
Thor was listening intently to her, but dared not speak up in fear of discouraging her from saying more.

"I was scared when we met face to face, without anyone else around us. But in the end he sat down next to me as I read a book. I was baffled. It made me think that maybe he was lonely. We both understand loneliness, I suppose."

Thor held his tongue. He wanted to say that she was not alone, that he was right there – but he knew that wasn't what she meant. Instead they shared a few moments in silence, watching the last embers of the sunset disappear on the horizon as the bold darkness of the night replaced the light. But that darkness came with hope; myriads of stars slowly appeared instead, an unspoken promise of the continuation of light through the dark hours ahead. When Jane spoke again, he had almost forgotten what they had been talking about.

"I don't belong here. I feel safe enough, and I feel cared for. You have all made me feel very welcome. But I didn't choose to stay here. And I can't help but feel alone, even if I'm surrounded by people who only want to help and support me. And for some reason, Loki understands that. He's still acting snarky and he has yelled at me more than once, but he gets it. I don't need to talk to him to know that, I can feel it. And it makes me feel a little less alone. That's all I can tell you. Although, why he's acting the way he does know, I don't know. Maybe he's fed up with me and my problems." Her voice broke, and she wiped her eyes – annoyed at herself for her display of sadness. She couldn't whine about Loki not liking her, what was that about?

Thor was quiet for a long time before he spoke again.

"Jane, I do not think he is angry with you. I would not worry too much about that," he finally said.

She smiled at him, unconvinced, but glad for his reassurance nonetheless.

"I think Loki is adjusting to everything, just as I am. It takes time, but I hope an believe he will come around. It's not too late for you to be brothers again, I think," she said, offering him reassurance in return.

Thor grinned and stood. "I hope you are right, dear Jane. Now, should we not get some food in our bellies?"

"Careful Thor, you're beginning to sound like Volstagg!" she teased as she followed him inside, and Thor laughed heartily – both happy that the gloomy mood was broken.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

The following weeks settled into a predictable routine for all on Åsgard. No further warning signs came, and although still very much on alert, the Æse relaxed a little. Odin watched the polluted magic orb carefully, but was all in all grateful for the extra time to prepare his people with the help of Thor. Loki kept his distance to everyone except his closest family who saw him occasionally. Jane spent her days wandering the palace, doing research and general reading in the magnificent library. Sometimes she walked out to the broken Bifrost, trying to will it to provide her with answers. There was little progress in her attempted work on repairing the rainbow bridge – she didn't have equipment, and not many understood her scientific theories anyway. It was a frustrating process.

Every day her pain withdrew a little bit, though sometimes she would feel it slam into her being, almost chocking her. It would always happen unexpectedly; she could be deep in thought, and having forgotten her surroundings, instinctively turn around to ask Erik for his input on something. He was not there.

Jane woke one day and felt awful. It was one of those days where everything felt wrong from the start. She lay in bed trying to think positive thoughts, until she could stand no more of herself. She quickly dressed and tried to distract herself with breakfast and then reading in the library. Well into the afternoon she slammed the book she was reading shut and got up. Driven by an indefinable urgency to move, she hurriedly walked out of the palace, only stopping by the royal kitchen to grab something for lunch. When she passed a flagon of mead, she snapped it up without thinking and walked to the entrance of the gardens. The ancient forest appeared instantly, filled with warm sunlight and chirping birds as if welcoming her back after her absence.

"Yeah I'm sorry," she muttered as she found a path to follow. "I wanted to come, I was just trying to figure some stuff out." The forest hummed deeply in response – it didn't surprise her anymore – and she smiled in spite of her foul mood. "You listen, but you don't talk back much. I have to admit, it's one of the things I like about you..." Jane smirked to herself and then flailed her arms wildly to regain the balance after tripping over a root. She stopped and scowled at it, certain it had not been there moments before.

"I suppose I deserved that," she snickered. The forest hummed back with what she interpreted it as laughter. Jane ventured deeper into the forest. Though she had been there before, it looked new – she followed the path the forest made for her, and eventually came to a small clearing. It was not the same as before, for which she was grateful. She had no desire to remember that night. "I'm taking a day off, you know?" she told her friend as she chewed down on an apple and opened the flagon of mead she had brought. "I think I deserve to relax." The only reply this time was the relaxing rustle of the wind blowing through the leaves.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

On her way back to the palace, hours later and more than a little tipsy, Jane fumbled in the dark, trying to be quiet. The forest mercifully led her to the back door, an entrance to the palace that meant she didn't have to stumble across the open square where the guards would surely see her and question her mental state more than ever. She had every right to take a time-out, but she didn't want any questioning about it. The doorstep was covered in shadows created by the combination of night and moonlight. She thought she saw one of them move away from the door. Just before she reached the doorstep, another root appeared and tripped her. She fell forward and called out in surprise.

"What the fuck was that? I didn't even say anything you bastard!" she yelled to the forest, more in anger and surprise than pain. She had landed softly on a patch of moss.

Someone grabbed her elbow and hoisted her back up on her feet.

"You should not take it personally. The forest has its own agenda, I think," a deep voice drawled.

Jane blinked, and focused. She knew that voice. Loki.

"Oh my god...where the hell have you been?" she blurted out.

Jane could not see his face in the dark, but she swore she could feel his scowl.

"I fail to see how that is any of your concern, mortal." He replied snidely.

"Oh, we're back to that now, are we?" she said, trying to hide the hurt tone in her voice and failing miserably. "I haven't seen you for weeks! I wanted to ask you about the Bifrost, and..." her voice drifted off. She didn't know what she wanted to say. That she wanted to be his friend? She supposed that was the honest truth of it, but he would surely laugh in her face.

"...and you decided to get drunk on the mead of the Æse instead?" he finished the sentence for her. He sounded half-amused, half-disinterested about it.

Even as she began her reply, she knew the wisest cause of action was to keep her mouth shut. Her speech was slurred from alcohol and she was crossing the line with every word she said to him, but she could not stop herself.

"Dude. Don't even try to preach to me about drinking. Phu-lease. I'm a grown woman and I needed a bloody break from...well, everything! I'm not getting anywhere with the Bifrost-problem and since you have found it so convenient to disappear from the face of the Earth in spite of everything that has happened, after everything that was said –" She was cut off by his hand brusquely covering her mouth, while pushing her against the stone walls. The moonlight fell on his face, and although she was no longer afraid of him hurting her, her adrenaline started pumping when she saw how menacing he looked. His eyes burned into hers as he hissed.

"You speak as if you know me, mortal. After a few calculated words to get your attention? I suggest you start to use that so-called intelligence of yours." He dropped her suddenly, and she sank to the ground, her chest heaving. Loki begun to withdraw into the shadows of the trees behind him, but stopped when the forest gave off a menacing sound of its own. It sounded like giant trees splitting in half.

In spite of the recent shock, or maybe because of it, Jane laughed. The meaning of her friend's reaction was obvious to both her and Loki.

"Call off your watch-dog, Jane." Loki suddenly sounded strangely weary and her smile faded quickly.

"Loki? Do you think maybe we could meet sometime without fighting like this? I really do need your help, you know." Jane had wanted to sound composed and rational, but her voice came out sounding small and quivering. Damn it all, she would not cry in front of him again.

"It would be better if you simply stayed out of my way."

"Better for who?" she retorted.

"Fine then." he snapped, and was gone – blended in with the shadows and leaves like he had never been there.

"You should take care of him. He won't hurt me." Jane told her protector, before stumbling to her feet again and entering the palace. She felt tired; and moved stiffly, like she was a hundred years old.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Two days passed before Loki showed up. When he did, he was almost polite and courteous, not mentioning their encounter outside the palace with a word. She could feel the wall of fake formality between them, however. He had put on the mask of a prince assisting a guest in his home. It irked her immensely. But she put up a show of her own, calmly explaining her suggestions so far, and asking him questions of how they could combine their knowledge to fix the Bifrost. Loki politely discarded some of her theories, but helped her on her way to a couple new ones. It would seem that magic would be the main ingredient, that and some vital materials. Materials and building she could understand, but the magic part was harder for her to grasp.

"We would have to get a shipment of crystal, which the bridge itself is made of. That, Heimdall's help and a significant amount of magic...'persuasion' will be a good start. Unfortunately, the only thing we do have is Heimdall right now." Loki said, running a hand through his raven black hair. Jane was fascinated with the movement, maybe because she had never seen him do it before – he never fidgeted, never. But they had been at it for hours without much result, and they were both getting tired.

"I don't even know how to start on that." Jane sighed.

"It is not too difficult; we could do a lot with some help from the Æse. But with the current situation..." he mused.

"You can't leave in case something happens, can you?" she asked, firmly ignoring the leap her heart made when he said 'we'.

"I could, but what we lack is time...and magic resources," he told her.

"I see." Jane didn't know what else to say. It was important to get the Bifrost repaired, but even if they got the materials needed, the Kingdom lacked their source of magic to do the main work. It was a strangely simple yet complicated process due to the missing pieces that were so crucial.

When they got ready to leave the library, a silence hung between them; the formality had gone stale and barely covered the things yet unsaid. Even Loki – as skilled an actor as he was – found it hard to keep up appearances as he superficially and courtly bid her goodbye for the day.

When he had left, Jane sank down on a chair, trembling slightly. She did not know why this man affected her so, and gods knew he shouldn't, but there it was. Even like this, she enjoyed his presence. Even when it hurt that she couldn't reach out to him. It was probably for the best, she thought, as she remembered how transfixed she had been watching his hand going through his hair. "Keep it together, Jane," she sighed to herself.

As for Loki, it was all he could do not to break into a run to get out of the palace and into the ancient forest. It was there waiting for him almost on a daily basis now. He had stopped wondering why, thinking that if it had its reasons, he was better off not knowing. Once safe between the trees, out of reach of possible prying eyes, he exhaled deeply.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

A few days later he was again in the forest, on his usual restless wanderings. After his last visit to Jane and the palace, he had spent all his time outside, save for a few gatherings with Odin and Thor. It was too quiet, they had concluded; the calm before the storm. It had been a relief at first, now it was beginning to get on everyone's nerves. Loki's mood was fouler than usual – he suspected the mysterious someone was after him and consequently the Æse; making it his fault. He wanted it over with – no matter the result. In addition to that, he had other reasons to be in a bad mood. The situation with Jane Foster was constantly nagging at the back of his head. Loki had – unwillingly – created a bond between them when he used magic to reach her in her previous state. He could have ignored it, had it not been for the fact that she obviously felt it as well. He doubted she was consciously aware of it, however. If he focused, he could feel the presence of her at the edges of his mind. Like the brush of a butterfly's wings against his fingertips.

Loki didn't want it. He wanted to be left alone. Do you though? He rejected the unwelcome thought as fast as it appeared. He shook his head irritably, as if it could make it go away. He had spent time walking the ancient forest and a multitude of other versions of the Royal Gardens, as well as travelling around the realm to seek solitude and try to figure out what it all meant.

It was the beginning of a another restless night; the sun had set a few minutes ago, and the forest had quieted down. Loki walked soundlessly through the undergrowth, dragging his fingers along the trunk of a tree. Suddenly a noise he didn't recognize made him stop dead in his tracks. Warily he followed the sound through the trees, ready to attack if it was someone unwelcome.

Soon he could hear more clearly; it was a woman's voice and he understood immediately who it was. He heard her singing – singing? – loudly, her voice slurred but insistent. Curious against his better judgement, he moved closer until he could see her. She was facing a tree, swinging around it with her hands grasping it as if she was dancing with it - before letting go and half-jumping, half-tripping over to another one, repeating her solitary dance. She sang a sentimentally happy song. Her voice wasn't all that bad, he thought, but she looked like she had finally lost it. Still, in a brief pang he envied her what appeared to be a completely carefree moment. She looked happy . He didn't move; instead watching and listening to the words.

Love, it will not betray you,
dismay or enslave you –
It will set you free!
Be more like the man
you were made to be!

The words as well as the melody were ridiculously optimistic, he thought. And yet, he realized the scene was making a smile tug at his lips. Soon, Jane was singing the same verse over and over, and after two or three repeats as her voice grew louder and more urgent, Loki decided to step in.

"I see you still favour the mead of the Æse."

Jane practically jumped around to face him, startled by the sound of his voice. To his surprise, she merely flashed him a brilliant smile.

"Yes, I do! I am currently gloriously drunk. It's awesome, you should try it sometime. I feel light and heavy, sad and happy but the best part is that I feel careless. Not a woooooorry in the world!" she said and twirled around once, almost tripping over her own feet in the process. She laughed.

Then she turned serious, looking at him with glassy eyes.

"Maybe you really should try it. You look far too serious, Loki." she told him.

Her lack of fear of him, and the direct way she spoke to him caught him off guard, again. He could not phantom how she could be so relaxed around him; not just now – he suspected the alcohol played a part in that – but in general. She spoke to him like an equal. It was unsettling.

"I have indeed tried the mead. Without making a fool of myself, I might add." he drawled, trying to appear as his usual composed, arrogant self.

"How would I be making a fool of myself?" she laughed. "I was the only one here until you showed up, except for my non-judgemental friend – she nodded upwards to the trees – and you don't like me anyway. So why would that matter to me?" Jane sat down heavily against one of the trees, leaning her head back.

Loki could tell it did matter, and a short sting of regret passed through him.

"Your time is spent here as you wish – I am not judging you." he said, offering her a subtle apology.

"Aren't you?" she countered, giving him a loaded look. He didn't reply, just crossed his arms over his chest and considered her for a long time.

"You do not belong here." he told her, without malice in his voice. It was a statement, a fact.

She hmpf'ed at him. "You have a knack for pointing out the obvious, don't you?" she replied bitterly.

"And yet, neither do you belong on Midgard anymore, I think." he continued.

She looked up at him then. "Why would you say that?" her voice tinged with disappointment.

"Think about it, Jane. You don't belong here, and yet you have been distancing yourself from Midgard since the second you arrived. You were meant to stay here for a few days, maybe weeks at most. How would it be to go back home now? When what you have seen, what you have experienced and learned, only a handful of people will believe?"

She considered his words, and her face fell.

"You're right." she whispered. "I'm stuck in between." She sighed, then looked at him thoughtfully.

"But so are YOU, aren't you? You don't belong properly either, do you? You belong to two words as well, and are stuck in between." She sounded almost proud of her deduction.

Loki raised an eyebrow at her. He found her rather rude, but he forgave it due to the circumstances. The conversation was refreshing, and in her inebriated state, she was as easy to read as a book. She meant no harm.

"i suppose I am stuck in between as well, if you want to look at it like that." he replied. He could not deny the truth in her words, though it did sting a little to hear it out loud.

She looked into the air, her face screwed up in concentration as she began to whisper something, as if thinking out loud.

Loki leaned closer, curious.

"...between, in between, in betweeeen...we're both in between... you know what?" she raised her voice and looked at him with big eyes. "We're both in-be-TWINS!" she said, looking dead serious. Then she giggled once, before she fell apart laughing.

Loki had to smile then. She was drunk and silly and childish, but instead of it annoying him, he found it strangely endearing.

Soon, she sobered up again and looked at him with a sad expression on her face.

"What do the 'in betweens' do, Loki?" she asked him.

He considered her question, wondering the same. "Make the best of it, I suppose." he answered. It was a lousy answer, but it was all he had. Jane nodded, and they were silent.

Not long after, she fell asleep under the tree; Oblivious to the dark man standing vigil for her as she slept, as he had once before.

AN: What do you think? Worth the wait, or a waste of your time? I'd like to hear your opinion...
Check out my tumblr for a picture of the ancient forest (as I kind of picture it anyway)! My pen name is YvaineSss, or search for #Shared Silence.