"In Need of Wings"

Chapter the Fourteenth

Ahsoka paced around the medbay. Todo had confirmed the medbay was independently operated, so there was little chance they would be found by the Republic anytime soon. But she had reason to worry about every worst case scenario. Every possible thing that could go wrong flashed in front of her. All the ways they could be hurt or killed or worse.

As soon as she knew Bane was recovering in the bacta tank, Ahsoka left Todo a note and went outside. No matter how much she hated herself for doing it, she searched all over Bane's ship Sleight of Hand until she found a stash of alcohol. Half a bottle of whiskey and two unopened bottles of rum, to be precise. And a flask filled to the top with an unlabeled substance, so Ahsoka could only assume it was rare or hard to get.

This was a huge mistake Ahsoka already knew she would regret. But what the hell, since her whole life had been nothing but mistakes and regret up to this point, could one more hurt? Her only friend she was certain was alive had almost died to save her, and she did not even know how to keep both of them safe.

She began pouring shots and forcing them down one by one. It tasted vile, and she wanted to be sick. But there was no other way to make her head shut up. No other way to make the pain a bit more tolerable.

It was only the second time Ahsoka had been drinking. The first happened while she was staying at the Jedi Temple to recover from the mission to Zygerria…along with two other Padawans who had dealt with their own traumatizing missions elsewhere in the war, Ahsoka snuck away with them to a bar and drank until she got sick. It was very embarrassing. Ahsoka had her first kiss two weeks later, she remembered. She never imagined those memories could hurt more.

Four shots in, she felt the buzz kicking in. She pulled up a chair, holding the bottle of whiskey tight. The feeling brought back memories of those times she wandered off with her friends. Everyone she loved. Now she had nothing left except the small, fading hope that some of them may have survived.

The next thing Ahsoka knew, a pair of small glowing eyes were blinking at her. Ahsoka slowly opened her eyes, realizing she had fallen asleep.

"Miss Tano! What do you think you were doing?"

She hiccuped and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her head was pounding. Hurt like hell.

"What…how long was I out?"

"If there is one thing I'll never understand about sentients, it's how they think intoxicating themselves to unconsciousness is enjoyable."

She glared up at Todo. He really had no idea.

"Oh, yeah? Well, sorry for being real fucking stressed out right now!" Ahsoka snarled and bared her tiny fangs. She stood up too fast and her head swelled. Groaning in pain, she glanced around the ship and grabbed her only sweater. Before she forgot she made a note that they would need more food, water, clothes, and supplies. Then they would need a plan. Somehow.

Todo held up his hands and stepped away, clearly taken aback by her outburst.

"Well, excuse me, miss. You know, you're starting to sound like Mister Bane."

"Hey! That's—" She didn't even care about being offended anymore. "—you know, maybe Cad had good reason!"

"Speak of the devil, he's resting right now and should be fully recovered soon. And he's going to be very upset when he hears about what you did."

"Just get me a fucking cup of caf, okay?" she snapped. "And something to eat…that's supposed to help with hangovers, right?"

Todo sighed. "Yes, but I recommend not getting a hangover in the first place."

"Gods, you're a big help." She pulled on her sweater. "Caf and food, got it? I should go see Cad. And I'll tell him about the liquor, not you."

She heard the techno-service droid mutter, "I miss when you treated me better."

Todo was right. She had gone too far. And she hated the tone in her voice. But as for herself, Ahsoka was done with holding her tongue so she could stay kind and understanding.

Kind and understanding Ahsoka was long gone. She died in the fires ravaging the Temple.

Don't worry, Snips.

The blue lightsaber that once belonged to Anakin Skywalker cut through the last remaining Viceroy. With a scream, he fell dead among the others.

Vader's eyes had begun to glow a deep yellow, bloodshot and hollow and aching. All around him was lava and flames, echoing what had taken place in the Jedi Temple not a day ago. Everything was burning these days. He could feel it.

I'll find you. I can fix everything.

As he pulled away his lightsaber, Vader made his way outside and looked out to the surrounding lava. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Thousands of them had been killed in a matter of hours. And thousands more would die. All he knew now was fire and bloodshed, the darkness that greeted him like a friend and was kind to him.

It had to be all worth it. It was the only way he could bring back the ones he loved. It was the only way he could fix what he had ruined. The only way to save Padmé and bring back Ahsoka.

I won't fail either of you again, and I'll protect you always.

If his new master was right, it would not take long for Ahsoka to come back to him. She would be able to sense him again. It was only a matter of time before they would find the connection they once had. When she did find it, nothing would stop her from racing to find him.. As it was, Ahsoka would have known what happened to the Jedi, and she would want her master back. Her heart was too compassionate to hold her back.

And Vader would be there, to welcome her back into his arms, rescue her from the cruel empty world he had thrown her to before, and show her the path to freedom and power they could share, forever. Then everything would be made right again.

It was all Vader wanted…to rule the galaxy with Padmé by his side, and Ahsoka as his loyal apprentice again.

I'll be here, Snips…waiting for you.

Bane was oddly quiet when Ahsoka came in to check on him. He was staring at the opposite wall, tracings the bandages on his arm, as if in a trance. As soon as she saw him she could tell that Todo was right. A few hours in the bacta tank had resulted in great improvement already. But there would be permanent scarring..and, Ahsoka pondered, probably not just the physical ones. The clones had really done a number on him.

Head still pounding, Ahsoka slumped in the chair next to his bed. Bane glanced at her. One of his eyes was bandaged.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Like I could sleep for a week."

"Maybe you can." She crossed her arms. "Todo said this place should be secure. I'll stay to make sure clones don't get here until you're healed up."

"Actually, we should be out of here by tomorrow."

"What?" She frowned. "Um, no? You're still recovering, idiot."

Bane rubbed his good eye. "And if we stay in one place too long, the Republic will find us. A week is too much time. Even if we had fair warning before they arrived, we're better off not staying in one place long enough for them to find us."

"But you—" She glared, pissed off that he was right. "Oh, fine. Have it your way, see if I care."

"Of course we'll have it my way. I'm smarter and more experienced than you'll ever be. Want some pudding, by the way? I hate it." He tossed an unopened container at her.

"Thanks. Um, you know, Cad…"

He glanced at her. She honestly hated seeing him like this. Hated that she was the reason this happened.

"There are easier ways to show you care about someone than nearly getting yourself killed for them."

He frowned. "Like what?"

"Saying, 'I care about you' would be a start. Also buying them food or a drink once in a while."

"Don't you have something better to do than annoy me?"

"Nope." She forced a smile, knowing it looked worse than it felt.

"Then while you're at it, see if you can sneak some cigarettes in here," he muttered.

"Okay. And, I'll go buy some more liquor," Ahsoka said curtly as she stood up.

"You sure that's—what do you mean, more?"

"Oh, just, I kind of raided your stash on the ship and that's why I look half dead. I'm sorry."

"You…oh." He looked away.

"Please don't be mad. I'm a mess right now. I can't…think anymore, it hurts. I shouldn't have done it."

"Hey, relax, for crying out loud." Bane frowned. "I get it. I really do. You're upset. Just be careful next time or you could do something real stupid. Drinking alone is the worst, especially for someone like you."

"I know…I know. I'm sorry, Cad."

"It's fine, 'Soka."

She stopped. Is that…the first time he's called me by my first name?

He spoke up again after an awkward silence between them, as if the same thing had occurred to him as well.

"I have a place we can go after this. It's a small station in the Steniplis sector. We'll stay there until things cool down."

"'We'? You want me to go with you?"

"Do you have somewhere else to go?" he asked, as if it were a rhetorical question.

Ahsoka wanted to say that she did have somewhere. She wanted to go back to Coruscant and the surrounding systems, and find any surviving Jedi. Maybe, if she was lucky, she'd also find clones who hadn't followed the others. But Cad was right. No matter how much she wanted to, she was in no state to be on a rescue mission. If she left now, it would probably end up doing more harm than good.

Soon she would, though. Soon she wouldn't have to drink and cry and stay miserable all the time. She would go back and rescue however many she could, and no one would be able to stop her.

"No, I don't," she said quietly. "I'll be right back…"

Bane watched her go. A sinking feeling weighed his thoughts down with dread.

He hated the personal responsibility he felt to look after her. A stupid, lonely, broken teenager who dragged him into this whole mess. Little Tano, like it or not, had made it on his good side. He felt the pull to try to do what he could so that she stood a chance. Be there for her because nobody else would.

Poor kid had enough going on as it was. She shouldn't be abandoned.

Bane studied the walls and ceiling of the room, dwelling on Vader, formerly Anakin Skywalker. How Vader would stop at nothing to find Ahsoka and then brainwash her into whatever he had become. How Bane would be much safer if he got as far away from Ahsoka as possible. Realistically, he should let her go and do things all on his own again.

But he couldn't do that to her. Six, even two months ago he could, and probably without much regret. Now he cared too much to consider throwing her away like that, and that fact made him even more upset. On top of that, if Vader caught her, it would mean Bane let that guy torture him all for nothing, which would be a devastating wound to Bane's pride. No way he was going to let that happen.

Now Bane remembered why he always preferred working alone. Caring about someone else so much that you would die for them fucking sucked. He hated it.

Worst of all, how he was ever going to break the news of Anakin's transformation to Ahsoka? How could he even begin to explain it?

The news would kill Ahsoka. Or at least, kill her last hope. But it seemed like everything else had already taken care of that.