How Far

Chapter 14

As a special treat and expression of gratitude to her two maids of honor—plus Jozette, who was serving as Guy's best woman—Natalia had arranged for the four of them to spend the morning indulging in a variety of spa and beauty treatments, courtesy of the best masseurs, facialists, and manicurists in the city. Body scrubs, hair wraps, nail polishing... anything they wanted was on the menu. Natalia had preselected a few of her favorites and added some new luxuries for them to try, doing this for herself as much as for them, if she were to be completely honest.

It wasn't only about looking her best for the wedding tomorrow, though that was important. After the events of the past few days, she'd wanted to have the tension kneaded from her body, the worry washed from her skin. To look and feel as radiant as she should at what was otherwise the happiest time of her life.

The combination of female company and trained hands proved most restorative. Hot jade stones had been rolled across her back, neck, and shoulders, a mask of clay and gold painted onto her face to make her glow like the blushing bride she was, and her feet were soaked in milk and honey and something secret that smelled so heavenly she thought she could float away on a sweet-scented cloud. The aromaherbalists certainly knew their trade.

Now Natalia let out a blissful sigh as she sank into the hot mineral bath, letting the water come to her chin and the ends of her hair before sitting up again to pour herself a glass of chilled sparkling water from the pitcher. Slices of orange, lime, and lemon floated among the bubbles, lending their citrusy zing to the tingly effervescence. A luncheon would be provided once all the women were ready, but in the meantime, a bit of water inside and out suited Natalia fine.

Tear slipped into the water beside her, her long hair secured with two large barrettes to hold it up and away from her face, though it couldn't all be contained. A few strands curled around her face from the steam, even as the steam seemed to drag the curl from Natalia's own hair.

Natalia tilted her head in consideration. "You have such lovely hair. Have you ever curled it?"

Tear's cheeks flushed from either the compliment or the heated pool. "No, not really, why?"

"I know we decided on pulling everyone's hair back tomorrow, but now I'm wondering if we should leave it loose and put in some nice, thick waves. It'd be quite romantic and feminine. You'd be absolutely stunning like that."

"Maybe." Two conflicting thoughts passed through Tear's eyes, one that was pleased at the idea of being stunning, and one that didn't want people staring at her any more than necessary. She'd been embarrassed at first this morning, too, when they'd disrobed to lie on the massage tables, but once the hot stones were placed in a neat row along her spine, any awkwardness and discomfort were expelled by a spontaneous moan of pleasure.

Tear shook her head a little and poured a second glass of citrus water as a distraction. "So, are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"Some, I have to admit," Natalia answered, "but mostly excited." Excited for the ceremony and the banquet and dancing, excited for her marriage and spending her life with someone she loved more than she'd ever dreamed, excited for discovering everything that meant when the pageantry was over and they could finally be alone.

But despite that excitement and the soothing water against her freshly scrubbed skin, anxiety still niggled at her. As much as she wanted to push it away, pretend it wasn't there, put it in a box in the corner of her mind and let dust collect on the top, she knew someone was still out there, plotting something they could never be completely ready for.

"I only hope the security is enough," she added. It had been doubled since yesterday, with the military joining the royal guard at its posts. Though Jozette was supposed to be on leave all week, she'd had to meet with her lieutenants this morning, making sure all orders were known before leaving her second-in-command to the minutiae of logistics.

"Would they really try something during the ceremony?"

"I don't know. I hope not." The ceremony would be closed to all but invited guests and dignitaries, but after the ceremony was the traditional carriage ride through the city. Natalia had to fight with her father to keep that tradition so her people could see their princess and their new prince. They had compromised on a shorter, more secure route, also with a larger than usual military presence. She refused to be scared away from something so many people looked forward to, one of the few aspects of a royal wedding that was meant for everyone. Natalia took a long sip of water, then held the cool glass to her flushed cheek. "How much did Luke tell you?"

Tear's blue eyes cast downward, studying her manicured nails. "The official story, and that further details are classified, which means the official story is nonsense."

Natalia nodded. Never try to fool an intelligence officer. She was impressed with Luke's discretion and insistence on following protocol—traits exalted by the Oracle Knights as well—but they both knew Tear could be trusted with the truth. "It is more complicated than that," she admitted. "At least we have a couple of leads. Whether they take us where we need to go is anyone's guess."

"I'm sorry," Tear said. "I know that's not much, but I do know how hard it is to put on your best face and carry on for the sake of everyone else."

"I know you do," Natalia said with quiet gratitude. "This is just part of what it means to live a political life—to have enemies constantly lurking in shadows. But people will always be people, won't they? Some good, some bad." Some wanted to do whatever it took to save the world, and some wanted to take whatever they could for themselves. Whatever changes they made in the world, this would always be.

"Though it's times like this I wish I wasn't the princess," she added, almost to herself. She loved being her people's princess; it was an honor she could never reject, but even so. "All I want is an ordinary wedding like any ordinary couple, none of the politics or intrigue. Just one day where all that matters is our celebration and our family and friends coming together." She tucked her damp hair behind her ear and laughed. "How selfish of me. I'm doing something I believe in, something that will be of great benefit to us all, something that will truly make me happy, and I still find something to complain about."

"It's not selfish," Tear reassured her. "It's completely understandable."

"You are too kind. And so, that's enough about me. Let's talk about you." Natalia took another sip from her glass and shot her dear friend a sly smile. This should be time for them to engage in girly chat, and she wouldn't let politics ruin their time together. "How are you enjoying staying with Luke's family? I know Aunt Susanne is thrilled to have you."

"It's nice." Tear's cheeks were rosy from the steam. "Lady Susanne has been incredibly gracious."

"It's clear she adores you," Natalia replied. "You know, after L—Asch was born, she was warned that she wasn't strong enough to bear another child, but she always longed for a daughter." Natalia had done her best to fill this role for her aunt, especially after her mother the queen had died, and Natalia had felt her own longing for that precious relationship. Now Tear would be that daughter, and rather than feel jealous as she might have a few years ago, Natalia was glad to share her family with someone who'd lost hers.

"Sometimes," Tear said quietly, setting her glass down and leaning her head against the edge of the bath, "I wonder if Luke and I should stay here. I can see how much Lady Susanne misses him, and she dotes on him completely. Sometimes I feel like I'm keeping him from her, even though going to Daath was his choice."

"You're not," Natalia said. "She does miss him, and so do I, but we want him to be happy."

"But that's not all of it," Tear continued. As she shifted her position, her long bangs came loose from their hairpin. "With the wedding talk and everything, sometimes…." She paused and let her eyes hide behind her bangs. "Sometimes I think it would be nice if we were the ones getting married. Although I wouldn't want quite this much ado about it."

"Don't worry. It won't be as bad as this when it's your turn." Natalia's tone was light and teasing, then turned serious again. "And what does Luke think?"

Tear traced a finger over the water's surface and watched the trail she made. "I haven't said anything to him. I don't want to push him." Natalia nodded but remained silent. "He's happy in the Knights," Tear said. "He's thriving there, and he's a good leader. I don't want to take him away from that. And, to be honest, I don't know if I'm ready to leave, either. It's all I've known for so long, and it still connects me to my brother, everything he stood for and wanted for me. Is that something I can throw away to become a nobleman's wife?"

"It's not something you have to decide right now," Natalia said gently, like she was coaxing a skittish rabbit to come closer. Tear was a reserved young woman and rarely talked about herself to this degree. Part of it was her personality, and part of it was that Anise was often around. They loved Anise to pieces, but she did have the tendency to suck all the oxygen out of a room. "If the two of you are happy where you are, that's the important thing. There's time for everything else later."

"It's a little scary not knowing, though, isn't it?" Tear said. "Not knowing how much time there is. I already lost him once."

"I know."

Tear looked up suddenly. "Oh!" She seemed upset with herself, abashed. "I didn't mean—"

"I know," Natalia said again. "It's all right." She'd lost him, too, and for a time it seemed like all she'd ever do is lose him, whether he didn't remember her, whether he turned out to be someone else entirely. The boy she'd loved all those years ago had changed into someone she didn't know at all, and before they could reclaim that lost time, he was gone. She'd mourned, cried, and carried on. It was all she could do.

Now she'd found someone new to love—someone old to feel a new way about—and if life didn't turn out the way she'd thought it would when she was five, eleven, or even eighteen years old, then that was all right. Yes, it was scary not knowing, not having the comfort of the Score's predictions, but it was exciting, too, to make her own choices and live her life fully.

She wanted that for everyone. It was what they had fought so hard for.

"Is this too strange for you?" Tear asked. "Me talking to you about Luke, I mean."

"It's not, I promise you," Natalia answered. Luke was his own person. Any claim Natalia had to him never really existed, and any lingering feelings she had—feelings that would always be with her, but in a warm, wistful way of remembrance—were her own to deal with, to keep close, but never to interfere. Not with her new love, and not with Luke and Tear. "I hope if you ever need to tell me anything, that you feel you can."

Tear brushed her long bangs away from her eyes, the water from her fingers and the rising steam making them cling to the side of her face. "That's good," she said, and then paused like she was gathering courage. "Because I've been wanting to tell you that—"

"You guys! You guys!" Anise's bubbly voice bounced toward them and around them, echoing off every surface in the room.

Jozette was with her, and she kept her blonde head down as she stepped into the mineral bath, looking for all the world like she wanted to disappear. Spending any length of time with Anise could do that to a person, especially one as restrained as the general. Because of her morning obligations, Jozette had arrived late for the massages and scrubs Natalia had planned. Since Anise had wanted to try everything on the list, refusing to pass up anything that included words like "pearls" or "diamonds", she'd been the one to keep Jozette company after Tear and Natalia had finished their treatments. Natalia could only imagine the unrelenting barrage of enthusiastic squee that Jozette had been subjected to.

Meanwhile, any discussion Tear had been wanting would have to wait until later. Maybe they could find a few quiet moments between lunch and their final dress fittings.

"You guys!" Anise said again as she discarded her towel with all the carelessness of a seasoned exhibitionist. She was clearly proud of the womanly body she'd waited so many years for. "Ask the general about Gascard!"

"Gascard?" Natalia repeated. The name was familiar. "The chocolatier?"

Apparently Jozette had other reasons for wanting to sink beneath the water's surface. Still, she found the means to maintain her composure, straightening her posture as a woman of her position and accomplishments should. "He's a family friend," she answered with a polite, matter-of-fact tone.

"Ooh, lucky you," Natalia said. "His chocolates are absolutely divine." A bad day could never be truly bad when one of his lavender-infused truffles was melting on her tongue. "You know, we're going to have a selection of them available at the reception tomorrow night. I think I'm looking forward to those even more than the cake."

But that didn't seem to be enough to account for Anise's excitement.

"And what else?" Anise drew out her words like a long tease.

"And as he's an old family friend," Jozette continued, her bearing only growing more rigid, "I've asked him to be my escort tomorrow. If that's all right, Your Highness," she added.

"Of course it's all right," Natalia answered sincerely, then changed her tone to something more light-hearted. "And I must insist that you call me Natalia. We're going to be family."

"Yes, Your—Natalia."

"Good." Natalia cast a glance at Anise out of the corner of her eye before sinking lower into the water and letting out a dramatic sigh. "Well, now all I can think about is chocolate."

A discreet but grateful look quickly passed over Jozette's face. "Not just the chocolate, but what about the salted caramels?"

"Oh, heavens yes, the caramels," Natalia said. "You had to mention the caramels."

"Caramels?" Tear's eyes widened, and a little hitch was in her voice. "The soft, buttery kind?"

Anise was visibly pouting as she slunk into the bath. "What the hell just happened?" she muttered. "I thought we were going to talk about men, not candy like a bunch of babies."

"And the caramels are nothing compared to the strawberries," Natalia added slyly, "dipped in dark chocolate and gold leaf."

Anise reacted exactly as Natalia hoped for. Her eyes were bigger than Tear's. "Strawberries with chocolate and gold? Please tell me we're having these with lunch."

Distraction had been achieved, and further gossip and speculation thwarted. As nice a time as the women had been having together, it was natural that Jozette wouldn't be completely comfortable fitting in to the familiar rhythm the other three had. This had been a good chance for them to get to know each other better, even if somewhat superficially.

Still, nothing could stop Natalia from speculating privately.

So it was Gascard—and his chocolates—who had been responsible for the sparkle in Jozette's eyes the other night. Guy hadn't said anything, so he must not know. Natalia would have to keep her end of the promise and fill him in.

Old friends. They were wonderful things, weren't they?

-x-x-x-

After dinner, Anise had tried to drag Natalia into some sort of girl's night, involving who-knew-what sort of activities. Tear had kindly stepped in and insisted that Natalia needed her rest before the big day. All eyes would be on the princess, and she needed to be refreshed, looking her absolute best; the beauty treatments would be wasted if Natalia appeared in front of her people with puffy, bloodshot eyes and splotchy cheeks.

All eyes would be on the attendants as well, Tear added, and Anise backed off immediately. She too needed to look impeccable in front of so many important people, especially if she still had plans to catch the emperor in her web.

Natalia said good night to them both with fierce hugs and exaggerated yawns.

She did need her rest, it was true. These would be her last quiet hours before all of the pageantry tomorrow. Her last chance to reflect, to remember, to dream of all that lay ahead.

But she wanted to turn in early because she hadn't finished reading Anise's book yet. She was dying to see how it ended.

The story was so over-the-top and unbelievable that she couldn't stay upset with Anise for exploiting her life like this. While she was still annoyed that her character didn't get to help Guy's fight a dragon, she was rewarded with a later adventure in which she had to rescue him from pirates.

Natalia had read over this section more than once. Guy's character had been kidnapped, roughed up, and tossed in the brig of the pirates' ship. His wrists were chained to the wall, above his head, and his shirt was torn to shreds. Smudges of dirt lined his face and chest, and sweat matted his hair. When her character found him, determination and resolve still shone in his eyes, his spirit refusing to break.

There had to be something wrong with finding this scenario so appealing. The very real circumstances of the coliseum attack had the opposite effect. She'd been terrified and angry, her heart had stopped, she hadn't been able to breathe.

The fictional danger on the page made her insides clench in a completely different way.

And oddly enough, despite the comical nature of this impossible tale, there were moments, little bits of insight, that Anise had scattered throughout the book, hidden between some of the more ridiculous events, as if they were a scavenger hunt for the reader.

Anyone reading this for the overarching romanticized relationship promised on the cover would likely miss these quieter evocations of truth. That day in the marsh, when Guy had been so kind to her, Anise had turned into a grand turning point in their relationship, and Natalia could not deny that. When Guy had offered to take her to Malkuth if she couldn't return home… even though this wasn't when she fell in love with him, as Anise presented, it was when she had stopped seeing him as he'd been and started seeing him as the friend he could be to her. Someone who cared, who looked out for her, who wanted the best for her. Who wanted her to be happy, to be safe, to stop crying and smile again because everything was going to be all right. He'd make sure of it.

While she hadn't been in love with him then, remembering it certainly made her love him even more now.

If Anise gave up her ambition of being the Fon Master or her passing fantasy of being the Empress, perhaps she had a future as a writer. Knowing Anise, she'd manage all of these things, if that was what she wanted.

Upon returning to her chambers, Natalia called for her maid to help her change out of her gown. Sera arrived quickly, but she stood before her princess with a shadow in her pale gray eyes as she worried a piece of linen in her hands.

"Your Highness, if I may speak with you a moment?" Natalia nodded an assent, and Sera continued. "One of the downstairs maids had this," she said, handing over the square bit of cloth. "She was boasting that his lordship gave it to her."

Natalia immediately recognized the gold embroidery in one corner of the handkerchief. The intricate symbol appeared on Guy's stationery, his staff's uniforms, and the medallion he often wore around his neck. The Gardios family crest.

Unbidden, the Duchess Creemore's words taunted her. I hope he knows to be discreet.

"I don't know whether that's true, but I'll make no accusations of thievery," Sera was saying. "I do know, as well as Your Highness does, that some of the maids have always seen Guy—I beg Your Highness's pardon, I mean to say Count Gardios, of course—as something of a challenge. With his title, he became even more of a prize."

Sera was a few years older than Natalia and had served as the princess's personal maid since Natalia was fourteen. Thus, Sera had known Guy as a fellow servant for quite a while before the truth of his circumstance was revealed. Her familiar use of his name could be excused as a rare slip, so long as she recognized and corrected this mistake.

Natalia hated to sound a snob about it, but the division between employer and staff must be maintained. Sera was a pleasant young woman, but she was not Natalia's friend. At times over the years, in the princess's travels abroad, Sera had been a good companion, but their stations were never in question.

And this was why a servant being in possession of a lord's personal token was such a serious matter. It implied a crossing of a line.

Guy had lived on the line for too long.

"If I may say, Your Highness," Sera continued, nervously brushing back her ash-colored bangs, "I also know that his lordship has always been a proper gentleman, and he would never, ever—"

"Thank you, Sera," Natalia interrupted, more harshly than Sera deserved, but Sera bowed her head in apology all the same. "I'll take care of it."