Title: After All
Summary: A full grown Rin is readying herself to leave Lord Sesshoumaru after he rejects her. But just before she leaves he asks for an audience with her…
Her eyes were completely dry; all her tears had long since been shed. Even without them she knew Jakken could see her mourning. He hadn't teased her for days, ever since she had told him she was going to leave. Now he was even being sweet, helping her pack her things. He had managed to fit all her most important things into one large-ish pack which was tied securely onto AhUn's saddle.
"I must go attend to my chores, when I am finished I will come back here to finish up." Jakken said as he brushed nonexistent dirt from his robes.
"Don't bother; I am going to go to bed." She said heavily.
"Fine then, have a good sleep." Jakken replied.
Jakken looked back anxiously as he was crossing the cave. She smiled at him reassuringly and he resumed his march. Rin sighed deeply. His anxiety, though well-meaning, often brought her only a mild irritation. She appreciated it nonetheless.
Rin was roused from her musings by a confused snort from AhUn. The dragon's two heads were looking back at the pack with confusion and worry. They had just gotten to castle a few days ago and the beast had been looking forward to a long winter of repose. Rin went to AhUn and petted one of it's heads.
"I am sorry, AhUn, but I need you to take me somewhere soon. Please? You don't have to if you don't want to." She said to it.
AhUn immediately nodded affirmatively to her query and snorted reassuringly to her.
"Thank you, boys. It won't take long." She said with a final pat. "But we won't be leaving till the morning, so get some rest."
She turned to walk out of the cave. It was a short walk. After all, the dragon itself had dug the cave and it had never been one to expend any extra energy. And so the walk was more like a few steps till she came back out into the bright sun of the courtyard. She was going back to her room to go back to sleep.
Sleep was the only release she had from her misery. Death would perhaps be more permanent but she didn't dare, to kill herself would be to throw away her first and most precious gift from Sesshoumaru, her life. That she couldn't do, no matter how much of a relief it might seem.
Her room was on the bottom level of the castle. It was what had originally been a greenhouse of sorts. One of the whole walls was glass to allow for plants to be grown in it. Now it simply served as a tremendous view for her and her flowers. She had dried flowers and pretty paintings everywhere. After all, she had spent ten winters in the room, and so she had ten winters worth of interesting finds in it. However, perhaps the loveliest thing she had displayed were the many priceless silk kimonos Sesshoumaru had bought her. They ranged in color and style but they were all alike in their peerless quality.
She fingered her newest robe. It was white with pink cherry blossoms. She had received it just that past spring. She could remember that lovely morning when Sesshoumaru had placed it on her futon. Every year he got her one on the same day, the day anniversary of the day she he brought her back to life… her birthday of a manner of speaking. She rarely wore her priceless kimonos; she preferred simple cotton robes that she could stain without worry.
She laid down on her silk and down futon. A solid nap would do her good. At least in her dreams she would be free of her mourning. Rin closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Before she even had time to empty her mind she heard a stiff rap on her sliding door.
"What is it?" She asked irritably.
"May I come in?" Jakken asked.
"If you must." Rin replied.
Jakken scurried in, all the while picking up pieces of paper and trash. She smiled at his caring ways; he was truly a steward at heart. He looked disorderly and anxious, but he had just come from Lord Sesshoumaru after all, that in itself was more than enough to explain his grim demeanor. He smiled at her. She let her frown relax a little.
"Milady, the Lord wishes to see you." Jakken said softly.
"Why? What on earth could he have to say to me?" Rin barked madly.
"He did not feel the need to share his reasons with one such as me." Jakken said as he patted her trembling knee.
"I suppose he knows I plan to leave in the morning?" She asked urgently.
"He does." Jakken answered.
"So this will be his goodbye then?" Rin said as she stood.
"I can't say as I have any idea." Jakken replied as he helped straighten her yellow silk sleeping gown.
"Fine then, leave me." She said as she rubbed her temples.
Jakken began to open his mouth to protest her delay but she cut him off.
"I am going in a moment, I just need a second." Rin said through gritted teeth.
"Oh yes, sorry Lady Rin." Jakken said apologetically.
"Stop calling me that, I am no great Lady." Rin said rejectfully.
"I am a servant and you are not making you irrevocably my Lady." Jakken said with a humorous grin. "Do me a favor and do make it only one moment. He is… not in the best of moods."
"Will do." Rin replied as Jakken pulled the sliding door behind him.
Rin rewrapped herself in her robe. She peered at herself in the mirror. The robe was not her best color and her eyes were puffy, but when weren't they lately? She pinched her sallow cheeks. She had no idea why she cared anymore, but that didn't stop her from still caring. Rin was nervous.
She was lying to herself if she said she thought he wouldn't give her some sort of goodbye. But she could hardly imagine him giving her a meaningful stare. So she really didn't know what to expect when she reached his chambers.
His chambers where at the very top of one of the castle's spires. It wasn't the largest or nicest bedroom but he chose it to dwell in for their short stay at the old Dog Demon Castle. Rin liked to imagine that it was a reflection of his own personal philosophy: be above everyone. Either way it made it a true pain to reach his chambers. Even so she finally reached the great stone doors. They were much too heavy for Rin to move but apparently it was quite practical for a demon of Sesshoumaru's high caliber, though it just gave the servants a large obstacle.
Rin knocked lightly on the granite door. She didn't have to knock any louder; Sesshoumaru could probably hear her very breath. It was only a split second before the aforementioned Lord effortlessly pulled the immense door aside. He was inscrutable as always. He turned from her and gestured for her to follow into his chambers.
They were damp and airy. Demons had no use for heat so it was uncomfortably chilly. The remnants of the Castle's past grandeur still were everywhere. But they were now covered in rolls and rolls of scrolls. He walked over and turned to one of the many thin windows and began focusing on the landscape below them. Rin had no intention of breaking the silence. After all, it was he who had called her there to begin with.
It was a long time before the silence was unbearable enough for Rin to break.
"So you have heard I plan to leave on the morrow, Milord?" Rin asked in rigid amiability.
"Indeed." He answered maddeningly.
"It is okay if I use AhUn to carry my things to my new home?" Rin asked with increasing volume.
"Certainly, I have no use for him." Sesshoumaru said without emotion. "Have you decided where your new home will be?"
"No, I assume it will be in the first nice little village I find." She answered.
He didn't reply. However, he did turn to look at her. He seemed to be reading her. The silence stretched on seemingly endless in length and depth. She felt the sweat pouring out of her pores. Did he really have to make this harder than it already was?
"Rin, I am a demon. You are a human." He suddenly said in a completely foreign tone.
"You have made that excruciatingly clear, thank you." She said with anger pushing into her voice.
"My father died because of a mortal woman. I have sworn that I would not follow him in his fate, cursed with the love of a mortal woman." He continued undaunted.
"Lord Sesshoumaru, if this is all you have to say then would you mind if I left?" She asked.
"Stay." He commanded.
She sat instantly. She could not disobey him no matter how she felt on the inside. The ancient wooden bench she sat on was cold on her silk-wrapped rear. She had no idea what Lord Sesshoumaru was doing. She had not known him to be a cruel man. He was not one to waste time on unnecessary cruelty. But Rin couldn't fathom what this verbal repetition of her faults could be other than cruelty.
"Rin, may I ask you a question?" Sesshoumaru asked. He had stalked into the shadows and Rin could no longer see his face.
"Of course, my Lord." Rin answered, tears heavy in her throat.
"Rin, do you love me?" He asked in a low whisper.
Rin's breath caught. Why on earth would he ask her this? Was he just trying to further humiliate her? She had pretty much told him that much a few months previously when they were traveling across the Western Lands. Her little admission of feeling was the reason he had been avoiding her and the reason she was leaving. He knew she loved him. He had to.
A tear ran down her cheek. Before she even really noticed it Sesshoumaru had slid back into the light. He saw her tear and stepped forward and wiped it on one long clawed finger. She smiled pathetically. She was so eternally his.
"How could I not? After all, you are the only one in my life who hasn't treated me cruelly. You have been with me for as long as I can remember. You are the most handsome, powerful, intelligent, and wonderful man- I mean demon, in the world. I love you more than I can ever communicate. My entire heart belongs to you, my entire soul, my entire body… they're yours. I love you, Sesshoumaru." She said, tears steadily streaming down her face.
He took her face in his hands and looked into her eyes. It was as if he were trying to read what was going through her mind. His warm touch only brought further tears to her eyes. Why must he do this? Touch her and ask her these things?
"Rin, I am a demon, your mortal enemy. I have killed countless humans without a single thought. I have been alive for hundreds of years before you were born and I will be alive for hundreds of years after you are dead. I have hated your kind since my father died to save one of you." Sesshoumaru said.
She began to cry full on at that point. He knelt in front of her and made her continue to look him straight in the eyes. His golden eyes met her chocolate eyes. He physically held her attention. He continued to give his cruel monologue despite her palpable pain.
"Rin, despite myself I am conflicted. In all my 213 years I have never been conflicted. You conflict me, Rin. I hate humans. But Rin, oh Rin… After all, I love you." Sesshoumaru said in a husky voice.
"What?" Rin said suddenly.
"Did you hear me?" He asked.
"Yes, I did… but." Rin said slowly.
His face was so near hers. She hadn't realized it but it was inches from hers. His face looked different from any way she had ever seen it. His expression was one of utter helplessness. It looked so much like her own. She smiled slowly and deeply. She knew at this moment that she was going to do something fairly risky. But at this point she truly did not care.
She leaned in and put her lips to his. At this point she was too deep in euphoria to even realize what was going on other than that it was very, very good. She was immediately shaken out of her trance by surprise; her affection was being returned ten-fold. Sesshoumaru was on top of her and was gently forcing her mouth open with his tongue.
She suddenly cut off his deep kisses with a fit of the giggles. He immediately backed off and looked at her anxiously. She smiled at him and he relaxed and let his mouth form what Rin secretly knew was a grin. He remained on top of her, looking into her eyes.
"So may I stay?" She asked.
"If you don't, I am afraid I shall be… heartbroken." He said, framing his statement with a kiss on her forehead. "These past months have been hell on me, trying to avoid you, ignoring you. I can only imagine how terrible it was on you. I'm sorry, could you forgive me?" He asked, clearly struggling with himself.
"Yes, on one condition." She said.
"Ask it, I will do anything. You may have all the riches in the world or the head of any Demon Lord. Ask it and I will give it to you." He said.
"Well, I had a something else on mind. I wish that I never have to come up here again, I hate this room. Jakken does too." She said with a chuckle.
"I shall move to another room immediately." He said with a wry smile.
"Where will you move to?" She asked.
"For now? Well I was hoping your room, if you wouldn't mind." He said with a smile.
"I think that's a lovely idea." She said as she stood up and walked out of the room teasingly. He followed her with a kind of eager anticipation he had not felt in more than a century.